Let the games begin

Countdown:

8 days before I leave for Los Angeles (!!!)

On Wednesday, the water came back on in my house! I lived 10 days without water. I wouldn’t recommend it. I hope it doesn’t happen again. I’m so thankful. That is a little miracle.

I’m going to try to pack as much as I can this weekend. Most of the electronics I can’t pack in advance, but I can pack most of my clothes etc. I also have to write down addresses to everything in LA. I feel like that might be old school, but that’s how I do things. I need to have it written down and not on my phone. This is my final itinerary:

Friday –

Saturday –

OMG! I just found out that the talk I’m going to will be live-streamed. People can pay $20 to watch. Um, I was considering standing up in front of all those people and asking Gabby a question, but now that I know it will be live-streamed. FUCK! I’m not doing that. This is probably for the best. I don’t know what to do now. I probably won’t ask my question. I’m kind of sad about that, but do you know how scary it is to stand in front of hundreds of people and share your deepest secret?

I don’t even know how scary it is cause I’ve never done it. I can only imagine. Well, that changes things. I kind of wish she had did this up front. Maybe I wouldn’t be going to LA? But I do want to do the things I listed above. And I do get to get my book signed and blah, blah.

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8):  Marren Morris, Ke$ha, Lea Michele, Lorde, Demi Lovato, Kelly Clarkson, Pink, Sam Smith

My next and final entry before I go to LA will probably be my top 17 albums of 2017. Coming one day next week.

TV of the week:  Mindhunter, PLL

I didn’t love Mindhunter. I love serial killers and true crime. I read all about them. But I didn’t get the TV show. It was watchable, but nothing special. With that being said, I will watch season 2 if there is one. 😉

Movie of the week: I’m insane. You already know that. I downloaded 8 movies for my LA trip. haha. I’m only going to be gone for 3 days. Yes, I live on the east coast but the plane ride isn’t that long. Anyway, I only paid for one movie, the rest I got free from Amazon Prime. Here are the movies I downloaded onto my Kindle Fire SD card in case I get stuck somewhere:

  • Capote (tried reading the book, couldn’t finish)
  • Sherrybaby (seen. loved it.)
  • Sliding Doors (seen a long time ago)
  • The King’s Speech (paid for. Never seen it).
  • Dirty Dancing (seen, but not recently. This would be perfect for falling asleep to in the hotel)
  • Amy (haven’t seen it. It is an Amy Winehouse documentary)
  • The Secret (read the book a few times. Haven’t seen the movie).
  • The Dressmaker (Haven’t seen)

I’m most excited about The King’s Speech. I plan to watch it on the plane ride from Chicago to LA. If it isn’t good, then I can just switch to a reliable movie like Sherrybaby or Dirty Dancing. That’s the plan.

Podcasts of the week:  I’m trying to limit my podcast listening this week and next week so I can have stuff to listen to at the airport or on the plane. 8 movies and books aren’t enough. I need podcasts too! I did listen to All In With Chris Hayes, Don’t Freak Out, and The Mental Illness Happy Hour this week.

Books of the week: Well, since I’m talking about what I’m taking to LA, I think I’ll keep it going here too. My main focus will be reading A Course in Miracles (when I’m not watching movies, or listening to podcasts. ha!) I’m taking my highlighter with me and I plan to read and highlight while I’m at the airport and on some flights. I’m such a geeky planner. I plan everything!

I already packed What Remains by Carole Radziwill in my carry on purse. I will probably only get to that if I get frustrated by A Course in Miracles. And I have about 30 books on my Kindle e-reader. I want to take more 3D books, but I know that’s NUTS. If I sit still and do nothing on a plane or at an airport, I guess I think I’ll die or something.

Now reading –

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Get to Work Book (coming Sunday)

Plans for the Weekend:  On Saturday, I’m going to the bank to get one dollar bills for my trip. I need to tip the shuttle driver (apparently). I’m going to finally take my test on Sunday morning around 7 AM. On Monday, I’m working overtime in the morning.  I’ll just be very pleased if I get everything packed that I can pack this weekend.

It is going to be warm today through Saturday so I’m hoping to make it to the park all 3 days. We (my dog and I) went to the park for the first time in about 2 weeks on Tuesday. It was about 50 degrees and everyone was there.

Thanks for reading! I appreciate it. Have a lovely weekend! 🙂

 

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Fuck, I hate the cold

I haven’t had water since Saturday. Last winter I didn’t lose water for one day! That’s how mild of a winter we had. It’s only the beginning of January and I have no water. 😦 I hope one of my pipes hasn’t burst. The year before last, I would lose water when it was very cold and the pipes hadn’t burst so I’m hoping for the best.

One of my coworkers lost everything in a fire (including her pets) and I’m whining about water. I am sending her something this weekend. This is what we should send money for. Not National (insert title here) Day.

Now onto the countdown:

2 days until I see Marianne Williamson speak

15 days until I’m in Los Angeles to see and meet Gabby Bernstein

I’m so not ready for LA. It’s like it’s not happening. I don’t think I will ever travel for a short trip during the winter. It doesn’t matter that where I’m going is warm. It’s cold here and I’m in a little funk. Like a lot of people, I get depressed during the winter. It also doesn’t help that I went off Abilify for 22 days.

I would stay on Abilify until March, but I would need another prescription. I’m not sure I want to do that. My appetite is back and everything is pretty normal. I haven’t made an appointment with a new psychiatrist yet. Well, I did call and they want me to leave a voicemail. I will call again for sure next week. I will leave a voicemail if I have to.

One thing about Gabby: Yes, I am nervous about meeting her and I have considered not meeting her. They say you should never meet your idols. But she’s just a normal person, right? So why shouldn’t I meet her? One person who idolizes her says she wasn’t very present when she was telling her something meaningful. She’s human like the rest of us. She shouldn’t be idolized by anyone. She’s not better than me or anyone. I do consider her one of my spiritual teachers (along with Marianne Williamson). And I would like her to sign my book. In order for her to sign my book, I have to meet her. haha.

Putting her or anyone on a pedestal is dangerous. Yes, I’m kind of going 3,000 miles to LA for her but I’m also going to just get away and see LA. I figure it’s a win-win. Even if she’s not nice to me or whatever, I have the experience of going to Los Angeles. Gabby or no one can take that away. (Unless I come to my senses and decide not to go. My wallet would thank me for that).

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8):  Taylor Swift, Julie Byrne, Linkin Park, Shawn Mendes, Demi Lovato, City High, Justin Timberlake, Ke$ha

Song of the week:  Cowboy Junkies – Fuck, I Hate the Cold

TV of the week:  The Crown, Mindhunter, news

Movie of the week: I forgot to mention that I watched Personal Shopper a few weeks back. I would only recommend this to Kristen Stewart fanatics. It’s pretty bad. But I watched the whole thing.

Podcasts of the week:  What Should I Read Next?,  Mentally Chill (I got a shout out on this week’s episode. Thanks, Kristen!! Not that Kristen is reading this. lol)

Books of the week: I finished reading When Breathe Becomes Air by Paul Kalanthi. Saddest book ever. It was very hard to read, but also a quick read. I read an article on Paul’s wife in The Washington Post this morning. It made me happy. With that being said, I don’t think it was the best book ever written. It was a good story…if that makes sense.

I read about 29 books in 2017. Not bad. That’s more than I read in 2016. I don’t have a goal of how many books I want to read this year because it depends on if I’m taking a class or working at my part-time job etc.

Now reading –

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Get to Work Book

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Plans for the Weekend: Busy weekend. I was supposed to say NO to overtime. rofl. I said YES again. I will also be working OT on MLK day (a day off). I really need the extra money for the electricity bill. I can’t afford to say no. Unfortunately, they are also offering OT when I’m going to be in LA. I had to say no to that. 😦

Anyway, on Saturday I’m working OT in the morning and then I’m going to see Marianne Williamson speak for 2 hours. She’ll probably talk for an hour and then do a Q & A. Then on Sunday I’m going to two stores to grocery shop. I was supposed to take my test this weekend. It is on hold again because of the OT.

My instructor emailed me to ask me my whereabouts. Haha. In a nutshell, I was going through Abilify withdrawal for a couple of weeks and then I just didn’t feel like taking the test last weekend. And this weekend I’m busy. Got it? I’m just going to tell her I plan on taking the test next Sunday. And I do hope to take it then.

I gotta go respond to the instructor. Thanks for reading. Have a marvelous weekend! 🙂

 

 

Bridges burn, I never learn

Countdown:

1 day until Marianne Williamson’s NYE retreat (via live stream)

9 days until I see Marianne Williamson LIVE

23 days until I see (and meet!!) Gabby Bernstein in LA

I have to say one thing about Marianne’s live stream. I had no idea the times on the website were pacific standard time. lol. Of course, it would be. It’s taking place in LA! Anyway, the start time for Friday will be 10:30PM for me. I will be barely awake at that time. I was planning on taking notes and things throughout the whole retreat. Uh, probably not happening on Friday night. The good thing is that I will be able to see everything else live this weekend because I will be home since it all takes place during the afternoon and night.

Ugh. I look like I’m 6 months pregnant and I haven’t even been eating that much because lack of Abilify took my appetite away. This birth control definitely doesn’t agree with me. But hey, it stopped the bleeding which is more than I could ask for. So I’m staying on for at least a year. Maybe a little less. I don’t need BC so I’m not planning on trying anything after I get off this. I just wanted to stop my period, but I can’t have everything, I guess. ::sobs:: I’m going to be stuck with my period forever. Why have a period for no reason?

I’m feeling much better now that I’m back on Abilify. My appetite still isn’t really back, but I can eat so no complaints. I’m not looking forward to going off again. I get back from LA around midnight on January 21. Do I dare slowly wean myself off starting on January 22?

I’m getting excited about Los Angeles even though I shouldn’t be going. LOL. I have a much better itinerary then what I posted last time. I’m not going to the beach on that Friday. Here is a rough itinerary as of today:

Friday: Griffith Observatory (all afternoon/evening)

Saturday: downtown LA (morning), Gabby Bernstein (afternoon/evening)

I know that doesn’t sound great to a lot of people. But I would be very happy to get to do just those things. Downtown LA is a lot. I want to explore all of downtown in about 4 hours. Btw, I’m so scared to find out how far the Observatory is from my hotel. I know I would probably not plan to go if I knew how much an Uber would cost. So I’m not checking for now because I really want to shut that place down. 🙂 It closes at 10 PM.

I kind of want to go to In-N-Out Burger. We don’t have one here. I should have my appetite back fully by then.  It is very close to the hotel/airport. I just don’t know when to go. There are so many food options. I definitely don’t need to go to In-N-Out.

As long as I make it to LA *on time*, I’ll be fine. When I went to Oaxaca City, there was a plane malfunction and I was stuck in Mexico City for a night. I had to get a hotel.  Then on my way back from Vegas, I missed my connecting flight. But that wasn’t a huge deal since it was on the back. I’m not going to be in LA long so there’s no time for delays. I can’t stand hearing about planes turning around or flight delays right now. It makes me anxious. What if I miss Gabby? I’ll die!

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8):  Taylor Swift, Kelly Clarkson, Demi Lovato, Mariah Carey, Ariana Grande, City High, Julia Michaels, Laura Marling

I have a like/love relationship with Taylor Swift’s music. It should be hate/love because some of her albums I hate. But her latest album I’m loving which is a shock to me. I was so disappointed when I first heard it.

My top 17 albums of 2017 is coming in January. 😉

TV of the week:  The Crown, The Jump, House Hunters, basketball

Movie of the week: none

Podcasts of the week:  The School of Greatness with Lewis Howes, All In With Chris Hayes, The Lively Show, Mentally Chill, Don’t Freak Out

Books of the week: 

Now reading –

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren

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Plans for the Weekend: Besides “attending” the Marianne New Year’s retreat, I’m taking my mom out to eat for her birthday and that’s about it.

Oh, wait. I thought that was all, but I just found out that I’m working overtime this weekend. I wanted to say NO so bad, but I really need the money. It’s cold and my electric bill is going to be sky high so I have to work the OT. I hate winter. Last winter was mild so I figured this winter was going to suck and so far I’m right. My house is so cold, I feel like I may as well be outside.

I feel bad for the homeless people. We have at least one shelter that opens at 7PM. But you need a referral (??) and they don’t give out food. I hope everyone can fit. I have no idea how big the place is.

It’s going to be so cold on NYE, Kool & The Gang canceled their concert!! I like Kool & The Gang and thought that would be a nice concert, but there is NO WAY I would want to be out at midnight on NYE in the cold. I didn’t know it was going to be this cold. And I think the people in NYC are nuts for waiting for the ball to drop in the freezing cold. Nothing could make me stand out there.

Have I mentioned how much I hate the cold? Maybe I should go on? I need to move somewhere warm all the time, but there aren’t that many options in the US. Texas is one option I kind of like. For now, I want to stay in the States. Later on, I would consider leaving the US.

Thanks so much for checking in. Have a great weekend! 🙂

Today was okay

I’ve been off Abilify for 22 days. I wish I had documented what happened last time. I know I was barely functioning and had suicidal thoughts. I went back through my blog to try to find out when what happened when. It was exactly a year ago that I went back on Abilify! I had no idea. Why do I keep going off it during the winter months? Not smart. Anyone can be depressed. There is barely any sun.

Tuesday was great after 9AM. I was even happy!! Yesterday sucked all day. I’m having physical and mental symptoms. The nausea is the worst. I ordered something OTC for that. I hope it works. I’m also having headaches, but they aren’t that bad. My digestive system is also a little messed up. I went to the store to get something for that today.

Today was okay. It was definitely better than yesterday. Today was average. No real highs or lows.

The depression is not severe. I’m not having suicidal thoughts. If I were, I’d be back on Abilify. The plan would be to stay on Abilify until I get back from Los Angeles and then wean myself off slowly. My psychiatrist said I didn’t need to wean myself off, but the internet is saying something VERY different. Thanks a lot, doc!

I’m trying to push through it. But if lack of Abilify affects my work or I get suicidal, I will go back on. I wasn’t very productive at work yesterday. 😦  And I can’t go to LA depressed. What would be the point? I have to feel better before January 19.

I was thinking I don’t like who I am on Abilify, but I don’t like who I am off of it either. Who wants to be depressed? On Abilify, I lack inhibition. I want to be like I used to be before I started the drug. I was frugal. I didn’t need STUFF. I was careful.

Honestly, I’d be happier if I could just eat breakfast. I can’t stomach anything until after 8. I start work at 6. I get up at 5.  If I eat at 8, I’m less productive at work because I’m supposed to be working.

I’m trying to document what being off Abilify is like this time in case I have to do it again after I get back from LA. This is my way of saying that I might be blogging about Abilify a lot.

At this point, I’m still going to LA even though I don’t have that Friday off yet. I forgot that we were supposed to be trained sometime in 2018. What if that Friday is a day of training? There’s NO WAY I’m going to cancel my trip just due to one day of training. I’ll just have to miss it.

UPDATE: I now have that Friday off. I’m coming back at midnight on that Sunday night. I will probably ask for that Monday off. Not sure.

You know what I get excited about when it comes to my trip? Being in the hotel. LOL. Forget LA and Gabby Bernstein. I just want to enjoy the hotel. It’s a weekend getaway. A 3,000-mile weekend getaway. I’m so glad I changed the hotel. Now I know I’m getting something very nice. This is where business people stay. Since it is a business hotel, I wish they would offer a shuttle to downtown, but they don’t. I don’t even mind paying for it. I’ll just use Uber.

Birth control update: I STOPPED BLEEDING. WOW!!!!111!!! 😉

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8):  Joan Osborne, Linkin Park, Taylor Swift, Pink, Ariana Grande, Ed Sheeran, Jasmine Thompson, George Micahel

TV of the week:  Homeland, The Affair, Survivor, The Crown

I have pretty much stopped watching the news. I don’t care about Russia and that is all cable news covers. Well, recently they have been talking about taxes nonstop. It is so boring. Not interested.

Movie of the week: none

Podcasts of the week:  All In With Chris Hayes, Mentally Chill, Ryen Russilo Show, A Killing on the Cape, The Lively Show

Books of the week: I finished reading Only Love Can Break Your Heart by Ed Tarkington. It is a coming of age story. I didn’t think I was going to like it. I love movies like that, but I rarely read books on that topic. It was a 4-star book. Better than average, but not great.

Now reading –

I have decided on what 3D books I’m taking with me to LA. I’m taking A Course in Miracles and a book I’ve been trying to finish forever: What Remains by Carole Radziwill. I didn’t want to take ACIM because it is so thick. But a plane ride is the perfect time to be “stuck” with the book. I’ll get a lot of reading done.

As far as Kindle books goes, I have a ton of books on my Kindle I haven’t read and hopefully, I will have library ebooks by then.

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren (coming Sunday – Xmas theme!)

Plans for the Weekend: Unlike a lot of people, I had to work all week. I’m off on Monday, of course. I’m looking forward to just going to the park. It is going to be 70 degrees on Saturday and then it all goes downhill. I really want to get my living room cleaned up. Nothing exciting.

Oh, I’m supposed to take my test on Sunday but I might change that. I talked to one of the professors on the phone. It was awkward on my end, but she gave me resources so I can really grasp this stuff. So I spent $80 on that. Hopefully, it will be here soon.

Thanks for reading. Have a wonderful weekend! 🙂

I’m always running from my life

Good news: I’m off Depo Provera! Of course, it won’t leave my system for a while.  She put me on another birth control. This time it is a pill. The only problem is that I don’t swallow pills so if it says, “don’t crush” I am so screwed. She didn’t tell me the name of the pill so I can’t research it. She sent the prescription straight to my pharmacy.  I’m going to pick it on Saturday. I just hope I can crush it and that it works to stop my period.

UPDATE: I picked up my BC pills today. She put me on Bilsovi Fe. I can’t tell if they are chewable or not. PLEASE God let them be chewable. That would be so great! This is what I like the best about this pill:

After several months on treatment, bleeding may be reduced to a point of virtual absence. This reduced flow may occur as a result of medication, in which event it is not indicative of pregnancy.

I don’t like the “several months” part, but maybe since my body is still on Depo, it won’t take that long. Or I might be doomed and have a period forever. blah.

She asked if I wanted an ultrasound to see if I had fibroids. I was thinking “YES!”, but then she mentioned that it would be painful. Um, I don’t voluntarily do pain so that’s a no. I had no idea that an ultrasound would be painful. I’m so glad she mentioned it before I agreed.

Abilify update: I was able to eat a light breakfast this morning and drink coffee! So maybe I’m not doomed. I’ve been off Abilify for about 16 days. I can definitely tell a difference, but I’m not extremely depressed. I just hope this lasts. I don’t want to start back up again. But I can’t go to LA depressed. I just can’t.

I was hoping my dog would get to stay with my mom during my trip, but he’s being boarded. 😦 I know he hates the vet so leaving him there will suck. It’s also another expense, but whatever.

I just canceled my downtown LA hotel and I’m so sad. I really, really, wanted to stay downtown. Now I’m stuck near the airport.  There seems to be nothing of interest within walking distance. This changes my whole trip. BUT I do get free shuttle service to the airport and to the hotel so that will save me some money. I will probably go downtown via an Uber. Since I’m not staying at the other hotel, I don’t have to worry about the noise from the nightclub. YAY.  The hotel is very nice and I got a decent deal.  Wifi isn’t free. Bummer. I’m not sure I’m going to pay for it. At this point, I’m leaning towards not paying for it.

My sad itinerary is as follows as of today –

Friday: Manhattan Beach

Saturday: Downtown LA, Gabby Bernstein

That will probably change. I’m not sold on going to the beach even though I love the beach. I was supposed to be exploring downtown LA both days.

I’m trying to do my packing list. It is so long. I’m only taking my purse and a carry on suitcase. Most of the things I’m taking are small. Do I really need 2 Kindles? I’m serious because when I went to Las Vegas, my Kindle battery died and that sucked. I hate long plane rides. Hate them. I’m going to buy The King’s Speech (a movie I’ve been dying to see for years) for the plane ride. I also have Psycho which I’ve seen about 50 times.

I’m going to download a bunch of podcasts on my iPad. Yes, I’m taking my iPad too. Of course! However, I’m not planning on taking a laptop. I think 2 Kindles, a cellphone, a real book and an iPad is enough for a plane ride.

I go from being excited about LA to blah. It is a little overwhelming. But I went to Las Vegas alone and Mexico alone. If I can handle Mexico City’s airport, I should be able to handle anything. Mexico City’s airport was crazy!! I said I would never go through there again.

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8):  Pink, Paramore, Taylor Swift, Ke$ha, Kelly Clarkson, Tim McGraw, Demi Lovato, Ed Sheeran

TV of the week: basketball, news, Homeland, Vanderpump Rules

Movie of the week: I watched Weiner last night. I didn’t think it was as great as most people seem to think it was. I thought it was sad. I was rooting for Anthony Weiner when he ran for mayor of New York…until the second set of photos and texts were released. Sad documentary and now he’s in prison.

Podcasts of the week:  A Killing on the Cape, All In With Chris Hayes, The Lively Show, Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations

Books of the week: Now reading –

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Get To Work Book

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Plans for the Weekend: I’m staying in! Woohoo! I did everything I had to do on my 3 days off. I’m probably going to stress a little more about LA. Now I know it wasn’t a good idea. I think I was on an Abilify ‘high’ when I decided to book everything. Now I’m back to reality. Not smart. :/ Oh well. I’ll blog more about this next time.

Thanks for reading! Have a great weekend. 🙂

What the fuck did I just do?

I am dying. This is real BREAKING NEWS: I am going to see Gabrielle Bernstein live in Los Angeles on January 20!!!! Hotel booked. Flight booked. Gabby booked. Am I nuts or what? ROFL.

This is insane. I’ve never been to Los Angeles. I’ve never been to California. The closest I’ve been is Las Vegas. I can’t believe it. WTF? This isn’t just about Gabby. Well, I wouldn’t have gone to LA without her book signing thing (more on that later). But I kind of wanted to get away NOW instead of doing Kripalu in July. I’m very sad that I’m not attending Kripalu in 2018. 😦 I really, really, wanted to go. But the price is so high.

Oh, and I also got a VIP ticket. Hahaha. I had to, right? All I get is 4 copies of the book and what am I going to do with all those copies?? I get priority access to her book signing. I am going to meet Gabrielle Bernstein. And there are two other online workshop things I get for the VIP thing.

The 4 books thing is nuts. I already have the Kindle version coming on January 2 and then I’m probably going to get the Audible version because I have a credit and I don’t know what else to buy with it. Then I’m going to have at least one book signed by Gabby. That book I’m keeping forever. Obvs. The 3 other books…not sure. I don’t want to give people books called The Judgement Detox because they might think I think they are judgemental. Lol. I’m not doing that. I will probably just leave one with a note somewhere, and maybe a kindred soul might find it.

WHO CARES ABOUT THE 4 BOOKS? I just booked a trip to see Gabby Berstein in LA!!! Is that not crazy?

Btw, it’s not just a book signing. She is giving a talk and doing a Q & A. Gabby is my favorite motivational speaker. It’s a blessing to get to see her speak live. The book signing is after the talk.

I’m staying in downtown LA because I want to be able to walk to where I want to go. At this point, all I’m planning on doing is walking to The Grammy Museum and The Staples Center (30-minute walks). Everything else I want to do is much closer. I’m going to the Grand Central Market and the LA River. That’s it. I’m not going to be there long, and I’ve never really wanted to go to LA. So I don’t feel like I’m missing anything.

Yeah, I could have seen Gabby in NYC, BUT I’m going to see Marianne Williamson on January 6. I couldn’t do both. I thought about canceling Marianne since it is easy to do but I really want to see her talk in person.

Anyway, I’m insane, and I’m going to LA on January 19 for two nights. 🙂 I still can’t believe it. Do people do shit like this? What is going on? Okay, I’ll stop. I will have more to say about this when the date gets closer. I will provide links to my itinerary and stuff like that later. I know people can’t wait (<— sarcasm)

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8): Taylor Swift, Kelly Clarkson, Pink, Sam Smith, Ed Sheeran, Tim McGraw, Demi Lovato, Halsey

TV of the week: basketball, news, RHOBH, Survivor

Movie of the week: None

Podcasts of the week:  A Killing on the Cape, Pop Shop Podcast, True Crime Garage, All In With Chris Hayes, The Lively Show

Books of the week: I didn’t get to finish reading all of  What Happened by Hillary Rodham Clinton. From what I read, it is a great read. I skipped over a lot of the parts on Russia because I’m so sick of hearing about Russia. Other than that it was enlightening.

Now reading:

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren

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Plans for the Weekend: Who cares? I’m going to see Gabby Bernstein in LA!!!111!!! Can I be more obnoxious? Yes, I can but I won’t. I have 3 days off next week! YAY. I’m going to get Showtime for a week and watch everything I can before I have to cancel. lol. I finished shopping for December 25th. Thank the Universe. I still have to buy my mom one small thing for her birthday, but other than that I’m done with gifts. I bought my dog a $10 toy for Xmas. That might be normal for some people, but that is absurd for me.

I still have school work to do. I must blog about this dismal course later. It is not looking good folks. Lots to say about this.

Quick Abilify update: I’ve been off Abilify for 8 whole days. I think I feel okay, but sometimes I feel a hint of a wave of sadness if that makes any sense. So I dunno. Will blog about this later too.

I’ve got to read my Bible and get ready to listen to a podcast so I can fall asleep. It took all afternoon for me to book everything and I’m a nervous wreck right now. I better go.

Have a wonderful weekend! Thank you for reading. 🙂

Find the courage to start over

**************BREAKING NEWS************** I am now off Abilify. I’m taking at least a two-week break because that is when I’m going to the doctor. I’ve been off Abilify for 3 days now. Don’t be shocked if I start blogging about suicide. I sincerely hope that doesn’t happen. I hope I don’t get depressed like I did last time I went off the drug. I also couldn’t eat until after 10AM last time.

Note to self: The last day I took Abilify was on Tuesday, November 28th.

I have an appointment on December 14th with my OB/GYN. I’m going to tell the doctor that Depo-Provera isn’t working for me. Last time she suggested adding another birth control to the DP (!!). But maybe I can switch to something totally different. Whatever works.

I just got back from my final dog training lesson. LOL. I’m not sure it was worth $200. This lesson lasted only 20 minutes (!!) because we couldn’t find any dogs. Well, we did find one owner with two dogs, and I was able to keep my dog from reacting. However, the problem is that the park I go to has narrow trails. I HAVE TO pass dogs in narrow spots, so I think this was a waste of money. Of course he is going to react to a dog that is very close to him.

I’m going to keep on trying though. It is so frustrating to consistently fail at something though. I may just give up one day. But for now, I’m going to keep on using the slip lead whenever we go to the park.

UGH! I was so sloppy with the job thing I mentioned in my last entry. I sent a bad cover letter just because I wanted to respond. Not a good idea. What if I really want to work for this company one day? Sloppy!! WTF was I thinking? I shouldn’t have responded at all. But I had this silly idea of “if it’s meant to be…” ugh! I’m disappointed in myself, to say the least.

On a better note, I watched Gabby Bernstein’s live stream last night and OMG I felt like I could conquer the world. I have to build on that. I did sign up for her new Judgement Detox course. Between Gabby Berstein and Marianne Williamson, I should be ready for the new year.

My issues are do I want to leave my job? Move?  I do want to move somewhere where snow isn’t an option. I love where I live (most of the time), but I hate the winter, and sometimes we get snow. I don’t like snow. I don’t want to deal with it. I need green pastures and warm weather. All. The. Time. 🙂

I have so many ideas. I wrote some of them down, and I probably will share them once I finish. I can live here and be content. Winter isn’t that bad. There are more important things like do I want to give up working from home for an office job or an outdoors job? I love working at home. Love it. I am willing to give it up for a job I feel passionate about.

Gabby inspired me so much last night. I could go on and on about all the ideas I have. I think my main thing is to concentrate on is a budget. In fact, I’m working on a budget for December tonight in my new binder. 😉

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8): Ke$ha, Paramore, Lorde, Pink, Shawn Mendes, Demi Lovato, Kelsea Ballerini, Kelly Clarkson

TV of the week: basketball, news, RHOA, Survivor

Movie of the week: None

Podcasts of the week:  True Crime Garage, All In With Chris Hayes, The Rachel Maddow Show, Fresh Air, Wrongful Conviction (<–awesome podcast)

Books of the week: I’m focusing on reading What Happened by Hillary Rodham Clinton (great read and I’m not the biggest HRC supporter), Only Love Can Break Your Heart by Ed Tarkington and Be the Pack Leader: Use Cesar’s Way to Transform Your Dog and Your Life by Cesar Millan. I only have two days left to read Clinton’s book before it expires. 😦 I don’t think I’m going to finish.

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Get To Work Book

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Plans for the Weekend: If I didn’t have packages to pick up from my mom, I wouldn’t have to drive anywhere this weekend. I don’t mind going to my mom’s house though. I’m off next Wednesday. I wish I was staying home, but I’m doing December 25th shopping. I just want to get it out of the way on a weekday when it won’t be so crowded.

The most important thing is that I have a test on Sunday morning. I have been delaying this test for weeks because I haven’t felt ready, but now I’m going to try to tackle it. On Saturday, I’m studying all day. What fun.

Tonight I’m taking a night off from studying since I had to go to dog training. I’m going to work on my budget and work on Gabby Berstein’s Judgement Detox course. She has a lot of worksheets I need to print out, so that is what I’ll be doing so I can just do the course without interruptions.

Have a great weekend! Thanks so much for reading. 🙂