If I’m scared, I’ll go in scared

Support for the military isn’t a Republican or Democrat thing. I don’t hear people bashing the military. It bothers me when people make the military political, or they say that support for the police is political. Maybe most people who serve in the military are Republican (not my dad – LOL). Not sure. However, they have family and friends who are NOT Republican. People in America support the military.

I know the police thing is a little divisive. But that ain’t a Republican versus Democrat thing last I checked. Also, don’t spread LIES and say policemen and women die every day. I keep up with it. Yes, their lives are in danger every day. But there isn’t a report of a death every day. 92 law enforcement people have died in the line of duty so far in 2018. Does that sound like DAILY to you? I didn’t think so. Of that 92, 10 were heart attacks, one was accidental and 1 drowned. And some sadly died this year from effects from 9/11. They are in the statistics too.

Stop with the spreading lies BS. People are so damn dramatic when it comes to fighting against something that isn’t a thing. People in law enforcement do not die every day. Americans don’t hate the military. How about that for the truth? Shocking. I know.

/end telling the straight up FACTS.

I need money now. Tarot is a long-term thing. I’m thinking about starting a course on how I passed my certification exams the first time. That’s sort of like passing the bar exam on the first try except it’s not that hard. But people are impressed by that. I passed two exams on the first try. So why not sell a course on it? How YOU can pass the exam on the first try.

I’ll tell you why I don’t want to do it. I don’t want to make the course. *whine* 😉 I like tarot more than what I got my certification in. It would also be a lot of work. But I know I could sell it. I need to come up with a curriculum. I’m not saying for sure I’m doing it. But I will at least do an outline this weekend.

I would probably charge $30 for the course. Cheap, but I’m a newbie. No videos. Just PDFs. No Facebook group. Access to me? Hmmm, maybe for extra money. I don’t want to invest in this AT ALL. That’s part of the problem. I don’t have the latest books. I would probably have to buy those. *double whine* I really have to think about this. Since I’m not working part-time anymore and I’m doing only 3 tarot readings a week, I could do an online course.

I need the money. Yeah, I know I’ve already said this, but I REALLY need it. So I have to do something. I would buy a WordPress site and pay for it monthly so I can cancel at any time. My tarot site is on Squarespace, and I pay annually. WordPress is a little cheaper. I’ve also heard it’s harder to work with, but whatever. I can figure it out.

So I guess thinking about this is what I’ll be doing this weekend. It has to be top notch if I do it. Yeah, it won’t initially be expensive, but I want this to be worth $100. If I were doing videos and/or modules, it would be a $300-$500 course. But it is just going to be a bunch of documents. I can’t charge a ton for that. People like videos and I might consider doing that later on. I would want this course up by the end of September.

I love only doing 3 free tarot readings a week. I just did my 25th tarot reading yesterday and got great feedback on it. I was so nervous about that reading because she wanted to know specifically who she would fall in love with and when. Uh, I’m not psychic. I wish I were. Do you know how much money I could make if I were psychic or a medium? A lot. Anyway, 25 tarot readings done. I’ve learned a lot. I haven’t perfected my skill. I think I need at least 25 more free/practice readings to feel confident about charging people what an email reading is really worth.

Something is very wrong with my left wrist. Is the carpal tunnel back? This doesn’t feel like carpal tunnel. I am going to start wearing my brace again…once I find it. I can barely pick things up with my left hand only.

I was so sick today. I want to thank my essential oils for making it better. And maybe Clarispray helped a little too. 🙂 I used eucalyptus and frankincense. I put A LOT in my diffuser, and I felt better within 30 minutes to an hour. It wasn’t just the Clarispray. The allergy medicine takes 4 hours to work. I hate being “sick” for 4 hours especially when I’m trying to work. Yay, for essential oils.

One more random thing: I ordered crab linguini alfredo from Red Lobster. Um, the pasta was good, but I hated the crab! I’m from Maryland. We like crab! LOL. Next time I’m either getting salmon or tilapia. No more crab in pasta for me. Ugh.

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8 most listened to): Camilla Cabello, Demi Lovato, Florence + the Machine, The Wailin Jennys, Elephant Revival, Linkin Park, Alessia Cara, Kesha

TV of the week:  Big Brother, I’m a Killer, The Bachelorette

Movie of the week: None

Podcasts of the week: True Crime Garage, Why is This Happening?, Generation Why, Joyce Meyer, A Course in Miracles, Castle Rock, Tara Brach, Online Marketing Made Easy

Books of the week: Now reading:

Plans for the weekend: Um, nothing much. Yeah! No day job work as of right now. I will do two tarot readings this weekend. Like I said above, I will be working on doing an outline for a possible online course. I will work on my astrology course and read. I might mow the lawn. It keeps raining! ARGH. I mowed the side of my yard on Tuesday, and it looks like I didn’t mow it because I mowed it when it was slightly damp. But the grass is always damp because it keeps raining! Sigh. I just need two days in a row with no rain.

UPDATE: I’m now working overtime tomorrow. Um. Yeah, I need the money (for the 25th time). Yay??

PSA: I’m telling everyone about this course (including on my tarot site). I will blog about it here too.

Bank Boost is open for enrollment now through August 20th, and I thought you should know about it. It’s fun, super effective, and unlike anything else you’ve tried when it comes to money. You can sign up here >> The online course is only $35, and the best thing about it for me was giving me ideas on how to make extra money.

And the class is live! It’s not one of those self-paced things you buy and then forget about. There are live q & as, weekly emails, and a super active Facebook group full of people who are cheering you on and sharing their insights. FOR 35 EVER-LOVING DOLLARS.

INSTAGRAM - Bank Boost

Full disclosure, I *am* an affiliate for the course, but that’s because I really, really believe in it.

Whew! Long entry. Thanks for reading! Have a wonderful weekend. 🙂

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I’m in a state of mind

I’m emotional for crazy reasons. I just canceled LeTote. I’ve been with them FOREVER. Ride or Die. On the days when I knew a package was coming, I would be so excited to get a Tote. How sad. Now it’s gone. Over. No more fun clothes and accessories. I keep thinking, “Now I have to wear what’s in my closet??!” Who does that? I told you the reason was nuts. But I have to be financially responsible. I have to cancel other things too. I just started with them because it was easy to cancel.

::sobs::

And the other reason is John McCain. I told you…nuts! I’ve admired him for years. Of course, it was tough when he was running against Obama for president. Those years I didn’t admire him as much. But I know politics, and he had to say certain things to try to get elected. I probably agree with him about 20% of the time. I’m a progressive and to agree with him that much says a lot.

Even though he recently voted for that tax bill, I will miss him. I have NEVER cared this much about a politician dying. Other celebrities? Sure. But not politicians. I’m sad for his family, for him and for DC politics. He will be greatly missed. Please don’t go. 😦

Awkward subject change time. Gabby Bernstein liked what I said in a survey, and she wants to use my words as a testimonial! Here’s the awkward thing: Her team asked me for a picture to use on their freaking website! I should have not responded or said no, but it’s Gabby, so I sent two pictures for them to choose from. They probably reached out to at least 50 people, so the chances of my pic being on her website are slim. Is this something to be happy about? I was so happy on Friday to read the email. “Gabby really liked your responses to the survey…” I’m just glad she liked my WORDS. I’ll see what happens. I wish I had better pics of myself. I sent one from me in Vegas and one from me in Asheville.

I did watch The Rachel Divide. Like I said below it is a documentary on Rachel Dolezal. I would recommend this movie to everyone! I have so much I want to say. SPOILERS are here. I learned so much about her. I wasn’t keeping up with her. She had a baby? She wrote a book? WHAT? I probably won’t read the book because I watched the documentary. The book didn’t sell well at all. Anyway, what a story this woman has.

I don’t know where to begin. If I grew up like her, I would have issues too. Rachel is no victim when it comes to the backlash she is dealing with now. However, her parents are crap. Oh, is that too harsh? Maybe. I don’t know their whole story. They outed her because of what she was about to say about their biological son and the sexual abuse. She was about to testify against him, so they called the media. They also physically and emotionally abused their kids. That isn’t coming from just Rachel. I wouldn’t believe it if it came from her.

I can’t figure out whether Rachel is a narcissist, a sociopath or neither. She seems so nice. She did admit she was born white on a talk show, but when she had the chance to clear it up with a huge audience on The Today Show, she didn’t. WTF? Sigh. She kind of pissed me off with that.

All this talk of being transracial. Um, I don’t think folks are going to go with that. Especially black people. Do white people even care that much? Due to white privilege, a white person can’t say I feel black, and therefore I am black. The person is missing the daily discrimination a black person deals with.

Yeah, race was made up by people. It’s not real. But racism is real. I’m only mad at Rachel for her LIES. Not just lies about being black, but maybe lying about hate crimes, etc. That’s why I think she’s a narcissist. Btw, she can’t just move from Spokane and start over due to her son’s custody deal. That sucks for her and her sons. I feel so bad for her teenage son. That poor kid. He has no friends. He is suffering. If I could shake Rachel and just say, “Think about your kids.” Not that she would listen.

I know I’m all over the place. I’m just typing things as they come to me. Oh, another thing that made me mad was her lying about the struggles she faced by being black. Um. Really? People didn’t provide specific examples of what she would say, but ugh.

To recap: Great documentary. She doesn’t seem to really get why she can’t say she’s black. She did admit to being born white. She just considers herself transracial sort of like transgender, but I hate comparing the two because I don’t really know if being transracial really exists. I believe it can exist. Sue me for being open-minded. However, Rachel was not born “transracial.” She had life experiences that led her to feel black. That isn’t how being transgender works. She wasn’t a 5-year-old saying “I’m black.” I’m not trying to be funny. I’m just explaining why the whole trans thing wouldn’t work for her IF it does exist.

I grew up thinking I was supposed to be of Mexican descent. I was obsessed with their culture. I’m not transracial. Besides, I grew out of that. I understand how one can appreciate the culture and not BE Mexican. I still love Mexico and blah, blah, blah.

One more thing: She is a great artist. If she doesn’t stop complaining about not being able to find a job in black studies and start selling her art!! You have to see her art. She is a phenomenal painter. Why does she have to work for a university? Has she ever heard of Etsy? Sell your prints, woman! Besides she is probably never going to get a job at any school. She has a bad reputation. She would need to get out of Spokane (even though it’s beautiful there) and that’s not currently an option. Sorry, I went on another tangent. I could talk about Rachel forever. She fascinates me.

Working overtime today so that probably means no park. Last summer, I wasn’t working OT, so I went to the park every day. Right now I need the money so my dog and exercise will have to suffer. Bye! 🙂

Damned if I do, damned if I don’t

I just tapped on clearing resentment.

These past few days I’ve been struggling with what to do about finances and my parents. Two separate issues. The good thing is that according to my mom, my dad might be going back to living overseas. I know this sounds bad for me to be happy about. But try driving someone somewhere in a panicked state. Driving is serious. Accidents can happen! If I didn’t have to take him anywhere, his presence wouldn’t be so bad. But him living with my mom forever does scare me.

There is something scary about FOREVER. According to what my mom thought, my dad was going to live with her forever. That’s scary shit. I don’t like forevers. It seems so final. Anyway, now I can breathe (a little). Because I think he is going back. He probably just came back to America to get some of his stuff together. He usually comes back once a year, so maybe this is what he is doing now.

I guess I resent my mom because she knows I have a hard time driving him around. Why does she make a joke out of it? Yes, I could be 100% honest and say: I’m close to having panic attacks while I’m driving him around so I would rather not do it. That is honest, but I’m not doing it. I rarely talk to my dad. The last thing I’m going to do is NOT take him to the store. I feel like that’s the least I can do. But my mom doesn’t have to make light of it. It’s not funny.

Sigh. So that is why my parents are currently getting on my nerves.

And financial stuff. Ack! I thought I was okay. My rent is still too high, so I’m not saving much money. But I thought I had debt under control. Um, nope. One of my credits cards is out of control. I just got the bill over the weekend, and I freaked out. It was over $100 for the minimum payment! This is a new thing. I’ve NEVER had a minimum payment that high.

Today I paid double the minimum payment  (yes, over $200) and I’m paying more in mid-April. But this isn’t going to get better unless I start working at my part-time job. I might have to consolidate. That may be the only answer for this card. But I want to lower it on my own before I even consider consolidating. That probably doesn’t make financial sense. But whatever.

I’m willing to work 2 jobs. I’m just waiting for the PT job to start back up. It’s seasonal work.  I can’t afford to wait forever. I’ve been waiting since December. I’ve enjoyed the time off. Trust me. I don’t LOVE working 24/7. That is what I was doing October through December. I had no free time. I could not read books. I wasn’t enjoying life much. But I need the money. I’m willing to do it differently this time. I will still nap for an hour a day and then work all afternoon. However, I will take time for myself on the weekends. I need a couple of hours a day on Saturday and Sunday.

I should be thankful I’m not working now. How could I study for the certification exam if I was working all the time? I have no idea. How could I read all these spiritual books if I was working so much? Uh, but I need the money. I can work it out somehow.

Speaking of my certification exam, I made an 82 on my practice exam!!!  🙂 That is the highest score I’ve ever gotten. I only have one more practice exam left. I made a 72 on the first two exams I took. They said you shouldn’t take the real exam if you can’t make an 80 or above on a practice exam. I finally did it! Woohoo! I was shocked. I don’t feel good about the amount of guessing I did, but I’m going to guess on the real exam too. lol. This stuff is hard.

Gotta go.

I’m eating ramen noodles

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dinner for the next week

My mom and I go grocery shopping together once a month. Like I said in my last entry, I have to reduce my grocery bill. I’ve decided I have to eat ramen noodles to lower my food bill. This is especially bad because I’m prehypertensive. Ramen noodles are bad for everyone, but they are cheap. So I bought five packs of Ramen noodles today. (and more may be coming).  My mom is concerned. ROFL. At least, someone cares! haha. She knows I’m struggling to pay my bills.

Anyhow, if things go right financially for her, she has offered to help me with my grocery bill. How nice! She will know within a week or two whether she can afford it. She offered because she doesn’t want me to eat Ramen noodles. I would never ask for it. Remember I ‘m miss independent.

I think my mom feels guilty because we used to eat Ramen noodles ALL THE TIME when we were growing up. That’s all we could afford.

The plan is to eat the Ramen noodles alone for dinner. I should probably add veggies like I always do with dinner, but that would defeat the purpose and add more to my grocery bill. Vegetables aren’t cheap. Well, cabbage kind of is, but I’m sick of eating that every single damn day. I’m taking a few days off from cabbage. Then I’ll go back because cabbage is cheaper than frozen broccoli. I LOVE broccoli. I bought one bag of it today even though I probably shouldn’t have. $$$

Eating Ramen noodles is only temporary. Eating Ramen noodles is only temporary.Eating Ramen noodles is only temporary.Eating Ramen noodles is only temporary. Well, I hope so. That’s the plan.

It is expensive to eat somewhat healthy. Junk is cheaper. The end.

I struggle to fly now

I got my stuff from GroopDealz! Good quality and great prices. The maxi skirts fit beautifully. I had to measure myself to get the right size, so I was worried. I already have a date for my blue maxi skirt. I’m wearing it this Saturday.  No more clothes. No more stuff. I’m on a no spend (except food) because I have to be. I don’t have anything in savings. I’m living paycheck to paycheck, and I’m paying off debt. 😦  I’m ashamed to admit that I thought I had money when I ordered the clothes last week. I mean, I knew I was near broke, but I didn’t know I was THAT broke.

Will I cancel my Stitch Fix for April? Not yet. I may get my tax refund by then, and I get to choose how much I will or won’t spend.

It looks like Sanders and Clinton are going all the way. It just won’t end. Congrats to Bernie for having a great campaign.

I’ve been looking into a healing trauma center in Tennesse. It costs $4800 for a week!! And insurance won’t pay a dime. It lasts a week. I don’t care for some of their rules, and everyone has a roommate. Plus, there is no guarantee it will work. Obvs. I dunno. They might say my trauma isn’t “real” trauma. But I bet they are willing to take my money by putting me in another program.

Today, we know that trauma is a much broader phenomenon than was once imagined. It is defined as any experience that creates feelings of overwhelming-ness and/or an event that is perceived as life threatening. We also know that no two people have the same reaction to traumatic experiences. Yet, a hallmark of trauma is a sense of loss of connection to ourselves, our bodies, our families, others, and even to the world around us. It’s as if, in trauma, we inhale a strong sense of loss and personal defectiveness with no direction as to how to exhale.

-from the website

Sigh. I could definitely use something. However, there is no way I have that kind of money now. I wouldn’t mind spending a week in Tennesse, but I want life changing results. It’s just something I’m thinking about. I’m glad Jewel recommended it in her book. I’ve read a little about other centers, but this sounds the best.

This week I…

Music of the week: Jewel, Fifth Harmony, Andra Day, Toby Lightman, Ray LaMontagne, Lissie, The 1975, Tori Kelly

When people ask me who is my favorite musician, I scoff. Who can choose a favorite? After finishing Jewel’s book and relistening to her catalog of music…I’ve been a fan since 1995. It was before she sold a thousand albums. She wasn’t famous at all. I went to Target Records (lol), and they had her album for $18. That was and still is a lot of money for a CD. But there was only one copy. It had just come out, and I bought it anyway. I’m going off on a tangent.

Jewel changed my life in the 90s. I picked up my first guitar because of her. She made me feel not alone for being sensitive. I love her so much. I love what she stands for. Jewel is my favorite musician* because her music is pure and just as good in the 90s as it is now. I grew up with her.

*Of course, I have to have an asterisk. I also grew up with Mary J. Blige, John Mayer, Mariah Carey, etc. I love their music too, but Jewel is my fave.

TV of the week:  Mad Men, basketball, political stuff

Movie of the week: none. I probably won’t watch a movie until the college basketball season ends in April.

Books of the week: More Jewel talk! #SorryNotSorry I finished Never Broken: Songs Are Only Half of the Story by Jewel. This is the best book I’ve read so far in 2016. It is part autobiographical and part self-help. My kind of book. I wish I owned this book. I will probably buy a paperback version when it is available.

Now reading:

Planner update: I’m no longer decorating, but I’m still planning.

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plans of the week

This weekend is grocery weekend. I need to find a way to lower my bill. Since I started eating somewhat healthy, my bill has almost tripled! What do I do? Go back to eating junk? I have to do something. I can no longer afford to continue this way.

I don’t give myself often

Countdown:

100 days until the Tori Kelly concert

124 days until my Asheville vacation

148 days until the Ellie Goulding concert

I’m going to be transparent here. I always try to be. I feel like I’m lying if I leave something major out. So I will say this: I’m struggling with debt/finances. That is not something new. Anyone that reads my blog knows that. But it is an ongoing struggle.

I only make about $33,000 a year (with overtime). There it is. I am very thankful for every dollar I make. I say “only” because that is less than what most  people on the internet seem to make.  I mean the people posting the perfect pictures on Instagram and most of the people who blog.

UPDATE: I made $35,000 in 2015. I just got  my W-2 form.

My point is that YES I have made horrible financial decisions recently. Horrible. I know I shouldn’t see Ellie Goulding and Tori Kelly in concert. I justified it because those are the only two people I said I wanted to see in 2014. And here they are! I said if I ever got the opportunity…

And the treadmill. I’m glad I have it. I use it daily. Well, I did skip one day when I walked around Walmart for more than 1 hour. That was enough exercise that day.  (I leave my cart in a secluded aisle and walk to get stuff to get more exercise). I feel like the treadmill will be a good thing for me. I will say more about it below (in the treadmill update section).

The Asheville vacation is just silly. SILLY. I can’t justify it. I’ve been eyeing that cabin since 2013. I just wanted to go. It was dumb to keep looking at pictures of it.

I have already beat myself up. I have to stop that now and move forward. I was going to consider financial counseling, but I know what I need to do. I’m not making enough money. I spent too much. etc. I do have access to one free 30-minute financial counseling session. I might use that. I don’t think only 30 minutes will help much, though.

I have my Michael Kors bag up for sale. I hope it sells. Someone will buy the bag. I will use that money to pay for some of the Asheville trip.

This is not the end of this topic. I just had to get what I was thinking/feeling out there.

This week I…

Music of the week:  Demi Lovato, David Bowie, Little Mix, Ellie Goulding, Maria Mena, Tori Kelly, Adele, Ed Sheeran

Song of the week: my favorite David Bowie song –

TV of the week: Nurse Jackie, Mozart in the Jungle

Movie of the week:  none

Books of the week:

Treadmill update: My body is over doing only a mile a day. However, it takes about 10 minutes for me to get the treadmill down and put it back up. I exercise during lunch. I eat and take my dog out the first 30 minutes, and then I get on the treadmill for a mile (15 mins). I will do a review of this treadmill on this blog. One con is how long it takes to get it down and put it back up. If I didn’t have a dog, I probably would leave it down all the time. That would be so much easier.

I do feel a little better when I exercise. I don’t feel as sluggish at 2 PM, but I need to increase my time on the treadmill. I just don’t know how during my lunch break.

This weekend I would like to try doing two miles each day (and Monday since I have that day off).

Planner update: 

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not much decorating this week

———-

I’m going to curl up in bed and get ready for the Republican debate. I wish they only had 6 candidates on the stage instead of 8. The Democrats debate on Sunday. Fun times. I’m going to meditate first. I have more time now. I might as well fill it with doing stuff like meditation. 🙂

I can walk alone

These credit card companies are getting on my nerves. I paid off Discover, but they still charged me 3.99 for a wallet protection fee. I guess I have to make a phone call and maybe close the account. Yeah, I have too many accounts. If I close any, it will be Discover. The plan was to use my Amazon rewards card and pay it off every month so I could still get the rewards. Not going to work. They hit me with a $6.00 finance charge even though it hasn’t been a month. What’s going on? I used to do this all the time. So no more credit cards. Cash only. Screw the “rewards”.

I’m going back to writing down every dollar I spend. (I also use Mint.com via the app). Reality is going to suck, but I’ll get used to it. As long as I have enough money, I’ll be happy. My electric bill can be $250 in the winter so that concerns me. It wouldn’t be so bad if it were $250 and warm but it is still freezing and I often don’t have water. ugh. I’m paying almost $900 in rent for this? Yes. If it weren’t for privacy concerns, I wouldn’t still be living here. I love it because it is isolated. In case anyone is wondering, NO I don’t make enough to pay that much in rent.

I re-started writing my novel. Not happening. It is more of an essay which is so not what I want. I will finish the essay/short story, but I am bummed that I can’t seem to write fiction. I’m not going to force myself to write a novel. What’s the point of that? However, I am going to write the longest short story I can through November. As of right now I’m still going to participate in NaNoWriMo during November somehow but writing 50,000 words? Nah.

I’ve been working late almost every night this week which means I haven’t been working on my practicum. I keep thinking I can get caught up….ugh, it rarely happens.

This week I…

Music of the week: Carrie Underwood, Demi Lovato, Jewel, Janet Jackson, Borns, Stacy Barthe, James Bay, Matt Nathanson

Adele just pissed everyone off by releasing a  surprise single and an album this year. (Album out November 20). Now they won’t win Grammys or top the charts. Nice surprise for the fans, though.  So much new music is coming out! This year started out slow. I can’t wait to do my top albums of the year list. I think I’m doing top 15 this year, but it depends on how many albums I like. I’m pretty sure I already know what my #1 album will be. But Ellie Goulding, Adele or someone else may surprise me.

song of the week: Stacy Barthe – Extraordinary Love

TV of the week:  Lost (season 3), basketball, Republican debate

The debate was far from boring, but I found myself zoning out. I think I’ve heard enough from the Republicans. Maybe if they cut down the field, it would interest me more. The next Democrat debate is November 19. Looking forward. Please ask Bernie more about guns. That really annoys him. lol. Ew, I just found out Hillary is for the death penalty. How did I not know that? I shouldn’t be shocked.

Movie of the week:  none. Spotlight (opening November 6) sounds terrific. It is about how the Boston Globe uncovered child molestation within the Catholic Archdiocese.

Books of the week:  Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More by Janet Mock (on page 152) and Manifest Your Destiny: The Nine Spiritual Principles for Getting Everything You Want by Wayne W. Dyer (page 73)

Planner update:  

plans of the week
plans of the week

My next entry may be a review/initial thoughts on a clothing service called Le Tote. I just got my clothes today.