I’m a toy that people enjoy

*******BREAKING NEWS******** Oh my fucking god! I passed the test!!! How the fuck? OMG. I passed. I needed a 70. I made a 73. WTF? I passed? OMG. I’m screaming right now. *&#^*


They are currently grading my exam. I might find out my results tomorrow. Or I may have to wait until Monday.  I think that’s what happened last time. I had to wait over the weekend. Fun times. I will probably put a breaking news update at the top of this entry IF I pass. lol. If I fail, I will be too despondent. I honestly don’t know how I will feel if I fail. I don’t think I will be depressed because I’m kind of expecting it.

Depo-Provera update: Well, I think it is slowly working. Overall, I’m not sure I would recommend Depo. Okay, I wouldn’t. It only worked for me because I work at home and don’t go out a lot. Depo would have destroyed my life if I had to go out a lot. I know that sounds dramatic, but that is how bad (heavy) my periods were.

I shouldn’t say were because I still get heavy periods from time to time, but it is not as bad as it used to be 5 weeks after I started the Depo. I’m getting my 3rd injection next month. I hope by then my period is completely gone. I didn’t gain weight from it or get depressed or crazy mood swings. Those were the things I was most afraid of. I had no idea heavy periods were even a side effect!

I wish I had an IUD inserted, but I didn’t want to deal with all that. But it would be nice not to have to go get an injection every 3 months.

It looks like I’m going to a Jehovah Witness Bible study on July 15. In case anyone is new, I’m agnostic. I used to consider myself an atheist, but I’m not one anymore. I don’t even know much about the JW religion even though M has been coming to my house for over a year. lol. Recently I’ve rarely seen her because I’m usually out on Saturdays.

About a month ago, she came to my house during a weekday while I was working! I was soo pissed. (not very spiritual). Don’t mess with my work or my sleep. 😉 I know she could tell I wasn’t thrilled she interrupted my work. I thought I would never see her again, but she came by this past weekend to invite me to Bible study so unless something comes up, I’m going. Since it is a Saturday, I don’t see anything coming up.

I like learning about other religions. I used to study religions for fun while I was growing up. I’m not excited about the Bible study, but it’ll only last 30 minutes. I’m open minded, and I probably need to get out more. I just go grocery shopping and to doctors these days.

I always say I don’t have friends, but I guess M could be a friend. I’m not into the whole friends thing, but intellectually and spiritually I know I can’t be isolated.

This week I…

Music of the week: Lorde, Halsey, Ellie Goulding, Shakira, Ed Sheeran, Little Mix, Alicia Keys, Ariana Grande

Lorde is freaking fantastic. I never knew that until now. Anyone can do ONE good album. But her sophomore album is possibly better than her debut.

TV of the week: Bloodline, NBA Draft

Direct TV Now made my life a little bit easier, and I’m so thankful because I was stressing out about the service. They noticed that I wasn’t using it during the free trial week so they sent me an email with a FREE 30 days. Yay! I’m planning on canceling it before the trial is over because of the lack of DVR service, and I don’t want to pay $50 a month. I do plan on signing up for Hulu TV Live by October. Why October? That’s when the NBA season starts.

If Direct TV Now, comes up with a DVR service (without raising the price) within the next two weeks, I will consider keeping the service. I know they are thinking about it and probably planning it. I doubt they add it in two weeks. I wish they would.

Movie of the week: I swear I’m going to finish Me Before You this weekend.

Books of the week: I finished reading The Rules Do Not Apply by Ariel Levy. It was an okay read. I gave it 4 stars on Goodreads which is better than okay. The more I think about it the more average it was.  I don’t know who I would recommend it to. Maybe people who love memoirs?

Now reading:

I don’t know if I’m going to finish the Manson Murders book. It is so long, and I don’t think I have enough time. As of right now, I’m going to try to finish it. Haven’t given up yet. I put too many books on hold at the library.

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren (coming Sunday)

Plans for the Weekend: I’m going grocery shopping at two stores in my borrowed maxi dress from LeTote. lol. I don’t like grocery shopping so anything I can do to amp myself up, I do it. I had a 5-month break from LeTote because I don’t go out much in the winter. But now I’m back.

Thanks to all the people who have used my Lyon + Post referral link! I can’t thank you enough. I was able to order two blouses this week with the money from the link. 🙂

Even if I don’t pass the test, I probably won’t study this weekend. I will come up with a study plan though. I plan to read “for fun” this weekend. I really want to make a dent in Helter Skelter. I have never even seen the movie.

Thanks for reading. May you have a great weekend! 🙂

Little bit of freedom

The test. I don’t know what to think. Sometimes I think I could’ve passed and sometimes I think I needed to take the test one time just to see what it consisted of.

I don’t know if I passed yet. The test proctor said we will find out on Wednesday (at the earliest). ROFL. Last time it took me more than 7 days to find out I passed. So I’m not counting on finding out on Wednesday. I would be SO HAPPY if I passed. And understanding if I didn’t.

I didn’t take the whole 6 hours. I took about 4 hours and 30 minutes. I kid you not. Should I have rechecked some of my answers? I was a bit uncomfortable with the seating arrangments. I did want to leave ASAP. It wasn’t set up like a normal classroom because they had a meeting the night before. It was impossible not to face someone. Like I said, it was uncomfortable.

If I have to take it again, I’m sure it will be like the first time. I was seated in the very back, and it wasn’t that strange (but I have changed a bit since 2014). Sigh. I don’t know what I’m even talking about.

I feel like I was very close to passing. No amount of extra studying could have saved me because this stuff wasn’t in the study guides. However, AFTER I took the test I knew what to search for, and I found resources on the internet, so I feel more confident about my chance next time.

Was I too nonchalant about the exam? Woulda, Coulda, Shoulda. Fuck. Well, I just have to wait now. I’m not very patient (understatement). If I do have to retest, I will do it on August 26. If I don’t pass then, I will have to pay $300 (!!!) for 2 more chances.

In other news, I did give the recruiter my phone number and email so she can contact me if she wants regarding the work at home position. I had to look up how much money I make (is that unusual?) just in case money comes up. I can’t take less because my rent is so high.

Maybe my next entry will be about my test score or a job interview. Oh god, just typing out “interview” makes me nervous. It’s not like I’m looking for a new job. I don’t currently hate my full-time job, but I would like a job using more of my skills.

Here is a pic of my sunflower as of today:


As you can see it isn’t fully bloomed. Sorry for the blurriness of the pic. I’m not good with this camera phone yet.

Today I read so much and watch Marianne Williamson lectures, and I didn’t have to worry about studying. I may have to get back to studying soon, but for now, I’m enjoying my free time.

Gonna be a diamond someday

My sunflower is about to bloom! I can see yellow! Next year I’m going to plant at least 6 miniature sunflowers. This year I only planted two (didn’t want to spend money on pots – lol). One of them was eaten by an animal very early on. I can’t wait to post pics of it very soon. I know everyone reading this is so excited! haha.

My certification exam is Saturday. Honestly, I didn’t study as much as I could have. But I also feel like there isn’t enough information to study. This exam is less than 3 years old. My mom is trying to make me feel bad about not studying…but how does she know how much I’m studying? She doesn’t live with me. We see each other about 3 times a month. We rarely talk on the phone. We do text at least once a day, but not about my daily schedule.

I think she has some issue going on and I can’t figure out. Maybe she’s jealous because I passed the last certification test (in 2014) on the first try and she took it more than 10 times and failed every time??? Anyway, I’m not really worried about it because I know this is a practice run. I feel confident (if it is not too hard) that I can pass it in August IF I fail tomorrow. I just need to know what’s on the test. Like I’ve said, a lot of people haven’t taken it so there isn’t much info out there.

I’m sick of my mom judging me anyway. She should focus on her own life. I told her she should study “A Course in Miracles.” Her response: Shouldn’t you be studying for your test? ROFL. She has no clue what Miracles is. I can only recommend things. It doesn’t take that long to do. I just get up earlier to work the Course. Whatever. I can’t make people change or want to change. Besides I’m too busy working on me to worry about her.

The test is 6 hours long. Most people don’t take a 10-minute break to eat something, but I am. Most people eat while taking the test, but I have issues eating around people. I’m going to leave the room and eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich 😉 at the midway point. I did that with my first certification, and it worked! So I’m doing it again. Yes, I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich last time too. I’m not superstitious. Peanut butter is good for the brain. 🙂

This week I…

Music of the week: Halsey, Kelly Clarkson, Ariana Grande, Shakira, Lea Michele, The Weeknd, Emeli Sande, George Michael

TV of the week: Bloodline, NBA Finals

I’ve said this before, but I don’t know what else to say about the show: Bloodline is good. So dark. Just wonderful and completely underrated. Too bad there are only 3 seasons of the show.  I was shocked to find out that this season is the final season. I’m rewatching season 2 right now. Can’t wait to start the final season.

I’m still conflicted over keeping Direct TV Now. I can live without cable. I’ve proven that. Isn’t it a waste of money to keep the service? I’ve had it for almost a week, and I’ve barely watched it. I don’t need TV to entertain myself. But I love the ID channel, MSNBC (sometimes) and sports so………………I don’t know what to do. I think I’m just going to cancel when it feels right. I just keep thinking about it like it is some huge decision. I need to get a grip.

Movie of the week: I started Me Before You earlier this week. I’m halfway through, and I haven’t finished it yet because the book started coming back to me. I remembered every little detail. I hate when that happens. I probably will finish it this weekend. I don’t like the main actress that much, but otherwise, the movie is okay.

Books of the week: I finished The Secrets of My Life by Caitlyn Jenner. It was a compelling read. I really enjoyed it, but I have a thing for transgender books. I loved Janet Mock’s book too (too lazy to link it).

I don’t think I’m going to finish  Shattered: Inside Hillary’s Doomed Campaign by Jonathan Allen and Amie Parnes. It is over 450 pages long! And once I read the beginning I got the point. *SPOILERS*. Hillary lost because she had no vision for her presidency (not breaking news) AND there was a lot of infighting within her group according to the author sources. She had no chance from the beginning. I really don’t need to read any more of the book.

Unless my part-time job starts back up very soon (doubtful), I’m going to focus on reading these 4 library books:

If anyone wants to help me read these before they expire, please let me know. 😉

Still reading: A Course in Miracles (for at least a year).

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren


Plans for the Weekend: LOL. Um, I have this exam I have to take. Have I mentioned that recently? I didn’t mention that I got an inquiry about a work at home job doing the same thing I’m doing now. I looked her up, and she’s a legit recruiter for the company. I might respond to her. I doubt they’ll pay me more than I make now, but I might respond to her over the weekend. I will consider leaving my current job for more money.

Thanks for reading. Have a nice weekend!! 🙂


Too shy. Can’t speak.

I might have part-time work coming very soon! I wish management would be clearer, but this is the way this business works. I guess. I haven’t worked at my second job since December. I really could use the money. First I really need to pay off a credit card (in two years the interest rate will be crazy!). But I also really need a storm door to keep the cold air out of the house. I also have to pay for installation of the door so that can get a little pricey. It shouldn’t be over $300 overall though. I hope to get that installed by mid-September.

My certification test in this Saturday at 7:30 AM. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! Um, yeah. I’m way too not anxious about this. Last time I took a certification test (in 2014), I was freaking out all. the. time. I hope I pass. I can take it again in August if I fail. I’ll probably blog more about this in my next entry if I start freaking out. 😉

I signed up for Direct TV Now. It was $35 a month for a great number of cable channels. But I wanted more sports and Oprah’s network, so I upgraded to $50 a month. Right now I’m not paying anything. I have a free trial until Sunday at 7 PM. I’m thinking about canceling because I’m used to not having cable now, and I don’t watch it that much as of now. Is it worth $50 a month?

The good thing is that I can cancel anytime (unlike some cable contracts) so I will probably give it a month to see how much I actually watch the service. The one thing I don’t like is there is no DVR service. Hulu Live TV has it and so does YouTube TV, so that seems odd to me. Are they going to add it at a later date and charge more for it? I would love the cloud DVR service.

Long story short: I will probably not make a rash cancellation on Sunday. I will pay the $50 and keep it for a month to see if it is worth it. If I ever NEED to cancel, it is so easy to just cancel. No commitment.

I’m going do my evening spiritual work (A Course in Miracles and meditation) and then study a little. The NBA finals are on tonight. I don’t want the season to end tonight, but I have a feeling it will.

Feels easier to just swim down

My dog is killing me. There is a reason why I don’t have kids, and there is probably a reason why I probably won’t get another dog even though I LOVE animals. I always wanted a house full of animals. That was my dream. I know of a couple who just rented about 15 goats to clean their property. I’m so envious. I would love to have rental goats. lol.

“Killing me” is a bit of an exaggeration. I used to put him in his crate when I ate. I recently stopped doing that because he would get so excited, sometimes he would use the bathroom in his crate. The new arrangement worked for a few days. But now he uses the bathroom on the dining room carpet whenever he freaking wants to!! (not when I’m eating) *%^#. I give up. I don’t show him I’m mad because he purposely would use the bathroom on the kitchen floor to piss me off. (I know some scientists disagree that animals try to piss people off).

When I give him his tick medicine on his neck or leave him outside too long, he’ll purposely use the bathroom in the house to make me mad. That is why now I give no reaction when he does it. Hopefully, that will help. Sigh. I just wish he would use the bathroom when I take him outside. I take him out so many times a day. Much more than I used to. I give up on trying to control his bathroom habit. I have no choice. I worry about it too much.

Only a few things are stressing me out right now, and this is one of them.  I love my dog so much, and if he would just stop using the bathroom in the house, I would have a lot less anxiety. I need to give this situation up. Stop trying to control it. I think the lesson in this is to love someone in spite of their flaws. The universe would give me a person instead of a dog for this issue, but I don’t come into contact with many people!

On second thought, I think the lesson is to stop trying to control the situation. Stop being a control freak! I think that is what the universe is trying to teach me. Hmmm.

I got the new Kindle Fire from Amazon on release day (Wednesday), and I didn’t even care. How sad. I had my last one for about 3 years. I treasure that Kindle. I only ordered the new one because I recently used a Samsung charger to charge my old Kindle and the battery started acting up! How strange. I use generic chargers all the time with no problem. Anyway, I just think it says a lot that I wasn’t even excited by the Kindle. There are people (yes, even in the United States) who would love a Kindle and I’m all “whatever.” Btw, I’m using both Kindles now.

Pathetic. Anyhow, I prefer my old Kindle over the new one only because it has “text to speech” in books. The new Kindle Fires don’t have that. So I will keep my old one for as long as possible even though I have to keep charging it.

This week I…

Music of the week: Ariana Grande, Halsey, Paramore, Rachel Platten, The Bird and the Bee, Natalie Merchant, Shakira, Kelly Clarkson

Song of the week: Miranda Lambert – Tin Man (Unplugged)

TV of the week: House of Cards, NBA Finals

Movie of the week: I already mentioned I watched Moonlight. I’m thinking about rewatching but *SPOILERS* I don’t think I can watch the bullying scenes over again so soon. This stuff is going on right now, and it has gone on forever. There is a local story going on now with bullying in the schools. It reminded me of Moonlight. It makes me sad that children have to go through this and reminds me of my childhood (even though I was rarely touched…but I was touched, just not a lot).

I’m planning on watching Me Before You this weekend or Monday. I read and loved the book. I hope I like the movie. I’m planning on reading the sequel in a couple of months.

Books of the week: Holy shit! All the holds I had at the library came through. There is NO WAY I can read all these books and study for my certification test. So I’m focusing on The Secrets of My Life by Caitlyn Jenner and Shattered: Inside Hillary’s Doomed Campaign by Jonathan Allen and Amie Parnes.

The Caitlyn Jenner book is decent so far. I don’t know why it has average reviews. Well, she does come across as a little insincere (if you want to judge – lol), when talking about transgender teens and all these statistics.  But how do I know what’s really in her heart? I was never a Bruce Jenner fan. I’m indifferent towards Caitlyn. Well, I think she’s brave. Extremely brave. I’m pretty sure I would have stayed in the closet forever if I were in her situation. I know a lot of people don’t think she’s brave. I disagree.

Still reading: A Course in Miracles (always) and  A Course in Miracles Made Easy: Mastering the Journey From Fear to Love by Alan Cohen.

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren


Plans for the Weekend: Grocery shopping and studying. This is my last weekend before my test. At some point, I’m going to give up studying. I don’t know when it’ll be. I just feel like if I don’t know it by now…

Thanks for reading! Have a great weekend. 🙂

Be still my heart

My dad left for overseas on Sunday, but he says he’ll be back. So I guess this is just a visit. Does he live in the US now and just visiting overseas? I have no idea.

I watched most of “One Love Manchester” and could not stop crying. I know my eyes were red when I took my dad to the train station. I had no idea I would have this reaction to the benefit concert. When I saw Ariana, I lost it. Her song “One Last Time” (one of my faves) has a brand new, sad meaning now. 😦

This has nothing to do with the terrorist attack in Manchester. I just want to list my 5 favorite Ariana songs (in no particular order cause that would be impossible) –

  • Piano
  • Honeymoon Avenue
  • Breakfree
  • One Last Time
  • Sometimes

I also love Baby I and Bad Decisions. 🙂 haha. Anyway, Ariana and her team put on a GREAT benefit concert.

I saw Moonlight, and I loved it! If there were more movies like Moonlight, I would watch more movies. I might do a “review” of it in my next entry, but since this won Best Pic at the Oscars, I’m sure there is so much written about this great movie, and now I want to read all of it, but I’m supposed to be studying so…I’ll wait until after I take my test to see why others liked it. I enjoyed it because it was so REAL. I could relate to the main character in so many ways. And then the love story….OMG. Loved it! I didn’t want it to be over. 😦

This entry was supposed to be about how I suck at spirituality. I know everyone feels this way from time to time. Most of the time people terrify me. It is hard being spiritual when I’m scared of people. I should elaborate more in a full entry. But I’m trying, and dammit, despite what some people say, that counts for something. (At least in does in A Course in Miracles).

I got my Venture One card in the mail today! I’m in the process of switching my recurring bills to that card so I can get the extra 20,000 miles. I need those. Kripalu, here I come!

I have to get back to studying. I went to the library on Saturday and studied in a study room for 50 minutes. If it weren’t so cold in there, I probably would have stayed longer. Anyway, my test is in less than two weeks, so I need to focus. I’m going to get some reading done tonight. Bye!

not going to hit rock bottom


16 days until my certification exam (!!!!!)

365+ days until my Kripalu trip (LOL)

I don’t think I’m voting in our governor’s primary race in a few weeks. Both of the candidates are okay. Just okay. The one who considers himself a progressive voted for George W. Bush twice! Bush invaded Iraq for no reason and got us into this mess we are in now with Isis. I was going to vote for him until I found that out. And the other guy has an unrealistic political agenda. So I’ll just let other people decide. I will vote for the Democrat in November, of course. But count me out of the primary. I don’t care passionately enough for either person.

The following might sound crazy, but I’m thrilled! I just signed up (and was approved!) for Venture One’s (Captial One) credit card. I only did it for Kripalu. I need miles to cut my costs in half. I need about 100,000 miles for the flight. Sad, but true. I think I can get that as long as I use my card for all groceries, gas, and some recurring bills. I will pay this card off every month. I won’t use it for stuff I can’t afford. I can’t wait to get my card. I need to start earning miles ASAP. I need to get to Stockbridge, MA next summer.

I probably have more than a year to earn miles. I don’t know exactly when Gabby’s going to be there and if she’s not there in 2018 for whatever reason, I’ll just find a yoga retreat or another class to do instead at Kripalu. I have a feeling she’s going to be pregnant next summer and not do Kripalu. That would be great for her. I know she really wants to become a mom.

I wonder would they pay for the room and board. Hmmm. I don’t know enough about “miles” for that. It isn’t considered a hotel so…but it is room and board. As long as it covers my flight, I’m good. 🙂

One thing I’ve noticed since I started praying regularly, is that sometimes I feel unworthy of what I’m praying for or I feel like the Universe/God doesn’t care. Who am I to ask for this when Sally doesn’t have one? That’s probably why I didn’t pray much before. I’ve always prayed off and on to the Universe. But now I pray daily, and I try to pray throughout the day. The truth is, I still don’t feel like anyone or anything is with me all the time.

I’m hoping that working through A Course in Miracles will change this. I’m on lesson 18 out of 365, and so far I’m enjoying it. However, it is very different than anything I’ve ever done.

This week I…

Music of the week: Amos Lee, Paramore, John Mayer, Alana Davis, Carly Rae Jepsen, Jojo, Myzica, Rachael Yamagata

I got a new cellphone. I’m an android girl and believe it or not, my last phone did not have a place for an SD card. I was pissed when I got home and found out I couldn’t put 1/10th of my music on there. I wrongly assumed that most phones had SD card slots. This time I made sure to get a phone with space for an SD card. Well, I spent spurts of this past week putting only the music I LOVE on my phone. It took forever to go through each song on my computer. It came up to 8GB of music. Not too bad. I have about 32 GB of music on my computer, and I bought a 32GB SD card, but I didn’t want songs I only like on there. I want to be able to shuffle my music and love every song.

Anyway, I now have 1,791 of my favorite songs with me at all times. The point of this story is that I love music and I will always have my fave music with me. Music is my life! 😉 Also, if you like pop music, the Paramore album is pretty good. I love pop. Obvs.

TV of the week: House of Cards, NBA Finals, French Open

I’m not rooting for anyone in the finals. I don’t hate or love LeBron or Steph Curry.

Movie of the week: I might watch Moonlight this weekend or definitely by next week.

Books of the week: I have so many books on hold at the library. I can only hold 2 more books. None of them are coming in yet, so I started Tears to Triumph: The Spiritual Journey from Suffering to Enlightenment by Marianne Williamson.

Still reading: A Course in Miracles and  A Course in Miracles Made Easy: Mastering the Journey From Fear to Love by Alan Cohen.

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren


Plans for the Weekend: Hopefully I will be studying. That’s the plan. I have to go to two libraries on Saturday. I might study at one of the libraries, but I’ve never studied at a library on a Saturday so I don’t know how crowded it will be. I would love to reserve a study room and study for a couple of hours. That sounds like a good idea. I might do that.

Thanks for reading. Have a wonderful weekend! 🙂