asocial in a social world part II

Intrusion

Intrusive – characterized by intrusion b: intruding where one is not welcome or invited

My therapist wants me to look at people and smile. Do unto others as you want them to do to you, right? Well that is exactly what I do. I think everybody does it. A person who is ‘rude’ to you doesn’t care if they get treated that way. That is what they WANT. I put rude in quotes because what I consider rude and what others consider rude is completely different. I don’t care if someone speaks to me, smile, holds the door open etc. And I’m mystified when people actually complain about this.

Rude to me is talking/laughing about someone within earshot, total disregard for a person’s feelings and walking by someone AND PUTTING THEIR HEAD DOWN while walking by. I just look in a general direction. I don’t physically move my head and dismiss you. I agree this is weird to get in a hissy about. I think it comes from my mom. She would always complain about it while I was growing up. That is one of the few things I picked up from my mom. LOL.

So looking at a person/staring is wrong for me to do. Do I want other people to do it to me? No. So how can I do it to others? I have a conscious. People can tell me that ‘other people don’t care’. blah. blah. I just can’t be so intrusive. I don’t want to invade your world without permission. It’s being nosy.

This is the strange part. The part that makes me so “crazy”.

Staring at someone is intrusive. There. Standing behind me and looking at me while I’m working = intrusive. (Unless there is a reason for it, of course). Celebs would agree with me but since I’m not a celeb this makes me a bitch, right? I don’t care. All throughout high school and even NOW people staring at me equal something bad. During school, they would laugh at my cheap outfits, my hair, or just my looks in general. That is the past. That was high school…Um, why is it still happening now?

For some reason, it seems to happen most often in fast food places. I’m not sure why. Recently, I was waiting for my food. These girls/women (I didn’t turn around) were laughing at me. This happens often when I go out. Maybe I look strange. I do have an odd gait, I’ve been told. But only people @ work make fun of my walk. This makes me feel like I’m really not human.

So that is why I consider people staring at me intrusive. I can’t make a face without someone judging it. Once I was listening to a morning show and reacting. Another person thought it was about her. HELLO? I have earphones on.

I don’t know how to change my feeling about intrusion. (therapy – ha). When people look at me, bad things happen. My therapist says I don’t have to change my reactions. Uh, I guess I’m very dramatic with facial expressions. I think I’m so used to being alone and being able to look however I want without judgment. Suddenly I’m out there, and these people are judging me (incorrectly most of the time).

Staring = looking @ someone w/o any intention of speaking, or looking just to look etc.