Thought I could take it from here

I didn’t eat turkey. I don’t like turkey. I ate alone in my room. Well, my dog was there for 40% of the time. I know what others do on Thanksgiving and I enjoy my way more. I hate holidays. They are the worse. Mainly because I dislike anything that disrupts the norm. Snow, holidays, etc. Hate it all.

Work is kicking my ass. If I don’t meet their unrealistic expectations by the end of December, I could lose my job. I’ve been with this company for 13 or 14 years. They start a new system and suddenly I’m nothing? That’s fair. NOT. Anyway, I’m determined to get better. I am getting better, but it’s still not good enough. As of right now, I’m at about 66% of goal. Yes, I’m supposed to be at 100%. 

Working from home with my mom here is not helping. And my dad will be here on Friday or Saturday. What if he’s loud too? I haven’t lived with him in YEARS, so I have no idea how loud he will be during my work hours. About my mom, she will probably start a new job soon. So that’s good news.

I’m trying to get to 70% by the end of November and then somehow get to 100% by December 31. I have to believe I can, or I would just sit around depressed. 

I’m mailing my letter tomorrow to my landlord about moving out. 😦 I have come to peace with wanting this whole moving thing to be over. However, the landlord might want to do a walk through which sounds like hell. I’d rather not. I have to accept whatever he says. He can’t say I broke the lease. I haven’t had a lease since May 2013. 

But there are water issues with the house. It is no longer working in the kitchen. I called a plumber to fix the leak. That was a lot of money. I can’t keep calling plumbers. I give up. Keep my security deposit. I know I’m not getting that back. I never expected it back. Who thinks about that after living somewhere for 5 years? 

How about some 2020 talk? Okay, not too much. Marianne Williamson versus Stacey Abrams. Well, really it’ll be Marianne versus about 20 other people. I really like Stacey since I’ve done my research, but I have a history with Marianne so it has to be her, right? Marianne versus Beto? I will probably vote for the one I think can win. I love voting for people I like. It is so rare for me to get the opportunity. 

I’m not crazy about Elizabeth Warren or Corey Booker. I don’t want to vote for either of them. I prefer Warren over Booker. Anyway, Marianne wants people to donate to her, and normally I would donate $10, BUT I have given her so much of my money. So much. It’s ridiculous. Nah, not donating to her campaign unless she makes it past Iowa. 

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8 most listened to): Mariah Carey, Rachael Sage, Kacey Musgraves, Ariana Grande, Maggie Rogers, The Weeknd, Christina Aguilera, Janelle Monae

TV of the week:  Nashville, basketball

Movie of the week: None

Podcasts of the week:  True Crime Garage, Pod Save America, So You Wanna Be a Witch, Mental Illness Happy Hour, Generation Why

Books of the week: Now reading –

Plans for the weekend: Ugh, tomorrow will be busy. Blah, blah, blah. We’ll be cleaning my old place since most of my stuff is gone. Then when I’m off in December, I’m calling the junk people to remove my sofas and other “junk”.  I think I have a truckload so the junk removal may cost more than the move. That sucks.

I’m also working on an astrological birth chart for my mom which is kind of impossible because she doesn’t know what time she was born. So it won’t be that accurate. I was born at 3:12 AM and my chart is almost 100% right. So far I have 486 words. I’m doing this in case someone buys one from my website. I need to have a template. I can’t just wing it. Maybe after I do this, someone will buy one from my shop. 

My dad is moving here temporarily for a few months tomorrow or Saturday. Have I mentioned that? My dog is the biggest issue because he doesn’t like anyone other than my mom and me. He now has to be locked in the room with me. He isn’t going to like that. 😦 

Tonight I will probably try to record some YouTube videos. Try is the key word because I can’t get the lighting right in this room. I never have great lighting, but this lighting is really bad despite me having THREE lamps in the room. LOL. 

Thanks for reading. Have a wonderful weekend! 🙂 

My life is broken

I took this pic on my walk today:

20181102_151542

Woohoo! I’m off all next week! BUT, I’m moving on Friday. :/ So it will be a very, very busy week. My mom just got a job so she won’t be able to help me pack as much as we had planned. *groan* I have a lot of stuff. I’ve lived here for about 5 years. I didn’t realize I had this much. More on this later.

I’m going to start with some controversial statements. CNN sucks. Yes, I said it. Don Lemon and Anderson Cooper are great people. I don’t know much about Wolf Blitzer, but he is a Washington Wizards fan, so some of him is okay.  I’m not being sarcastic. I do like them. However, CNN is so boring. How can anyone watch it? So yeah, I agree with Trump on one issue. CNN is bad. Horrible.

MSNBC isn’t that left-leaning during the day. Only the night programming is liberal. I prefer MSNBC. I could watch that all day unless they are talking about Russia and then I can’t watch. They have personality! That is so much better programming. I don’t agree with everything management is doing at MSNBC, but that’s another issue. Hell, I prefer CSPAN over CNN. Well, I happen to love CSPAN. When I move to my mom’s house, I get to watch CSPAN!! 🙂 I haven’t had access to that in about five years.

I occasionally turn to Fox News, but I don’t stay long. I can’t stand lying liars. But there are fine people on both sides. 😉

More shocking statements: When people talk about global warming, I’m like BRING IT ON! I hate cold weather. Yes, I have an issue with people who claim to like the cold. Anyway, I suppose I should move, but it so nice here 70% of the time. Why should I move for 30% of the time that is cold? But I’m supposed to care about the earth more than my warmth. Well, sometimes I don’t. I don’t want it to ever be under 50 degrees. When I want to be a cold-hearted bitch, I think, “I don’t have kids. I don’t care about what happens to the earth when I’m gone”. But that’s only when I hate everyone.

As far as people claiming to like the cold. Yeah, right. They like it when they are in their warm ass house. One person I know claims to love when it gets colder. Okay. Now this person has to catch two busses when it gets freezing cold. Still like it? I didn’t think so. People are full of shit when it comes to winter.

I’ll save the rest of my controversy for later in this entry. 😉 I should be packing right now. If I weren’t sick, it would be so much easier. I feel worse in the afternoon. I couldn’t even finish doing my YouTube videos for the month for tarot. I think I only did 5 instead of the 12 I usually do.

*************BREAKING NEWS************* I finally contacted movers. CRY. They are charging me $487! I think the last time I moved it was $290. Um, yeah I probably told them I had too much. Sigh. I’m not moving my sofas. I’m throwing them out. Long story. I also told them I had a queen size bed. Nope. It is a full-size bed. And unfortunately, I’m moving my treadmill which might be broken. Ugh! Should I throw that out too? It is easy for me to say that because my mom has a treadmill.

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8 most listened to): Lauren Daigle, Pistol Annies, Tori Kelly, Carrie Underwood, Robyn, Carly Rae Jepsen, Joan Jett and the Blackhearts, Ariana Grande

I’m sick of this new trend of singers releasing a bunch of singles instead of releasing the album. I could use so many people for example. I’ll use Mariah. She has a 10 track album coming out. She has released FOUR of the songs already. Ugh. Stop already. FWIW, I like two of the songs. I just wish people would release the whole damn album.

TV of the week:  Nashville, Survivor, Making a Murderer

Let me take you through my Making a Murderer journey. First, I must admit that I’m the opposite of Nancy Grace. Grace thinks everyone is guilty. I’m not like that. In the beginning, I was like everyone else. I was outraged that Steven Avery and Brendan Dassey were in prison. It was clearly a setup. Then I started doing my own research. Why didn’t Avery go back to work after Teresa (the victim) supposedly left? He NEVER just stayed home after 11 AM. But on the day Teresa was there, he just stayed home. Why didn’t he go back to work? He also didn’t get a receipt. Not a big deal, unless someone gets killed. He also lied about how many times he called Teresa’s number. I’m sure there are other things. But those are the main things that stick out to me.

Now, I think Brendan is innocent. Mostly. I still have doubts. He should have taken the plea deal. I hate when lawyers tell people to plea when they didn’t commit the crime. But that goes out the door WHEN YOU HAVE A VIDEOTAPED CONFESSION. Okay? If our justice system were fair, a person could get a fair trial despite a wrong confession, but that’s not how our “justice” system works.  If the person has confessed, they should take the plea. I feel sorry for Brendan.

Now I’m watching the beginning of Making a Murderer 2. And I’m starting to believe both of them are innocent. Hah. So I dunno. It’s hard for me to think Avery is innocent. Why didn’t he go back to work???! Oh, have I already asked that? I’m sick of Avery and Brendan’s cases being connected. Avery could be guilty and Dassey could be 100% innocent.

Movie of the week: None

Podcasts of the week: The Lowe Post, So You Wanna Be a Witch, All In With Chris Hayes, True Crime Garage, Serial, Tara Brach, The Beat with Ari Melber

Blood Pressure for the week (LOL):

I did a bad job monitoring my blood pressure this week. I only did it twice since I last posted. The results were:

  • 120/77 – October 31 @ 7:48 PM (meditated that morning)
  • 120/74 – November 1 @ 7:31 PM (no meditation that day)

So the meditation theory is just a theory. I was listening to Carrie Underwood when I took my BP on November 1. Maybe that helped? Joking. So, my BP isn’t always high. It has to be consistently high to be considered hypertension. I was surprised at it being so low because I’m REALLY stressed out right now.

Books of the week: 

Plans for the Weekend: 

Packing and grocery shopping. Besides packing, next week I’m going to vote on Tuesday, get my car inspected on Wednesday, and move on Friday. So I do have time to pack as long as I can breathe. I’ve canceled all tarot readings for next week. I still have one to do from this week. I will probably do that on Sunday. Glad to report that Google is sending more people to my tarot website. It’s still abysmal, but I’m new. Bing isn’t sending many people there yet. I’m a 99% Bing person. I don’t use Google.

Anyhow, tonight I’m going to pack more and throw stuff away.  All I really want to do is get in the bed and read even though it isn’t even 7 PM. I’m packing 50% of my stuff and throwing the other 50% away. That might seem strange, but no, that has been accurate so far. I was going to donate my sofas, but they are in bad shape. I don’t want to give anything like that. I’m just going to get someone to throw all this stuff (TVs, computers, etc.) away. I wish I could do it myself.

Sorry, this is so long. If I had more time, I would go back to posting twice a week. Next week I might post twice since I’m not working. Who knows? Thanks for reading my rants. Have a great weekend. 🙂

I keep on searching

My motivation to blog has just been…blah. Not really. I want to write more, but I am always working on my tarot stuff. I did take a break from the online course I wanted to create. Doing tarot and that was a bit much. I can’t do both. Plus I was just creating the online course for the extra money. Now that I’m moving back in with my mom, I don’t need the money NOW. It would be nice, but that was too much pressure. I did upload one module. So, I don’t know what’s going to happen with that. I do want to finish it, but I probably won’t start working on it again until February 2019. That is when I plan to take my first break from tarot. I will probably blog, but no youtube, and less Instagram.

I started my email list for tarot. If you have the link to my website, please visit to sign up! You will get a free meditation immediately. The meditation is for tarot readers, but I plan to do more IF that goes well. Or if I get better at recording meditations. I had a hard time finding the perfect music. I still don’t love what I picked. What I picked was free. There’s a track of the beach (my fave place in the world!) but it is $39. Okay. Maybe later. I just paid an insane amount of money to my landlord, so it ain’t happening now.

I wanted to go on a rant about people that believe tarot is about fortune telling, but I won’t. I’ll just say clearly they haven’t been in the “tarot community”. Most people frown on fortune telling. I have never had a reading done by a psychic tarot reader. Not that I’m against that. If a person is psychic, they don’t need tarot cards. What would be the point? I do know that psychic tarot readers exist, but they are in the minority. TAROT ISN’T ABOUT FORTUNE TELLING. Just do the research. Don’t let knowledge get in the way. Oh, was that a rant?

I got the trees/bushes cut down and trimmed so the plumber can get beneath the house. Now I have to call the plumber. I will probably email them tonight. I hate calling people. Hate it. This is all so expensive. Sigh. Whatever.

I should do a pros and cons list for moving back in with my mom. But first, my dad is coming back from overseas to move in soon! 😦 I really wanted to move in before he did for numerous reasons I’m not getting into. But maybe he’ll only stay a few months, and then we won’t overlap as much. My dog is going to have to be on a leash 100% of the time my dad is there (except when he is with me with the door is closed). That sucks. He doesn’t know my dad, so he doesn’t like him. He barks at him like he will attack.

Anyway, I will do a pro list for moving in with my mom. No conns tonight. That may come later. 😉

  • I will get to go to kundalini yoga twice a month. It’s $20 a class which would be the price of a gym membership. I will start going once I stop paying rent for this house.
  • I will have access to a treadmill again. My treadmill doesn’t currently work. I think it has dust in the engine. I haven’t really tried to play around with it.
  • I will have access to a washer and dryer again. Yay!
  • I will have access to a dishwasher. What a concept.
  • I will sleep in a bed again. Long story, but I now sleep on a sofa…with my dog.
  • I won’t have to pay high ass rent anymore. I’m still paying my mom something, but it’s not nearly as much. Initially, my money will go to paying off debt. Then it will go to debt and a downpayment on my dream house in the country. I hope to move out in 2 and a half years if I can stand living there that long. 

Those are the main things that I think of when I think of the good part about moving. There are so many cons. I don’t even want to think about them. That is why I won’t list them today.

Cute pic time:

DSCN0429

That’s my dog! He isn’t thrilled about moving because he won’t be able to go to the park every day. 😦 But we will walk every day when it is over 50 degrees. It is okay walking in my mom’s neighborhood. Nothing special. But I’ll take it. Nothing is as good as living in walking distance to the park.

Well, I’ve gotta go. I only had extra time today because I didn’t mow the lawn like I was supposed to. Bad girl. I don’t know what I’m going to do next. Probably something related to tarot. Then I will get into bed and try to finish the Aaron Hernandez book.

Bye!

I’m moving…again

In my defense, I’ve lived here for at least 5 years. When I graduated from college, I moved around A LOT. I mean once a year. I don’t hate moving like most people. I’m indifferent to it. It’s just something to do. 😉

I’m moving back in with my mom. OH NO!!!!!!!!111!! Yeah, this isn’t ideal. But it is better than filing for bankruptcy next summer. I’d rather pay off my debts, have a better credit score and save for a downpayment on my dream house. I’ll probably need $25K for a downpayment.

My dream house isn’t expensive. The most expensive house I’ve swooned over was probably $150,000. But most are under $130,000. I want at least a 2 bedroom house with a big bathroom in a rural area. The smaller the better. However, I do want at least 2 acres of land. So I really want to pay for the land, not the house.

Anyway, there are bad things about this move. I have to leave my house. I’ve loved this house for years, but it’s time to go. I love the area. I can walk to the freaking park. Hello? Who wouldn’t want to live here? It’s like a dream area. But due to finances, I must leave. The worst thing about the move is living with my mom. Sorry, but true. The second worst thing is that my dad lives there about 4 months out of the year. (Not 4 months straight). Too many humans!

I love living by myself so this kind of sucks. But what are my options? Filing bankruptcy next year? I haven’t looked into debt consolidation too much. Even if that were an option, moving is still the answer.

The hardest thing for me will be writing a letter to my landlord. 😦 I will feel so anxious. I don’t want to do it. Sigh. His assistant just wrote me a letter saying the landlord hopes I live in this house for YEARS. A year ago, that would have made me happy, but it just sucks because I know I’m moving. But I can’t say anything yet because I have to have the house in good shape before I move.

He also raised my rent by $15 (not a huge deal)  and now requires a $200 pet security (WTF?)  for my dog. So I have to pay a ton by October 1. I’m glad I got that letter before I was going to pay extra to my credit card. It came just in time.

I’m trying to move out by Thanksgiving. But I will probably continue to pay rent and electricity until January 1. That isn’t great because the electric bill is the main reason why I want to move. It can be $200+ when it is cold. Hopefully, November and December won’t be too cold. Where is global warming?

I’m going to pay my mom $200 a month in rent. I already have a debt repayment plan written down. Most of the extra money, that’s not going to rent will go straight to debt. I will up my money to my emergency fund. In fact, from now on that will be called my downpayment savings.

I also have some health-related things insurance won’t pay for. I will need a few thousand (Maybe $5000?) for those medical bills. I guess I should get the health thing taken care of before I start saving for a house. Ya think?

I consulted the tarot for moving out. So far I’ve only asked two questions. If I have faith in the tarot, it’s telling me this move is a good move. It told me that I need to prepare for what I know will be “bad” about living with my mom. It also told me to have faith. This morning I asked, what do I need to know about making a decision regarding moving? I got the Six of Wands which is one of the most positive cards I could have pulled. It’s basically saying this move will be a success. Okay. I hope the cards are right.

Oh, and most of this debt (85% of it) is due to Abilify. So I have to get off of it, or I will probably be back in debt again. I need to get my life back to what it was before Abilify. I’m going to talk to my regular doctor on September 17 to see if she can give me anything for Abilify withdrawal. I know she is going to say “Ask your psychiatrist.” Um, he doesn’t believe the side effects are real, so that’s pointless.

I’m worried about Hurricane Florence. It’s raining so much I can’t mow my lawn, and I really need to. I hope it doesn’t affect anyone too much.  I have to do a tarot reading tonight. Be back later this week. Bye! More on this later. And more on the plumbing situation too.

hope you’re the end of my story

(I wrote the below before finding out I can’t get cable internet without my landlord’s written consent. I was so angry. He was 1 hour late, I had to be somewhere and then I get no cable??! pissed. I need internet to work so now I’m back at my mom’s. So the following are my thoughts after one night there. Who knows when I will be back? Internet isn’t an emergency so to him…Anyway, I’m leaving the landlord a message tonight about the cable and the hot water. I feel like such a problem child. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!)

Things aren’t perfect but this feels like home. It never felt like a new place. Since I’ve moved in I haven’t been in awe. Like, I can’t believe I’m here. No, this was meant to be. I am still worried about the mobile homes the county might build. They haven’t cut down the trees yet so that is a good sign. I’m also a little worried about the two houses in back of me. Both of them are for sale. Who knows who might move in? But so far I’m loving it…Well I still want hot water. What a concept! I also have to find someone to mow my lawn until I buy a lawnmower.

This probably sounds silly but here is what makes this different than an apartment: I went to bed early (10PM) last night. I woke up at 3AM and knew I wasn’t going to go back to sleep anytime soon. I didn’t have TV at the time so I watched a DVD (Juno). After watching the whole thing at 5Am, I went back to sleep for a couple of hours. I never would have gotten up if I lived in an apartment. I would have worried about bothering someone. I would have just stayed in bed with no sleep, thinking anxious thoughts and I would have been irritable for the rest of the day. Of course the main difference will be no more hotels!!! YAY!

Picture time. More pics later.

buddha
buddha

office
office

More pics after I unpack.

Want this life to be a cabaret

Well I do indeed have a stove! It is brand new. That’s awesome but I still can’t figure out the hot water thing. 😦 The landlord is out of town this weekend. Besides the last thing I want to do is bother him EVER. We haven’t met. We haven’t talked. I would like to keep it that way as long as possible. The good thing is I only signed a 6 month lease. This also makes me nervous. I feel like I’m on a job interview. What if I fail? I found out today that I beat out SIX other people. No pressure or anything.

I’m so overwhelmed…with everything. This is the first time I’m ever moving all by myself. I’m trying not to think about it but I move tomorrow. I’m scared. I don’t wanna! Don’t make me. Sigh.

I’m mainly worried about finances everything else is secondary.

I have so much to do. So many concerns. I can’t even form coherent thoughts about it. It’s all too much. And I’m leaving to go “camping” on Wednesday afternoon. I should have cancelled but I found my dog’s rabies tag and I thought: this is a sign I should go. LOL. So I guess I’m going. I could be getting the apartment ready. Argh.

Already gone

I had to call them to find out the house was ready! I was so anxious and just waiting for them to call. Of course they would call to tell me I could move right? I didn’t want to appear desperate and anxious so I wasn’t going to call. But I drove by the house and figured that the well was done. What were they waiting for? Why didn’t anyone call? They definitely have communication issues. They don’t keep the customer in the loop. I hope this doesn’t continue to be a problem. I hate calling people and they seem to have issues with it too. But it is like they don’t care.


Bad news first: NO STOVE. And no hot water. I don’t do cold showers. I don’t do lukewarm showers so we have a problem. There are hot water hookups so I’m hoping I can somehow figure it out. The stove will wait. It sucks but I can live without it. 😦 The hot water thing is such an issue for me. I gag when I have to brush my teeth with cold water. I can’t stand that. Anyway…

I’M MOVING THIS SATURDAY!!!!!!! Seriously. The movers just happened to have nothing to do at noon so I’m moving. They are only moving my furniture and whatever things I can’t carry/fit in my car. I will have to go back several times to get the little things. So excited. I have all my utilities set up. I hope I don’t have to be at the house on Friday for power. The house already has electricity. I will be working all day Friday and then I will sign the lease. People always talk about how much they hate moving. I hate dealing with utilities (except for this time – so easy) and changing mailing addresses. I hate dealing with the mail. I have not begun to do that yet.

———

The dreaded situation – The apartment.I was going to start advertising the apartment this Saturday after I go clean it up but that was before I knew I was moving. Now everything is back in the air. I’ll see how clean I can get it before the movers get there. Take more pictures. I have an ad almost ready to go. I could post it as is and just edit it later. I know I need to post it ASAP but I also have to make sure I have time to show it and that the apartment is in good form so…ahhhhh I don’t know when I’m posting the ad. I’m soooooooo not ready for the texts and emails I will receive. I think I’m going to request email only for now or is that too limiting? I doubt I respond to voice mails. I rarely do. I will put that in the ad. Texts or emails only.

————

I was planning on cancelling my camping trip. Now I’m having second doubts. I’m not getting all my money back so maybe I should just go???? I’ll be mostly moved by then. I don’t know what to do about anything! If I have days off from work, maybe I should just stay at home and get yard work done. So confused. So much to do. I do know that I have a week off in June and I have plans to go exactly NOWHERE. I can get a ton done during that week. Thank Buddha for that.  I have to go.