Don’t count me out

I hate the word “shady.” But D is such a shady bitch. I don’t mind the word bitch. ROFL. In case she is reading this: I’m talking about the recent thing with the mail. You think or act like you are so nice, but in reality, you are so ugh. There are no words.

I have a short project to work on (part-time job). The due date is Wednesday! lol. And I don’t even know what the pay is. I know it isn’t as much as my last project. I hope I have something to work on after Wednesday. But I’ll take it.

I’ve been getting back into pretty FUNctional planning. I like stickers more now than I did when I was a kid. Weird, right? Anyway, it is so relaxing for me to plan out my week in my planner. The only part I don’t like is cutting out stickers. I hate that part. I was thinking of getting a silhouette cameo so I wouldn’t have to cut out stickers one by one with scissors but that costs $119. Maybe I will buy it for myself for my birthday.

I love my spread from this week. I didn’t use a kit (yes, full sticker kits exist!) I had to be creative and pull together stuff from my stash, and I have a decent sized stash. Here is my planner spread in my Erin Condren Life Planner:


I know so many people don’t get the planner thing. But it is so zen. 🙂

I was feeling depressed this week. But today I’m okay. Is it because I’m not taking Abilify anymore? Or is it just because it is getting cold? Or maybe my life is just overwhelming. But when I was working 2 jobs, I could deal just fine. My part-time job (temporarily) ends, and I’m feeling overwhelmed?  Does that make sense? I have more free time, and I feel like crap.

I do feel better now, so I don’t know.  Earlier this week it just felt like everything was going wrong.

I’m so in love with my new HP Envy printer. I’m never getting an Epson again. Hopefully, this printer lasts until I can spend $200 on a great printer.

This week I…

Music of the week: Miranda Lambert, JoJo, Alicia Keys, Ingrid Michaelson, John Legend, Bruno Mars, Jess Glynne, A Tribe Called Quest

I didn’t end up going after JoJo tickets because the “seats” are general admission. I think this may be my last year trying concerts. I’ve been to a ton of concerts over the years, but I think my social anxiety is getting worse when it comes to concerts so I may stop going. But I want to give it another chance before I give up completely.

TV of the week: Gilmore Girls,  basketball

Movie of the week: I watched two decent movies this week – Side Effects and The Runaways (rewatch).  I watched The Runaways again because I’m still in love with Kristen Stewart. 😉 I haven’t seen any of her recent movies.

Books of the week: I finished reading  The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin.  The Binge Eating and Compulsive Eating Workbook by Carolyn Coker Ross is due on Monday, so I better get to reading this weekend. There are a lot of exercises in the workbook.

Still reading  The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein.

Plans for the Weekend:  I was supposed to wrap gifts tonight, but I’m not going anywhere to take the gifts so why rush it? I don’t enjoy wrapping gifts. In fact, I suck at it. I would just use gift bags (and I am a little), but some people are picky and want their gifts wrapped. lol. Instead, I decided to work and blog tonight.

I may go to the store this weekend. I’m out of ClariSpray which is the best thing for my new allergies. I would rather just go to the bank since I don’t have to get out of the car. heh. I can just go through the drive through. I’m definitely staying in on Sunday and working on my class. I hope I have part-time work too.  I hate the cold and this weekend is COLD. I just want to stay in until March.

Have a nice weekend! 🙂


No apologies

I made my last car payment today! AHHHHHH. I’m a pessimist (or a realist as I like to say) so I’m not really celebrating. But I can give a quiet “yay.”

No work for me today or tomorrow.  Today I went shopping for December 25th AKA gift exchange day. I’m done! I went to five stores. I never do that in one day. But I really wanted to get this out of the way. I usually shop online, but this year I did most of my shopping in person. The stores were sorta crowded for a Thursday morning and it is only December 1. Can you imagine how worse it will get? This is why I hate this time of year. I’m trying to get my basics and everyone is doing holiday shopping and crowding the damn stores.

I used to feel like I had to spend a lot for gift exchange day and therefore, I dreaded it. But now I just buy people what they ask for and not much more. LOL. It would be nice to just buy nothing, but I always relent. It’s fine because I don’t go all out or feel like I have to buy anyone something special.

All I’m getting for December 25th is ink pens and hopefully an ink pen case.  I would say that is all I want, but I would love planner stickers. Don’t laugh. But no one knows about the whole planner sticker thing, and I won’t even try to explain. SO I went to Michael’s today and purchased my own planner stickers. Three books worth (over 3,500 stickers!!) . They were on sale for 30% off. I figured everyone is getting what they want for Xmas, I can buy myself something too.

I’m not currently eating compulsively, but then I want to spend. It’s a no-win situation. I’m thankful for people who get it. No one’s perfect. I appreciate people with compassion and empathy. I think that is one of the reasons I like to listen to meetings with people who struggle with these things. No judgment (for the most part).

I’m down to 138.2 pounds 🙂  I hate going out like I did today. I was so tempted to grab a burger and fries. But my goal is to be healthy, and I can’t be healthy if I eat that junk weekly. I SURVIVED TODAY with no junk food. I did go to Starbucks to pick up a vanilla iced coffee. Unnecessary calories but I didn’t get a muffin like I normally would.

I’m feeling overwhelmed with my class. I had no idea the last few tests and quizzes are NOT multiple choice. I’ve been doing great on the multiple choice tests. Now they want me to fill in the blank. *SOB* This is going to be so hard. I’ve had a few “practices” with filling in the blank and I suck at it. I made a 65 on the last practicum.  I have to make at least a 70 on each test. Have to or I won’t be able to move on. No pressure there.

The final exam is multiple choice. It consists of 80 questions, and I have a 4-hour limit. I’m planning on taking it on December 24. I’m dropping my dog off at my mom’s even though he probably wouldn’t be a problem if I kept him. I don’t want to take any chances.

I forgot to mention that I picked up my professional photo. OMG. I love it. haha. I gave it to my mom. Thankfully she loves it too. Now I (we?) have to get it framed. I don’t want to deal with that, but I think she expects me to buy the frame. I don’t know anything about frames, but I’ll do it. I guess.

This week I…

Music of the week: Lissie, Miranda Lambert,  A Tribe Called Quest, JoJo, Kate Voegele, Tori Kelly, The Weeknd, Lauren Aquilina

JoJo is coming! JoJo is coming! And I might go see her…if her tickets are NOT general admission. I don’t do general admission concerts. I’m not a huge JoJo fan, but she’s coming here (no travel for me) and the tickets are only $30. That’s cheap for a concert. She’s not coming until April, but the tickets go on sale next week. I think there is a 50% chance I will try to get a ticket. I can’t make up my mind.

TV of the week: Gilmore Girls,  basketball

I know all the smart people love Gilmore Girls. But I think it’s a little too cutesy. I used to occasionally watch it while it was on, but I haven’t seen every episode, so I’m watching the old episodes now.

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week: still reading The Fire Next Time by James Baldwin and  The Binge Eating and Compulsive Eating Workbook by Carolyn Coker Ross

Just started The Universe Has Your Back by Gabrielle Bernstein.

Planner Update: Plans in my neutral Erin Condren planner –


Plans for the Weekend: Studying and taking a quiz and a test. I should have more work from my part-time job soon. I’m still waiting for the email. I’m getting paid $465 for November’s work. Not bad, but I wanted more. We ran out of work so I couldn’t make more. I’ve been enjoying my time off. Lots of dance parties. 😉

Tomorrow is clean up day. But my main priority is this class.  And hopefully I’ll get work, but I’m really enjoying the break.

Thanks for reading!!

Nowhere left to hide

It was/is near 70 degrees, and I would’ve loved to have taken my dog to the park. I chose to work instead. I’m a bad pet mom. 😦 It will start getting cold next week. Well, I consider 50 degrees cold. It will get colder than that during the winter. Anyway, I was off from my FT job these past three days. Nice break. But I worked at my PT job instead so not much of a break.

Good news for my finances! I found a great place to get my car inspected. The total charge was only $15.00. THANK YOU UNIVERSE. I was sooo scared. I thought it would cost hundreds because I know there are issues with my car.  Now I can work on my debt paying off plan. My car payments end in 2 months (or less?). I cannot wait. I need the extra money.

Speaking of money…I ended up making $475 for my work in October (part-time job). I’m going to try to make more money in November. BUT the project I’m working on will end around mid-December. Then I have to wait for who knows how long until the next project comes around. I’m hoping it is less than 3 months until we get work again. With the extra time, I might go crazy and read a book! What a concept.

Random: My mom and I were talking about NYC, and I remembered I went into Trump Tower and she didn’t go in. She always hated him! ROFL. I was underwhelmed by Trump Tower. I even posted a pic of the inside of the building in my NYC photo album and wrote on Facebook “waste of time.” I love that area of NYC though.

WARNING! I’m going to geek out on planners for a bit here. I love my Luxe Erin Condren Life Planner. I paid a lot of money for it. It is working great, so there’s no need to buy another planner. However, (you knew that was coming) I did buy a goals planner from Michaels on Wednesday, and I love it.

Everyone knows I’m a goal oriented person. I used to blog about my monthly goals here, but now my major goals are so personal, I no longer blog about it. I’m using the goals planner as a journal, budget planner, and it will just be a place where I can redo my life. It has a daily habit tracker. It has a space for monthly goals. I love it. The only thing I don’t like is the pink cover. I hate pink, so there’s that.

Why do I get so excited about planners? haha. It’s great to be excited about something, and I only paid $15.00 for it with a 50% off coupon. I hadn’t been to Michaels in at least 6 months. That outing was the only sort of fun thing I did on my days off.

This week I…

Music of the week: Emeli Sande, Jess Glynne, JoJo, Alicia Keys, Miranda Lambert, Mariah Carey, A Tribe Called Quest, Ellie Goulding

I was just thinking “no concerts this summer” but John Mayer finally released his new single. John always comes here so I might have to consider going to see him for the THIRD time. Not sure. It might depend on how much I like his new music. Otherwise, I’m going to try to abstain from concerts and maybe save money for better vacations.

Miranda Lambert’s double album comes out tomorrow (Friday)!! YAY. I saw her in concert before she was famous and I haven’t seen her since. Tempting…this no concert thing might not work.

TV of the week: The Crown,  basketball

Ugh. The Washington Wizards suck so far this season. But the Lakers are doing better than expected. 🙂

Movie of the week: none

Book of the week: The Things We Wish Were True by Marybeth Mayhew Whalen (on page 68)

Planner update: Plans of the week in my neutral Erin Condren Life Planner –


Plans for the Weekend: WORK. (shocking!) I also have quizzes and tests to take for my class. I’m behind with that. Sigh. I’m so glad Thanksgiving is next week. I thought I would never say that. But to have 4 days straight of no full-time work. Yay! And then I have December 1 and 2 off too. I’m not taking a lot of time off during the beginning of 2017. I want to make sure I have PTO for my birthday vacay in May. We (my dog and my mom) are going to stay at a state park cabin and also visit the beach. I haven’t been to the beach in 3-4 years.

Thanks for reading and have a nice weekend.

I just keep on running

I called and canceled my three appointments with my therapist! It was scary to pick up the phone. But the usual person didn’t answer the phone, so it was easier to cancel. She did ask if I wanted to reschedule. ROFL. I am never, ever, ever going back to her. That would be wrong on my part…to expect her to see me again.

Besides her office is 15 minutes away and during rush hour it is a little worse. I can easily find someone closer.  I’m leaning towards not doing therapy right now, but I am considering online therapy. I wouldn’t have to leave my house. Score!

The reason I’m against therapy at the moment is because I don’t know what my main issue is. Well, I know what I want to focus on (impulsive behavior), but I know not having friends AKA a support system will come up, and that might derail everything. I would have to tell her about the social anxiety, and she would know that it is severe without me telling her. She would also know about my depression because that is my main diagnosis and I would tell the therapist that.

Anyway, I’m not sure what I want to do. I think I’m going to wait until January if I decide to do online therapy. The first 5 sessions are free through my job.

The system is temporarily down for my part-time job, so I’m going to blog a bit more. I hate when others deny their privilege or don’t acknowledge it, so I’m going to call myself out on my last entry.

I’m privileged to be an American citizen, so I don’t have to worry about Donald Trump deporting me. There are people who registered under DACA and of course they have a right to be fearful. It’s not just them. Undocumented immigrants (not registered under DACA) are also scared because of what Trump has said. I don’t personally have to worry about that. I don’t want to come across as blase or noncaring.

It’s easy for me to have a wait and see approach when it comes to Trump because my life is not on the line. I just wanted to put it out there. I’m fully aware of my privilege in this situation. I do not deny it. etc. etc. etc.

White privilege isn’t the only kind. There’s American privilege. Light skinned privilege (versus dark skinned). Able-bodied privilege. Straight privilege. Male privilege. I could go on. I don’t expect people to be aware of everything and always acknowledging it cause that would be a lot! lol. But to deny it exists is only helping the person who denies it. And that is a pet peeve of mine, so I had to blast myself.

In my defense, I typed my last entry quickly, and I expect the system to be up soon, so I have to go right about now. Instead of updating my last entry,  I’ll post my planner update here:

Here are my plans from last week in my neutral Erin Condren planner:





Diva o’ the day

I was called the diva of all divas  (by looks only), and D got jealous. The funny thing is that after talking to him, I’m 90% sure he is gay. There is no need to get jealous. I’m asexual. I don’t want anyone coming on to me. I don’t get jealous when it happens to others. Btw, I don’t think I look anything like the diva he called me. I like her, though.

Besides the guy was trying to sell me something. D just got mad because the guy ignored her. Gosh. She is decades older than me. At least, she didn’t get too mad at me.

Anyway, I’m getting a chance to dress up in period clothing and getting shot by a professional photographer! Then I will get a huge photo of myself. ROFL. What am I supposed to do with a big photo of me? Luckily my mom is excited, so I will be able to give her the photo. She wants to display it in her house. How nuts is that? But it is good because otherwise, what would I do with the photo??

I’m annoyed at myself for not saying NO, but when someone calls you the ultimate diva…lol. It is kinda hard to say “no.” I always have a problem saying no even when it costs me money. This will cost me $26 and TIME. I’m more pissed about the time than the money. I could be working. Instead, I will be playing dress up and who knows how long it will take to get the perfect picture? Trust me I will take any pic that is halfway decent. This photo is not for me. It is going to be for my mom.

So it will be a fun experience (hopefully), but I would rather be working. I get my photo taken on November 5.

Update: I read the rules again, and they will provide wardrobe and props and help with all that. But they will only take ONE photo. What if the first one sucks? I’m not a model. Now I feel this pressure because I will feel hurt if my mom doesn’t like the photo. Oh well. My first photo better be good. 🙂

I’m going to add my planner spread from last week in this entry instead of updating my last entry. Here’s last week in my Erin Condren planner:


I’ve enjoyed my Erin Condren planner. I’ve been using this since July. But I might get a new planner for January 2017. Michael’s is coming out with new planners, and if I can afford it, I think I’m switching. Their planners are much cheaper than Erin Condren plus I can use a coupon. I haven’t been to Michael’s in months because I didn’t want to spend money on this hobby. Not that planning is just a hobby. I have a bad memory. I have to write things down. I’ve been doing it all my life.

I’m going to take a test for my certification class and then I’m working at my part-time job for the rest of the day.

You left me kneeling

The auction. WOW. I won so many things; I could not fit it all into my car, and I have a decent sized car. It’s a typical four-door. I had to leave things at the store because I had a doctor’s appointment and couldn’t go back to empty my car and pick up the other stuff. I felt bad about leaving my stuff, but I did pay for it, so it’s my loss. I previously said I won over 100 things. Uh, nope. I  got over 300 items. I kid you not.

A lot of the clothes and purses are good quality. Most of the clothes are from Old Navy, Charlotte Russe, Kohls, Target, etc. There were a few Coach bags in the mix too.  I’m currently separating things into keeping (for me), keeping for others (mostly my mom), and donate. I thought I would have to donate most of the clothes, but I’m keeping about 65% of the items.

My dad says choosing between Trump and Clinton is like choosing between the lesser of two evils. LOL. He is like everyone else! I agree too.  I’ve been thinking a lot about what has happened during the last eight years with income inequality. If a Democrat can’t fix it (it got worse), what would a Republican do? Nothing, right? Forget this. The real problem is people not voting in local elections. The president doesn’t matter if things at the local level are a mess.

Maybe one day there won’t be a two party system. But there aren’t enough progressives to break away and form a formidable party. I would be down with that. 🙂 I would love not to have to vote for the Democrat. I’m way more progressive than Hillary. Way more. But we have a two system party and blah, blah.

At least I get to vote for Kaine since he’s on the ticket. YAY! He’s going to be in VA on Monday. I wanna go. But I don’t think they have a location picked yet. It is probably during the day. Wahhh! 😦 He’ll be back. As of right now, there is NO info on the event in the local paper. Weird. I saw it in The Washington Post.

Update: I found the event info on Hillary’s website. Um, it is from 5 to 8 PM. I’m too old for this ish. Why is it so long? LOL. At least, it isn’t during the day. I wanna go. I should go, right? Sigh. I might try to go and just see how long the line is. Kaine is pretty popular here. Still thinking. I’ve never been to a political event. I went to pick up tickets to see Michelle Obama, but then work happened. As of right now, I’m planning on going. I was so happy about not having to go anywhere next week. Change of plans? I just RSVP’d, but that doesn’t mean anything.

Update #2: Now my mom is coming with me to see Kaine. I guess it is happening. My mom doesn’t even like Kaine that much. Whatevs. At least, I won’t be there for hours by myself.

People can say what they want about Kaine, but he did a good job as governor and in the Senate and a great job as mayor of Richmond. So what if he’s goofy? He’s the nicest man on earth. What’s so wrong with that? I do have a problem with his position on the Hyde Amendment. I don’t agree with him at all. Hillary wants to repeal the Hyde Amendment while Kaine “personally” supports it. Ick. I guess nobody is perfect.

in 1976, Congress passed the Hyde Amendment, which banned Medicaid coverage of abortion. This is the only medical procedure that has ever been banned from Medicaid. What’s more, Medicaid covers other reproductive health care needs, including birth control and sterilization. And the vast majority of private insurance plans cover abortion, too.


This week I…

Music of the week:  Anna Nalick, Ellie Goulding, Ariana Grande, Fifth Harmony, India.Arie, Priory, Jennifer Nettles

TV of the week:  Grey’s Anatomy, Big Brother, Democratic Convention

I fell asleep and missed all of President Obama. I missed the second half of Hillary. Overall, I thought it was a great convention. I didn’t think I would say that, but there were moving moments. I even cried. Why am I admitting this?

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week: Still reading Along Came a Spider by James Patterson. I’m on page 215.

Planner update: Plans for July 25 – July 31 in my Erin Condren neutral planner


Plans for the Weekend: I just want to scream because there are clothes EVERYWHERE. I ran out of trash bags. I’m sick of sorting, so I’ve stopped for today. I will finish sorting everything by Sunday.

I have nowhere to put this so I’ll randomly put this here: I went in for a health screening for my health insurance today and for the first time in a few years, my blood pressure was normal. NORMAL! yay. 118 over 78. Amazing. What’s going on? Is it because I have a treadmill now? I don’t use it every day. On average, I use it about 15-20 days out of a month.

My stats (including cholesterol, glucose levels, etc.) were so good; she thought I was an athlete. ROFL. Me? Athlete? hahaha. All I do is occasionally get on my treadmill. Maybe the blood pressure thing was a fluke. I’m shocked.

I’m 5’6″ and weigh 129 pounds. I should weigh 125 since I’m on Nutrisystem, but I keep cheating. 😦 Anyway, I’m glad that went well. Going to screenings helps me save money on health insurance. I could save even more if I got a flu shot, but I’ve never had a flu shot, and I never will get one.

Gotta go. I wish I could sort more clothing, but I need trash bags, and I’m not going to the store until tomorrow morning. So I’m going to chill tonight. Have a great weekend. Thanks for reading.

I should be more cynical

The next time someone says, “I don’t have time for that” in a condescending way, I’m just going to say “Yeah, that is why I don’t wear makeup” or “that is why I don’t have kids”. It’s true. I have no interest in those things and I would rather spend my time doing something else. They can do whatever with their time. I don’t care.

This is silly, but there are people who say “I don’t have time for ‘pretty planning’. Btw, I don’t consider what I do pretty planning because it isn’t that pretty. I use my planner to keep me organized. I write down my to-dos first and then on the weekend, I’ll take 30 minutes and decorate the page. 30 whole minutes! Anyway, these same people spend god knows how long putting on makeup or doing (fill in the blank), yet they claim they don’t have time for something.

Please. It’s all about priorities. I prioritize fun stuff. I could take the time to put on makeup, but I don’t care about it. Makeup is probably fun for some people. I have to do something fun everyday to destress.  (More than one thing whenever possible). I don’t even think about it or plan it. It is necessary.

Anyway, decorating my planner is fun and very relaxing. It’s called a hobby. HOBBY. What a concept! People do stuff they like for fun? WOW. If it ever stops being fun, I’ll stop. Obvs.

Oops. I think that was a rant? Is that allowed? Damn, I keep breaking the rules. 😉

Looks like I’m also working on Xmas. None of this overtime is written in stone. So I shouldn’t celebrate too much. But I am a little excited. With any extra money, I’m going to get my car fixed and I might go to Asheville for my vacation in May. That is still up in the air.

Looking forward to my cheat day on Thursday. I’m buying food in advance tomorrow. 🙂

This week I…

Music of the week:  Ellie Goulding, Justin Bieber, Alessia Cara, Sam Smith, Alanis Morissette, A Great Big World, Borns, The Weeknd

song of the week: Alessia Cara – I’m Yours

TV of the week:  Lost (season 6), basketball, news as usual

I have to stop leaving my TV on cable news before going to sleep. I keep doing it. I wake up to breaking news at 3AM.

Movies of the week:  none.

Books of the week:  I finished reading I Feel Like Going On: Life, Game & Glory by Ray Lewis and Daniel Paisner. Good book. Not too much football talk for nonfans. Quick read. It was nice reliving the football seasons. It made me miss football. #BoycottFootball because it kills people. Anyhow, I’m a huge Ray Lewis fan. (Baltimore, baby!)

Working on finishing these 3 library books:

Planner update:  


I’m going to eat dinner, work late and then watch college basketball. Tonight won’t be a late night like most Friday nights. Gotta work in the morning.