I gotta draw a line

I’ve decided to not go to yoga on this Thursday. 😦 I have my period. It is very, very, light. However, a lot of Kundalini yoga has to be changed for a person on their period (or pregnant). I would rather just go when I don’t have my period. I wouldn’t be able to do all the heavy breathing and all that. I plan to go on the 20th assuming my period is over.

The good news is: my period is light!!! Hallelujah! I’ve never had a period this light before. Of course, it could last forever, but I don’t really care. I can still mow my lawn and get on the treadmill, and that’s all I really want to do. I guess the Depo is doing its job. That’s was quick.

I had a weird interaction with a “neighbor.” She told me she lets her pit bull run free and she doesn’t want my “little dog” to get hurt. Um, WHAT ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE? Does her dog only attack other dogs? Other people walk around there all the time. I’m sure she doesn’t stop her car and says anything to them.

I’m guessing she just doesn’t want me walking around there. I walked right past her property and walked right back. The whole walk was 17 minutes. I know this because my Fitbit told me. I didn’t stand around. (I hate when people do that). I was just walking my dog.

Whatever. I will still walk in the area. But I will not walk past her property. I always walk on the road, so that is public property. I made sure to not even LOOK at her house. It’s hard to explain all this without going into detail of how the houses are. Anyway, I hope I don’t see her for a while. I take my dog on 4 short walks a day. So chances are that I will see her eventually.

Of course, she could get into real legal trouble if she allows her dog to run loose and attack people or dogs. I’m not buying it. I think she is just trying to scare me. A bullying tactic. *sigh*

I think I know what I’m doing next year for vacation. I’m going to Kripalu! It’s in Massachusetts. I will have to fly into Albany, NY and take a 20-minute taxi ride to get there. I’m so excited. I wanted to go this year, and there is still a very small chance I will go this year. But I’m pretty much giving up on it happening. I have to work half a day on the day I would have to fly there, and it would pretty much take a miracle to make it there in July. (I do believe in miracles, so it’s possible).

More about Kripalu. They have all kinds of retreats. 300 acres. Yoga classes. etc. I would probably go for Gabby Bernstein if I could have my number 1 choice. Her retreats are only 3 days, and that’s more affordable than a week long retreat. She announces it pretty early so I should be able to get the time off from work. Man, I wish I could go this year. I could really use a retreat.

Maybe it was meant for me to find out about it this year so I could start planning for next year. Next year I was going to go nowhere or to the beach. I wanted something inexpensive. Well, Kripalu changes that. I think I went to Mexico for less money than the cost of Kripalu. Why do they have to be in Massachusetts? It’s so far away. Not that I don’t want to go there (during the summer only). I bet it’s nice (um, during the summer only – lol).

So yeah, That’s the plan. Kripalu and Gabby here I come…in 2018. Can’t wait.

You’ll never see

So yeah,  I’m a Chris Hayes fan. 🙂 What is there not to like? He is the smartest human on earth, he likes all kinds of music,  and he is a sports fan. That is the perfect person. hah. I’m still on cloud nine. We had four interactions…I think. Who’s really counting? (ME!) Chris answering my questions really made my day.  I know people must have been rolling their eyes at my stupid sports and music questions but that is what interests me. Plus he talks about politics and policy all the time.

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Yeah after finding out my job is probably going to outsourced, I needed a pick me up. REALLY BAD. Sigh.

Sucks to be me. oh g-d, this sucks. really sucks.

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I thought I would blog because I’m really angry about how people with social anxiety are treated in society. Where are our retreats? Where is our help? I would love to help people out…but I need help. LOL. I have social anxiety. It is on the extreme end. *I* can’t be the person. So who gives a shit? Is anyone going to do something?

Oh right, no one cares about people at the bottom. People have their own problems. blah, blah, blah. I just see this big opportunity and no one is doing anything. They could be making money. People with social anxiety tend not to make a lot of money (or are unemployed) because they have social anxiety. So an expensive retreat won’t do. I would so go to a social anxiety retreat NOW…before I lose my job. But I can’t pay much. You know job being outsourced and all.

I know someone can do something. The person would have to be well versed in social anxiety. They can’t think it is shyness. SA is not simply shyness. I am shy and I have SA. Yeah, double fucking whammy. I must be blessed.

I’m so worked up right now. I want to shake people. DO SOMETHING. SA is debilitating. Do you know how many of these people can’t get a job (economy doesn’t matter)? A life coach and a retreat could be beneficial. We need to be with other people like us. I could set up a meeting but I’m not talking. That’s not a joke. No. Me don’t talk to humans.That’s where the life coach or counselor comes in.

I’m asking the people who do talk to help us. Offer your services. If it is on the east coast and I have the means I’ll be there. I know a lot of people with SA would be terrified to go so this wouldn’t help everyone. But maybe some of us will be transformed (okay  maybe one person out of the group…) and be able to help others.

I just hate how we are overlooked. In America, we can’t get disability. I don’t want to NOT WORK. I would be more depressed and suicidal.

I’m at the end of my rope. I put in 12+ years in the workforce. It has been so hard. If I lose this job, I want to die. Last night I wanted to kill myself. Not now but when/if I lose my job. I’ve given this life a fight and I’m done. This world wasn’t made for people with social anxiety.

Unfortunately I can’t just kill myself. I don’t want to get into why but I wish I could. I don’t have kids. I should be able to kill myself but I feel obligated to stay for one reason. Just one reason. But I don’t want to fight anymore. I’ve fought for everything I have. I’m tired. I’m done.

Why isn’t there help for us? Why are we overlooked. These are rhetorical questions. I know why. I’m just sick of it.

Social Darwinism.

I feel like I’m yelling into a barrel because hardly anyone gets it…except US.

If there was something I could do to help others, I would. If anyone with SA is reading this, there may be a support group in your area. I live in a good sized city and there is nothing where I live.

Edited to add: This all came about after seeing an awesome life coach led retreat on TV prior to posting all this.

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Off topic: I just want to say again that I do not read my @s on Twitter because I’m scared. That’s really it. I don’t want to see mean tweets from strangers. I’m sorry if I’ve missed nice tweets. I don’t check. So if you’ve tweeted me and/or followed me and I have said nothing, it is because I don’t check who is following me. I just tweet when I have something to say that can be said in 140 characters. I do follow a lot of news and sports people. That is how I get my news. It isn’t personal.

Wow long twitter rant. sorry.