I keep on searching

My motivation to blog has just been…blah. Not really. I want to write more, but I am always working on my tarot stuff. I did take a break from the online course I wanted to create. Doing tarot and that was a bit much. I can’t do both. Plus I was just creating the online course for the extra money. Now that I’m moving back in with my mom, I don’t need the money NOW. It would be nice, but that was too much pressure. I did upload one module. So, I don’t know what’s going to happen with that. I do want to finish it, but I probably won’t start working on it again until February 2019. That is when I plan to take my first break from tarot. I will probably blog, but no youtube, and less Instagram.

I started my email list for tarot. If you have the link to my website, please visit to sign up! You will get a free meditation immediately. The meditation is for tarot readers, but I plan to do more IF that goes well. Or if I get better at recording meditations. I had a hard time finding the perfect music. I still don’t love what I picked. What I picked was free. There’s a track of the beach (my fave place in the world!) but it is $39. Okay. Maybe later. I just paid an insane amount of money to my landlord, so it ain’t happening now.

I wanted to go on a rant about people that believe tarot is about fortune telling, but I won’t. I’ll just say clearly they haven’t been in the “tarot community”. Most people frown on fortune telling. I have never had a reading done by a psychic tarot reader. Not that I’m against that. If a person is psychic, they don’t need tarot cards. What would be the point? I do know that psychic tarot readers exist, but they are in the minority. TAROT ISN’T ABOUT FORTUNE TELLING. Just do the research. Don’t let knowledge get in the way. Oh, was that a rant?

I got the trees/bushes cut down and trimmed so the plumber can get beneath the house. Now I have to call the plumber. I will probably email them tonight. I hate calling people. Hate it. This is all so expensive. Sigh. Whatever.

I should do a pros and cons list for moving back in with my mom. But first, my dad is coming back from overseas to move in soon! 😦 I really wanted to move in before he did for numerous reasons I’m not getting into. But maybe he’ll only stay a few months, and then we won’t overlap as much. My dog is going to have to be on a leash 100% of the time my dad is there (except when he is with me with the door is closed). That sucks. He doesn’t know my dad, so he doesn’t like him. He barks at him like he will attack.

Anyway, I will do a pro list for moving in with my mom. No conns tonight. That may come later. 😉

  • I will get to go to kundalini yoga twice a month. It’s $20 a class which would be the price of a gym membership. I will start going once I stop paying rent for this house.
  • I will have access to a treadmill again. My treadmill doesn’t currently work. I think it has dust in the engine. I haven’t really tried to play around with it.
  • I will have access to a washer and dryer again. Yay!
  • I will have access to a dishwasher. What a concept.
  • I will sleep in a bed again. Long story, but I now sleep on a sofa…with my dog.
  • I won’t have to pay high ass rent anymore. I’m still paying my mom something, but it’s not nearly as much. Initially, my money will go to paying off debt. Then it will go to debt and a downpayment on my dream house in the country. I hope to move out in 2 and a half years if I can stand living there that long. 

Those are the main things that I think of when I think of the good part about moving. There are so many cons. I don’t even want to think about them. That is why I won’t list them today.

Cute pic time:


That’s my dog! He isn’t thrilled about moving because he won’t be able to go to the park every day. 😦 But we will walk every day when it is over 50 degrees. It is okay walking in my mom’s neighborhood. Nothing special. But I’ll take it. Nothing is as good as living in walking distance to the park.

Well, I’ve gotta go. I only had extra time today because I didn’t mow the lawn like I was supposed to. Bad girl. I don’t know what I’m going to do next. Probably something related to tarot. Then I will get into bed and try to finish the Aaron Hernandez book.


I’m moving…again

In my defense, I’ve lived here for at least 5 years. When I graduated from college, I moved around A LOT. I mean once a year. I don’t hate moving like most people. I’m indifferent to it. It’s just something to do. 😉

I’m moving back in with my mom. OH NO!!!!!!!!111!! Yeah, this isn’t ideal. But it is better than filing for bankruptcy next summer. I’d rather pay off my debts, have a better credit score and save for a downpayment on my dream house. I’ll probably need $25K for a downpayment.

My dream house isn’t expensive. The most expensive house I’ve swooned over was probably $150,000. But most are under $130,000. I want at least a 2 bedroom house with a big bathroom in a rural area. The smaller the better. However, I do want at least 2 acres of land. So I really want to pay for the land, not the house.

Anyway, there are bad things about this move. I have to leave my house. I’ve loved this house for years, but it’s time to go. I love the area. I can walk to the freaking park. Hello? Who wouldn’t want to live here? It’s like a dream area. But due to finances, I must leave. The worst thing about the move is living with my mom. Sorry, but true. The second worst thing is that my dad lives there about 4 months out of the year. (Not 4 months straight). Too many humans!

I love living by myself so this kind of sucks. But what are my options? Filing bankruptcy next year? I haven’t looked into debt consolidation too much. Even if that were an option, moving is still the answer.

The hardest thing for me will be writing a letter to my landlord. 😦 I will feel so anxious. I don’t want to do it. Sigh. His assistant just wrote me a letter saying the landlord hopes I live in this house for YEARS. A year ago, that would have made me happy, but it just sucks because I know I’m moving. But I can’t say anything yet because I have to have the house in good shape before I move.

He also raised my rent by $15 (not a huge deal)  and now requires a $200 pet security (WTF?)  for my dog. So I have to pay a ton by October 1. I’m glad I got that letter before I was going to pay extra to my credit card. It came just in time.

I’m trying to move out by Thanksgiving. But I will probably continue to pay rent and electricity until January 1. That isn’t great because the electric bill is the main reason why I want to move. It can be $200+ when it is cold. Hopefully, November and December won’t be too cold. Where is global warming?

I’m going to pay my mom $200 a month in rent. I already have a debt repayment plan written down. Most of the extra money, that’s not going to rent will go straight to debt. I will up my money to my emergency fund. In fact, from now on that will be called my downpayment savings.

I also have some health-related things insurance won’t pay for. I will need a few thousand (Maybe $5000?) for those medical bills. I guess I should get the health thing taken care of before I start saving for a house. Ya think?

I consulted the tarot for moving out. So far I’ve only asked two questions. If I have faith in the tarot, it’s telling me this move is a good move. It told me that I need to prepare for what I know will be “bad” about living with my mom. It also told me to have faith. This morning I asked, what do I need to know about making a decision regarding moving? I got the Six of Wands which is one of the most positive cards I could have pulled. It’s basically saying this move will be a success. Okay. I hope the cards are right.

Oh, and most of this debt (85% of it) is due to Abilify. So I have to get off of it, or I will probably be back in debt again. I need to get my life back to what it was before Abilify. I’m going to talk to my regular doctor on September 17 to see if she can give me anything for Abilify withdrawal. I know she is going to say “Ask your psychiatrist.” Um, he doesn’t believe the side effects are real, so that’s pointless.

I’m worried about Hurricane Florence. It’s raining so much I can’t mow my lawn, and I really need to. I hope it doesn’t affect anyone too much.  I have to do a tarot reading tonight. Be back later this week. Bye! More on this later. And more on the plumbing situation too.

hope you’re the end of my story

(I wrote the below before finding out I can’t get cable internet without my landlord’s written consent. I was so angry. He was 1 hour late, I had to be somewhere and then I get no cable??! pissed. I need internet to work so now I’m back at my mom’s. So the following are my thoughts after one night there. Who knows when I will be back? Internet isn’t an emergency so to him…Anyway, I’m leaving the landlord a message tonight about the cable and the hot water. I feel like such a problem child. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!)

Things aren’t perfect but this feels like home. It never felt like a new place. Since I’ve moved in I haven’t been in awe. Like, I can’t believe I’m here. No, this was meant to be. I am still worried about the mobile homes the county might build. They haven’t cut down the trees yet so that is a good sign. I’m also a little worried about the two houses in back of me. Both of them are for sale. Who knows who might move in? But so far I’m loving it…Well I still want hot water. What a concept! I also have to find someone to mow my lawn until I buy a lawnmower.

This probably sounds silly but here is what makes this different than an apartment: I went to bed early (10PM) last night. I woke up at 3AM and knew I wasn’t going to go back to sleep anytime soon. I didn’t have TV at the time so I watched a DVD (Juno). After watching the whole thing at 5Am, I went back to sleep for a couple of hours. I never would have gotten up if I lived in an apartment. I would have worried about bothering someone. I would have just stayed in bed with no sleep, thinking anxious thoughts and I would have been irritable for the rest of the day. Of course the main difference will be no more hotels!!! YAY!

Picture time. More pics later.


More pics after I unpack.

Want this life to be a cabaret

Well I do indeed have a stove! It is brand new. That’s awesome but I still can’t figure out the hot water thing. 😦 The landlord is out of town this weekend. Besides the last thing I want to do is bother him EVER. We haven’t met. We haven’t talked. I would like to keep it that way as long as possible. The good thing is I only signed a 6 month lease. This also makes me nervous. I feel like I’m on a job interview. What if I fail? I found out today that I beat out SIX other people. No pressure or anything.

I’m so overwhelmed…with everything. This is the first time I’m ever moving all by myself. I’m trying not to think about it but I move tomorrow. I’m scared. I don’t wanna! Don’t make me. Sigh.

I’m mainly worried about finances everything else is secondary.

I have so much to do. So many concerns. I can’t even form coherent thoughts about it. It’s all too much. And I’m leaving to go “camping” on Wednesday afternoon. I should have cancelled but I found my dog’s rabies tag and I thought: this is a sign I should go. LOL. So I guess I’m going. I could be getting the apartment ready. Argh.

Already gone

I had to call them to find out the house was ready! I was so anxious and just waiting for them to call. Of course they would call to tell me I could move right? I didn’t want to appear desperate and anxious so I wasn’t going to call. But I drove by the house and figured that the well was done. What were they waiting for? Why didn’t anyone call? They definitely have communication issues. They don’t keep the customer in the loop. I hope this doesn’t continue to be a problem. I hate calling people and they seem to have issues with it too. But it is like they don’t care.

Bad news first: NO STOVE. And no hot water. I don’t do cold showers. I don’t do lukewarm showers so we have a problem. There are hot water hookups so I’m hoping I can somehow figure it out. The stove will wait. It sucks but I can live without it. 😦 The hot water thing is such an issue for me. I gag when I have to brush my teeth with cold water. I can’t stand that. Anyway…

I’M MOVING THIS SATURDAY!!!!!!! Seriously. The movers just happened to have nothing to do at noon so I’m moving. They are only moving my furniture and whatever things I can’t carry/fit in my car. I will have to go back several times to get the little things. So excited. I have all my utilities set up. I hope I don’t have to be at the house on Friday for power. The house already has electricity. I will be working all day Friday and then I will sign the lease. People always talk about how much they hate moving. I hate dealing with utilities (except for this time – so easy) and changing mailing addresses. I hate dealing with the mail. I have not begun to do that yet.


The dreaded situation – The apartment.I was going to start advertising the apartment this Saturday after I go clean it up but that was before I knew I was moving. Now everything is back in the air. I’ll see how clean I can get it before the movers get there. Take more pictures. I have an ad almost ready to go. I could post it as is and just edit it later. I know I need to post it ASAP but I also have to make sure I have time to show it and that the apartment is in good form so…ahhhhh I don’t know when I’m posting the ad. I’m soooooooo not ready for the texts and emails I will receive. I think I’m going to request email only for now or is that too limiting? I doubt I respond to voice mails. I rarely do. I will put that in the ad. Texts or emails only.


I was planning on cancelling my camping trip. Now I’m having second doubts. I’m not getting all my money back so maybe I should just go???? I’ll be mostly moved by then. I don’t know what to do about anything! If I have days off from work, maybe I should just stay at home and get yard work done. So confused. So much to do. I do know that I have a week off in June and I have plans to go exactly NOWHERE. I can get a ton done during that week. Thank Buddha for that.  I have to go.

Better dig two

I can only laugh at this point. Or scream! “My” house is in a secluded area. I don’t have neighbors on either side.  Of course the county doesn’t like that. I was researching the area because I will be living very close to a park. And I wanted to know how many acres it was etc. (280 acres).  Well the county is planning on building 40+ homes (or trailers) in that wooded area right where I will be living. I don’t know if they will tear my house down or not. I do know that the two houses in back of me are for sale. Interesting, isn’t it? They are two really nice homes. The guy closest to me just placed his house on the market 20 days ago. He knows what is going to happen and is trying to get out now. I don’t blame him.

Well at least I’m only renting, right? But I wanted to stay there for at least 3-5 years. I know things change. The owner could decide he wants to sell after me being there ONE year. I don’t know. But I do know that I picked that house because it was in a quiet, secluded area. Well this sucks. As far as I know there haven’t been meetings against the new houses/subdivision since 2012. I find that odd…

How can they just fuck up 7 acres of land?? I should have known that it was too good to be true. “Country living in the city” ROFL. But I will enjoy it while it lasts. I have created a Google alert for more info. It’s funny. When I was a temp, I worked for the guy who wants to destroy this land. :/ I only temped there for a day or two.

I can’t find out if he has been approved to build yet. I know he was seeking a permit. I don’t know how long that takes. And then how long will it take to build the houses? If it is a trailer park or mobile homes, I’m guessing it won’t take too long. (Bummer). But if they are regular houses, construction might take a while. I dunno. I would be living near a bunch of people. THE HORROR!!…that is if they aren’t planning to tear down my house which I kinda think they are. The owner will probably sell it to them.

As of this moment, I’m planning on moving my furniture on May 18. I would love to move on May 11 but they are still working on the outside of the house. They need probably one more day to finish the well. (Yes, I will be getting my water from a well). The problem is that it is supposed to rain Monday through Wednesday of this upcoming week. That means no work. Sigh.

I went inside the house again yesterday (trespasser!). Still no stove/oven.  But I was happy to see that there are electrical plugs in the dining room. I was slightly freaking out because I really want that to be my office.

Kaleidoscope Dream

I, like, totally got the house!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG. YAY!

Project Life post next but for now let me blog about “my” house. I went by there today after work. I had no idea I would be able to get in and walk around. Too bad I didn’t have my digital camera, but I did take some lower quality pics. I still can’t believe it.  I even smiled to myself a few times which is very unusual for me.

I will have better pics later, but I’m still going to post some crappy ones for now.

I’m really worried that there still isn’t a stove.  I was told the landlord was going to buy one. But the house is basically done, and if it weren’t raining every day, I could move in on Saturday. (To do one last install they need three days of no rain). Anyhow if he was going to buy a stove, I have a feeling it would already be there. How long can I live without a stove? I may be finding out. Thank Buddha for the microwave. The other bad thing is NO CLOSETS. I mean absolutely none. How weird is that? I didn’t realize that the first time I saw the house. I wouldn’t have worried so much about someone else wanting it if I had known that. How many people are willing to live without any closets. No pantry. No place to hang your clothes etc.

There are two bedrooms and a ‘formal’ dining room. So I’m turning one of the bedrooms into a closet/stuff room. The dining room will be my home office. Picture time. Here is the living room:




What will be my walk in closet:


These shelves will be above my bed. I have always wanted something like this. (crappy quality. sorry)


Shelves in the living room:


Why that’s nice. Now back to reality. I’m off for a week in early June. I hope to get away for at least 2 days but the rest of the time I plan to have a couple of open houses for my apartment. I plan to start renting it July 1 (if I can find someone). I don’t know when I will officially move. I have to pack first. I just know I plan to start working at the house ASAP. No furniture, no problem. I think Friday is my last day in the office. As of right now, it is back to my apartment to work on Monday. I’m terrified ….. but I know it won’t be for long. I can’t let my work slip up at all, though. If it would stop raining, I could move on Saturday but it doesn’t look like that is in the plans.