Never known love

I love my Mac so far. I don’t understand the bad reviews of the Air. I know Apple hasn’t updated it in a while. But I love the sound, the screen quality (gasp), how fast it is, the battery life, etc. This isn’t an Air thing, but I love how I don’t have to unzip files with a program anymore. That is the best thing about Macs so far. Okay, maybe not the best thing because I’m new to Macs, but I love it.

I had to fix the trackpad settings because I hated how it came. OMG, it was the worst. It took me a day to figure out how to change it. Other than that, the Mac and I are getting along just fine. Well, I still don’t know how to do everything. I think I have duplicates of a few things because I’m not sure how files work on the Mac. Oh yeah, the camera on the Air is horrible. I’m glad I never use FaceTime. The camera on my PC is much better, but I knew that going in.

My HP is still my main computer. I did transfer most of my files to my MacBook. I did it with an external drive, and it didn’t take long at all. I’m going to take my test on my Mac on Sunday morning. I’m using Safari for now because I like it. I probably will eventually download Chrome.

Don’t tell anyone this but I already used iTunes! I listened to a Marianne Williamson talk with it. Please keep this a secret. I wouldn’t want anyone to know I might like iTunes. 😉 However, I’m 95% sure I’m going to use Spotify to listen to music most of the time. That is what I do on my HP.

I’ve been recently judging my mom so bad. I need to do Gabby Bernstein’s Judgment Detox again. I feel so horrible when I think bad things about her…sometimes. But other times, I feel justified. I’ve been listening to Marianne Williamson, and sometimes I see the innocence in my mom. How do you forgive someone when they keep doing the same ‘bad’ things?

I can easily forgive someone who does something once. But I don’t know how to forgive things like excessively lying. I wish I just didn’t care about things like lying, but honesty is one of my core values. Don’t get me wrong. If I’m in trouble, my first thought is can I lie to get out of this? LOL. But I don’t usually lie because I suck at it. I’m not saying I NEVER lie.

At the end of the day, I’m not perfect. I can’t judge anyone. And I know from studying A Course In Miracles and my own life experiences that our bad behavior isn’t really us. When I act out, it is usually because I’m scared or feel inferior. I wish other people wouldn’t judge me for that, but of course, they do!

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8 most listened to): Kacey Musgraves, Ed Sheeran, Lea Michele, Janelle Monae, Shania Twain, Delta Goodrem, Britney Spears, Kesha

TV of the week: Alias Grace, My 600lb life, basketball, RHONYC

Movie of the week: none

Podcasts of the week: Sooo Many White Men, All In With Chris Hayes, What Should I Read Next?, Fresh Air

Books of the week: I finished reading All-American Murder: The Rise and Fall of Aaron Hernandez, the Superstar Whose Life Ended on Murderers’ Row by James Patterson and Alex A. 4 stars. I enjoyed this book. I read Amazon reviews after I finished reading the book to see why it was rated kind of lower than I expected and people pointed out that all this info has been released before. I agree, BUT I don’t have a good memory. I found the book a great refresher. I like that everything I ever wanted to know about Aaron Hernandez is all in one place.

Now reading –

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Get To Work Book

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Plans for the Weekend: Not much. YAY! I’m going to my mom’s house on Saturday. She really wants to see my new computer, and my dog wants to go too. 😉 On Sunday, I’m going to finally take my test. I need to finish this course. I think I have 3 more tests after this weekend.

Next week I have 6 hours off..on two separate days. On Monday, I have 2 hours off to go to the doctor (psychiatrist to get new prescriptions). And then on Tuesday, I have 4 hours off for no real reason. We aren’t supposed to have training that day, so I’m boycotting work. Lol. I’m going to try to start my lawn mower that day. It took me about 45 minutes to start it last Spring. I’m really nervous about it. The mower sounds like it is on its last legs. 😦 It’s not only about buying a new mower, even though I don’t want to. It’s about how do I get a mower to my house? And then I would have to pay someone from Craigslist to put it together for me like I did a few years ago. Sigh. Please work!

Thanks for reading! Have a wonderful weekend. 🙂

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Gonna be a diamond someday

My sunflower is about to bloom! I can see yellow! Next year I’m going to plant at least 6 miniature sunflowers. This year I only planted two (didn’t want to spend money on pots – lol). One of them was eaten by an animal very early on. I can’t wait to post pics of it very soon. I know everyone reading this is so excited! haha.

My certification exam is Saturday. Honestly, I didn’t study as much as I could have. But I also feel like there isn’t enough information to study. This exam is less than 3 years old. My mom is trying to make me feel bad about not studying…but how does she know how much I’m studying? She doesn’t live with me. We see each other about 3 times a month. We rarely talk on the phone. We do text at least once a day, but not about my daily schedule.

I think she has some issue going on and I can’t figure out. Maybe she’s jealous because I passed the last certification test (in 2014) on the first try and she took it more than 10 times and failed every time??? Anyway, I’m not really worried about it because I know this is a practice run. I feel confident (if it is not too hard) that I can pass it in August IF I fail tomorrow. I just need to know what’s on the test. Like I’ve said, a lot of people haven’t taken it so there isn’t much info out there.

I’m sick of my mom judging me anyway. She should focus on her own life. I told her she should study “A Course in Miracles.” Her response: Shouldn’t you be studying for your test? ROFL. She has no clue what Miracles is. I can only recommend things. It doesn’t take that long to do. I just get up earlier to work the Course. Whatever. I can’t make people change or want to change. Besides I’m too busy working on me to worry about her.

The test is 6 hours long. Most people don’t take a 10-minute break to eat something, but I am. Most people eat while taking the test, but I have issues eating around people. I’m going to leave the room and eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich 😉 at the midway point. I did that with my first certification, and it worked! So I’m doing it again. Yes, I had a peanut butter and jelly sandwich last time too. I’m not superstitious. Peanut butter is good for the brain. 🙂

This week I…

Music of the week: Halsey, Kelly Clarkson, Ariana Grande, Shakira, Lea Michele, The Weeknd, Emeli Sande, George Michael

TV of the week: Bloodline, NBA Finals

I’ve said this before, but I don’t know what else to say about the show: Bloodline is good. So dark. Just wonderful and completely underrated. Too bad there are only 3 seasons of the show.  I was shocked to find out that this season is the final season. I’m rewatching season 2 right now. Can’t wait to start the final season.

I’m still conflicted over keeping Direct TV Now. I can live without cable. I’ve proven that. Isn’t it a waste of money to keep the service? I’ve had it for almost a week, and I’ve barely watched it. I don’t need TV to entertain myself. But I love the ID channel, MSNBC (sometimes) and sports so………………I don’t know what to do. I think I’m just going to cancel when it feels right. I just keep thinking about it like it is some huge decision. I need to get a grip.

Movie of the week: I started Me Before You earlier this week. I’m halfway through, and I haven’t finished it yet because the book started coming back to me. I remembered every little detail. I hate when that happens. I probably will finish it this weekend. I don’t like the main actress that much, but otherwise, the movie is okay.

Books of the week: I finished The Secrets of My Life by Caitlyn Jenner. It was a compelling read. I really enjoyed it, but I have a thing for transgender books. I loved Janet Mock’s book too (too lazy to link it).

I don’t think I’m going to finish  Shattered: Inside Hillary’s Doomed Campaign by Jonathan Allen and Amie Parnes. It is over 450 pages long! And once I read the beginning I got the point. *SPOILERS*. Hillary lost because she had no vision for her presidency (not breaking news) AND there was a lot of infighting within her group according to the author sources. She had no chance from the beginning. I really don’t need to read any more of the book.

Unless my part-time job starts back up very soon (doubtful), I’m going to focus on reading these 4 library books:

If anyone wants to help me read these before they expire, please let me know. 😉

Still reading: A Course in Miracles (for at least a year).

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren

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Plans for the Weekend: LOL. Um, I have this exam I have to take. Have I mentioned that recently? I didn’t mention that I got an inquiry about a work at home job doing the same thing I’m doing now. I looked her up, and she’s a legit recruiter for the company. I might respond to her. I doubt they’ll pay me more than I make now, but I might respond to her over the weekend. I will consider leaving my current job for more money.

Thanks for reading. Have a nice weekend!! 🙂

 

Hell no

People prove every day why I donate to animal charities over human ones. I know that sounds bad. But I do donate to both. Of course. But I love animals more. Not the human kind. Stop being so damn judgemental. People don’t deserve shit. They have done nothing, but destroy the world. Okay, there are some good people. I have to admit that.

Some people are so outraged and protesting. I don’t know what to make of it. Are they too caught up? Some are, some aren’t. People are different, so their motivations are different. What is it to me? You do you. I’ll do me. And I’m just chilling. ROFL. Take that! Is that worthy are judgment? I’m sure it is.

I’m not really chilling, btw. I’m working and studying my ass off. I’m so scared part-time work is going to come, and I’m not going to be ready for it. So I have to work my ass off while I have the extra time.

I still feel the humane thing to do was to give Trump a chance. I wasn’t wrong. I gave him a chance, and I’m still giving him one…I guess??? He has proven he is going to be a bad president in my opinion. So I guess I’m not giving him a chance anymore. However, I think everyone deserves a chance even Betty Devos. How long before she fucks up? A week? lol. By the time I post this, it’ll be “oops”!

I believe in giving people a chance (in most cases). I don’t like judging people on their past behavior. And I hate judging people on what they did to someone else. That is a whole another entry.

So everyone else can feel self-righteous and think they are right because that is what it is all about, right? This isn’t just about Trump. It is about everything. People just want to be right. Clearly, these people aren’t Spirit Junkies. *smirk*

I just want everyone to do them and let me do me. Not happening because people suck. That’s not very spiritual. I know. I’m working on it. When I was meditating last week, I realized I don’t resent a specific person. I RESENT PEOPLE IN GENERAL.


Today was a good day. It was 81 degrees. I sat and read on the porch. Unfortunately, my dog barked 60% of the time because he could see or hear other people. So that kind of ruined it because I’m wondering if he’s bothering others but I still got a ton of reading done. I also went to Michaels. I bought me some stuff, but I also bought my mom mother’s day stuff and birthday gifts for my sister. I got 20% off everything. SCORE!

Speaking of reading. I’m reading a book that is just WOW. I started reading  Gosnell: The Untold Story of America’s Most Prolific Serial Killer because I love reading about serial killers. I thought it was very strange that I’d never heard of Gosnell. I know every serial killer. That’s my thing. 😉 Here’s the catch: He was a doctor who performed abortions. Sigh. Does that make him a serial killer?

Double sigh. I’m pro-choice. Abortion isn’t a big issue to me. I care more other things like criminal justice reform, for example. Anyway, he performed late-term abortions. Some of the women died during the procedure. So I’m going to give this book a chance even though it is written from a pro-life stance. I can roll my eyes at some of the pro-life stuff, but what he did was unsafe and illegal.

He killed fetuses who could’ve lived on their own. How sad. I don’t know if I’ll be able to finish this book. Will this book make me pro-life? I doubt it because I think women should be able to choose, BUT I don’t really spend a lot of time thinking about abortion. I know that makes me a weird progressive. I just care about other issues more.

So far I am disgusted by Gosnell, and I’m just at the beginning of the book. He did some horrible things. I don’t even want to repeat what he did (but I might later with a warning). Google him or check out this book if you are interested. There’s also a movie (documentary?)  on him. I haven’t seen it yet.

 

Say what you want

I don’t know who some people think they are. They think their opinion matters…to me! LOL. A person can call me rude, and I don’t even blink. They have to walk a mile in my shoes before they judge. I think the person just comes off as judgemental and I move on about my day.

The Instagram situation was a little different. I felt like it was a clique bullying people. THAT bothers me. However, I can remove myself from the situation on Insta. Therefore it isn’t that big of a deal. I can still rant about it a bit, though. 😉

But yeah. Call me rude all day. I’m fine with that. You may as well call me a female. The fact that they think I give 1% of a fuck is amusing. Moving on…


I guess I should mention my mouth/tooth pain is now gone for the most part. That still doesn’t resolve the problem, but at least I’m not in pain.

I don’t like talking about the current President. BUT is he signing a lot of executive orders in a small amount of time? Or has this been done before? I would probably know the answer if I cared enough to read the articles on his presidency. I don’t care which is so weird for me. Everyone knows I love politics, so they want to bring it up. Um, not now. I refuse to get involved in this foolishness. For now.

UPDATE: haha. I just went to the Washington Post and they answered my question in a headline. Obama signed more executive orders during his first 10 days than the current President (so far).

This week I…

Music of the week:  John Mayer, Cailee Rae, A Tribe Called Quest, Alessia Cara, Jess Glynne, Maxwell, Miranda Lambert, Corinne Bailey Rae

I’m beyond excited for the John Mayer album. I was kind of hoping to hate it because then I wouldn’t want to see him on tour. Speaking of tours, I’m still bummed out I’m not going to see Miranda Lambert when she’s near here. She’s coming in February, and it is more than an hour away. What if it snows? I’m not driving on ice for anyone! That’s the main reason I didn’t buy a ticket.

TV of the week:  basketball, RHoBH, Austrailian Open

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week: I love The Unseen World by Liz Moore. I hope to finish it this weekend. I can’t remember who recommended it, but thank you!

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren Life Planner:

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Plans for the Weekend: I’m so overwhelmed with studying for the certification exam, and I’m not even working 2 jobs! Imagine if I were working the two jobs AND had to study. I need to get organized before the part-time job comes back. So this weekend I’m going to map everything out in my planner.

Other than that, I plan to finish reading that book and go grocery shopping on Saturday.

Have a nice weekend! 🙂

 

I dance on my own

I don’t know exactly how affirmative action works, but the people staunchly against it… How many of them got jobs because of their relatives? Or got into college or got that internship because of someone they knew? Hell yeah, I’m bitter. I never got shit from anyone because I don’t know anyone. Bottom of the totem pole.

I always thought affirmative action should be economically based. HOWEVER, like I said I don’t know much about how AA works. I’m saying flat out that I’m ignorant about most of it. So don’t slam me for the economic statement. (A lot of people I admire thinks it shouldn’t be economically based).

People suck.  That statement has nothing to do with affirmative action. They just suck. I have to say this at least every few months. Sometimes – most of the time – people piss me off. Just when I feel safe, someone triggers me. I can’t say more because if the person is reading this (HIGHLY unlikely), they will keep doing it and my life will be hell.

Not much going on this weekend. On Saturday,  I’m working a little over half a day. On Sunday, I’m going shopping at Target. If I go to the gym, it will be Sunday after Target. I’m definitely going to spend some time reading outside since it will be so warm. (Well, warm for December. 75 degrees).

This week I…

Music of the week:  Maria Mena, Courtney Barnett, Jessie Ware, Chris Stapleton, Ellie Goulding, A Great Big World, Demi Lovato, Alessia Cara

song of the week: Maria Mena – I Don’t Wanna See You With Her

What does Maria have to do to make it big in the United States? Nice voice, great lyrics. Sigh. She is finally using her voice better on her recordings. Her new album is album of the year material. It could be her best album.

TV of the week: Pretty Little Liars, basketball

I have a serious issue. Serious. I’m afraid to watch my teams play basketball. When I watch, they lose. I’m jinxing them. It’s all my fault! I’m being dramatic here. Obvs. But for the first time, I feel like I’m really jinxing my teams so I haven’t been watching much of the end of basketball games recently. Yes, I know that is nuts.

I’m also addicted to news. But that has been going on for years. Not a new issue.

Movie of the week:  The One I Love I love Elisabeth Moss. The movie? Not so much. It was okay.

Books of the week:  I have so many books to read!  I kind of went nuts checking books out from the library and now I have so many to read in a short period of time. I may not finish all of them. I did finish Rising Strong by Brene Brown and  The Center Cannot Hold: My Journey Through Madness by Elyn Saks. I recommend both.

If you are a person with mental illness, the challenge is to find the life that’s right for you. But in truth, isn’t that the challenge for all us, mentally ill or not?

– Elyn Saks (simply brilliant)

Currently reading:

These are the books I plan to finish before the end of the year. I hope I don’t get any more books off my hold list.

Planner update:

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plans of the week

Don’t wanna be buried in debt or sin

Don’t tell me God can cure me of anything. Don’t get me started on God. I was with you until you started verbally judging. I knew you were judging me from the start…anyone who says they don’t judge is lying. Lying to themselves and others. But to judge me to my face?! Whoa! Full stop.

I guess I was unclear in what I believe in. I believe in the Universe. It’s really, really simple. Maybe I misled her by saying I was spiritual. I said that once when we first met. What I meant was that I believe there is something larger than human life — the universe. Not some god. That is what ‘being spiritual’ means to me. I occasionally pray to the Universe. *gasp*

Now I don’t want to go to your Jehovah Witness meeting. (That doesn’t mean I won’t go – haven’t decided). This is why I don’t believe in organized religion. They have an answer for everything. And nothing is more annoying than someone/something that has a so-called answer for every. single. thing. And to totally disregard science? I could never be a Jehovah Witness. But I thought we could still talk. I’m open minded.

You lost me. I guess that is the point of this. I never looked forward to your visits but I tolerated them. I wasn’t even that anxious (when compared to being around other people). But now I have a little contempt for you. I’m not good enough ‘as is’. You are trying to change me. LOL. Get in line. It isn’t going to work but nice try. Maybe I don’t need changing (or maybe I don’t WANT to change) but you could learn a thing or two.

Everywhere I look there are people who want me to change. Why would I want to encourage you to tell me what you think is wrong with me?? I KNOW WHAT PEOPLE THINK IS WRONG WITH ME. I guess everyone thinks I’m stupid? They think I don’t know. That is comical to me. Maybe — just maybe — I don’t care! What a concept! Maybe I’m too busy living my life to be concerned about what you think of me.

Everyone can take a number and get in line if you want to tell me what you think is wrong with me. I am not going to act the way you want me to because I know I will never win that game.

———

I had 4 days off from work (counting the weekend). Talk about being discombobulated. My whole schedule flipped upside down. I was still getting most of my “to-dos” done but I was going to bed at 1AM. I was napping at the strangest hours. I didn’t get much extra done. If I didn’t write it down, it didn’t happen. Now I have to get back on work schedule. When I have a real full week off (in July), I cannot let this happen again. I will go to bed at a reasonable time. I will have a schedule. I won’t waste time.

My next time off is in May for my birthday/cabin vacation. Can’t wait. I won’t be getting much done at home because I’ll be gone almost the whole time I’m off from work. But I do have some semi-fun projects I’m working on that I will take with me. (like Project Life and other hobbies). I’m determined to do Project Life for 2014 and 2015. I don’t know why…;)

If you aren’t helping….

I don’t know why I’m even going to take the mid-terms next week. I was going to finish all my study guides tonight. Get everything organized. But when I come home I hear this noise. It sounded like a regular electric heater (the ones that heat the whole house). But I don’t have one of those. I asked my cat, “What is that noise?” Keep in mind that my house is really tiny. Anyhow my cat didn’t answer. She looked nonchalant. Then she gave me the “give me my treats look!”

Then I walked around and saw the water on the floor. Oh, the water heater burst. It is spraying water everywhere. Great! I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this but I’m an animal whisperer. I could tell that my cat thought, “Once mom comes, the water will stop”. But it lasted for SIX MORE HOURS! I got the WTF look from my cat several times. I went to sleep for two hours. I know she was thinking, “What the hell is wrong with her?”

I got hit by a depression episode yesterday. I did call the warranty people . Then they call the plumber. Of course the plumber’s office is closed. In the past I would have any plumber come out. But I’d just read my warranty for the first time in 2 years and they say they MIGHT replace the water heater. Well I’m not going to jeopardize that by calling Joe the plumber because then it is void.

20 minutes ago the city came out to shut the water off. I called before. I said, “I need my water turned off”. It was the emergency line. She put me on hold. I eventually hung up. Once again my lack of social skills failed me. I didn’t say the right thing. Or I didn’t say it the right way. I gave up. After my nap, I realized water running my house sucks so many I should try the city line again.

This time I said, “My water heater burst. Can you turn my water of?” OH, that is the way it’s done. ::roll eyes:: My house is soaked. I’m too depressed to really care. Oh and I don’t have any water. Whatever.

I need a fucking break. I shouldn’t go in to work at all tomorrow but of course, I feel like I have to go to work. I don’t suck up to anyone. There is no one on my side so I can’t take a break. I have to be superwoman. Blah.

I’m only upset because this pretty much ruins any study plan. I will have to work on Saturday to make up time for waiting for the plumber tomorrow.

Oh great, now I hear more water leaking even though the water supply has been turned off. ROFL. And I don’t give a damn. Too funny. WTF?

I was going to blog about how I hate how people with support systems and social skills harshly judge me. With any kind of support, my house wouldn’t have gotten as wet. I would have HELP and water. Yet these $#%^ judge me???????????? Pick on someone your own size. You have HELP. I’m not done with this.