I’m just like my dog

I find out tonight whether or not I get a ticket to the Charlottesville benefit concert. I’ll update this entry with the news.

Update: I wasn’t selected to get a ticket. The good news is I don’t have to lose a whole day of life and deal with general admission. I hope it is live streamed.  Should be fun.

I have to leave my house two days in a row! 😦 That never happens during the week. I have to see my shrink tomorrow, and then on Thursday, I’m going to see the orthopedic surgeon for my carpal tunnel syndrome. I should have postponed the shrink visit, but I didn’t think about it until it was too late. ugh.

Things are not going great with the part time job. This project is tough. It isn’t for beginners. But I am going to try to rise to the occasion and be perfect. No sarcasm. I only have about two weeks left to do perfect work, or they will take me off the project. Last week I made silly mistakes. Silly! At least I have made some money. I’ve made $112 so far. I will get that even if I’m pulled off the project.

I want so much to do well. I think I can do this. I know I can. I’m also praying for a miracle. So there’s that.

The park is also getting tough. I no longer enjoy it as much as I used to even though I love nature. I hope this is just some weird phase. On Saturdays and Sundays, the parks have been full with dogs. I don’t mind people, but the dogs have to go! My dog barks at 20% of the people. He barks aggressively at 95% of the dogs. It wouldn’t be such a huge deal if everyone would leash their dog (like the rule says).

Just yesterday there was an unleashed dog with his owner. She asked, “Can he (the dog) just say hi (to my dog)?” UGH. My dog was already going crazy because he saw the dog. I replied, “He doesn’t get along with other dogs.” ROFL. Sad, but true. What was I supposed to say? Anyway, she somehow got her unleashed canine to get out of our way. I was getting ready to just go another way. But she said, “no” as in don’t go just because of us.

My dog is shy according to the vet. But why does he call attention to himself and bark at other dogs if he is so shy? Maybe he needs to be socialized. I have had him at doggie daycare, but it’s been at least two years since he’s been. Why pay for that if my mom can watch him? When he went to daycare, he ignored the other dogs according to the owner.

The vet is always trying to make conversation when I go for check ups. Maybe I will bring this up to see what she says. I’ve read a few things on the internet, and I don’t know what to think. I think he is just aggressive. Maybe that is why he was at the animal shelter in the first place.

I will keep going to the park every day because it isn’t always uncomfortable. Sometimes nothing occurs.

Can’t get away from them.

That also happened at the park on Monday. Did he mean he can’t get away from people of my ethnicity? Or did he mean dogs? Or was he talking about something totally different? I don’t want to assume. But it was the location and how he said it. It was kind of nasty.

We (my dog and I) were walking on a trail in the woods. It is a shortcut we often take. They were sitting in a secluded part of the park near the trail. I don’t know how old this guy was. I didn’t look directly at him. He sounded anywhere from 16-24. If he wants to get away from people of my race, he can easily move elsewhere. Besides, this is MY park. I walk to it. It is less than a 5-minute walk from where I live.  What did he do? Get in his car and drive there like so many people do?

Oh yes, I am very territorial. Just like my dog. I’ve always been this way. Anyhow, I just thought this was interesting. I think before I started A Course in Miracles I would have assumed the worst, would have thought about it non-stop and it would have overtaken my life for a few days. I’m not kidding. But now I just report on it and let it go. 🙂

Besides, maybe it had nothing to do with race. I think it is on my mind because there was a racial “incident” at the park recently. No one got hurt. No one would have known it happened if it weren’t for the media. That is all I can say about that.

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Know there’s something better

Today is my 12-year anniversary at my job! I’m shocked that anyone even hired me. And I managed to stay 12 years??! Unbelievable. lol. I was promoted once. I know that isn’t good enough for most people, but I don’t know of anywhere else I want to go within the company, so I’m good.

“She has a nice blouse on. Something just doesn’t make sense.”

Someone said that about me while I was walking my dog at the park! ROFL. Obviously, he has seen me at the park before. Otherwise, his comment doesn’t make sense. Sometimes I wear a t-shirt to the park. Sometimes I wear pajamas (the benefit of working from home and having the park right around the corner). Sometimes I wear something nice, usually something from Stitch Fix. On that particular day, I was wearing a blouse from Kohls. I know this because I’ve only been to Kohls once.

Who gives a fuck what I wear to the park? I’m trying to exercise and tire my dog out. 😉 I will wear whatever. I see men shirtless, and I get jealous. Why can’t I go shirtless? Must be nice.

I’m getting a Stitch Fix box on Thursday. I will probably do an entry on it early next week. I already peeked on the app, and I  really like 4 out of 5 things. So I will probably keep everything to get the 25% off discount. It depends on how things fit. One thing is a purse. I saw a video of it, and I fell in love with it. I hope I like it in person.

Apparently, I’m not anemic. But is that because I’ve been taking iron supplements? I think so. The nurse said my iron levels were fine. I’m going to keep taking the iron even though it doesn’t make me feel any better. 😦

I didn’t hear back about the job which is fine. Like I said, I’m not in the mood for a job interview. Well, I never really like them. But I just don’t see the point of going on a job interview for a job I don’t qualify for.

UPDATE: I just applied for a work at home job based in DC. This job I mostly qualify for. I don’t expect to hear back. People go crazy for remote jobs. They will get thousands of applications.

For the record, I’m going to wear my Washington Wizards t-shirt to the park today. I hope nobody has a problem with it.

Bye.

Dreaming is free

Oops! I did it again.  I signed up for a certification course. If I pass, this will be my THIRD certification. I will have a lot of letters after my name. I’m not taking the test until September 2018. So I have a lot of time to take the course and study before I take the exam. I have a career plan all worked out in my head with this certification, but who knows what will happen.

I had to sign up. This was a special price ($300 off). Plus, they threw in a free textbook! They never do that. I hope I can still make it to Kripalu next May since I spent a lot on the course. I have the flight covered. I’m just a little concerned about room and board.

I just knew we weren’t getting a bonus this quarter. But we are!! YAY. It isn’t thousands or even a thousand dollars. But I need all the help I can get so I’m happy.

What else is making me happy? I have occasionally been driving my dog to the park near us. Well, now I found a shortcut that doesn’t involve a car. All I have to do is walk to the park. It is less than a 5-minute walk from my house!! How could I not know that after living here for over 4 years? Don’t ask. We have been going daily after I get off of work. How awesome is that? I love it. Of course, my dog wants to stay for hours, but we only stay for about 15 minutes on weekdays. On the weekend, I plan to stay longer.

My dad is coming back to the United States. This time for good. 😦 He went back overseas for 2 months, and now he is coming back this weekend. Just to be clear, the sad face is because he is going to be living with my mom. So when I take her to the store, he has to go too. I hate driving “strangers” around. I have to take medicine, and it’s just not a good situation.

Depo-Provera update: I was just about to say the bleeding stop. But it started back up today. Compared to what it used to be, this is nothing. I’m grateful for that. I lost 1.5 pounds, so I don’t think I’m gaining weight due to DP.

This week I…

Music of the week: Shawn Mendes, Lorde, Hannah Trigwell, Paramore, Jem, Lana Del Rey, Lea Michele, Robyn

TV of the week: Big Brother, Thirteen Reasons Why

I’ve had 13 Reasons Why on my ‘to be read’ list FOREVER. I never got to it. I decided to finally watch the series this week. It starts off slow, but it’s a really good show. I wouldn’t recommend suicidal teens watch it. Or any teens when I think about how tough junior high and high school was for me. It made me go back to my suicidal days (not that long ago). For the longest time, I wanted to publish this manifesto of all the people who wronged me. How they contributed to my suicide. I never wrote it. But I thought about it a lot. I think I was going to mail it to a bunch of newspapers.

But now I’m in a better place. Most of the time. 😉

Movie of the week: None

Books of the week:

I finished reading two travel guides on The Dominican Republic. Very helpful. But I still feel a bit lost. At least I have a place to stay (see entry below). I will probably just stay there and walk to the private beach and to the small “town”. I just want a feel of the DR. That’s the one thing I really liked about my Mexico trip. I didn’t do the tourist thing. I stayed where the locals lived.

Trudy Scott (author of The Anti-Anxiety Food Solution) is your typical food snob. No gluten. No processed foods. YET, she says it is okay to eat sardines. Sardines from a can! Yes, LOL. So I’ve been eating sardines for lunch on most days. Fish is good for the body…even sardines. Besides, it was better than what I was eating before. I’m so glad she gave me that idea.

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren

DSCN0484

Plans for the Weekend: The park! We (my dog and I) might go Sunday morning around 7 or 8 AM and stay for an hour. It depends on when my dad is coming back because he will want to go grocery shopping immediately. Right now he is in France. How cool. I wish I were in France. Anyway, I’m not starting my course until I get my textbook. I probably won’t seriously start until the weekend of the 26th.

I might mow my lawn this weekend. I’m trying to wait until next week because I’m off on Thursday and Friday. On Thursday I have a doctor’s appointment to check my iron levels. I have been taking iron pills, but not the ones she recommended because I can’t swallow pills (and they can’t be crushed).

Well, I have to go cook for the week. blah. I hate “cooking” even though all I do is bake a bunch of chicken for the week. How hard is that?

Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend! 🙂

can’t pretend to be perfect

 

It was 82 degrees on Wednesday. On Sunday, it might snow. It will be light snow, probably mixed with rain, but it is still snow. Sob. What is going on? Why can’t winter just go away? We didn’t even have that bad of a winter. If it weren’t for that snowstorm, this winter would have been decent. I hate the cold, and I really hate snow.

Edit: Now it just looks like we are having a cold rainy day. I guess I can deal. 😉

I am so close to getting a free Fitbit Zip! It isn’t the fancy one, but I don’t care. I am getting it for free after all. I can’t wait to get it. I should have it in time for my Asheville/B-Day trip.

There it is! It is a glorified pedometer. 🙂   Click on the pic for more details. Oh, I’m getting it free through a wellness program at work.

I can’t keep eating ramen noodles. I tried to lower my grocery bill that way, but UGH! It makes me feel like crap and I gained a pound after only eating it for a week! This can’t continue. I’m done. Food costs too much. Living in this neighborhood costs too much (but I love the house). etc. etc.

I just got back from taking my dog to the park. The park is 2.8 miles from my house. (thanks, GPS). I had a good time. I know my dog had a better time. 🙂 We stayed there longer than I anticipated. I was supposed to do yard work today, but now college basketball is about to come on. Basketball is why I’m off today and tomorrow. I have to watch it. #Priorities

I snap chatted the whole “day at the park”. I was going to post a pic of me on Snapchat since the pic only lasts 24 hours, but I decided against it. One day I will snap a pic of myself. Anyhow, here are a few pics that didn’t make Snapchat:

SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES
park
SAMSUNG CAMERA PICTURES
park

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This week I…

Music of the week: Andra Day, Jewel, Toby Lightman, Mariah Carey, The 1975, Troye Sivan, Hailee Steinfeld, Sia

I love Andra Day. Her music has been getting me through the week. Her voice can make anything sound good. Check her out if you are unfamiliar with her music. I chose a cover for this post, but her album is amazing.

 TV of the week:  Mad Men, basketball, political stuff

March Madness! yay. All basketball, all the time.

Movie of the week: none.

Books of the week: 

  • Americanah by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie (page 334)

There was something wrong with her. She did not know what it was but there was something wrong with her. A hunger, a restlessness. An incomplete knowledge of herself.

I doubt I finish both books before they are due at the library, but I’m trying. This is what happens when you place a bunch of books on hold, and they all become available at the same time.

——

This weekend I will be doing yard work, tons of reading, my practicum, and watching basketball. The latter is what I’m looking forward to the most. I hope my teams win (UVA, Duke, and VCU). Happy weekend!

I’m caught up and I’m hanging on

(I typed this entry yesterday but couldn’t post it because my power went out for 7 hours!)

Merry March Madness!! It is my favorite time of the year. I have Thursday and Friday off. I have chores/errands in the morning and then I’m watching basketball all day and night. I’ve been lucky enough to get those days off ever since I started working where I work. Happy almost spring too! (my fave season)

Maybe I won’t be selling on Etsy after all. I’m going with Cafe Press for now. Right now I have 100+ items listed. (!!!) That sounds like a lot but it isn’t really. That is normal for a beginner. I think I’m going to have to get my paint out to make any money. But maybe I will get lucky. At least this is something I can work on NOW. The competition on the site is unreal. Yeah, I dunno. This may not work. I won’t take off what I have now but I doubt I add anymore effort to it.

I should just sell at flea markets once or twice a month. Ding. Ding. Ding. Then I won’t have to deal with shipping but there are drawbacks to everything…like people not wanting to pay full price at flea markets.

B @ the park
B @ the park

I took my dog to the park today during my lunch break. It went okay.  He seemed to LOVE it. He didn’t want to get back in the car to go home. I had to beg. (He knows I won’t pick him up). We only stayed there for about 25 minutes. I’m wondering if it is worth going during lunch. I didn’t get a lot of exercise. I probably walked a mile. So I don’t know if I will do this trip weekly like I’d planned. It was near 70 degrees. It is going to be only 50 on Thursday. That is why I changed the dates.   Btw, I go during lunch to avoid the crowds

 

park near my house
park near my house

See how dreary this park is? But it is the only park that isn’t a “dog park” that allows dogs. Plus it is so close to where I live so I’m thankful for it. I’m going to the pretty parks by myself on my vacation in July. No big plans for that vacation time.

——-

Eventually there will be no football…probably not in my lifetime. Players like Chris Borland see the light. His life isn’t worth the millions or love of the game. (Not that all football players in the NFL make millions). How much more proof do people need? These guys are damaging their minds and for what? Okay, money and love for the game. But it is worth it? I’m glad Borland gets it. Now we just need a few hundred more to get it. As long as people watch it and there is money involved there will always be players. To stop watching seems to be the only solution (which is what I did in 2013).

Just say no to football.

Cause I’m feeling like hell

I’m Binging suicide and psychology Master’s programs. Which one will I choose? Probably not the latter. I don’t know man. My week vacation could not come at a better time. I have almost no motivation to work.

Then last night the people in back of me* made noise ALL night. This is unusual. I hope it remains unusual. I had to sleep in my living room. At least -unlike an apartment- I have somewhere to escape. But I really didn’t sleep well at all. I woke up every hour. I’m not shocked I can still hear noise despite not having neighbors. You can’t run from a problem and expect it to completely disappear. It doesn’t take a genius to figure that out. So I knew it was coming.

*At least I think it is the people in back of me. I don’t have people to the side of me so I’m guessing it has to be them but it could be the people on the other side of the road. I don’t know.

I know what suicide entails so don’t ask me why I’m searching the net for it.

Somebody speak to me, ‘cause I’m feeling like hell. Need you to answer me, I’m overwhelmed. I need a voice to echo, I need a light to take me home. I need to star to follow, I don’t know

———–

Just to clarify two things (cause I’m sure people give a damn – lol)

When I said my PTSD is bad, I mean for me. I’m not comparing it to other people. I don’t have nightmares or vivid flashbacks. etc.

And when I tweeted about being bummed that the GRE costs $185….I’m not really pissed. Well it does suck but I’m not 100% sure I want to get my Master’s. My manager sort of planted that seed so I’m just doing research. One thing I have found out is that I would have to do it online. The local schools either only offer PHDs or I would have to go full-time etc.

If I do decide to get my Master’s: I’m torn between regular psychology and forensic psychology. Plain psychology is broader so if I’m unsure, I should go with that. OTOH, I’ve written essays in this blog about how I would like to help people in prison so forensic psychology sort of makes sense.

Just a thought or maybe a hidden dream. I dunno.

The M.S. in Forensic Psychology can help prepare you to find work in a variety of positions, including:

  • Case manager
  • Clinical or program director
  • Correctional officer
  • Court liaison
  • Expert witness
  • Forensic treatment specialist
  • Jury consultant
  • Law enforcement advocate
  • Researcher
  • Victim advocate

I would not want to be an expert witness. Just sayin’.

———-

park
park

I went to the park near my house yesterday. I like. 🙂 It has a ton of water which is all I ever really want anyway. I was supposed to be exercising but I spent half of my time journaling and reading on my Kindle. I’ll definitely go back next week.

I did take a break on the apartment thing. I’m going to post it again tomorrow in another section. I am also considering putting it in the newspaper. That will cost anywhere from $40 – $60. So I don’t know…I just wish people would get that I live 20 minutes away from my apartment  (time and a ton of gas going back and forth) and I don’t want to keep showing it to people who are just looking. Serious inquiries only!

Performance Art

Forget everything below. I apologize in advance for all the exclamation marks in this entry. OMFG. I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!!!!!!!1111!!!!!!!!! D’angelo is coming to the Commonwealth with Mary J. Blige and guess who is going???? MOI. I don’t give a crap what it costs. I have already seen Mary J in concert. I have never seen D’angelo. Can you believe it? How crazy am I? It is on a freakin’ Saturday!!!!!!!!! Fuck yeah. (Seriously I hope I get to go. Tickets go on sell Monday).

Back to what I had originally planned to post:

I have updated my lame music is my life page with all the musicians I have seen in concert.

Indeed I made an “A” on my midterm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so shocked. It took me 1 hour and 25 minutes to take. I was feeling sick (the norm these days) but somehow I pulled through. 🙂 🙂

I woke up almost every hour last night gasping because I thought I had missed the Supreme Court healthcare decision. I missed the live announcement. I was getting my oil changed at the time the decision was announced. So I had no idea what decision was made. I wanted to ask random people. I was hoping people might honk or um, something. But nothing. Nada.  Eventually I found out. I have no comment on the decision. I was just dying to find out. 😉 I’ m having fun watching all the news coverage. This will be an all news day for me today. That isn’t that much different than most days…

I have been in the worst mood all week. This is my week off from work. It should be a happy time. I think my first smile was when I found out what I made on my mid-term. STRESS FEST.  My realtor isn’t talking to me. Maybe she is waiting for me to call her? I don’t know. I do know that she isn’t making much off my house so why should she care, right? blah. I haven’t heard back from the bank regarding the possible short sell. and blah, blah, blah.

How about some pictures? I made time to go to the park on Tuesday. I was feeling really nonsocial so I hid most of the time. I climbed up this ‘unclimbable’ hill just so I could be away from people. The kids spotted me easily. “Look there is a lady hiding in the woods!” The parents did not believe the kids. LOL. The dad said, “She is probably sleeping”. Um, I was reading on my Kindle….not sleeping. He clearly didn’t see me. The kids were really excited by my climb. I don’t know if the adults ever saw me. I was too embarrassed to make eye contact.

Pic from my hiding spot in the woods:

hide don’t seek
random park pic

I’m supposed to go to yoga today. I don’t know if I’m going. Not feeling great. I shouldn’t have coffee. I stopped drinking it for the most part. I only drink it once a week or so (due to it being a cause of nausea). I never make it myself anymore. I only grab some if I’m out and about. I need to stop completely.

Pet update:

My dog, betta fish and dwarf frogs are doing fine. I’m so glad my frogs enjoy their new bigger home. I put a shot glass in there. 🙂 They love to hide in there. They really are social animals. At first one would hide under the bridge while the other would hide in the glass but these days they hang out together in their shot glass. The only downside is that I don’t see them as much because they are almost always hiding.