broken record on repeat

I don’t know how the interview went. The good thing is I don’t think it went horribly. She was very nice and straight forward. She answered all my questions at the beginning of the interview. I hate when they do that because I want to be able to ask questions to sound competent. Anyway, the start date is August 14th. So if I don’t hear back from them before the end of July, I don’t think I’ll get an offer.

I think the main problem would be compensation IF I were to get an offer. I would hate to turn this job down based on money. But I’m living in a semi-desired suburban area. The rent is high. So I can’t take a cut. If I were living in the city like I did about 6-7 years ago, I would gladly take a pay cut to get more experience. I don’t need to make a ton of money. Money doesn’t motivate me. I just want a job where I can use my skills and learn new ones.

The other option would be to move, but there are obstacles to that too. I can get into all that later. I just wanted to do an update on the interview.

One thing she kept saying is how the environment is casual, and people wear jeans every day. Uh, yeah when I used to work in the office it was like that too. I’m fine with that. I just don’t like when people get weirded out by a person wearing a maxi dress. Maxi dresses are casual. Whatever. Of course, I wasn’t going to the interview in casual dress. I had my blazer and slacks on!

Another thing that seemed to put us at odds was the fact that I work at home for two jobs. She seemed to see this as a disadvantage. I was trying to say I have to focus because there can be a lot of distractions at home like TV, the internet, neighbors (not for me), family (not for me), pets (for me), etc. I have to CHOOSE to focus on work or I won’t get anything done.

Well, she seemed to think there are more distractions in the office. She said the other coworkers are chatty and that can cause distractions. She may have never worked at home so she wouldn’t know about at home distractions. About office distractions, I don’t get distracted by talking because I’m not a talker, so that’s not an issue but I couldn’t say that.

I’m so thankful that is over. SO THANKFUL. It wasn’t a painful interview like some are. Thank the Universe!!! I was so worried because even though I had time to prepare, I wasn’t as prepared as I usually am for an interview so I thought it would be a disaster.

They are hiring lots of people, so I have a shot. She knows I work for the part-time company and she didn’t say anything about the contract so I guess I can work at both places. I dunno.

What else? They do one week of real job training. I would prefer two weeks, but most jobs in this field, don’t like to train at all. So one week is good. Now I’m thinking of more questions I could have asked. :: bangs head:: Oh well. I will probably have more to say about this later.

I’m going to work on my course now. I was supposed to finish it last Sunday, but the interview happened. When interviews happen in my life, EVERYTHING stops.

I can’t stop thinking about how the money will probably be the biggest issue IF I get an offer. Hmmm.

Groan. Groan.

There were TWO MEN doing the interview. I have never been interviewed by men. I don’t know. I think I did okay (C+) answering the questions BUT I totally failed when it came for the time for me to ask questions. HELLO? This is something I am normally prepared for. But this time, I was so focused on what they would ask me.

Sigh. I asked one question, and it was probably lame. I should have asked about benefits but the books I read said do not ask those questions. Well, I used to. So UGH! That may be the reason why I failed…if I did fail. Fuck.

I’m thinking about looking for a full-time job. I don’t know. I will hear something back for sure in 1-3 weeks. Fuckity. fuck. fuck. How could I have not asked questions about benefits? Or something. Anything more than one question. I’m screwed.

Back later.

This is so unusual

****BREAKING NEWS**** (if you didn’t see my update)  – I have a job interview on Thursday!!! *gasp* I guess the telephone interview went okay so now I have to interview in person. I don’t know who will be interviewing me. Last time I think it was someone in human resources. Not sure.

Anyway, I’m having a hard time coming up with problems. I’m a conflict avoider. I don’t have work related problems with my coworkers that I can talk about.  ARGH. This is driving me nuts. This could cause me to flunk the interview. I have typed out the answers to some tough questions. I’m not going to memorize 90% of the answers because 1.) I have a bad memory and 2.) It will sound too rehearsed.

Some people don’t get that I have to study for an interview. That’s annoying. What do normal people do? Just show up? WTF? Really? I wish I were like that.

Not interview related: I did something else dumb. My Trunk Club stylist moved on from Trunk Club, so I have a new one. She called me, and we chatted. She’s sending me a trunk soon. Like I can afford OR need Nordstrom clothes right now. AHHHHHH. The good thing is that I should know whether I have a PT job before I have to make a decision on what to keep and what to send back.

AND…I had to contact the landlord about the front yard again (see pics here). Long story. Once again, he was very nice, but I can tell he didn’t want to pay to have the tree removed. But M’s husband told me it could cost over $1,000 to have the yard cleaned up!  I’m trying to get the bathroom fixed. I’m not paying for both things. I was planning on cleaning up the yard this weekend by myself, but he (M’s husband) pointed out that more branches could collapse or the house could become more damaged.

So somebody is supposed to look at the house tomorrow. The landlord is going to pay for it. I feel like there is too much going on. I just want to study for this interview. I’m overwhelmed.

Sigh.

Thanks for any good vibes!! 🙂

Now I have to come up with answers to questions like “Share a time when you experienced working with a difficult coworker on a team”. Welp. 😦 I have no answers. I will not go to bed tonight without some of these questions answered.

 

Been trying to hide it

UPDATE: I have an in-person interview on Thursday. WHHHHHHHHHHHHY? Why couldn’t the phone interview be enough? Well, I will be studying for this interview like crazy. Help me!!!


The job interview. I hate interviews. I don’t talk. I often go days without talking to a human. So interviews are tough for me. At least, it was on the telephone. OMG, I would have failed miserably in person.I suck. But there is a chance it didn’t go that bad. I tried to emphasize that I haven’t missed a day of work in 4 years.  (And that was when I was working from home at my mom’s house and she didn’t go to work and was annoying the hell out of me so I just called in because I knew I wouldn’ t get anything done). Really I have probably only missed one day in TEN YEARS, but I can’t remember. Well, one day I went home early. Whatever. The point is that I’m reliable.

Even though I abhor customer service*, (LOL), I think I did okay with those questions. But some of her questions stumped me. Sigh.  It could take one to three weeks to find out how it went. That’s a long wait. And there’s another thing: training may take place during the day in another city. haha. I can’t take time off from my job to train for a part-time job. WTF? Please let that be a rumor.

*but I will do it to the best of my ability if I get the job


You know I don’t have a typical life when the most exciting thing is how excited I am about finally getting to use my Erin Condren planner this weekend. I’m so excited! Total yayness. And yes, I will be sharing on the blog like people give a shit. 😉 I will also share on Snapchat (kat3x5). hahaha


My OB/GYN sent me a letter about setting up an appointment. Um, I haven’t had sex. I don’t plan on having sex. Why do I need to have a painful pap smear*? I don’t think so. I might have one in 4 years, but definitely not in September. I don’t voluntarily do painful things for no reason. I’m the queen of avoidance. Besides, if I’m NOT having sex, why do I need a pap smear? I don’t.

(*Not that painful for people who have had sex. At least, that’s what I’ve heard.)

Being asexual has a few benefits. 😉 No STDs, no worries of pregnancy, no annual pap smears, no sex drama, and many more things. Not that all asexuals are virgins or don’t have sex. “We” are all different. I put the word we in quotes because I don’t feel like a part of the asexual community. Recently I’ve been toying with the idea of identifying as queer, but that probably won’t last. I hate labels. I don’t even like being identified as a woman. I’m just me. Don’t box me in! Other people consider me queer, though.

Queer is anything that exists outside of the dominant narrative,” Cleo Anderson, a 26-year-old intern at GLAAD, a prominent gay rights group, told USA TODAY Network. Anderson identifies with the term.

“Queer means that you are one of those letters (LGBT), but you could be all of those letters and not knowing is OK,” she said.

Minorities seem to identify with the term in particular because it also can be used to convey the nuances of race and culture and how that intersects with an individual’s gender identity and sexual orientation, she said.

That reminds me that I always leave off the Q in LGBT. However, I leave off the A on purpose because I don’t feel like asexuals are accepted in the LGBT community. Not that they are trying to be mean or intolerant. I’m not saying that at all. One day I might get into it. Not now. It’s complicated.

Btw, people who have sex (95% of people?), will say sex is the best and everyone should do it. But they don’t know what’s best for everyone.


Hillary is spending a lot of money on campaign ads here. That is the bad part about living in a swing state. But I’d rather live in a swing state than in a state where I feel like my vote doesn’t matter, but I hate the ads. It is way too early for this crap. I’m sure we’ll be seeing a  ton of Trump ads soon. Woofreakinghoo!

This week I…

Music of the week: Ariana Grande, Ellie Goulding, Christina Aguilera, Demi Lovato, Kanye West, Madonna, Prince, Years & Years

Is Christina Aguilera coming out with a new album? If it sounds like “Change”, I hope so! I don’t keep up with her much anymore, but this song gave me life this week.

TV of the week:  Pretty Little Liars, basketball

This is the first year in 18 years, I have NOT watched the premiere of Big Brother on TV. How nuts is that? I had to stay off Twitter. I am planning on watching it on Amazon if they ever add it. That is how I plan to watch the whole season. I’m sure I will see a spoiler somewhere. BB is easy to spoil.

Movie of the week: Psycho (for the 200th time)

Books of the week: I finished  Me Before You by Jojo Moyes. I thought it was going to be too romantic, but no, it was REAL. I loved this book. It was one of the best books I’ve read this year. Wow is all I can say. Great book. I love the mini-lessons in the book like living for someone else’s love is a bad idea. Anything could happen. 50% of marriages end in divorce. That statistic doesn’t include people who don’t even get married.

I won’t finish Getting Things Done: The Art of Stress-free Productivity (page 48) by David Allen in time. I’m going back on the waitlist. I want to be able to do the exercises so I can’t rush it. Loving I Thought It was Just Me (but it isn’t) Making the Journey from What Will People Think? To I Am Enough by Brene Brown (page 92). I will try to finish that before it is due on Tuesday. I still haven’t started The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins.

Plans for the Weekend: My mom and I are doing summer cleaning. We already cleaned the bedroom. Now I have a place for my treadmill. I don’t have to keep taking it down and putting it back up. Awesome. This Saturday we are cleaning the living room. It is so hard to keep the living room clean because I live in there. I sleep, eat, and work in my living room. Plus, my dog is always there too. He likes to make a mess.

Next week, I will go back to my planner updates. Fun times. 🙂 Have a nice weekend.

I’ve been there all night

I went 4 and a half days without power. All my food in the lower portion of my fridge spoiled. But don’t feel bad (lol), I didn’t have much in there. My frozen food is okay.

I have my phone job interview tomorrow (Wednesday)!! I have a page of notes written down. I’m not that nervous. Maybe the nerves will come tomorrow. If it were an in-person interview, I would not be posting right now. I would be freaking out instead.

I hope I get the job. The phone interview is the first part of the screening. I have no idea how many parts there are. All I know is that the interview is supposed to last 30-40 minutes (!).

I did something semi-amazing today. Amazing for me. I introduced myself to my manager. I got up from my seat and went over her to her desk and just told her I wanted to introduce myself. I wouldn’t have done that a year ago. I don’t know if I would have done that six months ago! I think not giving a shit comes with age. Social anxiety gets worse as a person gets older so I doubt my SA is getting better.

Let me back up. I work from home like most of my coworkers. However, since my power went out, I worked in the office for 2 and a half days. My manager is relatively new, so I only met her once at a loud “party”. I knew she had no idea who I was so I just went to her desk to formally introduce myself. I’m still in shock that I did that!! Can you tell? AHHH

Working in the office was an okay experience. On the first day in the office, I hardly got anything done. I couldn’t focus. But this morning I was focused and fine. So maybe the environment isn’t the problem. ??? I have no idea. I just know I’m having issues focusing (at home and in the office), and I need to figure it out. The first day of being in the office was terrible. I was even having suicidal thoughts. I know that sounds dramatic, but I couldn’t stand it.

Then I went home during lunch and took a Klonopin. Things got better. I forgot that I always need meds when I’m working in an office…or just going to be around people for a long period.

Anyway, I’m glad I have power. I hope I don’t have to go back into the office again. ::crosses fingers::

I’m also crossing my fingers for that job. I could really use it. I don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t get it. Just keep looking for part-time work I guess. I might start looking for full-time work. That terrifies me, but it probably needs to be done.

Oh yeah, my yard it still a mess. Nothing has changed from the pics I posted below. I don’t think my landlord drove around to see the mess yet. If he says anything, I’ll just say I couldn’t afford to clean it up. That’s true (unless I get the job). He is the landlord. Isn’t he supposed to do something? I paid over $700 for repairs to the bathroom. And now there’s another problem in the bathroom. If I get the job, I will definitely fix it myself. Hell, even without the extra income, I will probably fix it myself.

My therapist would not approve of me taking on the job myself, but I gotta do what I gotta do. I’m not 100% cured of social anxiety. I don’t want to call my landlord about this. I let it get bad so really it is my fault.

I haven’t had a good night sleep in a while. I’m going to try to get to bed soon and hope my dog doesn’t wake me up, and I can get 7 hours of sleep.

I would appreciate any good vibes for my job interview. Thank you. 🙂

I’m one of those people

It was a disaster. What did you really expect me to say? LOL. I was 6 minutes LATE to a JOB INTERVIEW! What had happened was…I put the wrong address into the GPS. :/ Luckily I  realized it halfway through my trip. I wasn’t that far off but I was still late. I am never, ever going to schedule a job interview right after work. I am usually 20 minutes early for appointments. I stay in the car or bathroom until I’m only 15 minutes early.  So if she knew I wasn’t there at 3PM, that was a major fail. MAJOR FAIL. Without saying too much, this is a very busy place. There is a small chance she didn’t know I wasn’t there.

I got there at 3:06. She called me in around 3:25 so she was late too. The interview: This one one of those interviewers who wasn’t prepared. I have never had one of those before but I’ve read about them  in the interview books. She basically asked me five times “Tell me about yourself”. LOL. And that was it.

I am bad at talking AKA communicating. This is why job interviews are so tough for me. I can’t just come up with stuff. If I didn’t rehearse it, chances are I will not be coherent. I tried.  All is not lost. She asked me to email my job evaluation and I did so……..anything could happen. If I got that job I would have to work in an office with, like, people. Woah!!!!! That is different. But worth it….I think. If I want to have a career, I have to leave my current job so yeah, I’m willing. I’m thinking long term here.

Once again I would be shocked if I got this job. But I do believe in miracles. 😉  I kind of feel like I could have had this job IF I wasn’t 6 minutes late or if I just expressed myself better or IF I had letters of recommendation instead of an okay job evaluation. I could have started my career. Was this my only chance? 😦

And…..I may have missed a part-time job opp because I was in the shower. I’ve been waiting for her to call me for days and the one time I’m in the shower…. &$#%. Sigh. I called her back as soon as I got out of the bathroom. ::crickets:: I really need a PT job but at this point I think she may find me something quicker than I could find something so I’m sticking with the temp agency for now. I know PT (evening) jobs are harder for temp agencies to find than day jobs. Double sigh. I can’t believe she gave the job she was so excited to tell me about to someone else. I guess that person wasn’t in the shower.

Purge. Get Real. Out With the Old.

I’m currently residing in the land of overwhelm and frustration. This reminds me why I hate temping. Nah, this reminds me why I hate job searching.

Well, the good news is the temp agency submitted my resume to a company today. The bad news is I probably will have to interview with the company to get the job. And it is only going to last for a month or two…that could be good or bad. The job is not in my field. It is a data entry job. I don’t mind that too much. Speaking of jobs in my field…

Someone contacted me about a certified (insert job title here) position! It is really hard to get a certified —- job without experience so I’m guessing she didn’t read over my resume that well. It is very common for people to not really go over a resume. I have no idea why. That is a waste of time. That is another topic. Anyway, I think she didn’t read my objective either. I said I wanted a part-time certified —- position. I think she wants to hire full-time. This is only a problem because I don’t know when the other interview will be. SCREAM! I also have a doctor’s appointment  on Friday afternoon.

There is too much uncertainty going on right now. Do I cancel the doctor’s appointment? I hate making phone calls. That’s funny because I can easily go a week without talking on the phone but today I was on the phone four times.

I don’t know what to do. I’m just venting. UGH. Double UGH.

And it’s not like I can just take time off for a job interview. Maybe I can get everything scheduled in the afternoon. I think I better cancel the doctor’s appointment. That would be one less thing to stress over.

I’ll call right now. Wait a second.

I just called to cancel my doctor’s appointment. ::sigh of relief::

Jobs = new people = anxiety.

I’m just trying to think of the money. lol. I desperately need some extra income.

OMG. Someone just called about the certified position. I have a job interview on Tuesday after work. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Well…that is if I’m NOT working at the part-time temp job. Oh my. Someone shoot me now. This is too much.

To summarize: I might have a job interview for the temp position ASAP (prob this week). And I have a job interview for the certified —– on next Tuesday.

That deserves another OMG. I’m soooo not made for this. I will survive. Somehow.

Yes this entry is full of drama. LOL. 😉 I know drama. And I was on the phone SIX times today. That includes two times while typing this entry. That’s a record.

This calls for a nap even though I have crap to do.

Breathe.