work work work work work

The OA sponsor thing didn’t work out. We talked on the phone on Monday. She only takes calls at 10 AM, and that doesn’t work for me. I would want to take daily calls at  6:30 PM or later. That is the only time that works daily.

I don’t think I’m going to look for a sponsor anytime soon. Having to make four calls a day (including the sponsor) is too much for me right now. I’m working two jobs; I’m taking a class plus I have a somewhat high maintenance dog. I have to rearrange my schedule around my dog so yes, that is a big deal.

I’ve never had so much to do in my life…and I’m grateful! I do get a nap in just about every day so it can’t be that bad. There is no way I could function if I didn’t nap after my day job. Napping rests my brain and allows me to focus on my PT job or school work. As of right now, calling the second job a part-time is a joke. I’m so slow (since I know so little), it takes me forever to finish work, and I feel like I have two full-time jobs. I hope I get faster soon.

The certification course is on a back burner. I don’t even have time to think about it.

It looks like I am going to the Washington Wizards practice on Friday afternoon even though I should be working at my part-time job. I need a break and to get out of the house.

Done being done

OMG! I might have an Overeaters Anonymous sponsor!!! I texted her, and she told me to call on Sunday, but she didn’t say what time. ugh. I mentioned a time in my initial text to her so I’ll call her at that time. I hope that’s okay.

That was so freaking brave of me! LOL. My therapist gave me the push. I told her I had to do it, and she agreed. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! This is so scary.

Why do I need a sponsor? Because I still can’t fight the urge to order delivery. Well, today I was going to do it, and I talked myself out of it, but it isn’t like that every day. I don’t want to regain my weight and who wants to feel addicted to anything? I don’t. So I’m trying to get in front of the problem…for once in my life.

I will also binge on sweets which isn’t a daily problem because I don’t keep sweets in my house.

I do have a fear that my problem will seem “not bad enough” because I don’t have weight to lose, but she has probably been around enough to know that weight isn’t the only issue. Any person who has gone to an OA meeting in person knows there are people of all sizes there. I’ve never been, but she probably has.

Now I just need a Debtors Anonymous sponsor. That probably won’t happen within the next 60 days. I’m trying to manage this on my own. I’m doing okay (besides when I order food). The main problem is that my bills are high, and I’m not making enough. But two things are changing: My car payments will stop in a few months, and I now have a part-time job.

Speaking of my part-time job: I finally heard back from them. I had to do more training, and now I’m ready to work. Well, I don’t feel ready, but they are going to give me work. I’m waiting for yet another email. Well, now I know they are slow, so I might not get a response until late next week.

The Washington Wizards are having an open practice on this upcoming Friday. At first, I was going for sure. Now I’m not sure. I haven’t seen the Wizards in person in about five years.  John Wall might not be there due to an injury.😦 That would be my main reason for going since I’ve never seen him play or practice. Do I want to spend 90 minutes on a Friday evening watching basketball? I think I do. hmmm.

This week I…

Music of the week: Frank Ocean, Britney Spears, Brooklyn Duo, Ariana Grande, Carly Rae Jepsen, Kelly Clarkson, Ingrid Michaelson, Rihanna

I adore Brooklyn Duo’s version of Beyonce’s “Pray You Catch Me.”

I love the cello. I always wanted to play the strings, but I played three years of clarinet instead. I wish Brooklyn Duo would do Beyonce’s whole album. This song is so good. Trust me. Listen to it!

TV of the week:  Big Brother, Survivor

I was shocked by who won Big Brother! Shocked. I’m okay with the winner, though. The person could be annoying at times. That’s the only negative thing I have to say.

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week: Still reading Sex Object by Jessica Valenti. I’m almost done. The book is okay. It is a memoir. She had a lot of sex and did a lot of cocaine. That is how I would summarize the book. It is what it is.  I chose to read it because I’m a  fan of Jessica. I’m still reading You’re a Badass by Jen Sincero.

Plans for the Weekend: Grocery shopping, working on my certification course, training for my part-time job. Right now this is my life. I expect to start working for pay next week. I will be so nervous about the sponsor thing. Breathe.

Have a fun weekend!🙂

Just wait it out

Update: She emailed me! I’m going to start working soon. NERVOUS.


 

Some people have friends. I have a therapist. Some people have both. No, I don’t consider those people lucky. haha. My therapist gave me perspective on the whole part-time job situation. She said stuff I already knew. I had already said these things to myself, but it’s helpful to have another person say it/confirm it.

They gave me a laptop. They put me on the payroll. I have access to their top secret info. Obviously, I will hear from them eventually. They are still hiring people. My guess is that they are waiting to find enough people in the area so they can train all of us together. HOWEVER, wouldn’t it be nice if I didn’t have to guess? I asked a simple question: “did you get my email”? No response.

I know for a fact that she’s in the office because I can see her posting stuff online. She might be very, very busy, but I just wanted an acknowledgment of an email. Geez. I didn’t even ask when I would start training or anything deep about work.

But I’ll just wait. I get to relax a little. I was freaking out when I thought I might be starting work soon. Freaking the fuck out. I don’t know. I still feel like I might crash and burn. Now I’m focusing on my full-time job and the certification course. Of course, I’m still checking my email. I keep my email open these days. That’s probably not healthy because every minute second a response doesn’t come, I get either anxious or frustrated.

They gave me a laptop. I have access to all their top secret things. I’m on the payroll (with no pay). Repeat.

I just have to be patient…even though I feel like I’ve already been patient.

 

Don’t ignore me

So much for my busy weekend. I didn’t receive a response from my TWO emails. This is frustrating. I hate waiting for responses. UGRH! And one email was just questioning whether she received my initial email. Just answer yes or no!

There is a chance she could be out of the office, but there are other people who could get back to me, so I don’t know what’s going on.

However, I did get to work on my certification class this past weekend. I rested. yay. But I want work. Dammit. Now I really feel like I’m in limbo. Why are they ignoring me? Why did you give me a laptop and no work? WTF?!!

I’m beyond frustrated. I’m pissed. This says a lot about their company. Hopefully, I can update this entry with good news or just delete it, but I’m not counting on it. I want/need a response TODAY. How am I supposed to make money if I can’t even train?

I’m clearly an anxious mess right now.

Pissed.

Update: No email so I’m having an epic solo dance party.🙂 Free time, baby!!

Doesn’t hurt any less

I have never been so busy and tired in my life and I haven’t even started really working the PT job yet. I’m just doing training. I will be starting  actual work (very slowly) soon.

This PT job is taking over my life. Even when I’m working my FT job, I’m thinking about it and listening to training videos. It is affecting my work a little. That’s not smart, but I feel overwhelmed by all I have to learn and I don’t know what to do.

I haven’t worked on my certification class since Monday. I don’t know if I’ll be able to finish within 3 months.


I would like to take some time each week and write about Overeaters Anonymous and/or Debtors Anonymous.

  • We admitted we were powerless over food – that our lives had become unmanageable.

That is step#1 of Overeaters Anonymous. 90% of the time, I don’t feel my life is unmanageable due to food. I am powerless over sweets/sugar. So I should probably just abstain, right? I don’t keep sweets in my house that often because I know myself. I just need to accept that I can’t control myself around sweets. I need to stop eating sugar. I don’t know when I’m going to do this.

Am I denial about my life being unmanageable? I don’t know. Sometimes I do use next to my last dime for a sweet. That’s why I say 90% of the time I don’t feel my life is unmanageable. I shouldn’t spend money on foolish food.

It’s not just about sweets. Sometimes I just want takeout or delivery. That is wasting money. I’ll go through the other steps soon.


 

This week I…

Music of the week: Britney Spears, Lauren Aquilina, Ingrid Michaelson, Shura, Little Mix, Mariah Carey, Ariana Grande, Carly Rae Jepsen

TV of the week:  Big Brother, Survivor

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week: I know it’s silly to say  Sex Object by Jessica Valenti has too much sex talk, but it does. I don’t want to read about penises. Other than that, the book is fine.😉 I’m also reading You’re a Badass by Jen Sincero.

Plans for the Weekend: I’m either working on part-time work or I’m doing training for PT work. I’m waiting on an email so I’m not sure what I’m doing.

TWO people used my Lyon + Post referral link so I have $60 credit. I ordered a few things and I’m picking up my package from my mom’s house on Saturday. I picked out 4 items, but I’m only keeping one thing. Thanks so much for using my referral link. If you want $30 off, feel free to use my link. I’ll open it on Snapchat and I might do an entry on it if I have time. Doubtful.

Busy weekend. Have a great one!🙂

new toy

lpbox

laptop box

 

I picked up my laptop today. Their office is less than 8 minutes away from my house! I’m excited to have the computer, but I don’t know what to do next. Well, I know I have to do online job training, but no one told me HOW to get there. So I guess I will send an email tomorrow.

UPDATE: Uh, oops. I found out what to do. Tomorrow I have to contact the trainer and I guess I will have to start in-person training. I’m nervous because I don’t know shit.😉

 

laptop

bad pic of laptop

 

The closer I get to doing work, the more nervous I get. The good thing is that I can work ANYTIME I want. Unlike my full-time job, I can work at 4 AM on any day, or  I can work all day on Sunday. Sometimes I wake up at 4 AM, and it frustrates me that I can’t work at my FT job. At least I can work at my PT job if I should ever suffer from insomnia (rare for me, but it does happen).

I met my trainer today while I was picking up my laptop. She seems really nice, but most people with social skills seem nice. So I don’t know. Nope, I don’t naturally trust people.

I really don’t know how I’m going to train for this job, work my FT job and study for my certification at the same time. I don’t want any of it to go away, though.

One thing I never mentioned is that this job is somewhat seasonal. They are busier during certain times of the year. We might not work for 1-2 months and then work 3 months straight. I just wish I knew what the busy seasons are. I know now is one of those times. My fear is that I’ll be in training during this whole busy season and then when it is time to really work, there won’t be work for a couple of months.

Anyway, I shared some video of the laptop on Snapchat, and I also unboxed LeTote on there today. I won’t mention my username right now, but anyone interested can just go back a page or two to see my username.

I’m going to try not to play with my new laptop. It is setting up high on the bookshelf. Away from my dog.

I’m dancing

Part-time job update: I still have to do more basic online training before I get my laptop. I plan on completing the training over the weekend, so I will probably pick it up on Monday or Tuesday. Everyone else gets their laptop by FedEx, but since I live in the area, I have to pick it up. I’ll be going there for job training anyway, so I better get used to going there.

I’m really concerned about my dog getting to my work laptop. (He doesn’t mess with my work desktop).  That cannot happen! I will put it on a high shelf on my bookcase when I’m not using it. He already had a part in breaking my personal laptop screen over a year ago. I had to buy another computer. They would kill me if I let anything happen to their laptop. They would probably make me pay $2000 for it even though there is no way it is worth that much.

We only get paid once a month. My first check will be on October 15th. I’m going to set up a special savings account for taxes, so I won’t even think about touching that money.

I’m so nervous about the in-person training. At this point, I’m planning on having to train on Saturdays since they know I work full-time. The interviewer and VIP of the company indicated that would be okay. That will slow down my progress  (and money) for sure, but at least she didn’t say I wasn’t qualified because I can’t train during the week. I get off at 2:30 or 3:00 in the afternoon so I could train for a few hours in the afternoon if necessary.

This is all too much. I tried studying on my own and YAWN. lol. I like taking structured classes.  I want to take the certification course, but $895 (if purchased before September 16) is too much for me. I don’t have that kind of cash around so it would have to be mostly credit and I don’t know for sure how this job is going to work out. Have they even gotten my background check back? I don’t even know.

UPDATE: Looks like I passed my background check. I don’t know what I was so worried about. I don’t have a criminal record. I worry about everything!

So that is where all that stands. I still feel like I’m in limbo. I’ll feel better once I know when I’ll be doing the real job training in person.


I call into  2 Overeaters Anonymous meetings and 1 Debtors Anonymous meeting a week. I wish I could find another DA meeting. I have to do more work on myself. The meetings are inspirational (for the most part), but it isn’t a cure. I think I’m ready to speak up in the OA meeting, but I don’t want to leave my phone number because someone will call. If they have a sponsor they have to call 3 people a day so why not call the newbie? I don’t want to say, “no, I don’t want to leave my number.” I might leave my email address. That feels a little safer.

I never answer my phone unless I recognize the number because the Hillary Clinton campaign keeps calling me about volunteering and some telemarketers are probably calling too.  I don’t know who is who because I don’t answer!


This week I…

Music of the week: Britney Spears, Lauren Aquilina, Halsey, Shura, Ariana Grande, Mariah Carey, Fifth Harmony, The Chainsmokers

I’m so in love with Britney’s new album. I wasn’t expecting even to like it, and now it’s BAM! Best pop album of the summer??! I read a headline  (from Rolling Stone?) calling it the best Britney “comeback” album. I just chuckled when I saw that headline and continued to ignore the hype, but this is a decent album. I wouldn’t recommend it to everybody. It isn’t that good. But Britney fans and pop music fans, in general, should give it a chance.

Brit is performing some of the new songs at her Vegas show. I wish I could see that show again since she is adding songs, but that’s probably not happening.  My mom does want to go to Vegas…

TV of the week:  Big Brother, Survivor

Movie of the week: none

Book of the week: I’m currently reading Sex Object by Jessica Valenti.

Plans for the Weekend: I’m going to work on my training. The faster I get this basic stuff done, the quicker I can get into the real training and start making money. I also have to mow the lawn. Wouldn’t it be great if this was the last time I had to mow it? I don’t think that’s happening, but a girl can dream.

I am seriously considering signing up for that $895 (ouch!) certification course. At this moment, I think I’m going to do it. Then I will be starting on that this weekend.

UPDATE: I hope I didn’t make a big mistake by signing up for this course. Ack! I signed up on Saturday. I’m working on chapter one now. I don’t know how I will complete this course and do training for my PT job at the same time. lol. Whatevs. The job training is more important.

Semi-busy weekend. It will only get busier once I really start the part-time job so I better enjoy this while I can.

Enjoy your weekend!