When I’m on my own

I just ordered this:

samsung

I’m nuts. Totes. I’m picking it up on Saturday. It is a Samsung HDTV 28“. I don’t have room for anything bigger since I’m not mounting it on the wall. The story is that my other HDTV stopped working on Xmas eve. So I’ve been using a kind of low-quality TV ever since.

A short update on Depo-Provera: No period. Unbelievable, right? I’m only 4 days late, but I’m never THAT late. I have a hard time believing that being on birth control for 2 weeks, stops my period. LOL. I wish. I hope. PLEASE!!!!

I’m worried that I’m going to be late and then I will have my period on my birthday vacay in May. 😦 That would suck. It wouldn’t be the end of the world. But who wants to deal with that on their vacation? Not me. Screw periods. I’m so over them.

I have to go. I want to get some reading in before I get too tired. Bye!

A sermon to white and black America

A few quotes from Tears We Cannot Stop: A Sermon to White America by Michael Eric Dyson.

Too many yellow Negroes deny light privilege the way many of you deny white privilege. We are as blind to our perks as you are to yours…Too many light folk just don’t want to admit what we all know to be the case. And I’m not speaking of light guilt, our color-struck version of white guilt. I mean owning up to the benefits and advantages of being light-skinned. We make up the same reasons why we should be spared reckoning with shade and tone as you give for not addressing whiteness and privilege.

Nothing annoys me more (okay, slight exaggeration coming) then when people don’t acknowledge their privilege.

Our being color-struck isn’t the only sign that we’ve imitated whiteness. We’ve also emulated and adopted your coarse reactions to class and sexual identity. Many of us have joined the unfortunate assualt on gay folk…Although we deny it, the same kind of people who opposed interracial marriage oppose same same sex marriage too. Black folk have blindly followed a path of prejudice that earlier ended with us as victims.

Preach!

….Poor whites seem to say, “At least there’s a  nigger beneath me.” And it’s a way for poor whites to be of value to richer whites, especially when poor whites agree that black folks are the soure of their trouble.

The truth hurts.

This book is good. Not great, but it is the best book Dyson has ever written, IMHO. I love that he made it personal. I could have typed out many more quotes, but these are the ones that stood out most to me.

my heart is cold as can be

Countdown:

69 days until my 3rd pap smear 😦

88 days until my birthday vacay

121 days until my certification exam

Gabby Berstein has me wanting to do yoga so bad. I need to make room in my house for it. I used to do it outside and I probably still will this spring/summer. But I’m dying to go to a class. Years ago (maybe 7-8 years ago?), I used to go this small yoga studio. I’m planning on going back once it gets warm for real. I’m still in hibernation mode even though this winter was very mild.  I’m not going anywhere right now.

The classes are $18 a piece (!!) if I don’t want to commit to 4 classes a month. So I’m going to just pay the $18 and see how it goes. If it goes well, I’ll pay the$64 for 4 classes a month. Yes, this place is expensive. No offense, but it is kind of a yuppie place. Obvs. But I’m willing to pay. I like this place. The people are nice. However, I haven’t been there in so long. I was there when they had just opened. I hope they aren’t crowded now.

If it’s crowded, I won’t pay for more classes. Simple as that. I’m thinking of going to a 8:30 AM Saturday yoga basics class. Scary! I would normally go to a class on a weekday because fewer people will be there. But I think I will give this one a try. I don’t really feel like I need a basics class because I’ve been doing yoga off and on for years, but the time is convenient, and I’m definitely rusty.

Eventually, I want to do Kundalini yoga, but I’ve never done it before, so I’m understandably nervous about that. I’m going to do it at home first and then take a class.


I’m kind of feeling inadequate over something a coworker said. It’s not her fault. I don’t think. lol. 😉 It was very warm this past weekend, and she wanted to know what I did on Sunday, so I said I spent some time outside with my dog and read. I almost felt like she pitied me or something. Is she one of those people who think you’ve got to have kids or a husband? Maybe. I don’t know her that well. I know she’s a traditional person.

I did much more than reading outside with my dog, btw. I studied, cooked, went to my mom’s house, etc. But the first thing that came to mind was reading my book outside with my dog because I haven’t done that in so long. (I did take him to the park last Wednesday). Anyway, I’m very happy with it being just my dog and me.

I don’t know. It was so weird. But then again, all my conversations with humans are weird. Nothing new here.


No major side effects from the Depo-Provera so far. I do feel like I’m cramping more than usual and I’m not even on my period. I haven’t had bad cramps in about 8 months! I know…lucky girl. I don’t even have any pain medication. When I used to have cramps with my period, I would buy kid’s pain meds (easy to take) every month.

I haven’t gotten my period this month…yet. I know it is WAY too soon to hope the DP stopped my period, but a girl can dream.

This week I…

Music of the week:  Grace, Miranda Lambert, Cheyenne Kimball, Ingrid Michaelson, James Bay, Little Mix, Mariah Carey, Britney Spears

TV of the week:  basketball, Homeland

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week: I’m so excited to go to the library this weekend!  *geek alert* Yes, I’m getting back into physical books because I can’t find these books electronically and I can go outside and read without any distractions. I don’t take my phone or Kindle when I read outside. It’s just me and the book (and my dog).

I have 4 books on hold at various libraries in the county. I assume they will be ready for pickup on Saturday. I don’t know when I’m going to find time to read these books and the three books I’m reading right now. I’m reading:  Tears We Cannot Stop: A Sermon to White America by Michael Eric Dyson (on page 90) and Gosnell: The Untold Story of America’s Most Prolific Serial Killer (on page 103) by Ann McElhinney. I just started My Brilliant Friend by Elena Ferrante.

I have a great quote I want to share from Tears We Cannot Stop. I’ll include it in a future entry.

Planner update: Plans in my Erin Condren planner –

planner-2

Plans for the Weekend: Well, the library. Yay! I’m also dropping off my taxes to get them done. Yes, I could do them myself and I used to. I’m taking a timed practice exam on Sunday morning. I hope I pass, but I’m not counting on it. This is my first practice exam. I have 3 more practice exams before I take the test in June.

I have to organize my clothes this weekend. I can’t fully do it until I get another clothes rack in a couple of months. I’m going to put all my winter clothes up even though it is mid-February. I believe in global warming. I’m selling any name brand clothes I don’t want (Michael Kors etc.) to ThredUp.

Nothing too exciting. The weather will be nice so I will be spending time outside reading with my dog. Should I not mention that? Does that make me sound pathetic? I’m joking. Sort of.

Have a nice weekend and thanks for reading! 🙂

Hell no

People prove every day why I donate to animal charities over human ones. I know that sounds bad. But I do donate to both. Of course. But I love animals more. Not the human kind. Stop being so damn judgemental. People don’t deserve shit. They have done nothing, but destroy the world. Okay, there are some good people. I have to admit that.

Some people are so outraged and protesting. I don’t know what to make of it. Are they too caught up? Some are, some aren’t. People are different, so their motivations are different. What is it to me? You do you. I’ll do me. And I’m just chilling. ROFL. Take that! Is that worthy are judgment? I’m sure it is.

I’m not really chilling, btw. I’m working and studying my ass off. I’m so scared part-time work is going to come, and I’m not going to be ready for it. So I have to work my ass off while I have the extra time.

I still feel the humane thing to do was to give Trump a chance. I wasn’t wrong. I gave him a chance, and I’m still giving him one…I guess??? He has proven he is going to be a bad president in my opinion. So I guess I’m not giving him a chance anymore. However, I think everyone deserves a chance even Betty Devos. How long before she fucks up? A week? lol. By the time I post this, it’ll be “oops”!

I believe in giving people a chance (in most cases). I don’t like judging people on their past behavior. And I hate judging people on what they did to someone else. That is a whole another entry.

So everyone else can feel self-righteous and think they are right because that is what it is all about, right? This isn’t just about Trump. It is about everything. People just want to be right. Clearly, these people aren’t Spirit Junkies. *smirk*

I just want everyone to do them and let me do me. Not happening because people suck. That’s not very spiritual. I know. I’m working on it. When I was meditating last week, I realized I don’t resent a specific person. I RESENT PEOPLE IN GENERAL.


Today was a good day. It was 81 degrees. I sat and read on the porch. Unfortunately, my dog barked 60% of the time because he could see or hear other people. So that kind of ruined it because I’m wondering if he’s bothering others but I still got a ton of reading done. I also went to Michaels. I bought me some stuff, but I also bought my mom mother’s day stuff and birthday gifts for my sister. I got 20% off everything. SCORE!

Speaking of reading. I’m reading a book that is just WOW. I started reading  Gosnell: The Untold Story of America’s Most Prolific Serial Killer because I love reading about serial killers. I thought it was very strange that I’d never heard of Gosnell. I know every serial killer. That’s my thing. 😉 Here’s the catch: He was a doctor who performed abortions. Sigh. Does that make him a serial killer?

Double sigh. I’m pro-choice. Abortion isn’t a big issue to me. I care more other things like criminal justice reform, for example. Anyway, he performed late-term abortions. Some of the women died during the procedure. So I’m going to give this book a chance even though it is written from a pro-life stance. I can roll my eyes at some of the pro-life stuff, but what he did was unsafe and illegal.

He killed fetuses who could’ve lived on their own. How sad. I don’t know if I’ll be able to finish this book. Will this book make me pro-life? I doubt it because I think women should be able to choose, BUT I don’t really spend a lot of time thinking about abortion. I know that makes me a weird progressive. I just care about other issues more.

So far I am disgusted by Gosnell, and I’m just at the beginning of the book. He did some horrible things. I don’t even want to repeat what he did (but I might later with a warning). Google him or check out this book if you are interested. There’s also a movie (documentary?)  on him. I haven’t seen it yet.

 

Still a little defensive

First I gotta say: I’m surprised so many women take any type of hormone-based birth control because of the side effects. It’s not just the side effects. It’s about putting hormones into the body.  I feel a little silly for taking it just to lessen my period. But I did it. It’s over. I had my first injection of Depo-Provera on Wednesday. I can’t take it back. I don’t have to get a second or third injection if I don’t want to.

Some women feel the side effects of DP immediately. The only side effect I’ve dealt with so far is a little soreness in my muscles. Nothing major. It is barely noticeable. Oh! First I have bad news to report – I am getting a pap smear in late April. WHY???! Ugh. It hurts so much.* I am going to ask do I have to get one annually since I’m not having sex. I did skip getting one in 2016.

*It doesn’t hurt non-virgins nearly as much as it hurts me. I’m not trying to scare anyone. This is just my experience.

So I’m bummed and terrified about having to get a pap smear. It will only be my 3rd one. Sucks to be me. 😦 Anyhow, I will get to see my OB/GYN when I go in April. YAY. I didn’t get to see her on Wednesday. Everyone at that office is so nice. I love them and would recommend them to anyone.

When I mentioned that I heard about Depo-Provera and the side effects, the nurse practitioner said the only side effect she knew of is weight gain. LIAR!!!!  Okay. Um. But I don’t want to gain weight. She said my weight was fine (WTF?) and that DP was better for me because I am pre-hypertensive. The pill could raise my BP. I’m hoping I don’t gain weight, but I am prepared for that side effect.

The main side effect that concerns me is the depression, of course. But I’m on an anti-depressant and Abilify, so I hope I’m fine. People also reported acne, hair loss, and mood swings. Those seem to be the most common side effects…along with the weight gain. I can deal with hair loss and moderate acne. I’m not going to like the weight gain, and I cannot deal with depression.

I’m going to be optimistic. I’m going to manifest good thoughts about my body and DP. (don’t laugh). All is going to be well.

While walking through the parking lot, I wanted to scream I’M ON BIRTH CONTROL! Yes, I’m very, very, very late. But a tiny part of me felt a little normal. And then I look at the rest of my life and nah, not normal.

P.S. The injection did not hurt AT ALL. I forgot to mention that.

This week I…

Music of the week:  Grace, Ingrid Michaelson, Cheyenne Kimball, Missy Higgins, Mariah Carey, A Tribe Called Quest, Halsey

Song of the week: Grace – How to Love Me (live)

TV of the week:  basketball, Homeland

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week: Reading  Tears We Cannot Stop: A Sermon to White America by Michael Eric Dyson and Gosnell: The Untold Story of America’s Most Prolific Serial Killer
Ann McElhinney

I just ordered The Universe has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein. I already read it a couple of months ago. It is so good! I knew I needed to own this book after I first started it.

Planner update: Plans in my Erin Condren Planner –

planner

Plans for the Weekend: I will be out of the house almost all day on Saturday. I won’t get much studying done. Sunday morning I will study, and if I don’t do a lot of damage at the grocery store, I might go to Michaels. I have an awesome coupon, and I think I can get what I want for under $10. It is going to be 75 degrees on Sunday. Before the coupon, my goal was to study and then go outside and read on the porch with my dog. I might try to fit it all in.

The one thing I keep putting off is backing up my files. I have it in my planner for Saturday, but I doubt it happens. I just don’t feel a strong need to do it. Maybe I will just backup the stuff related to my certification. Everything else can wait.

Have a wonderful weekend. 🙂

 

Stitch Fix #4 and Lyon + Post

Amy is still my stylist! 🙂 After all this time without getting a Fix, I thought I might get someone new. I love Amy. She rocks. I canceled Trunk Club and LeTote is on hold until June. So I decided to do Stitch Fix again.

Amy picked 2 things straight from my Pinterest board. I cannot recommend doing a Pinterest board enough. I feel that it is a MUST. I hear some stylists don’t look at Pinterest boards. I find that hard to believe. Or maybe some people have too many pins. I have a maximum of 10 current pins from Stitch Fix on my board whenever I want a fix. (I find out what is current by looking at vids of what others are getting and by seeing pics of what people are getting on Facebook groups).

Anyway, here is what Amy picked for me:

Skies are Blue Caine Fringe Open Cardigan – $54.00

dscn0250

I love cardigans. Simple as that. It is so soft!  I pinned this to my Pinterest board and Amy sent it to me.

Verdict: Kept

Daniel Rainn Bernal Split Neck Blouse – $64.00

dscn0247

I did NOT pin this blouse. I didn’t know it existed. I LOVE it. It is by far my favorite item I received in this Fix. I love Daniel Rainn.

Verdict: kept!

Market & Spruce Wilco Solid Quilted Vest – $68.00

stitch-fix-vest

I asked for a vest with gold detail. This does have gold detail, but this isn’t the vest I wanted. This isn’t the color I wanted. I pinned a blue vest and a gold/tan vest. I was really disappointed to receive this vest. I don’t wear white…ever! However, this is off white so I decided to give it try. I’m planning on wearing this tomorrow for a trip to the park and to the doctor. How dirty will it get? Ugh, I hate white. I hope I don’t regret keeping this.

Verdict: Kept

Fun2fun Owena Split Neck Tunic –  $48.00

stitch-fix

Amy picked this from my Pinterest board. I chose this because purple is my favorite color. It looks a little better online than in person. But the more I looked at it the more I liked it.

Verdict: kept

Kut From the Kloth Kate Distressed Boyfriend Jean – $88.00

I didn’t bother to take a pic of the jeans. They are boyfriend jeans with ONE kind of big hole on one leg. blah. But I need a pair of jeans. I like that they are different. I think. 😉

Verdict: kept (The jeans are too big so I’m exchanging them for a smaller size).

Amy did well! 🙂 I loved that she picked the Daniel Rann blouse for me. Swoon. I love that blouse. That is so my style! The biggest disappointment was the vest. I wish it were blue. Bummer. The good thing is that since I kept all five items, I got the 25% off discount. So worth it.

While I’m here, I also want to share a purchase from Lyon + Post. I had some credits (THANK YOU!!) so I picked 4 items to try on. I ended up keeping 2 items. One was a pair of corduroy pants. And the other is my new favorite item:

lyon-and-post

It’s a vest. Yes, it is super bulky and I love it. I can’t wear it a ton right now because it is 70 degrees (!!). But whenever I have to go somewhere and it is between 40 and 50 something degrees, I wear this vest without a coat. It is also reversible. The other color is black. I love this vest so much. But since it is currently warm, I will try out my thinner Stitch Fix vest.

Don’t forget to use my referral link to get $30 off your Lyon + Post order.

Thanks for reading!