Can’t kill my spirit

Apparently, I’m anemic. I’m always so tired unless I have caffeine and then I’m okay for about 30 minutes. I knew this all along. But it took a while for the doctors to figure it out. Anyway, I’m waiting for more lab results. If my iron is low again,  I would have to take two iron pills instead of one. And then get tested again.

Someone emailed me about a job. Oh fuck. I don’t feel like doing interviews right now. This job would be more money than I make now and since I have these things called bills, how can I not even interview for it? blah. I’m thinking about it. I don’t seem qualified, but he contacted me. I have to respond, right? Sigh. I’ll email him tomorrow once I figure out what to say. lol.

I do have one of the certifications he wants, but most of the other things, uh I haven’t ever heard of those duties so no I don’t have the experience that is required. I will say auditing is involved in the job. My ultimate goal is to be an auditor in this field. I would say a teacher or an auditor, but teaching seems to involve so much more talking, so I’m a little freaked out by the idea.

We got another update about part-time work. It is supposed to start next week. At this point, since there is so much going on, I don’t mind waiting for two weeks for the work to start. I need time to BREATHE.

I still don’t know when the home inspection will be. It must be at the very end of August. So much for the two-week notice? I’m still stressing out about it. I’m off today and tomorrow. My mom will help me get everything in order tomorrow. Fun times. I was so excited to have these two days off, and now I’m stressed.

Good news! I just got my fall/winter PTO approved. I have a full week off in October, and I somehow managed to get election day off!! Yay! We are voting for governor, so I expect it to be a little busy. It won’t be like 2020 or anything. And I snagged 3 days in a row off in mid-December.

I still haven’t gotten my textbook so even if I wanted to start the course, I couldn’t. I’m so sick of calling and emailing people about doing their jobs. I feel like that is all I’ve been doing lately. I also need another book for the course from another store, and they sent me the WRONG BOOK.  Ugh. They won’t send me the right book until they receive the wrong book and they won’t send the shipping label. Blah, blah, blah. I’m so done. Anyhow, with PT work and FT work, I don’t think I will be that engaged in the course for a few weeks.

Depo-Provera update: “I thought Depo-Provera was supposed to stop your period,” said my doctor. ROFLMAO. What universe is she living in? Yeah, ideally that is how it is supposed to work. Now it seems like I’m heavily bleeding 3 days a week. It used to be every day for 3 months straight so how can I complain? But the heavy days suck. I don’t even feel like walking my dog to the park, but I do.

My PCP also said Depo-Provera is used to stop periods “and for other things, of course.” Uh, nope. Not for me. I am only on DP for one reason, and that is to be period-free! It will happen one day. Maybe soon.

This week I…

Music of the week: Paula Cole, Ke$ha, Joseph, Brooklyn Duo, Kelly Clarkson, Halsey, Bethany Dillion, Grace

One day, I need to post about what music I really grew up on. I said I grew up listening to Linkin Park, but I was in my early 20s  (college years and beyond) when I really got into them. I mention this because I was going to say I grew up listening to Paula Cole and I did! I was in my teenage years listening to her and Jewel. Jewel saved my life as much as music can. I also listened to TLC and Aaliyah during those teenage years. I could go on and maybe one day I will.

TV of the week: Big Brother, The Keepers

I’ve also been watching court trials. I go through phases where I’m obsessed with trials. I just finished the Baby Doe case, and now I’m watching another case where a father might have killed his son. But everyone should have kids, right? sigh. In the Baby Doe case, I don’t think the man killed Bella. I think the mother did it and maybe both of them hid the body. I’m not even sure he had anything to do with it. That whole case was sad. Well, I find most cases sad and frustrating. I have a lot to say about the so called justice system. Don’t get me started! 😉

Movie of the week: None

Books of the week: I finished reading The Fact of a Body: A Murder and a Memoir by Alexandria Marzano-Lesnevich. I thought it went on a little too much, but otherwise, it was a good read. 4 stars.

Now reading:

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren

DSCN0495

Plans for the Weekend: Making sure everything is perfect for the home inspection. 😦 This is a big house (for me), and my dog is constantly making a mess, so it won’t be perfect. He is just supposed to check the appliances. Yeah, right. I’m trying to give this ‘problem’ to the Universe and not get too stressed. I have been better about it recently, but it is still kind of weighing on me.

I don’t have plans for Saturday and Sunday. I’m trying to do everything on Friday, but I don’t know if that is going to happen. My mom and I going out to eat on Friday after we get the house ready for inspection. I just checked my planner, and I have nothing listed for Saturday (yet). That should be a good thing, right? On Sunday I have one thing I want to do.

I just really want tomorrow (Friday) to be the end of getting the house in shape.

Well, now I have to think of what I want to say to the guy who liked my resume. Tomorrow is going to be so busy, so I don’t want to wait until then to come up with an email. I should work on it tonight and have it mostly ready by tomorrow morning. He told me I could call or email. Of course, I’m emailing. I hope he doesn’t want to talk tomorrow. I’m going to be cleaning and then going out to eat in the afternoon. No time to really talk. Well, I can take a break from cleaning. As long as I’m home, I can talk.

Maybe something will come out of this. I just feel so unqualified. I think I even saw that job posted and thought, “I wish I could apply for this job, but I don’t have enough experience.” I just skipped over it after reading a few of the requirements.

Enough about the job. I’m going now. So much to do.

Thanks for reading! Have a wonderful weekend. 🙂

Advertisements

I’m all for believing

YAY! I have part-time work coming! It could start as soon as this upcoming Monday. Or it might start the week after. I can say goodbye to my life. No more sitting outside while reading. No more free time. I haven’t worked at my PT job since December, so I’m glad to have work. But I know how exhausting it will be working two jobs. When I work both jobs, I have no life. I’m always working when I’m awake.

I’m a little worried because I don’t feel good enough. I don’t have the confidence. And our work will be extremely audited. Every single thing we do will be looked at carefully. That makes me so nervous. But I have to believe I can do the work or else I won’t have a job. And if I make too many mistakes I won’t have a job. 

I keep replaying the interview in my mind. I don’t know. I did send a thank you email. I had to guess her email address since I didn’t get a business card. The email hasn’t come back to me yet, so I’m hoping she got it. Sometimes it takes days for an invalid email to come back. That is not good! What am I supposed to do then? I will probably do nothing. Then she’s going to think I didn’t send a ‘thank you.’ 😦

I also keep thinking about the pay. They give out good bonuses. But that’s not good enough. I need a good base salary. I love their PTO. It isn’t as good as the PTO I get now, but I’ve been at my company for a looong time. First, I have to get an offer. sigh. Waiting.

I know some people think it’s CRAZY to stop working from home. But I’ve been at this company forever. I have new skills, and to use them, I need a new job. PLUS, once I get 3 years of experience, I can probably easily find another work at home job. I wouldn’t stay in the office forever (unless I really love the job, of course).

I need to stop worrying and say, “May God’s will be done”. If I don’t get a job offer, it may be because I would hate working in that office or it may be illegal for me to work there (since I signed a contract with the part-time company). I have to let this go. Worrying isn’t going to solve a thing. I do wish I knew whether she got the thank you email.

This week I…

Music of the week: Jasmine Thompson, Emeli Sande, Demi Lovato, Elle Varner, Lea Michele, Bethany Dillon, Ellie Goulding, Halsey

TV of the week: Big Brother, The Handmaid’s Tale, Wimbledon

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week:

Now reading:

With the part-time job looming, I doubt I get a lot of reading done. I will try to always finish one book every couple of weeks.

Plans for the Weekend: I will be reading while I have at least one more free weekend. I also have my course work to do. I would like to finish that on Sunday since it is (part-time) work related. I have to clean up. I let everything slide because of the interview. I didn’t even use my planner this week. I can’t believe I actually got stuff done.

I’m off on Tuesday. I’m getting my third Depo injection. I thought the Depo was working because I had about a week off from my period, but now I think it’s back. BUMMER!

Thanks for reading! Have a great weekend. 🙂

Then they are bored of me

I applied for a full-time job. After passing the certification exam, I was thinking and feeling “now what?” I used my first certification to get my part-time job. So why not go for a full-time job? Even though it is really scary. I did an awesome resume (if I can say that). 😉 I LOVE it. I did a semi-average cover letter, and I thought that I might have a chance.

And then later that night, I saw that they have had the job posted for over 30 days. ROFL. Um, there is no way they can’t find someone to do this job. So it is probably an old posting, and I won’t hear anything from them. Or they don’t pay well. I requested at least $35,000. I hope that’s wasn’t too high. Oh well. Like most jobs, I would have to go into the office for this, and I really like working at home (98% of the time).

I qualify since I have the certifications and a little bit of experience. There is one unmentionable thing I don’t have experience in. But I’m a quick learner. 🙂 It’s unmentionable because I would be giving the industry I want to work in away.

Besides the having to go into the office thing, the job sounds pretty good. Maybe I will hear back from them, or maybe I will stay put or maybe I will just see if any other job ads fall into my lap like this one did.

I bought a new laptop yesterday! I was researching $1200 Dells and looking at MacBooks. But then I decided to just get what I could afford. Be sensible and buy the $400 HP laptop (on sale). It should last for at least 3-4 years and then maybe I can get a more expensive computer. I just need something for my music and do be able to occasionally download things. Nothing fancy.

I have all of my files on the new computer already. Now I’m just dealing with how to get programs on the new laptop (especially ones I paid for!).

I’m bummed that my version of MS Office 2013 will not work because the new computer comes with MS Office 2016. So I have to buy it again!! 😦 I don’t know what I’m going to do. I got the 2013 version from work with a very good deal. So I definitely don’t want to pay the full price. blah.

I gave up reading Helter Skelter: The True Story of the Manson Murders by Vincent Bugliosi and Curt Gentry. It was good but too long. I’ll try it again when I have fewer books to read and more time.

My sunflower isn’t blooming. 😦  It’s stuck. I’ve never planted sunflowers before so maybe this is natural, but I don’t think so. I’m too scared to google the problem. I will eventually.

Gotta go. It’s so strange to not have to study. I’m going to read and watch a Marianne Williamson lecture and then go to bed. So tired.

Fine as I am but I want more

*******BREAKING NEWS***********

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I have a phone interview on Tuesday for the work at home position! I’m pretty sure this is full-time, but I know they hire part-time people too. I would take either. The good thing is I have a three day weekend to prepare for this interview, and it is on the telephone since everyone works virtually. YES! I’m worried about my references, though. I have to get that straight. I gave them three references, but only two are real. Don’t laugh. One of my references died.

Anyway, I took the test and made a 74. The cutoff was 70! I can’t believe they are still interested. Wow. This is what I took the board exam for in 2014. Yep, and this is what I have my certification in. I don’t have a lot of work experience in this field. Well, at least I know what I will be doing this weekend. Studying.

So exciting…but I’m very nervous. Work at home job?? Hello? Of course, I feel the pressure. I feel like this may be my only shot. There aren’t a lot of these floating around.

I also applied for a part-time job on Wednesday. I haven’t heard back yet. This job is in retail, so I’m not dying to get it. The pay is decent.


 

I’ve found a few great overeaters anonymous meetings. I probably should get an OA sponsor, but the requirements are talking to your sponsor once a day (no big deal) and calling three strangers a day. I would have to go from talking to no one to talking to four people a day???! No way. I would have to ease into that. That’s a big leap for someone like me.

I’m annoyed by those requirements. There are other things too like seeing a nutritionist which I think is a great idea, but I don’t think health insurance will pay for any of it. I’m not overweight* and I don’t have any major physical health issues related to eating so there’s no way it will seem necessary.

(*I was going to mention my weight in this entry, but this is a long entry so I’ll do a separate entry on it later next week. Let’s just say I got my ass on the treadmill today).

The other requirement is abstaining from sugar. That is where a nutritionist would come in for me. I’ve been thinking about it and it, wouldn’t be that hard, but my food bill would go up. I eat biscotti for breakfast three days a week because I love it 🙂 and it’s affordable. It’s also low calorie. I’m still thinking about this. I will definitely lower my sugar intake because sugar is my drug. But complete abstinence? Help!

My point is that if I’m not ready to do the requirements, then there is no point in getting a sponsor. I will appear not ready to change. And I’m not ready to talk to 4 people a day on the phone. But the other things, I’m willing to do.

I did find an atheist OA group. That’s nice.

As far as debtors anonymous goes, I’ve only found one meeting  I love. They meet once a week.  I’m still looking for another meeting. All 12 step groups seem to tell newbies to go to as many groups as possible in the first 90 days, so that’s what I’m doing.

This week I…

Music of the week: Halsey, Britney Spears, Carly Rae Jepsen, Ariana Grande, Ingrid Michaelson, Myzica, Ellie Goulding, Lauren Aquilina

I thought Britney’s VMA performance was pretty good. It’s not her fault she had to follow Beyonce. I still don’t get the Beyonce love. I need someone to explain it to me. She lip syncs sometimes. She doesn’t write (that much?) She does put on a good show. I’ll give her that. I think I hate Beyonce’s fakeness. People really believes she sings, writes and comes up with stuff. BTW, I know Beyonce can sing live. She just chooses not to. She probably has valid reasons. Why tire your voice out when you don’t have to? No one is calling her on it.

I know Britney rarely writes. She lip syncs 98% of the time. But we know what we’re getting with her.  People wonder why she doesn’t dance anymore. It’s because she had a severe knee injury. She had surgery on it.  Some people think both of her knees are injured. I hope not, but I don’t know. Anyway,  that is why she can’t dance like she used to.

TV of the week:  Grey’s Anatomy, Big Brother, Survivor

Movie of the week: I watched the worst lesbian movie ever made. It’s called Loving Annabelle. It was so bad. I can’t believe I finished it. I was bored. It’s about a student and teacher “falling in love” with each other. Yes, that belong in quotes because there was nothing there. It started out with such promise. The premise was good.

Book of the week: I’m reading:

I’m on a waiting list for a few books. I hope I get a book or two over the weekend.

Plans for the Weekend: Well, I was going to mow the lawn, but now I’m studying for this interview. I might mow the lawn over the weekend, but my yard isn’t that bad. Maybe it can wait a week? Not sure. I might stay home for the whole holiday weekend!  YAY! As if I don’t stay home enough. lol. But I rarely stay home on the weekend. I haven’t decided yet. So I don’t have any plans (besides interview prep).

If you’re in the path of the tropical storm: Stay safe! I don’t think we are getting much. It’s cooler, and it’s probably going to rain a little….and it just started raining. I hope it stops from time to time. My dog doesn’t like going outside in heavy rain.

Have a great weekend!

another social casualty

I fixed my dad’s computer. He gave me $20. Maybe that could be my new job. It took me three hours to fix it. I almost gave up.

 I would say that I’m not looking for a full-time job anymore, but if I see dream job material, I’m going to apply.

I found one dream job on Monday in what I have my certification in. They were looking for work at home associates. I took the pre-employment test. I made a 74 (with no real job experience in the field – not bad). 70 is the cutoff. BUT I didn’t have all the required job references, so I doubt I get a callback. Sigh. That test took 2+ hours!! Anyway, I  do feel a little more confident that I could do the job with a little training. NO TRAINING would terrify me.

Last year I got a free Fitbit from work. This year I’m working towards getting a free blood pressure monitor. I’m so fun. There are a lot of things to choose from, and I’m choosing that. 🙂

My Trunk Club is scheduled to come on Wednesday. I changed my mind about Stitch Fix and decided to keep all 5 items. I updated my Stitch Fix review #3 blog post.

This week I…

Music of the week:  Lori McKenna, Ellie Goulding, Alessia Cara, Ariana Grande, Carrie Underwood, Ashlee Simpson, JoJo, Andra Day

Song of the week – Carrie Underwood’s Something in the Water

This song got me through so much last year. I would listen to it for comfort and it worked.

TV of the week:  Grey’s Anatomy, Big Brother, The Olympics

Now I’m rooting for James to win BB.

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week: I’m reading:

Plans for the Weekend: I found flaws in the resume I called “wonderful” so I’m going to work on a new one.  I’m done with Nutrisystem, so I have to do real grocery shopping on Saturday. Now I have to go back to “cooking”. Woe is me. Have a nice weekend. 🙂

may never be what you assume

I got the apprenticeship removed from my title! Finally! I haven’t been this happy in weeks. 🙂 All of that work and money counted for something. I can erase that “A” off my resume.

I’m sick of talking to people who have NO CLUE how to get a job. They don’t understand that experience is required most of the time. And when experience isn’t required, they get hundreds of applicants.

Don’t know someone? Harder to get a job.

Have social anxiety? Harder to get a job.

I could go on…

DON’T PRETEND LIKE THIS SHIT IS EASY. How lucky are these people who have no idea how hard it is to get a job? Do they know how lucky they are? Geez. Count your blessings and stop telling ME how to get a job. It isn’t the same. Go back to la la land where everything is easy.

Sorry. I’m ranting again, but I swear I’m happy about finally getting someone to listen about how I met the requirements for my certification. Yes! They kept telling me I wasn’t qualified. I wanted to read their website to them.

I spent a couple of hours this afternoon working on my cover letter/resume for a temp agency (for part-time work). I have never done a cover letter for a temp agency. I think my letter could be better, but I really want to get this out tomorrow. Hopefully, I will get a call back by Friday.

Oh god. This morning I had $19.44 in my bank account. Good times. I have to get a PT job. Sigh. I’m going to read and watch the Olympics* before heading to bed. Or I might have a dance party. I’ve been doing a lot of dancing lately.

*Go Michael Phelps (Baltimore, baby!!)

I have to go to the bank tomorrow, and then I have a therapy appointment. My therapist is one of those people who is so CLUELESS when it comes to looking for a job. I would kill to be that clueless.

It’s not any fun

Well, it looks like I didn’t get the job. It probably wasn’t only the two-week notice issue, but I’m telling you they really need someone ASAP. He promised to email me. All I wanted was an email.

I’m done with wallowing and listening to Anna Nalick on repeat. I used to listen to Anna Nalick when I was working in the office and needed some comfort on my way to and from work. Now I’m going to listen to Jewel and India.Arie. It’s time to move on. It wasn’t meant to be. I probably would have hated it due to all the auditing. But I can’t be sure. I get audited at my current job (but it isn’t as bad).

I just wanted an email saying “Sorry, we didn’t choose you.” That’s it. Oh well. I’m not actively looking for full-time jobs as of this moment. It depends on how I feel about my full-time job on whatever day.


Should I talk politics or auction? I haven’t done an auction in a long time. Maybe a year? Anyway, I went to see the stuff on Saturday, and I decided to bid on a ton of stuff. I didn’t expect to win it! LOL. Oops. I won over 100 items. Most of this stuff will be donated to the Red Cross. That’s the good news. I will keep only the purses I know I will use and the clothes I can wear. The Red Cross will pick up in my area in August, so I will have the other clothes and purses in trash bags, ready to donate.

I got really good deals. I’m talking $1.00 for eight purses. $2.00 for eight skirts. etc.  I paid $47 for things I’m going to mostly donate, but I do get to keep some stuff for myself. I’m picking up the items on Wednesday before my therapy appointment. I should probably talk about therapy and how I’m not sure I want to continue, but I’ll give it one more shot.

I have real issues, and all she wants to talk about is social anxiety. Social anxiety does affect job stuff, so it does affect my life. But I have other issues too. I think I’m going to make a list of what is really bothering me before I see her this time.


Bernie supporters are getting on my nerves again. I don’t like Hillary or Trump either. But I do have a soft spot for Kaine. Did you see all my tweets on him? I wanted to tweet more, but I held myself back. 🙂 Clinton picking Kaine saved my weekend. It really did. I just didn’t believe she would do it. No, he’s not the most progressive, but neither is Hillary. They’re a match!

Voter turnout will be pretty low this year since most don’t like either candidate. This is great news for people who can’t wait or hate waiting.  However, where I live turnout will be pretty high and who didn’t ask for election day off? ARGH. I hope it isn’t too bad. It’s probably too early to worry about election day.

I’m just pissed because I wanted a nice Democratic National Convention and the Bernie ^%$%ers are ruining it. I empathize with them, but I don’t see the point in booing people. Have some class.

The DNC emails were pretty bad, but that is to be expected in politics…especially when dealing with the Clintons. ROFL. Sorry.


I’m going to go now. I’m so tired even though I just took a nap. I hope work goes better tomorrow. Some of our systems were down today, and I didn’t get much done. That frustrates me so much. Anyway, I’m going to try not to fall asleep while watching the DNC tonight. #Goals