Why is this devil on my shoulder?

I hesitate to be happy about this. But earlier I was screaming, “THANK YOU UNIVERSE”!! and hugging my dog. Now I’m back to my normal self.

It’s about work. I thought I was doing much worse than I really was. All I had to do was check it on the computer, but I was so scared, and I knew I was sucking so why bother checking? Then today after my monthly meeting with my manager, I finally got the courage to check. I’m doing okay. Unfortunately, it is only ‘okay.’ But okay is enough to keep my job and to keep working from home…for now.

I need to do better, and I need to work so hard constantly. Some days are stressful. Since March 1, I would say 75% of the days are stress-fests. I’m going to tap to lower the stress. I hope that works.

Depo-Provera update: I spoke too soon about the acne. I broke out over the weekend. I thought it was because I was tapping so much and rule #1 of acne is: don’t touch your face. Tapping involves A LOT of face touching. I also have very sensitive skin, and I’ve been using a new cleanser and blah, blah, blah.

I think it is the DP that is causing the breakouts. I’m not too concerned about it. When I go out on Wednesday, I’m not any wearing makeup, but when I go out on Saturday, I will. Btw, I mean concealer and foundation when I refer to makeup. That is all I wear. I doubt I ever start wearing makeup all the time. It is too time consuming and messy, and I don’t care that much.

AND I have a never ending period. My unscientific theory is: my period will eventually stop forever because I’ve had it so much. 😉 This kind of sucks BUT my period isn’t heavy at all right now so I’m thankful for that. I was able to get on my treadmill for two days in a row!! I don’t exercise when I have my period (usually), so I consider this a win.

Well, I gotta go work on my to-do list. I hope we don’t get any snow. I don’t think we will. I just want to be able to go out on Wednesday and mow my lawn on Thursday. So no snow!! Thank you.


I have time to blog this evening because there still isn’t work at my part-time job. 😦 I truly am enjoying this break. I’ve been really stressed out since October. But I’ve had more than a week off, and I’m ready to go back. Sigh.

These past two days I’ve been sucking at food and money. Fuck. I had a bad food day today. I ordered delivery. That affects my money. And then I ordered a printer. It wasn’t expensive but ugh! My dad gave me $50. That’s gone. It went to the printer. Anyway, I spent all yesterday evening trying to fix my other printer. I didn’t fix it. Obvs.

And my boss (full-time job) is making threats of making us work in the office! I was stressed out this morning after hearing that news. I don’t think my dog would deal well with me going to work every week day. He’s used to me being here all day. And when it is really cold (usually during January & February), I often don’t have water. So I would either have to go to my mom’s to shower or shower at the gym at work. What a headache.

That job is so stressful. I know some people have jobs that aren’t and I consider those people lucky. But I’m going to do my best. Whatever. I’m not in the mood to blog so I don’t know why I’m blogging. I was in bed finishing up The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin. I have about 10 minutes left.

The Grammy nominations were…I don’t know what to say. I probably won’t watch the Grammy’s next year. I think it is funny  interesting that Frank Ocean said he was going to boycott the Grammy’s and then he ended up getting NO nominations. Justin Bieber’s album had a few good singles, but the album of the year? LOL. I’m not a hater. I just never listened to him before last year.

I do love that Maxwell’s song Lake by the Ocean got nominated for Best R&B song. Just when I wonder what the hell they are doing, they do something right. I love that song. Boring nominations overall. There’s nothing to be excited about. Am I supposed to care who wins between Beyonce and Adele? Because I don’t.

I’m devasted by the Oakland fire. Anytime someone is just going to a club or a concert or anything music related, and something like this happens, I just feel so bad for the deceased. I know bad things happen all around the world all the time, but there is something about music that just hits me more.

Quick post. I’m going back to finishing up my book before I get too tired. Before I go, here is a great James Baldwin quote:

The American Negro has the great advantage of having never belived that collection of myths to which white Americans cling: that their ancestors were all freedom-loving hereos, that they were born in the greatest country the world has ever seen, or that Americans are invicible in battle and wise in peace, that Americans have always dealt honorably with Mexicans and Indians and all other neighbors or inferiors, that American men are the world’s most direct and virile, that American women are pure. Negroes know far more about white Americans than that…


Update: I finished the book. Now onto my other reads…

Nowhere left to hide

It was/is near 70 degrees, and I would’ve loved to have taken my dog to the park. I chose to work instead. I’m a bad pet mom. 😦 It will start getting cold next week. Well, I consider 50 degrees cold. It will get colder than that during the winter. Anyway, I was off from my FT job these past three days. Nice break. But I worked at my PT job instead so not much of a break.

Good news for my finances! I found a great place to get my car inspected. The total charge was only $15.00. THANK YOU UNIVERSE. I was sooo scared. I thought it would cost hundreds because I know there are issues with my car.  Now I can work on my debt paying off plan. My car payments end in 2 months (or less?). I cannot wait. I need the extra money.

Speaking of money…I ended up making $475 for my work in October (part-time job). I’m going to try to make more money in November. BUT the project I’m working on will end around mid-December. Then I have to wait for who knows how long until the next project comes around. I’m hoping it is less than 3 months until we get work again. With the extra time, I might go crazy and read a book! What a concept.

Random: My mom and I were talking about NYC, and I remembered I went into Trump Tower and she didn’t go in. She always hated him! ROFL. I was underwhelmed by Trump Tower. I even posted a pic of the inside of the building in my NYC photo album and wrote on Facebook “waste of time.” I love that area of NYC though.

WARNING! I’m going to geek out on planners for a bit here. I love my Luxe Erin Condren Life Planner. I paid a lot of money for it. It is working great, so there’s no need to buy another planner. However, (you knew that was coming) I did buy a goals planner from Michaels on Wednesday, and I love it.

Everyone knows I’m a goal oriented person. I used to blog about my monthly goals here, but now my major goals are so personal, I no longer blog about it. I’m using the goals planner as a journal, budget planner, and it will just be a place where I can redo my life. It has a daily habit tracker. It has a space for monthly goals. I love it. The only thing I don’t like is the pink cover. I hate pink, so there’s that.

Why do I get so excited about planners? haha. It’s great to be excited about something, and I only paid $15.00 for it with a 50% off coupon. I hadn’t been to Michaels in at least 6 months. That outing was the only sort of fun thing I did on my days off.

This week I…

Music of the week: Emeli Sande, Jess Glynne, JoJo, Alicia Keys, Miranda Lambert, Mariah Carey, A Tribe Called Quest, Ellie Goulding

I was just thinking “no concerts this summer” but John Mayer finally released his new single. John always comes here so I might have to consider going to see him for the THIRD time. Not sure. It might depend on how much I like his new music. Otherwise, I’m going to try to abstain from concerts and maybe save money for better vacations.

Miranda Lambert’s double album comes out tomorrow (Friday)!! YAY. I saw her in concert before she was famous and I haven’t seen her since. Tempting…this no concert thing might not work.

TV of the week: The Crown,  basketball

Ugh. The Washington Wizards suck so far this season. But the Lakers are doing better than expected. 🙂

Movie of the week: none

Book of the week: The Things We Wish Were True by Marybeth Mayhew Whalen (on page 68)

Planner update: Plans of the week in my neutral Erin Condren Life Planner –


Plans for the Weekend: WORK. (shocking!) I also have quizzes and tests to take for my class. I’m behind with that. Sigh. I’m so glad Thanksgiving is next week. I thought I would never say that. But to have 4 days straight of no full-time work. Yay! And then I have December 1 and 2 off too. I’m not taking a lot of time off during the beginning of 2017. I want to make sure I have PTO for my birthday vacay in May. We (my dog and my mom) are going to stay at a state park cabin and also visit the beach. I haven’t been to the beach in 3-4 years.

Thanks for reading and have a nice weekend.

Won’t be last forever

So the manager I interviewed for in July emailed me on Thursday. He has the same position open, and he wanted to talk salary and benefits. In July, I was ready to move on from my job. Now I’m not feeling the same. It has been 3 months since I looked for a full-time job.

Anyway, he hasn’t emailed me back yet, and I don’t think I will hear from him. I responded with basically a one sentence email saying I was still interested. He could probably tell that I wasn’t enthusiastic about the job. I just wanted to know the salary they would offer. I doubt it is as much as I make now. They are a nonprofit. That says it all.

I would love to work for a nonprofit, but they don’t offer a very valuable benefit: working from home. It’s hard to top that. Plus, it is a salaried position. I don’t like salaried work because I would work way more than 40 hours a week and not get paid ‘fairly.’ I know myself, so that’s not going to work. AND I have the part-time job that takes a lot of my time so I’m not sure I could commit to a time-consuming full-time job and still work my PT job. My PT job offers valuable experience, so I don’t want to give it up.

That’s that. It was weird to hear from him after all that time, but I kind of thought it would happen. I bet their first choice didn’t work out. Oh well.


I didn’t get my period!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!%^1!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

Okay, so it is only this one time, and I’m only five days late, but I’m NEVER late. Never, ever, ever.  I’ve never skipped a period. It looks like the stress of having two jobs is paying off in more ways than one. 😉 I didn’t get my period. I cannot stress how happy this makes me. I finally feel like the universe is looking down on me and saying, “I’ll give this girl a break.”

I think it’s stress. I’ve been working nonstop, and I haven’t been sleeping much. Who knew there would be a wonderful benefit to that? Unfortunately, I will probably get it next time. Bummer. But I’ll take what I can get.

I just want to shout to people: I DIDN’T GET MY PERIOD. But that would be strange. I wish I would never get periods again. I can’t wait until menopause hits. Unfortunately, I have a couple of decades for that. 😦

I should probably look into birth control to see if it would lessen my periods, but I’m afraid it would make the situation worse. I’ve never been on birth control.  My periods have only been troublesome the past 2-3 years so I never seriously looked into trying to skip it. If I worked outside of the house, I would have been to the doctor and requested something. But since I work at home, I just deal with it.

Anyway, just wanted to share my GREAT news. 🙂

TMI over.

Update: I did end up getting my period 6 days late. Bummer. I’m not going to erase the above because I want to show the joy I would feel without my period.

This week I…

Music of the week: Jess Glynne, Selena, Alicia Keys, Priscilla Ahn, Britney Spears, Sabrina Carpenter, Miranda Lambert, Vanessa Carlton

TV of the week:  The Fosters, Veep, basketball

Movie of the week: none

Book of the week: The Things We Wish Were True by Marybeth Mayhew Whalen

Planner update: This week’s layout in my neutral Erin Condren planner:


Plans for the Weekend: I get my professional photo taken on Saturday morning. I’m a little nervous. The timing is the 1920s or something near that time and women wore dresses all the time back then, so I probably have to wear a dress. I LOVE wearing maxi dresses (lol), but what if the dress is too short and shows my unshaven legs???! As long as my legs aren’t in the photo, I don’t really care. They provide wardrobe and accessories. I hope I get to pick something I like.

Other than that, I’m working. I’m getting up at 5 AM on Saturday and Sunday to work full days. I gotta do what I gotta do.

Thanks for reading and have a great weekend! 🙂

No place I’d rather be

A week from today, we will have President Trump!! 🙂 🙂 🙂 Um, that is sarcasm, but don’t be shocked. I’m not shocked by the Hillary email “scandal.” I said (out loud to my dog) that something would happen prior to election day to Clinton and I still think something else is going to happen. This wasn’t a huge deal. I was thinking something more damaging.

Anyway, I’m not in a great mood because I told my freaking therapist to cancel tomorrow’s session and she didn’t. They left a voicemail yesterday to remind me I have an appointment. Why can’t people just do their job? Fuck it. I’ll go. I wanted to call to cancel, but isn’t that short notice? See, I give a damn, and that’s the problem.

Ugh. I don’t wanna leave my house. EVER.

/end whine fest

Adele is a smart woman.  She said not having children is brave and in some circles, it IS. I don’t go around thinking of myself as brave because I never wanted kids, so it wasn’t some hard choice. I do get a tiny bit of pressure (very tiny). But I’m not married (thank Buddha). I don’t have friends. Who would expect me to have kids? Everyone knows I’m not a people person. So…no shock here.

But yay, to Adele for getting it. She has a child, and it is so rare for parents to get it. They are all “This is the best thing ever” (yeah, right) and “Now my life has meaning.” I can’t even go into all that crap. Blah, blah.

“Actually,” she says, “I think it’s the bravest thing not to have a child; all my friends and I felt pressurized into having kids, because that’s what adults do. I love my son more than anything, but on a daily basis, if I have a minute or two, I wish I could do whatever the fuck I wanted, whenever I want. Every single day I feel like that.”

Yeah, I can do whatever the fuck I want. Wait. I have to work 24/7. Other than that…Seriously I’m so thankful to have work. SO thankful. But I’m thinking of taking a day off from my part-time job. It’s probably not the best decision since this isn’t year round work and I need the money*. I have been working 7 days a week. And I’m growing weary. I need a break.

I may take election day off because that will look like a reason to take a day off. (We set our own schedules). I hope I don’t NEED to take that day off due to a long line at the polls. I highly doubt that happens. That would suck. I have to work my full-time job, btw. So I dunno. A break would be nice, and I might make it next Tuesday. Stay tuned. 😉

*Good news!!! I’m making $465 for October’s work. Yay! I always said if I had a part-time job, I wanted to make a minimum of $300 a month because that is what I need so I accomplished that goal. I know Susie makes more by just breathing, but I’m not Susie.

So much going on this week. Therapy, vet and I’m having the professional photo taken on Saturday.

Gotta get back to my FT job. Bye!

BREAKING NEWS: I’m back. Adele also said “I’ll have no man telling me to shave my fuckin’ legs. Shave yours“. AMEN!

Yes, yes, yes!

I’m stronger than I feel

Uh, oh changes are coming at work (FT job). In a couple of months, I’m pretty sure they will need fewer people. Maybe this is when my part-time job experience will come in. Except I only started in September. Most jobs require a minimum of 1-year experience. I’m just not going to worry too much about it now. As long as I have my PT job, I feel like I have options. I’m not freaking out as much as I normally would.

It looks like my check for October will be a little over $300 (PT job). Monday is the last day of the month, so I still have time. I will work all day on Saturday and Sunday. My certification course is on a back burner for the next two weeks. I might try to sneak a little course work in if I’m sick of working. Btw, I have definitely done more than $300 of work, but that’s the way it goes. I’m a newbie. I’m supposed to be making $1,000 a month.

When people talk about being excited for Xmas, I just want to scream. It’s the same for people who LOVE the cold. ugh. So annoying. Yes, I hate the holidays, and I hate the cold, so the upcoming time of year sucks for me.  Speaking of the weather, it is going to be 82 degrees on Sunday. Not bad for the end of October. I’ve always hated the cold, but the cold for me is especially bad these days. I don’t have water when it gets really cold. My electric bill is around $270 a month during the winter. I could go on.

I’m so jealous of the millions of people that can vote early. I see some of these people still have to stand in long lines so I shouldn’t be that envious. I should have voted absentee and used my “severe anxiety” as the reason. They would have let me done that, but I would feel weird about it. Anyhow, I didn’t think the lines would be long because I thought people hated Trump and Clinton.

This week I…

Music of the week: Lady Gaga, JoJo, Jess Glynne, Ariana Grande, Meghan Trainor, Miranda Lambert, Ellie Goulding, Jennifer Nettles

So excited for the Miranda Lambert double CD coming out in November! 🙂

TV of the week:  Survivor, The Divorce, basketball

I have free HBO until the end of the year, so I tried The Divorce starring Sarah Jessica Parker. I didn’t enjoy it. I watched two episodes.

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week: The Things We Wish Were True by Marybeth Mayhew Whalen and Ashley Bell by Dean Koontz

I don’t have time to read right now, so I don’t know why I downloaded the Dean Koontz book from the library. I used to love Dean Koontz. I haven’t read a book of his in a decade.

Planner update:  Plans of the week in my Erin Condren life planner:


Plans for the Weekend: I sound like a broken record, but I’m just working this weekend. I do have to go to the post office on Saturday. These next two weeks will be very busy, and then I have 3 days off from my full-time job in mid-November.  I have a lot of time off coming up because our company changed its time off policy, so I have about 6 days off during November and December (not counting holidays).

Have a nice weekend!

Don’t be killing my vibe

ROFL! My check on October 15th will be for $40! hahaha. I was planning on paying off debt and opening a new savings account for taxes. Um, nope. I didn’t know I was only being paid for work done during September. Thanks for telling me. I was in training during September. That is why my paycheck is so low.

This made me realize how much I NEED the money. Now I have to wait until November 15 to really get paid. 😦 The good thing is that I will be getting a much bigger paycheck next month no matter what.

I need to work my ass off until October 31. My therapist suggested  I take a day off once a week. That’s laughable. I can’t afford to take a day off. Days off are for people who can afford it.  Once I reach my money goals (could take a couple of years), then I will rest. I need to work while I can. It’s not like this PT job is year round work. The company has down time.

Rest is a luxury…but I will continue taking my daily nap. 😉 That can’t go away.

I recently found out that my insurance company won’t pay for Abilify the same way anymore starting in 2017. I get it for a really low copay now, so I understand. I’m confused about what this really means. I guess I can get the generic version, but I think my copay will still go up. That sucks. I just want to be able to get it still somehow.

Prior to Abilify, I couldn’t get out of bed at one point. I could go to work, and that’s about it. I was really depressed. Abilify saved my life! I’m scared to go off it even though I might not need it. I would rather pay more money for it than risk it.

This week I…

Music of the week: Jess Glynne, Jojo, Solange, Andra Day, Little Mix, Ariana Grande, Frank Ocean

Song of the week by Jess Glynne

I’m so late with Jess Glynne. Where have I been?? I have no idea. Liking the new JoJo and Solange. I haven’t listened to either enough to have a strong opinion.

TV of the week:  Survivor, presidential debate.

Movie of the week:  I finished the Amanda Knox documentary. I don’t know whether she’s guilty or not. I know it sounds bad to say I don’t care, but I don’t lose sleep over it. I don’t understand the fascination with this case, and I’m a true crime person aficionado.

Book of the week: Still reading The Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions of Overeaters Annonymous I’m only 23% through it.

Plans for the Weekend: Um, work. I only have to go out on Sunday to pick up my prescriptions. I plan to get a lot of school work done and work at my PT job.

Gotta get back to work. Hopefully, I can have a dance party later tonight like I did last night even though I was so tired.

Have a fun weekend! 🙂