therapy

I’m reading a memoir by Mayra Hornbacher. She has/had life threatening struggles with bulimia and anorexia. When I went to therapy for the 1st time this week, I was reading this book in the waiting room. God forbid, I don’t have something to read while waiting. I’m a nervous wreck.

Anyhow, my new therapist saw me reading this book. She’s in the mental health field so she can probably tell a book by glancing at it for half a second. Well I was a psych major (obvious, right??). I read books like this all the time. I’ve read books about schizophrenia, bipolar, alcoholics, etc. This is what I like to do. This stuff interests me. Reading about something doesn’t mean I have it. Oh, I also like to read about serial killers…

I must admit that I’ve been careful to not make this book visible at work. I know how some people think. Besides I’m under 110 pounds. I don’t own a scale so I don’t know the exact number. My weight may make some people suspicious. I just don’t expect that from a therapist. I have this weird, irrational thought about people in the mental health field – If they don’t get me who will?

I’m trying to get out things I feel are important like my ultra sensitivity to noise and how I was so close to suicide in late 2006. And I feel she wants me to admit that I have an eating disorder (why else would I be reading that book? ::rolls eyes::). I also felt like she wanted me to admit that I was sexually abused. I wasn’t but people often get that vibe from me. I eventually plan to tell her I’m asexual. That should be interesting.

She seems nice…but she didn’t seem to understand a lot of what I was saying. I don’t talk clearly. Communicating isn’t my thing. 🙂 I can be extremely inarticulate and when I do talk, I tend to ramble. So I will try to be conscious of this next time. I also have to explain to her that I don’t know what I like or want to do because I haven’t tried anything! As a child, I wasn’t allowed to do much of anything and I spent half of my childhood poor. Not middle class, lower class. We didn’t DO anything. All I know how to do is school. That’s it. Sad but true.

Btw, the book is Wasted by Mayra Hornbacher. It is well written. I do have a concern that this book could be a trigger (psych talk) for people with eating issues.

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