I hear sounds in my mind

I don’t know where to start. That’s a great first sentence for a post. lol. Not a lot of big things are happening. I just want to do a few updates.

Job(s) update: FT job is still stressful, but today was pretty good. Re: the part-time job – We don’t have as much work because companies are sending their work overseas. 😦 I knew this was happening, but I didn’t know it was affecting the company I work for that badly.

Anyway, I should have work in about 2 weeks. People with more experience are working now. Us newbies have to wait. There are still opportunities and I’m glad I’m working with this company. However, I don’t think I’m going to invest in this career further. I was considering getting a THIRD certification. That’s a couple of thousands of dollars I would have to invest.

A course is starting next week with a discount for a few days in the certification I want, and of course, I’m tempted to sign up. But ugh, I just finished studying and taking a certification exam. Do I REALLY want to spend time and money on another certification right now? I think I will pass on the discounted price and wait until I really know I will receive a return on my investment.

Depo-Provera update: UGH. The bleeding started back on Wednesday. Great. I hope it is only temporary or I might call the doctor. It’s not really heavy, so that’s a good thing. I think I might be at the beginning of gaining weight due to the Depo. I won’t know for sure until a few weeks. Many women start gaining after the 3rd shot, so no shock there.

Other than that, things are going great with the Depo. 😉 More on this later.

List time! I love lists. Obvs. I made a list of things I really want. I think it’s accurate. I came up with this list in my paper journal pretty quickly so I might have left a few things off.  I left two private things off the following list. These wants are in no particular order:

  1. A private island in a warm climate.
  2. No debt.
  3. A good relationship with food.
  4. A carefree job where I feel confident.
  5. A consistent spiritual practice.
  6. To be all around healthy.
  7. To forgive my past tormentors.

I have nothing to add right now. Just sharing.

This week I…

Music of the week: Jillette Johnson, Lorde, Taylor Swift, Kelly Clarkson, Julia Michaels, Ariana Grande, John Mayer, Lana Del Rey

Song of the week: Lorde – Perfect Places


TV of the week: Big Brother, Pretty Little Liars

I’m so glad PLL is finally over. It got so bad at the end. Horrible. I quit watching Empire during the second season. I just don’t care what happens to these millionaires. And the music was horrible. Music is subjective, so I’ll just say I didn’t like the music. I hate saying that because Timbaland is the executive music producer. But whatever.  I started watching Empire because so many people were talking about it and I’m a fan of Gabourey Sidibe. But she wasn’t on the show enough for me. I should probably read Gabby’s book. I don’t know much about it. I just heard it was good.

/end tangent

Movie of the week: None

Books of the week:

I’m trying to focus on the following books –

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren


Plans for the Weekend: Why do I even have this section? It’s not like I do anything fun on most weekends. LOL. Anyway, I’m just going grocery shopping and enjoying my free time. I am preparing to work at my part time job. It’s kind of hard to prepare without work, but I have some old coursework I can do. I’m trying to get really good at it so I can always have work despite a lot of work being moved overseas.

Thanks for reading! Have a wonderful weekend. 🙂

I’m off to find out how it ends

I finally got the rejection email I wanted. I got it on Sunday afternoon. That’s funny because I was checking my email like a hawk Monday through Friday. Anyway, like Marianne Williamson says if a train doesn’t stop at your station, it wasn’t your train. The pay might have sucked, or I would’ve hated the office environment. It’s easy to believe I would have hated the environment, but I felt decent vibes while I was there.

I guess I’m staying at my full-time job for a while.  Speaking of my FT job, I had a meeting with my manager today. She told me I was doing a great job. Whew! I just need to keep it up. No pressure. This job has been so stressful lately.

Through taking Iyanla Vanzant’s online course, I have learned at least one thing. I want my own private island! Ha. Don’t laugh. I just found the perfect one in Nova Scotia, Canada. Of course, that one won’t be there when I’m ready to buy. But there will be similar ones for sure.

I will (probably?) have to buy a small boat and get my boating license. That doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is the weather. What about the tropical storms in Nova Scotia? And the snow? What happens if there is an emergency? What if the island doesn’t have electricity and plumbing? I have to have plumbing. No joke.

So there’s a lot to consider, but this whole time I’ve been planning on buying a house in the country and now I have expanded my dreams to a private island. That particular island in Canada was what I want to pay for a house, so the cost isn’t a big issue.

Ideally, I wish I could pay close to one million dollars for a private island. Then I could live in North Carolina or lots of other places. I wouldn’t have to move to Canada. Not that I hate Canada or anything. I just know North Carolina a lot more, and I’m not as concerned about the weather.

There are also a very few affordable private islands in Belize. I have always thought about retiring there so if I can find something there, that would be great.

I’m researching it. It will be at least 5 years before I buy anything so I have time to do the research. Country living (so much easier) or private island (lots of unknown)? Oh, and of course, I can’t live on a private island soon because I have to make a living. ROFL. I will probably buy a house in the country and retire on a private island. That sounds great. Maybe I could afford more by then, but that’s another unknown.

The gluten free tortillas? UGH. They kept breaking up. They tasted average. I don’t think I will ever try gluten free tortillas again. I was just trying them because they had fewer calories and I’m planning to go gluten free, and I wanted to know what was out there.

Gotta go.

The Quiet

Well, I do have a little bit of good news. Update to my previous entry: I’m not bleeding anymore! 🙂 Of course, this could all be temporary. But I’ll take it for now.

In other news, the silence is deafening. No word on the full-time job. No more word on the part-time job. I know work will come with the PT job. I just have to be patient. The supervisor said the work would start last week or this week. It’s not just about patience. I’m worried that I’m going to be left out. I don’t have a lot of confidence when it comes to the PT job.

Like I said, I don’t expect an offer with the FT job, but can I at least get an email? A denial email? Anything? I can’t take the silence.

I’m not dealing with the silence well. I’m reckless with almost everything. And I feel like my spiritual practice is failing. I pray every morning. I meditate every morning, but I’m probably not doing it enough. I do A Course in Miracles every morning.

Clearly, I don’t have a good foundation. Or something. I need to rely on God or the Universe and stop being so reckless.

Don’t get me wrong, I do see the Universe working through me. (or with me?) I have examples. But I feel like I’m doing it wrong. Why do I eat more than I should sometimes? Why do I spend carelessly? Why do groups of people still scare me?

But hey, I’m not bleeding anymore!!! lol.

Why is this devil on my shoulder?

I hesitate to be happy about this. But earlier I was screaming, “THANK YOU UNIVERSE”!! and hugging my dog. Now I’m back to my normal self.

It’s about work. I thought I was doing much worse than I really was. All I had to do was check it on the computer, but I was so scared, and I knew I was sucking so why bother checking? Then today after my monthly meeting with my manager, I finally got the courage to check. I’m doing okay. Unfortunately, it is only ‘okay.’ But okay is enough to keep my job and to keep working from home…for now.

I need to do better, and I need to work so hard constantly. Some days are stressful. Since March 1, I would say 75% of the days are stress-fests. I’m going to tap to lower the stress. I hope that works.

Depo-Provera update: I spoke too soon about the acne. I broke out over the weekend. I thought it was because I was tapping so much and rule #1 of acne is: don’t touch your face. Tapping involves A LOT of face touching. I also have very sensitive skin, and I’ve been using a new cleanser and blah, blah, blah.

I think it is the DP that is causing the breakouts. I’m not too concerned about it. When I go out on Wednesday, I’m not any wearing makeup, but when I go out on Saturday, I will. Btw, I mean concealer and foundation when I refer to makeup. That is all I wear. I doubt I ever start wearing makeup all the time. It is too time consuming and messy, and I don’t care that much.

AND I have a never ending period. My unscientific theory is: my period will eventually stop forever because I’ve had it so much. 😉 This kind of sucks BUT my period isn’t heavy at all right now so I’m thankful for that. I was able to get on my treadmill for two days in a row!! I don’t exercise when I have my period (usually), so I consider this a win.

Well, I gotta go work on my to-do list. I hope we don’t get any snow. I don’t think we will. I just want to be able to go out on Wednesday and mow my lawn on Thursday. So no snow!! Thank you.


I have time to blog this evening because there still isn’t work at my part-time job. 😦 I truly am enjoying this break. I’ve been really stressed out since October. But I’ve had more than a week off, and I’m ready to go back. Sigh.

These past two days I’ve been sucking at food and money. Fuck. I had a bad food day today. I ordered delivery. That affects my money. And then I ordered a printer. It wasn’t expensive but ugh! My dad gave me $50. That’s gone. It went to the printer. Anyway, I spent all yesterday evening trying to fix my other printer. I didn’t fix it. Obvs.

And my boss (full-time job) is making threats of making us work in the office! I was stressed out this morning after hearing that news. I don’t think my dog would deal well with me going to work every week day. He’s used to me being here all day. And when it is really cold (usually during January & February), I often don’t have water. So I would either have to go to my mom’s to shower or shower at the gym at work. What a headache.

That job is so stressful. I know some people have jobs that aren’t and I consider those people lucky. But I’m going to do my best. Whatever. I’m not in the mood to blog so I don’t know why I’m blogging. I was in bed finishing up The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin. I have about 10 minutes left.

The Grammy nominations were…I don’t know what to say. I probably won’t watch the Grammy’s next year. I think it is funny  interesting that Frank Ocean said he was going to boycott the Grammy’s and then he ended up getting NO nominations. Justin Bieber’s album had a few good singles, but the album of the year? LOL. I’m not a hater. I just never listened to him before last year.

I do love that Maxwell’s song Lake by the Ocean got nominated for Best R&B song. Just when I wonder what the hell they are doing, they do something right. I love that song. Boring nominations overall. There’s nothing to be excited about. Am I supposed to care who wins between Beyonce and Adele? Because I don’t.

I’m devasted by the Oakland fire. Anytime someone is just going to a club or a concert or anything music related, and something like this happens, I just feel so bad for the deceased. I know bad things happen all around the world all the time, but there is something about music that just hits me more.

Quick post. I’m going back to finishing up my book before I get too tired. Before I go, here is a great James Baldwin quote:

The American Negro has the great advantage of having never belived that collection of myths to which white Americans cling: that their ancestors were all freedom-loving hereos, that they were born in the greatest country the world has ever seen, or that Americans are invicible in battle and wise in peace, that Americans have always dealt honorably with Mexicans and Indians and all other neighbors or inferiors, that American men are the world’s most direct and virile, that American women are pure. Negroes know far more about white Americans than that…


Update: I finished the book. Now onto my other reads…

Nowhere left to hide

It was/is near 70 degrees, and I would’ve loved to have taken my dog to the park. I chose to work instead. I’m a bad pet mom. 😦 It will start getting cold next week. Well, I consider 50 degrees cold. It will get colder than that during the winter. Anyway, I was off from my FT job these past three days. Nice break. But I worked at my PT job instead so not much of a break.

Good news for my finances! I found a great place to get my car inspected. The total charge was only $15.00. THANK YOU UNIVERSE. I was sooo scared. I thought it would cost hundreds because I know there are issues with my car.  Now I can work on my debt paying off plan. My car payments end in 2 months (or less?). I cannot wait. I need the extra money.

Speaking of money…I ended up making $475 for my work in October (part-time job). I’m going to try to make more money in November. BUT the project I’m working on will end around mid-December. Then I have to wait for who knows how long until the next project comes around. I’m hoping it is less than 3 months until we get work again. With the extra time, I might go crazy and read a book! What a concept.

Random: My mom and I were talking about NYC, and I remembered I went into Trump Tower and she didn’t go in. She always hated him! ROFL. I was underwhelmed by Trump Tower. I even posted a pic of the inside of the building in my NYC photo album and wrote on Facebook “waste of time.” I love that area of NYC though.

WARNING! I’m going to geek out on planners for a bit here. I love my Luxe Erin Condren Life Planner. I paid a lot of money for it. It is working great, so there’s no need to buy another planner. However, (you knew that was coming) I did buy a goals planner from Michaels on Wednesday, and I love it.

Everyone knows I’m a goal oriented person. I used to blog about my monthly goals here, but now my major goals are so personal, I no longer blog about it. I’m using the goals planner as a journal, budget planner, and it will just be a place where I can redo my life. It has a daily habit tracker. It has a space for monthly goals. I love it. The only thing I don’t like is the pink cover. I hate pink, so there’s that.

Why do I get so excited about planners? haha. It’s great to be excited about something, and I only paid $15.00 for it with a 50% off coupon. I hadn’t been to Michaels in at least 6 months. That outing was the only sort of fun thing I did on my days off.

This week I…

Music of the week: Emeli Sande, Jess Glynne, JoJo, Alicia Keys, Miranda Lambert, Mariah Carey, A Tribe Called Quest, Ellie Goulding

I was just thinking “no concerts this summer” but John Mayer finally released his new single. John always comes here so I might have to consider going to see him for the THIRD time. Not sure. It might depend on how much I like his new music. Otherwise, I’m going to try to abstain from concerts and maybe save money for better vacations.

Miranda Lambert’s double album comes out tomorrow (Friday)!! YAY. I saw her in concert before she was famous and I haven’t seen her since. Tempting…this no concert thing might not work.

TV of the week: The Crown,  basketball

Ugh. The Washington Wizards suck so far this season. But the Lakers are doing better than expected. 🙂

Movie of the week: none

Book of the week: The Things We Wish Were True by Marybeth Mayhew Whalen (on page 68)

Planner update: Plans of the week in my neutral Erin Condren Life Planner –


Plans for the Weekend: WORK. (shocking!) I also have quizzes and tests to take for my class. I’m behind with that. Sigh. I’m so glad Thanksgiving is next week. I thought I would never say that. But to have 4 days straight of no full-time work. Yay! And then I have December 1 and 2 off too. I’m not taking a lot of time off during the beginning of 2017. I want to make sure I have PTO for my birthday vacay in May. We (my dog and my mom) are going to stay at a state park cabin and also visit the beach. I haven’t been to the beach in 3-4 years.

Thanks for reading and have a nice weekend.

Won’t be last forever

So the manager I interviewed for in July emailed me on Thursday. He has the same position open, and he wanted to talk salary and benefits. In July, I was ready to move on from my job. Now I’m not feeling the same. It has been 3 months since I looked for a full-time job.

Anyway, he hasn’t emailed me back yet, and I don’t think I will hear from him. I responded with basically a one sentence email saying I was still interested. He could probably tell that I wasn’t enthusiastic about the job. I just wanted to know the salary they would offer. I doubt it is as much as I make now. They are a nonprofit. That says it all.

I would love to work for a nonprofit, but they don’t offer a very valuable benefit: working from home. It’s hard to top that. Plus, it is a salaried position. I don’t like salaried work because I would work way more than 40 hours a week and not get paid ‘fairly.’ I know myself, so that’s not going to work. AND I have the part-time job that takes a lot of my time so I’m not sure I could commit to a time-consuming full-time job and still work my PT job. My PT job offers valuable experience, so I don’t want to give it up.

That’s that. It was weird to hear from him after all that time, but I kind of thought it would happen. I bet their first choice didn’t work out. Oh well.


I didn’t get my period!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!%^1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

Okay, so it is only this one time, and I’m only five days late, but I’m NEVER late. Never, ever, ever.  I’ve never skipped a period. It looks like the stress of having two jobs is paying off in more ways than one. 😉 I didn’t get my period. I cannot stress how happy this makes me. I finally feel like the universe is looking down on me and saying, “I’ll give this girl a break.”

I think it’s stress. I’ve been working nonstop, and I haven’t been sleeping much. Who knew there would be a wonderful benefit to that? Unfortunately, I will probably get it next time. Bummer. But I’ll take what I can get.

I just want to shout to people: I DIDN’T GET MY PERIOD. But that would be strange. I wish I would never get periods again. I can’t wait until menopause hits. Unfortunately, I have a couple of decades for that. 😦

I should probably look into birth control to see if it would lessen my periods, but I’m afraid it would make the situation worse. I’ve never been on birth control.  My periods have only been troublesome the past 2-3 years so I never seriously looked into trying to skip it. If I worked outside of the house, I would have been to the doctor and requested something. But since I work at home, I just deal with it.

Anyway, just wanted to share my GREAT news. 🙂

TMI over.

Update: I did end up getting my period 6 days late. Bummer. I’m not going to erase the above because I want to show the joy I would feel without my period.

This week I…

Music of the week: Jess Glynne, Selena, Alicia Keys, Priscilla Ahn, Britney Spears, Sabrina Carpenter, Miranda Lambert, Vanessa Carlton

TV of the week:  The Fosters, Veep, basketball

Movie of the week: none

Book of the week: The Things We Wish Were True by Marybeth Mayhew Whalen

Planner update: This week’s layout in my neutral Erin Condren planner:


Plans for the Weekend: I get my professional photo taken on Saturday morning. I’m a little nervous. The timing is the 1920s or something near that time and women wore dresses all the time back then, so I probably have to wear a dress. I LOVE wearing maxi dresses (lol), but what if the dress is too short and shows my unshaven legs???! As long as my legs aren’t in the photo, I don’t really care. They provide wardrobe and accessories. I hope I get to pick something I like.

Other than that, I’m working. I’m getting up at 5 AM on Saturday and Sunday to work full days. I gotta do what I gotta do.

Thanks for reading and have a great weekend! 🙂