Boom. Gone.

Thank G-d I was rereading Wayne Dyer’s Your Sacred Self on Saturday. If I had not been, the day probably would have been a disaster.  Instead I was calm and forgivable. I understand that she is just acting this way due to her circumstances. I get that. But that doesn’t mean I’m not going to vent. 😉

She has no patience anymore. She’s irritable almost all the time. She is resentful. If I were living her life, I would probably be the same way or maybe worse! So I do get it. What this has taught me is to never be in that situation. Don’t give your life to someone else. That is just a recipe for misery and resentment. In most cases but not always, there is a better solution.

What if I thought in black and white? What if I didn’t understand that people just react to their circumstances?*  What if I just cast her off as a mean person? What if I thought this was who she really was? What if I judged her harshly instead? I’D BE GONE. That would be a huge loss to her because I do a lot for her.

I will admit that I do see less of her because she is almost always stressed out. And I don’t need that. I don’t want that. etc.

*I should say regular, non-enlightened everyday folk…like me!

I rarely reread books but Your Sacred Self used to be one of my bibles. I recently brought the Kindle version because I can’t find my print edition (and I was desperate for inspiration). That sucks because I had so many passages outlined in that book. Now I’m highlighting again as I go along so I can have the quotes on my Kindle. Btw, I brought the original from Barnes & Nobles so I won’t be able to buy it for a low price using Amazon’s matchbook service. I can’t wait for that to start. I check the site daily.

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This new manager thing is UGH! He sent me a cryptic email after I agreed to work OT tomorrow. I didn’t even want to work it but I just did it so maybe I could get a day off in November. Doing things for the wrong reason is always a bad idea. Anyway, I just want a day off in the future. This no time off thing is not working for me. Tomorrow is going to be a looooong day and I don’t even thinks he wants my help even though he asked for it. (???)

Frustrated.

I am also frustrated with the wheat free thing. I am doing wheat free and no processed foods. All of a sudden I’m sick of all the food I’ve been eating for the past 5 weeks. I need new breakfast options or I might quit. I don’t know. I will never eat bread again but I am questioning how bad wheat really is for me. I do believe the research but I might just ignore it. 😉

And I was thinking of doing a wheat free, sugar free cleanse. ROFL. Not happening.

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I’m a bad girl, I must admit it

I’m confused. Is it just heartburn or chest pain? I don’t know what heartburn feels like and the internet is of no help. “Burning feeling”?  Nah, it just feels like a sharp tingling in the chest. I used to have these chest pains ALL THE TIME  as in daily about a decade ago. Then it stopped. As soon as I go wheat free, the chest pains start back up again. (No I don’t really think there is a correlation but it is um, interesting). It doesn’t last that long. I don’t know how to describe it better. A sharp pain is a decent description. When it happens, I can’t do anything but wait it out. It hurts to breathe. It is kind of scary.

I think I will treat it as if it were heartburn and see how that works. I know if I go to my PCP, she will say heartburn and put me on some medication for that so I’m not planning on going to the doctor as of now. I’m just going to not nap after I eat and see if that helps. (Being in a reclining position doesn’t help heartburn). I love my naps!

I think it is probably related to an ulcer or maybe heart disease. Not heartburn. But that is just a guess.

A lot of people have these marvelous feelings after going wheat free…even after only a week! My jeans feel a little bit looser. And that is about it. Well on some days I do feel less hungry. (Wheat makes people want to eat more).  I haven’t noticed higher energy levels. My skin is still breaking out (as it has since puberty). I went wheat free and all I got was chest pains!  Whatevs. In October I’m getting things like my blood pressure, cholesterol and glucose levels checked for free. I hope to see good results.

I haven’t had chest pains in 48 hours. Go me??

I have cooked a little more. I feel lame for admitting this but I cooked quesadillas for the first time yesterday. Why have I never done this before? What is easier than making a quesadilla?  Unfortunately I like wheat tortillas better than corn tortillas. I can’t have the wheat ones anymore. Woe is me. 😦  I probably need to cut back on the amount of cheese I’m consuming being that I’m lactose intolerant and all. Ya think? But I brought a bunch of cheese for another recipe I have decided not to make so I have a lot of cheese which means: lots of quesadillas.

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I think I figured out the weird “neighbor” incident. He blames me for my real neighbor not being able to sell his house!  I wish I hadn’t told him anything. I told him I was only renting. I also told him I worked at home and he did not believe me. So much for all the online articles that say, “Working at home is more common than ever!” because no one freaking believes that I actually work at home. Anyway, fuck. I would feel bad if I hurt a chance for him to sell his house.

I just don’t like being blamed for EVERYTHING. There is a term for this…I can’t remember it right now. In the office, I was always blamed for stuff that was no one’s fault because I’m was not part of the group. The black sheep gets a lot of flack even when they have done nothing wrong. I blame groupthink too.

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I feel like I just ‘blogged’ about absolutely nothing but this about my life so……

Give me fire

I might be going to see John Mayer in concert again!!!!!! Tickets go on sale on Sept 20. Barring anything financial stopping me I will be buying a ticket. I can always sell the ticket if I have to. I saw him in 2010 for the first time. I had a great seat to see him in a small venue in 2012 but he had to have throat surgery and the show was canceled. The show isn’t until December. YAY. Exciting. I’m just glad he is coming back.

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I made the wheat free mini pizzas. I would not recommend them if you are trying to lose weight. It is one of those wheat free but not healthy foods. I WILL NOT be eating these regularly. The pizzas tasted soooo good though. It was better after putting it in the fridge and microwaving it the next day. Here are the pictures:

step one
step one
finished product
finished product

I didn’t exactly follow the recipe from the book “Wheat Belly”. (<—recipe there) For two pizzas, I used:

  • 2 wheat free pizza crusts
  • 3/4 of a 1lb of beef
  • 6 slices of mozzarella cheese
  • 4.5 oz marinara sauce
  • a little bit of Parmesan cheese

I baked it for about 20 minutes. Of course I cooked the beef first. I would have used pepperoni but I could not find them at Kroger. I would like to try a dairy free pizza. The best thing about being wheat free is that I am no longer eating processed food as a part of my diet.

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I had a weird encounter with a neighbor on Labor Day. Well I don’t really consider him a neighbor. It would take me about 15 minutes to walk to his house. First he just came into my yard on his scooter like it was his place. I was mowing the lawn. Boundaries people! He acted like I had to talk to him. Like he deserved answers from me. I HATE when people do that. #1 You aren’t a neighbor. #2 You don’t have the right to know shit.

But I was nice. I even said something I would never say without the other person saying it first. “Nice meeting you”. I don’t know where I got that fake BS from. It just popped into my head and I actually said it! What I did love was that he didn’t say it back. LOL. Keeping it real. I like. 🙂

What really bothered me is he said some “devilish” stuff was going on. Um, okay. I have nothing to do with that. I stay in my house. I don’t talk to anyone. I bother no one. I think I have one real neighbor (The wife died before I moved here. I think the husband or someone lives there. All I know is that the house is for sale).  I felt like he was accusing me of something. Whatever is going on, it isn’t my fault. I live 15 minutes away from you. We aren’t even neighbors. WTF are you even here for?

He also insisted that my car was gone at night. HUH??! Unless someone is stealing it every night and returning it (nicely) in the morning, my car is not gone overnight. So strange.

The whole thing bothered me. If I had kids or an outdoor pet, I would  swear they must be bugging someone. I don’t even go outside that much! I’m only outside to go to my car, mow the lawn and occasionally read on the porch. I don’t get it.

People. Can’t live with them.

Money moves everything

I’m sad today. It is usually such an exciting time: the beginning of college football. I saw people in the store so excited over the games even the cashier was talking about it. If you read my boycott or watch football post, you know I’m not joking about my sadness. After I posted that, I decided to boycott football. Just typing that entry made it clear to me that I can no longer watch the games. However, I will allow myself to watch highlights on Sportscenter until I’m completely over the sport. Right now I’m watching tennis. I love the US Open but it isn’t the same. 😦

I volunteered at the animal shelter yesterday. I walked the two sweetest dogs. I was feeling pretty good as I was leaving until I got this: “You quitting this early, huh?” – an animal shelter staffer. He was also walking dogs. Sigh. Fine I only stayed 30 minutes. (15 minutes for each dog). Without the treats, which were hidden in a back room, I wouldn’t have been able to get the dogs back in their kennel. I still suck at getting them in and out. The last thing I wanted to do was try a THIRD dog and press my luck.I did not want to tempt the gods. I am going back on the Friday after next and I will stay for an hour. I will walk 4 dogs. Hopefully that pleases everyone because I aim to please! 😉

cookbooks
cookbooks

I went book crazy in a totally bad way. I brought wheat/gluten free cookbooks.  Ugh.  I’m not a cooker. I didn’t grow up in a house where people cooked. I have tried this thing called cooking. I do not have a knack for it.  I have baked a little (cookies, muffins, cake…) but everything else I suck at. Cooking is a foreign language to me but I am determined to try. Wheat free is stricter than gluten free so I’m just using the gluten free cookbooks for ideas.  It’s not like I’m eating completely healthy though. I still eat baked potatoes, food with corn starch, and diet soda. GASP! Not soda??!

The books I foolishly brought were:

I also did what I wasn’t supposed to do. I went to Kroger and brought wheat free food. I know, I know. But seeing all the stuff I read about in my cookbooks on the shelves at Kroger…I had to buy some things. Shopping at Kroger was like shopping at Whole Foods or Trader Joe’s. Who knew? Anyhow I’m most excited about my wheat free pizza crusts. YAY! I know I’m supposed to make them from scratch but like I said, I’m not a cooker. I can’t wait to make pizza.

I also brought eggplant. WTF am I supposed to do with that? I have had eggplant parmesan before and I have always had this fascination with eggplant but I don’t know anything about how to prepare it. It is pretty though. 😉

Stay tuned. I will post anything I “cook”. Hopefully I will be able to make a pizza soon. I’m not sure I have all the ingredients.

Weekly

Music for the week: John Mayer, Macklemore, The Civil Wars, Selena Gomez, Jillette Johnson, Sara Bareilles, Dia Frampton, Tara MacLean

TV for the week: Grey’s Anatomy, Big Brother 15, US Open

Movie of the week:  none

Books of the week: the cookbooks mentioned above, Gluten-Free Made Easy As 1,2,3: Essentials For Living A Gluten-Free Life by Angela McKeller, Learning to Bake Allergen-Free: A Crash Course for Busy Parents on Baking without Wheat, Gluten, Dairy, Eggs, Soy or Nuts by Colette Martin (not a parent but still may be helpful)

Goals for next week: Go to a yoga class. Clean the living room and kitchen. Enjoy Labor Day. Cook, cook, & cook.

I can’t go back to the way it was

Sign that I’m not old: I liked Miley Cyrus’ VMA performance.*

Sign that I am old: I didn’t watch the whole award show. I even fell asleep before it went off. And I haven’t tried to see what I missed.

*I know about the racial issues of the performance and all I have to say is that she is a 20 year old white chick. 20 years old is about 15 for someone in show business. I can assure you Miley is clueless! No, that doesn’t make it okay…but I can can give Miley a break. I wonder if she even knows about the racial controversy? I’m guessing the answer is no…not yet.  Soon a journalist will mention it to her and she’ll get defensive.

(And no I’m not some Miley Cyrus fan. I never watched her show on Disney. I don’t know most of her music. I will admit I LOVE her song “We can’t stop”. I can’t even imagine Rihanna singing it after hearing Cyrus sing it….tangent?)

I remember when the VMAs were everything to me. It used to come on in September then (before 9/11). The good old days. Okay, I’m old.

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Me: I’m going to stop eating wheat.

D: What? I thought they said that was healthy!

Sigh. Exactly. I wish I could talk her into going wheat free with me, just because it’s healthy but I won’t even try. Not eating wheat for most people is a huge change in their diets.

I lost about 1.5 pounds without exercising 🙂 (I skipped the gym last week). I now weigh 134. I was so sure I had gained weight. I would like to think this is because I’ve gone wheat free. I do believe that eating right is probably the key to losing weight…not exercising. But I will continue to exercise because it has other benefits. I just got back from another double gym class session. I’m not doing Body Step anymore. I’m done. Recently I’ve been questioning doing Body Pump (weightlifting). My biceps and triceps are so weak. I just feel like I’m struggling through the class and not getting the benefits.

I don’t know.

I have to admit that this whole thing is a little stressful. Does coleslaw from the deli have wheat in it? There isn’t a definite answer, of course. People say instant coffee has wheat but when I read the ingredients I see nothing wheat related. UGH. I’m just a little confused.  Then there are things that are gluten free but NOT wheat free. SCREAM!!!!!!!!!!!! Some labels have “contains wheat”. I wish every label would have that. It would make shopping so much easier.

I’m not giving up but I’m frustrated. I’m worried that some of the things I’m eating do have wheat.  I’ll get it…one day. I’m trying. And I’m still concerned about the cost of this. Eating healthy is more expensive than not eating healthy.

P.S.

The wheat/gluten free cereal I mentioned in my last post is pretty good. I mean it is cereal, it is good for cereal. I’m going to try the infamous Chex gluten free cereal next. I have never tried Chex so I’m not sure I would even like the regular kind.

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I’m going to volunteer at the animal shelter tomorrow. NERVOUS. This will be my first time. The place will be open to the public. Who knows how many people will be there? I can’t think too much about it. I will walk two dogs and get out. 15 minutes a dog. Baby steps.

File under random: I’m addicted to the Monopoly Millionaire app. I didn’t think I would like it because when it comes to Monopoly I am a traditionalist but this game is pretty cool (and quick to play). I freaking love Monopoly.

Ain’t nobody looking for me

Correction: I’m going wheat free, not just gluten free.

I know I said I wouldn’t buy any “gluten free” foods but I forgot I already eat gluten free protein bars. And I decided to try a gluten free and wheat free cereal because it was on sale. I’m not a cereal person but if I’m going wheat free, I want options. I’m geekily excited about this cereal.  (The name is Nature’s Path Organic Sunrise Crunchy Maple cereal). I hope it doesn’t disappoint.  I’m officially going 100% gluten/wheat free on September 1. I still have some food to get rid of. I’m giving some food away but some food I want to eat.  This week I’ll be going 100% wheat free on some days and on some days I’ll be naughty during breakfast. I’m going grocery shopping tomorrow for food for the next 3 weeks. No wheat or gluten foods!!!  I will do a post on my wheat free meal plan in a couple of weeks.

The hard part will be when I have to go back into the office for two weeks. I don’t know exactly when this will be. Probably in September. Anyway, I have the hardest time with eating while I’m there. I’ll probably be consuming protein bars. Oh and I’m so glad the big can of protein shake I have is gluten/wheat free. Whew! I thought I was going to have to sell that at a flea market. 😉

I’m not doing this just to lose weight. I’m doing it to become sane. Will it get rid of my PTSD/panic attacks? That would be awesome. Of course I’m not really in the environment that caused the panic attacks so it may be hard to tell. If it helps others with autism and schizophrenia, it may help me with something.

I don’t know if I’m allergic to wheat. My stomach almost always hurts or feels funny. That is normal for me. Growing up I was lactose intolerant (and probably still am) and I was always having stomach issues. Obviously something isn’t right. It could be IBS or just high anxiety. I don’t know.

Warning: I will be blogging about going wheat free a lot.

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While on the topic of foods, here are my guinea pigs favorite foods (in order) :

1. parsley/grass (tied)

2. lettuce

3. carrots

I should eat more like them. Of course they always have their hay and pellets. They don’t love cucumbers but they will eat them. They are not crazy over strawberries. I ended up eating most of those myself. For breakfast they get lettuce, hay and pellets. Dinner is carrots, cucumbers, and hay. The nighttime snack is parsley.

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Weekly

Music for the week: Chante Moore, John Mayer, The Civil Wars, Selena Gomez, Jillette Johnson, Casey Abrams, Dia Frampton, Tara MacLean

TV for the week: Grey’s Anatomy (back to season 1), Big Brother 15 (It would be a spoiler if I mentioned who the new HOH is but I am so thrilled with who won!)

Movie of the week:  Titanic

Books of the week: Wheat Belly: Lose the Wheat, Lose the Weight, and Find Your Path Back to Health by William Davis & The Virgins by Pamela Erens

Goals for next week: focus on becoming wheat free. Come up with some sort of meal plan. Volunteer at the animal shelter (scary!). Continue going to the gym.

I had two stress free days at work (today and yesterday). It is amazing how much more I enjoy everything when I don’t have the pressure of work. It used to be like this all the time. That is when I enjoyed my job. Now…not so much. I loved these past two days though. I could breathe.

I’m going to go and have a wheat free dinner. 🙂