I did one thing right

I have New Year Eve weekend plans!! Woohoo! I’m attending a weekend retreat by Marianne Williamson. No, I’m not attending live in L.A. I will be in my house viewing via live stream. Laugh if you must. It’s not cheap (unfortunately), and it took a lot of thought. To view it via live stream costs almost the same as being there in person. I’m not sure I agree with the pricing, but I already paid for it.

I don’t do New Year’s resolutions. I hate NYE because of the fireworks. (Where I live now that is not much of a problem. Yay!) I’m almost always in bed before midnight on NYE. 95% of the time. I just don’t get the specialness of it. But this year I’m ready for something magical.

I’m not waiting until New Year’s to start anything new. That doesn’t work for me. Why wait? If I know what I want to accomplish, why not start now? However, I do want 2018 to be different. 2017 was okay. The start was rough, and right now, it is very um, I can’t find the right words. Everything is so average. I feel like I’m flailing a little.

Back to the New Year weekend seminar: It starts on Friday night and ends on NYE (Sunday). I probably still won’t stay up past midnight to view the celebration part live. But I’ll watch it the next day. I decided to buy it when Marianne said that people who “attend” the retreat will have permanent access to the videos. Marianne describes it as –

I invite you to join with me for a celebratory weekend of forgiveness and healing, in which we wipe the slate clean of all the emotional bruises that have accumulated in 2017. Whether you wish to heal from personal sorrows or collective anxieties from the past year, or prepare yourself to manifest your greatest dreams in the year coming up, I will guide you through the principles and processes that lift all things to their highest place.

I know this isn’t magic and ACTION must happen. Why not do it with one of my spiritual teachers? I’m excited about it. I’m just glad to have plans for that weekend. I am taking my mom out to eat for her birthday on that Saturday so I won’t be able to watch everything live. But I will try to take the rest of the weekend off and just be present.

After that, I am seeing Marianne Williamson LIVE in my city on January 6. Tickets range from $35 to $50. We don’t get a private reception like other cities are getting. Strange. Anyway, I’m going to try to get a $50 ticket because those seats are reserved.

Unfortunately, she will be talking politics. 😦 I follow politics very closely, and I don’t need someone to preach to me about it. I prefer her talking about spiritual things, but hey, I get to see her live.

This entry is all about Marianne. Gosh, I wish Gabrielle Berstein would do lives events like Marianne does. I relate to Gabby much more. We have/had some of the same issues. We are around the same age. Etc. I would pay ANYTHING for her. Well, almost anything. I’m still not sure on Kripalu. So expensive.

I’m going to add my planner update here since I’m posting today. I rarely blog on Sundays. Anyhow, here is my first week in my new Get To Work Book:

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I can’t wait to start using it daily in 2018.

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Feeling fine and free

I was going to sign my dog up for training classes. I thought it would be a fun, get out of the house type of thing to do. All I do is go to the park every day. Other than that, I pretty much stay home Monday through Friday. Plus, I was supposed to do this 2 years ago to build my dog’s confidence. I just never did it.

However, my dog barks at other dogs he sees at the park. So how could he be in a training class with other dogs? I emailed a training school just to make sure. She said private training was best. That’s what I’m doing. Someone is coming to my house on Tuesday (election day) to do a free consultation. I’m nervous because my dog doesn’t like strangers on his territory. He will bark the whole time. So how are we supposed to talk? I might have to leave him outside during parts of the consultation.

My dog is well behaved at some places like the vet or Petsmart, but he will not tolerate people in the yard or in his my house. And like I’ve already mentioned he misbehaves around other dogs at the park. I’m nervous about the cost. Private training in my house??? Uh, that could be expensive. I would rather go someplace than have the trainer come here, but they don’t do that.

Private training for 1 hour at a place near me is $60 per hour. That is the cost of going to the location. That place doesn’t do in-house training. So I’m assuming that is the least it will cost. The place I choose says they can train a dog to walk properly in 2 hours. I’m hoping 1.) it will work and 2.) it won’t be terribly expensive. If it is too expensive, I will probably try the $60 place near me.

SO…I probably won’t go after Demi Lovato tickets tomorrow. Private dog training, Demi concert and I would like to still go to Kripalu*. I have to cut something, and it will probably be Demi. If I can get a ticket in the first 8 rows, I probably will purchase it. The chances of that happening are very slim. I love Demi, but she’s not one of my top 10 favorite musicians or anything. I just thought it would be fun to go see Demi in DC.

If I do get a ticket, I will update this entry.

*About Kripalu, I have no idea whether Gabby Berstein will hold her workshop there next summer. It is 8 months away. Right now she is focusing on her new book that I’ve already preordered. The book comes out January 2. Anyway, I don’t know whether I can afford to go. I’ve added up everything and the price is almost what it cost me to go to Mexico! sigh. The issue is that I will only go if I have a private room which costs a ton. If I’m going to be around people all day at the workshop and in the cafeteria, I want my own private room to decompress.

I still want to go, but I want to be financially smart too.

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8): Kelly Clarkson, Demi Lovato, Pink, Marren Morris, Carrie Underwood, Michelle Branch, Mariah Carey, Ariana Grande

The new Pink album is really good. I also like the new Kelly Clarkson, but Pink tops that.

TV of the week: basketball, news, RHONJ

Movie of the week: None

Podcasts of the week: Accused, Mental Illness Happy Hour, Missing Maura Murray

I have listened to the Mental Illness Happy Hour for years. I usually listen to it on Friday nights as I fall asleep.  I just started listening to Accused (#late). I’m not sure I like it. I like my true crime recent. I don’t like cold cases as much. I will probably give it one more episode before I give up.

Books of the week: I finished reading The Goddess: A Novel by Swan Huntley. Um, I gave it 3 stars. That is the lowest rating I have given a book this year. I usually don’t finish 3-star books because I have so many books I want to read, so why waste time on an average book?  The book starts off great, but I guessed the ending very early on. I dunno. It was okay enough for me to finish.

Now focusing on reading:

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren

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I have a new planner! I’m using the Get To Work Book for a couple of weeks in 2017 and all of 2018. That means no more stickers. 😦  I love planning with stickers. It is my only creative outlet these days (sad, but true). And it relaxes me. I will still post my planner here and on Instagram, but it will look pretty boring. I’ve been eyeing the GTWB since it has been on the market and I finally decided that is all I need. I’m not spending any more money on stickers even though I use mostly printable stickers so I’m not spending a ton. I can easily go back to my Erin Condren if I want to use stickers for a week or two.

Plans for the Weekend: This isn’t really weekend related but I’m off from work on Tuesday and Thursday of next week. Tuesday is election day, and the day the dog trainer is coming to my house. This weekend I will clean up for the trainer. I don’t have a lot to clean up since I’ve been trying to tidy up as I go, but I hate cleaning.

I’m going grocery shopping on Saturday, and I have a test on Sunday morning. That is all I have planned. I get to play in my new planner!!  🙂 I’m so excited to get it on Saturday. It is at my mom’s house. I send all my bigger packages there.

I gotta go cook food for the rest of this week and next week. Thanks for reading! Have a nice weekend. 🙂

Don’t count me out

I hate the word “shady.” But D is such a shady bitch. I don’t mind the word bitch. ROFL. In case she is reading this: I’m talking about the recent thing with the mail. You think or act like you are so nice, but in reality, you are so ugh. There are no words.


I have a short project to work on (part-time job). The due date is Wednesday! lol. And I don’t even know what the pay is. I know it isn’t as much as my last project. I hope I have something to work on after Wednesday. But I’ll take it.

I’ve been getting back into pretty FUNctional planning. I like stickers more now than I did when I was a kid. Weird, right? Anyway, it is so relaxing for me to plan out my week in my planner. The only part I don’t like is cutting out stickers. I hate that part. I was thinking of getting a silhouette cameo so I wouldn’t have to cut out stickers one by one with scissors but that costs $119. Maybe I will buy it for myself for my birthday.

I love my spread from this week. I didn’t use a kit (yes, full sticker kits exist!) I had to be creative and pull together stuff from my stash, and I have a decent sized stash. Here is my planner spread in my Erin Condren Life Planner:

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I know so many people don’t get the planner thing. But it is so zen. 🙂

I was feeling depressed this week. But today I’m okay. Is it because I’m not taking Abilify anymore? Or is it just because it is getting cold? Or maybe my life is just overwhelming. But when I was working 2 jobs, I could deal just fine. My part-time job (temporarily) ends, and I’m feeling overwhelmed?  Does that make sense? I have more free time, and I feel like crap.

I do feel better now, so I don’t know.  Earlier this week it just felt like everything was going wrong.

I’m so in love with my new HP Envy printer. I’m never getting an Epson again. Hopefully, this printer lasts until I can spend $200 on a great printer.

This week I…

Music of the week: Miranda Lambert, JoJo, Alicia Keys, Ingrid Michaelson, John Legend, Bruno Mars, Jess Glynne, A Tribe Called Quest

I didn’t end up going after JoJo tickets because the “seats” are general admission. I think this may be my last year trying concerts. I’ve been to a ton of concerts over the years, but I think my social anxiety is getting worse when it comes to concerts so I may stop going. But I want to give it another chance before I give up completely.

TV of the week: Gilmore Girls,  basketball

Movie of the week: I watched two decent movies this week – Side Effects and The Runaways (rewatch).  I watched The Runaways again because I’m still in love with Kristen Stewart. 😉 I haven’t seen any of her recent movies.

Books of the week: I finished reading  The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin.  The Binge Eating and Compulsive Eating Workbook by Carolyn Coker Ross is due on Monday, so I better get to reading this weekend. There are a lot of exercises in the workbook.

Still reading  The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein.

Plans for the Weekend:  I was supposed to wrap gifts tonight, but I’m not going anywhere to take the gifts so why rush it? I don’t enjoy wrapping gifts. In fact, I suck at it. I would just use gift bags (and I am a little), but some people are picky and want their gifts wrapped. lol. Instead, I decided to work and blog tonight.

I may go to the store this weekend. I’m out of ClariSpray which is the best thing for my new allergies. I would rather just go to the bank since I don’t have to get out of the car. heh. I can just go through the drive through. I’m definitely staying in on Sunday and working on my class. I hope I have part-time work too.  I hate the cold and this weekend is COLD. I just want to stay in until March.

Have a nice weekend! 🙂

No apologies

I made my last car payment today! AHHHHHH. I’m a pessimist (or a realist as I like to say) so I’m not really celebrating. But I can give a quiet “yay.”

No work for me today or tomorrow.  Today I went shopping for December 25th AKA gift exchange day. I’m done! I went to five stores. I never do that in one day. But I really wanted to get this out of the way. I usually shop online, but this year I did most of my shopping in person. The stores were sorta crowded for a Thursday morning and it is only December 1. Can you imagine how worse it will get? This is why I hate this time of year. I’m trying to get my basics and everyone is doing holiday shopping and crowding the damn stores.

I used to feel like I had to spend a lot for gift exchange day and therefore, I dreaded it. But now I just buy people what they ask for and not much more. LOL. It would be nice to just buy nothing, but I always relent. It’s fine because I don’t go all out or feel like I have to buy anyone something special.

All I’m getting for December 25th is ink pens and hopefully an ink pen case.  I would say that is all I want, but I would love planner stickers. Don’t laugh. But no one knows about the whole planner sticker thing, and I won’t even try to explain. SO I went to Michael’s today and purchased my own planner stickers. Three books worth (over 3,500 stickers!!) . They were on sale for 30% off. I figured everyone is getting what they want for Xmas, I can buy myself something too.

I’m not currently eating compulsively, but then I want to spend. It’s a no-win situation. I’m thankful for people who get it. No one’s perfect. I appreciate people with compassion and empathy. I think that is one of the reasons I like to listen to meetings with people who struggle with these things. No judgment (for the most part).

I’m down to 138.2 pounds 🙂  I hate going out like I did today. I was so tempted to grab a burger and fries. But my goal is to be healthy, and I can’t be healthy if I eat that junk weekly. I SURVIVED TODAY with no junk food. I did go to Starbucks to pick up a vanilla iced coffee. Unnecessary calories but I didn’t get a muffin like I normally would.

I’m feeling overwhelmed with my class. I had no idea the last few tests and quizzes are NOT multiple choice. I’ve been doing great on the multiple choice tests. Now they want me to fill in the blank. *SOB* This is going to be so hard. I’ve had a few “practices” with filling in the blank and I suck at it. I made a 65 on the last practicum.  I have to make at least a 70 on each test. Have to or I won’t be able to move on. No pressure there.

The final exam is multiple choice. It consists of 80 questions, and I have a 4-hour limit. I’m planning on taking it on December 24. I’m dropping my dog off at my mom’s even though he probably wouldn’t be a problem if I kept him. I don’t want to take any chances.

I forgot to mention that I picked up my professional photo. OMG. I love it. haha. I gave it to my mom. Thankfully she loves it too. Now I (we?) have to get it framed. I don’t want to deal with that, but I think she expects me to buy the frame. I don’t know anything about frames, but I’ll do it. I guess.

This week I…

Music of the week: Lissie, Miranda Lambert,  A Tribe Called Quest, JoJo, Kate Voegele, Tori Kelly, The Weeknd, Lauren Aquilina

JoJo is coming! JoJo is coming! And I might go see her…if her tickets are NOT general admission. I don’t do general admission concerts. I’m not a huge JoJo fan, but she’s coming here (no travel for me) and the tickets are only $30. That’s cheap for a concert. She’s not coming until April, but the tickets go on sale next week. I think there is a 50% chance I will try to get a ticket. I can’t make up my mind.

TV of the week: Gilmore Girls,  basketball

I know all the smart people love Gilmore Girls. But I think it’s a little too cutesy. I used to occasionally watch it while it was on, but I haven’t seen every episode, so I’m watching the old episodes now.

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week: still reading The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin and  The Binge Eating and Compulsive Eating Workbook by Carolyn Coker Ross

Just started The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein.

Planner Update: Plans in my neutral Erin Condren planner –

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Plans for the Weekend: Studying and taking a quiz and a test. I should have more work from my part-time job soon. I’m still waiting for the email. I’m getting paid $465 for November’s work. Not bad, but I wanted more. We ran out of work so I couldn’t make more. I’ve been enjoying my time off. Lots of dance parties. 😉

Tomorrow is clean up day. But my main priority is this class.  And hopefully I’ll get work, but I’m really enjoying the break.

Thanks for reading!!

Nowhere left to hide

It was/is near 70 degrees, and I would’ve loved to have taken my dog to the park. I chose to work instead. I’m a bad pet mom. 😦 It will start getting cold next week. Well, I consider 50 degrees cold. It will get colder than that during the winter. Anyway, I was off from my FT job these past three days. Nice break. But I worked at my PT job instead so not much of a break.

Good news for my finances! I found a great place to get my car inspected. The total charge was only $15.00. THANK YOU UNIVERSE. I was sooo scared. I thought it would cost hundreds because I know there are issues with my car.  Now I can work on my debt paying off plan. My car payments end in 2 months (or less?). I cannot wait. I need the extra money.

Speaking of money…I ended up making $475 for my work in October (part-time job). I’m going to try to make more money in November. BUT the project I’m working on will end around mid-December. Then I have to wait for who knows how long until the next project comes around. I’m hoping it is less than 3 months until we get work again. With the extra time, I might go crazy and read a book! What a concept.

Random: My mom and I were talking about NYC, and I remembered I went into Trump Tower and she didn’t go in. She always hated him! ROFL. I was underwhelmed by Trump Tower. I even posted a pic of the inside of the building in my NYC photo album and wrote on Facebook “waste of time.” I love that area of NYC though.

WARNING! I’m going to geek out on planners for a bit here. I love my Luxe Erin Condren Life Planner. I paid a lot of money for it. It is working great, so there’s no need to buy another planner. However, (you knew that was coming) I did buy a goals planner from Michaels on Wednesday, and I love it.

Everyone knows I’m a goal oriented person. I used to blog about my monthly goals here, but now my major goals are so personal, I no longer blog about it. I’m using the goals planner as a journal, budget planner, and it will just be a place where I can redo my life. It has a daily habit tracker. It has a space for monthly goals. I love it. The only thing I don’t like is the pink cover. I hate pink, so there’s that.

Why do I get so excited about planners? haha. It’s great to be excited about something, and I only paid $15.00 for it with a 50% off coupon. I hadn’t been to Michaels in at least 6 months. That outing was the only sort of fun thing I did on my days off.

This week I…

Music of the week: Emeli Sande, Jess Glynne, JoJo, Alicia Keys, Miranda Lambert, Mariah Carey, A Tribe Called Quest, Ellie Goulding

I was just thinking “no concerts this summer” but John Mayer finally released his new single. John always comes here so I might have to consider going to see him for the THIRD time. Not sure. It might depend on how much I like his new music. Otherwise, I’m going to try to abstain from concerts and maybe save money for better vacations.

Miranda Lambert’s double album comes out tomorrow (Friday)!! YAY. I saw her in concert before she was famous and I haven’t seen her since. Tempting…this no concert thing might not work.

TV of the week: The Crown,  basketball

Ugh. The Washington Wizards suck so far this season. But the Lakers are doing better than expected. 🙂

Movie of the week: none

Book of the week: The Things We Wish Were True by Marybeth Mayhew Whalen (on page 68)

Planner update: Plans of the week in my neutral Erin Condren Life Planner –

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Plans for the Weekend: WORK. (shocking!) I also have quizzes and tests to take for my class. I’m behind with that. Sigh. I’m so glad Thanksgiving is next week. I thought I would never say that. But to have 4 days straight of no full-time work. Yay! And then I have December 1 and 2 off too. I’m not taking a lot of time off during the beginning of 2017. I want to make sure I have PTO for my birthday vacay in May. We (my dog and my mom) are going to stay at a state park cabin and also visit the beach. I haven’t been to the beach in 3-4 years.

Thanks for reading and have a nice weekend.

I just keep on running

I called and canceled my three appointments with my therapist! It was scary to pick up the phone. But the usual person didn’t answer the phone, so it was easier to cancel. She did ask if I wanted to reschedule. ROFL. I am never, ever, ever going back to her. That would be wrong on my part…to expect her to see me again.

Besides her office is 15 minutes away and during rush hour it is a little worse. I can easily find someone closer.  I’m leaning towards not doing therapy right now, but I am considering online therapy. I wouldn’t have to leave my house. Score!

The reason I’m against therapy at the moment is because I don’t know what my main issue is. Well, I know what I want to focus on (impulsive behavior), but I know not having friends AKA a support system will come up, and that might derail everything. I would have to tell her about the social anxiety, and she would know that it is severe without me telling her. She would also know about my depression because that is my main diagnosis and I would tell the therapist that.

Anyway, I’m not sure what I want to do. I think I’m going to wait until January if I decide to do online therapy. The first 5 sessions are free through my job.


The system is temporarily down for my part-time job, so I’m going to blog a bit more. I hate when others deny their privilege or don’t acknowledge it, so I’m going to call myself out on my last entry.

I’m privileged to be an American citizen, so I don’t have to worry about Donald Trump deporting me. There are people who registered under DACA and of course they have a right to be fearful. It’s not just them. Undocumented immigrants (not registered under DACA) are also scared because of what Trump has said. I don’t personally have to worry about that. I don’t want to come across as blase or noncaring.

It’s easy for me to have a wait and see approach when it comes to Trump because my life is not on the line. I just wanted to put it out there. I’m fully aware of my privilege in this situation. I do not deny it. etc. etc. etc.

White privilege isn’t the only kind. There’s American privilege. Light skinned privilege (versus dark skinned). Able-bodied privilege. Straight privilege. Male privilege. I could go on. I don’t expect people to be aware of everything and always acknowledging it cause that would be a lot! lol. But to deny it exists is only helping the person who denies it. And that is a pet peeve of mine, so I had to blast myself.

In my defense, I typed my last entry quickly, and I expect the system to be up soon, so I have to go right about now. Instead of updating my last entry,  I’ll post my planner update here:

Here are my plans from last week in my neutral Erin Condren planner:

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Diva o’ the day

I was called the diva of all divas  (by looks only), and D got jealous. The funny thing is that after talking to him, I’m 90% sure he is gay. There is no need to get jealous. I’m asexual. I don’t want anyone coming on to me. I don’t get jealous when it happens to others. Btw, I don’t think I look anything like the diva he called me. I like her, though.

Besides the guy was trying to sell me something. D just got mad because the guy ignored her. Gosh. She is decades older than me. At least, she didn’t get too mad at me.

Anyway, I’m getting a chance to dress up in period clothing and getting shot by a professional photographer! Then I will get a huge photo of myself. ROFL. What am I supposed to do with a big photo of me? Luckily my mom is excited, so I will be able to give her the photo. She wants to display it in her house. How nuts is that? But it is good because otherwise, what would I do with the photo??

I’m annoyed at myself for not saying NO, but when someone calls you the ultimate diva…lol. It is kinda hard to say “no.” I always have a problem saying no even when it costs me money. This will cost me $26 and TIME. I’m more pissed about the time than the money. I could be working. Instead, I will be playing dress up and who knows how long it will take to get the perfect picture? Trust me I will take any pic that is halfway decent. This photo is not for me. It is going to be for my mom.

So it will be a fun experience (hopefully), but I would rather be working. I get my photo taken on November 5.

Update: I read the rules again, and they will provide wardrobe and props and help with all that. But they will only take ONE photo. What if the first one sucks? I’m not a model. Now I feel this pressure because I will feel hurt if my mom doesn’t like the photo. Oh well. My first photo better be good. 🙂

I’m going to add my planner spread from last week in this entry instead of updating my last entry. Here’s last week in my Erin Condren planner:

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I’ve enjoyed my Erin Condren planner. I’ve been using this since July. But I might get a new planner for January 2017. Michael’s is coming out with new planners, and if I can afford it, I think I’m switching. Their planners are much cheaper than Erin Condren plus I can use a coupon. I haven’t been to Michael’s in months because I didn’t want to spend money on this hobby. Not that planning is just a hobby. I have a bad memory. I have to write things down. I’ve been doing it all my life.

I’m going to take a test for my certification class and then I’m working at my part-time job for the rest of the day.