Miss independent and avoidant

OMG! The damn school kids are back at the park. I think I’m going to go to the park after work even though that messes up my schedule. Anything to avoid the kids. I’m the queen of avoidance. I know they are doing field trips there for a decent reason. Yes, it is nice that the kids get to enjoy the park. But there are much nicer parks than the one in my neighborhood. I think they are taking in the elementary school from the city. That could take a while. We have a lot of elementary schools.

If they weren’t blocking the one and only neighborhood entrance, this wouldn’t be a big deal, but I have my dog with me. He has to pass the kids. Blah, blah, blah. I can’t wait until it’s over.

For #GivingTuesday, I donated to St. Judes. I had planned to donate to The Innocence Project a cause I care deeply about. They do so much good work. I will donate to them soon.

I supported Small Business Saturday through Etsy shops. I did participate in Cyber Monday. I don’t even like Old Navy. I think their clothes suck (or used to think that). But they had 50% off EVERYTHING. Who else did that? So I ordered my mom and sister something for December 25th. I also bought myself a scarf. I will finish my shopping for gift exchange day on December 6th. I’m off from work that day.

The dog training is not going well AT ALL. Did I just waste $200??! WTF? Not good. I think my dog is too reactive and nothing might work on him. It could be 100% me, though. I can’t concentrate on everything she is saying while I’m so nervous. The next and last class is on Friday evening. I don’t even want to go, but maybe there is a chance this training could work. I couldn’t find much online, so I’m pretty much on my own.

Sigh. I’m always on my own. Some people are too dependent on others. I’m too independent.

Well, I have to get back to studying. I was supposed to apply for a job. Someone reached out to me. The pay would be better, but I honestly don’t feel like responding today. I’ll probably respond tomorrow. It might be too late. Whatever. I’m not motivated to change jobs right now. And I’m really not motivated to go on an interview.

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I want a perfect soul

I’m so scared over the VA governor’s race. I know I said I wouldn’t get emotionally involved, but I still want Northam to win. I thought Trump would win, but I was still devasted. I didn’t know I was so affected by the election at the time. I totally blocked out the first 2 months after he won. If Gillespie wins, it is like Trump winning all over again. That is why everybody is following this race. Sigh. I don’t think I can take another Trump win. I’m way too involved in this election.

I’m going to try to come up with coherent thoughts and maybe blog about this more before election day.

I never did an update on my dad. He went back to living overseas about a month ago. He’ll be back after the Christmas holidays. Yes, he’ll be back to living with my mom (and his ex-wife).

My part-time project finally ended. I had a dance party like crazy on Saturday. I was thrilled. I didn’t know what to do with myself on Sunday. Eventually, I made myself study.

I know this entry is very random.

Today I went back to going to the park after work instead of during my lunch break. It was a disaster. Okay, I’m being dramatic. But there were so many people with dogs. I love people at the park with no dogs. LOVE THEM. 😉 My dog does bark at a few people, but not at most. He barks at all dogs. That sucks. I know some of them are judging me for my dog’s barking. Whatever.

I love the park. My dog loves the park. I want the exercise. I’m going to continue going to the park. Their judgemental talk (yes, some people say stuff!) and looks are not going to keep me at home. I will go during my lunch break in the near future. On Sunday morning, we had the best time at the park. We went to a new part of the park and stayed for longer than usual. It was cool and drizzling a little, so the park was mostly empty. It was so nice. I want more days like that. Not rainy days, but empty park days.

What else can I blab about? Oh, I finally got a Roku Express from Amazon! I love it, but it does buffer too much. I can watch Hulu Live TV fine on my iPad, but not on the TV with the Roku. Sometimes I can have the news on for hours (What else would I watch?) with Roku, but this Sunday it just gave up after about 30 minutes of off and on buffering.

I haven’t tried watching Netflix etc. with it. I’m just interested in watching Hulu Live on it. I intend to use it for news and sports on the weekends. Of course right after I ordered mine, I realized they have a new version. ugh.

I better go. I don’t know what to do with all this free time. What did I do after my full-time job today? I studied for 45 minutes, and then I read for fun until I finished the book and now I’m typing this while constantly stopping for a dance party. lol. I feel like such a slacker, but I know I will get used to this “free time” quickly.

I’m just like my dog

I find out tonight whether or not I get a ticket to the Charlottesville benefit concert. I’ll update this entry with the news.

Update: I wasn’t selected to get a ticket. The good news is I don’t have to lose a whole day of life and deal with general admission. I hope it is live streamed.  Should be fun.

I have to leave my house two days in a row! 😦 That never happens during the week. I have to see my shrink tomorrow, and then on Thursday, I’m going to see the orthopedic surgeon for my carpal tunnel syndrome. I should have postponed the shrink visit, but I didn’t think about it until it was too late. ugh.

Things are not going great with the part time job. This project is tough. It isn’t for beginners. But I am going to try to rise to the occasion and be perfect. No sarcasm. I only have about two weeks left to do perfect work, or they will take me off the project. Last week I made silly mistakes. Silly! At least I have made some money. I’ve made $112 so far. I will get that even if I’m pulled off the project.

I want so much to do well. I think I can do this. I know I can. I’m also praying for a miracle. So there’s that.

The park is also getting tough. I no longer enjoy it as much as I used to even though I love nature. I hope this is just some weird phase. On Saturdays and Sundays, the parks have been full with dogs. I don’t mind people, but the dogs have to go! My dog barks at 20% of the people. He barks aggressively at 95% of the dogs. It wouldn’t be such a huge deal if everyone would leash their dog (like the rule says).

Just yesterday there was an unleashed dog with his owner. She asked, “Can he (the dog) just say hi (to my dog)?” UGH. My dog was already going crazy because he saw the dog. I replied, “He doesn’t get along with other dogs.” ROFL. Sad, but true. What was I supposed to say? Anyway, she somehow got her unleashed canine to get out of our way. I was getting ready to just go another way. But she said, “no” as in don’t go just because of us.

My dog is shy according to the vet. But why does he call attention to himself and bark at other dogs if he is so shy? Maybe he needs to be socialized. I have had him at doggie daycare, but it’s been at least two years since he’s been. Why pay for that if my mom can watch him? When he went to daycare, he ignored the other dogs according to the owner.

The vet is always trying to make conversation when I go for check ups. Maybe I will bring this up to see what she says. I’ve read a few things on the internet, and I don’t know what to think. I think he is just aggressive. Maybe that is why he was at the animal shelter in the first place.

I will keep going to the park every day because it isn’t always uncomfortable. Sometimes nothing occurs.

Can’t get away from them.

That also happened at the park on Monday. Did he mean he can’t get away from people of my ethnicity? Or did he mean dogs? Or was he talking about something totally different? I don’t want to assume. But it was the location and how he said it. It was kind of nasty.

We (my dog and I) were walking on a trail in the woods. It is a shortcut we often take. They were sitting in a secluded part of the park near the trail. I don’t know how old this guy was. I didn’t look directly at him. He sounded anywhere from 16-24. If he wants to get away from people of my race, he can easily move elsewhere. Besides, this is MY park. I walk to it. It is less than a 5-minute walk from where I live.  What did he do? Get in his car and drive there like so many people do?

Oh yes, I am very territorial. Just like my dog. I’ve always been this way. Anyhow, I just thought this was interesting. I think before I started A Course in Miracles I would have assumed the worst, would have thought about it non-stop and it would have overtaken my life for a few days. I’m not kidding. But now I just report on it and let it go. 🙂

Besides, maybe it had nothing to do with race. I think it is on my mind because there was a racial “incident” at the park recently. No one got hurt. No one would have known it happened if it weren’t for the media. That is all I can say about that.

Know there’s something better

Today is my 12-year anniversary at my job! I’m shocked that anyone even hired me. And I managed to stay 12 years??! Unbelievable. lol. I was promoted once. I know that isn’t good enough for most people, but I don’t know of anywhere else I want to go within the company, so I’m good.

“She has a nice blouse on. Something just doesn’t make sense.”

Someone said that about me while I was walking my dog at the park! ROFL. Obviously, he has seen me at the park before. Otherwise, his comment doesn’t make sense. Sometimes I wear a t-shirt to the park. Sometimes I wear pajamas (the benefit of working from home and having the park right around the corner). Sometimes I wear something nice, usually something from Stitch Fix. On that particular day, I was wearing a blouse from Kohls. I know this because I’ve only been to Kohls once.

Who gives a fuck what I wear to the park? I’m trying to exercise and tire my dog out. 😉 I will wear whatever. I see men shirtless, and I get jealous. Why can’t I go shirtless? Must be nice.

I’m getting a Stitch Fix box on Thursday. I will probably do an entry on it early next week. I already peeked on the app, and I  really like 4 out of 5 things. So I will probably keep everything to get the 25% off discount. It depends on how things fit. One thing is a purse. I saw a video of it, and I fell in love with it. I hope I like it in person.

Apparently, I’m not anemic. But is that because I’ve been taking iron supplements? I think so. The nurse said my iron levels were fine. I’m going to keep taking the iron even though it doesn’t make me feel any better. 😦

I didn’t hear back about the job which is fine. Like I said, I’m not in the mood for a job interview. Well, I never really like them. But I just don’t see the point of going on a job interview for a job I don’t qualify for.

UPDATE: I just applied for a work at home job based in DC. This job I mostly qualify for. I don’t expect to hear back. People go crazy for remote jobs. They will get thousands of applications.

For the record, I’m going to wear my Washington Wizards t-shirt to the park today. I hope nobody has a problem with it.

Bye.

Dreaming is free

Oops! I did it again.  I signed up for a certification course. If I pass, this will be my THIRD certification. I will have a lot of letters after my name. I’m not taking the test until September 2018. So I have a lot of time to take the course and study before I take the exam. I have a career plan all worked out in my head with this certification, but who knows what will happen.

I had to sign up. This was a special price ($300 off). Plus, they threw in a free textbook! They never do that. I hope I can still make it to Kripalu next May since I spent a lot on the course. I have the flight covered. I’m just a little concerned about room and board.

I just knew we weren’t getting a bonus this quarter. But we are!! YAY. It isn’t thousands or even a thousand dollars. But I need all the help I can get so I’m happy.

What else is making me happy? I have occasionally been driving my dog to the park near us. Well, now I found a shortcut that doesn’t involve a car. All I have to do is walk to the park. It is less than a 5-minute walk from my house!! How could I not know that after living here for over 4 years? Don’t ask. We have been going daily after I get off of work. How awesome is that? I love it. Of course, my dog wants to stay for hours, but we only stay for about 15 minutes on weekdays. On the weekend, I plan to stay longer.

My dad is coming back to the United States. This time for good. 😦 He went back overseas for 2 months, and now he is coming back this weekend. Just to be clear, the sad face is because he is going to be living with my mom. So when I take her to the store, he has to go too. I hate driving “strangers” around. I have to take medicine, and it’s just not a good situation.

Depo-Provera update: I was just about to say the bleeding stop. But it started back up today. Compared to what it used to be, this is nothing. I’m grateful for that. I lost 1.5 pounds, so I don’t think I’m gaining weight due to DP.

This week I…

Music of the week: Shawn Mendes, Lorde, Hannah Trigwell, Paramore, Jem, Lana Del Rey, Lea Michele, Robyn

TV of the week: Big Brother, Thirteen Reasons Why

I’ve had 13 Reasons Why on my ‘to be read’ list FOREVER. I never got to it. I decided to finally watch the series this week. It starts off slow, but it’s a really good show. I wouldn’t recommend suicidal teens watch it. Or any teens when I think about how tough junior high and high school was for me. It made me go back to my suicidal days (not that long ago). For the longest time, I wanted to publish this manifesto of all the people who wronged me. How they contributed to my suicide. I never wrote it. But I thought about it a lot. I think I was going to mail it to a bunch of newspapers.

But now I’m in a better place. Most of the time. 😉

Movie of the week: None

Books of the week:

I finished reading two travel guides on The Dominican Republic. Very helpful. But I still feel a bit lost. At least I have a place to stay (see entry below). I will probably just stay there and walk to the private beach and to the small “town”. I just want a feel of the DR. That’s the one thing I really liked about my Mexico trip. I didn’t do the tourist thing. I stayed where the locals lived.

Trudy Scott (author of The Anti-Anxiety Food Solution) is your typical food snob. No gluten. No processed foods. YET, she says it is okay to eat sardines. Sardines from a can! Yes, LOL. So I’ve been eating sardines for lunch on most days. Fish is good for the body…even sardines. Besides, it was better than what I was eating before. I’m so glad she gave me that idea.

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren

DSCN0484

Plans for the Weekend: The park! We (my dog and I) might go Sunday morning around 7 or 8 AM and stay for an hour. It depends on when my dad is coming back because he will want to go grocery shopping immediately. Right now he is in France. How cool. I wish I were in France. Anyway, I’m not starting my course until I get my textbook. I probably won’t seriously start until the weekend of the 26th.

I might mow my lawn this weekend. I’m trying to wait until next week because I’m off on Thursday and Friday. On Thursday I have a doctor’s appointment to check my iron levels. I have been taking iron pills, but not the ones she recommended because I can’t swallow pills (and they can’t be crushed).

Well, I have to go cook for the week. blah. I hate “cooking” even though all I do is bake a bunch of chicken for the week. How hard is that?

Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend! 🙂

can’t pretend to be perfect

 

It was 82 degrees on Wednesday. On Sunday, it might snow. It will be light snow, probably mixed with rain, but it is still snow. Sob. What is going on? Why can’t winter just go away? We didn’t even have that bad of a winter. If it weren’t for that snowstorm, this winter would have been decent. I hate the cold, and I really hate snow.

Edit: Now it just looks like we are having a cold rainy day. I guess I can deal. 😉

I am so close to getting a free Fitbit Zip! It isn’t the fancy one, but I don’t care. I am getting it for free after all. I can’t wait to get it. I should have it in time for my Asheville/B-Day trip.

There it is! It is a glorified pedometer. 🙂   Click on the pic for more details. Oh, I’m getting it free through a wellness program at work.

I can’t keep eating ramen noodles. I tried to lower my grocery bill that way, but UGH! It makes me feel like crap and I gained a pound after only eating it for a week! This can’t continue. I’m done. Food costs too much. Living in this neighborhood costs too much (but I love the house). etc. etc.

I just got back from taking my dog to the park. The park is 2.8 miles from my house. (thanks, GPS). I had a good time. I know my dog had a better time. 🙂 We stayed there longer than I anticipated. I was supposed to do yard work today, but now college basketball is about to come on. Basketball is why I’m off today and tomorrow. I have to watch it. #Priorities

I snap chatted the whole “day at the park”. I was going to post a pic of me on Snapchat since the pic only lasts 24 hours, but I decided against it. One day I will snap a pic of myself. Anyhow, here are a few pics that didn’t make Snapchat:

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES
park
SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES
park

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This week I…

Music of the week: Andra Day, Jewel, Toby Lightman, Mariah Carey, The 1975, Troye Sivan, Hailee Steinfeld, Sia

I love Andra Day. Her music has been getting me through the week. Her voice can make anything sound good. Check her out if you are unfamiliar with her music. I chose a cover for this post, but her album is amazing.

 TV of the week:  Mad Men, basketball, political stuff

March Madness! yay. All basketball, all the time.

Movie of the week: none.

Books of the week: 

  • Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (page 334)

There was something wrong with her. She did not know what it was but there was something wrong with her. A hunger, a restlessness. An incomplete knowledge of herself.

I doubt I finish both books before they are due at the library, but I’m trying. This is what happens when you place a bunch of books on hold, and they all become available at the same time.

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This weekend I will be doing yard work, tons of reading, my practicum, and watching basketball. The latter is what I’m looking forward to the most. I hope my teams win (UVA, Duke, and VCU). Happy weekend!

I’m caught up and I’m hanging on

(I typed this entry yesterday but couldn’t post it because my power went out for 7 hours!)

Merry March Madness!! It is my favorite time of the year. I have Thursday and Friday off. I have chores/errands in the morning and then I’m watching basketball all day and night. I’ve been lucky enough to get those days off ever since I started working where I work. Happy almost spring too! (my fave season)

Maybe I won’t be selling on Etsy after all. I’m going with Cafe Press for now. Right now I have 100+ items listed. (!!!) That sounds like a lot but it isn’t really. That is normal for a beginner. I think I’m going to have to get my paint out to make any money. But maybe I will get lucky. At least this is something I can work on NOW. The competition on the site is unreal. Yeah, I dunno. This may not work. I won’t take off what I have now but I doubt I add anymore effort to it.

I should just sell at flea markets once or twice a month. Ding. Ding. Ding. Then I won’t have to deal with shipping but there are drawbacks to everything…like people not wanting to pay full price at flea markets.

B @ the park
B @ the park

I took my dog to the park today during my lunch break. It went okay.  He seemed to LOVE it. He didn’t want to get back in the car to go home. I had to beg. (He knows I won’t pick him up). We only stayed there for about 25 minutes. I’m wondering if it is worth going during lunch. I didn’t get a lot of exercise. I probably walked a mile. So I don’t know if I will do this trip weekly like I’d planned. It was near 70 degrees. It is going to be only 50 on Thursday. That is why I changed the dates.   Btw, I go during lunch to avoid the crowds

 

park near my house
park near my house

See how dreary this park is? But it is the only park that isn’t a “dog park” that allows dogs. Plus it is so close to where I live so I’m thankful for it. I’m going to the pretty parks by myself on my vacation in July. No big plans for that vacation time.

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Eventually there will be no football…probably not in my lifetime. Players like Chris Borland see the light. His life isn’t worth the millions or love of the game. (Not that all football players in the NFL make millions). How much more proof do people need? These guys are damaging their minds and for what? Okay, money and love for the game. But it is worth it? I’m glad Borland gets it. Now we just need a few hundred more to get it. As long as people watch it and there is money involved there will always be players. To stop watching seems to be the only solution (which is what I did in 2013).

Just say no to football.