I’m off to find out how it ends

I finally got the rejection email I wanted. I got it on Sunday afternoon. That’s funny because I was checking my email like a hawk Monday through Friday. Anyway, like Marianne Williamson says if a train doesn’t stop at your station, it wasn’t your train. The pay might have sucked, or I would’ve hated the office environment. It’s easy to believe I would have hated the environment, but I felt decent vibes while I was there.

I guess I’m staying at my full-time job for a while.  Speaking of my FT job, I had a meeting with my manager today. She told me I was doing a great job. Whew! I just need to keep it up. No pressure. This job has been so stressful lately.

Through taking Iyanla Vanzant’s online course, I have learned at least one thing. I want my own private island! Ha. Don’t laugh. I just found the perfect one in Nova Scotia, Canada. Of course, that one won’t be there when I’m ready to buy. But there will be similar ones for sure.

I will (probably?) have to buy a small boat and get my boating license. That doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is the weather. What about the tropical storms in Nova Scotia? And the snow? What happens if there is an emergency? What if the island doesn’t have electricity and plumbing? I have to have plumbing. No joke.

So there’s a lot to consider, but this whole time I’ve been planning on buying a house in the country and now I have expanded my dreams to a private island. That particular island in Canada was what I want to pay for a house, so the cost isn’t a big issue.

Ideally, I wish I could pay close to one million dollars for a private island. Then I could live in North Carolina or lots of other places. I wouldn’t have to move to Canada. Not that I hate Canada or anything. I just know North Carolina a lot more, and I’m not as concerned about the weather.

There are also a very few affordable private islands in Belize. I have always thought about retiring there so if I can find something there, that would be great.

I’m researching it. It will be at least 5 years before I buy anything so I have time to do the research. Country living (so much easier) or private island (lots of unknown)? Oh, and of course, I can’t live on a private island soon because I have to make a living. ROFL. I will probably buy a house in the country and retire on a private island. That sounds great. Maybe I could afford more by then, but that’s another unknown.

The gluten free tortillas? UGH. They kept breaking up. They tasted average. I don’t think I will ever try gluten free tortillas again. I was just trying them because they had fewer calories and I’m planning to go gluten free, and I wanted to know what was out there.

Gotta go.

Sex Object

My interview is supposed to take place tomorrow, but I’m not sure it is. She emailed me and took off for the holiday weekend. How strange. So I have no confirmation and no idea whether I’m having my interview and I’m not clear on the time.

But this isn’t why I’m posting today. I wanted to share this quote:

But no one wants to listen to our sad stories unless they are smoothed over with a joke or nice melody. And even then, not always. No one wants to hear a woman talking or writing about pain in a way that suggests that it doesn’t end. Without a pat solution, silver lining, or happy ending we’re just complainers – downers who don’t realize how good we actually have it.

…So while my refusal to keep laughing or making you comfortable may seem like a real fucking downer, the truth is that this is what optimism looks like. Naming what is happening to us, telling the truth about it – as ugly and uncomfortable as it can be – means that we want it to change. That we know it is not inevitable.

-Jessica Valenti

I know a lot of people who think this way. I hear it all the time. I love the line about “making you comfortable”. FUCK THAT. Why must we do that? I don’t have to and I won’t.

I’m reading Jessica Valenti’s Sex Object. Obvs. I had to stop at that quote to post it.


I just printed out my notes for the interview. I have a lot covered, but not everything. I just want to know when the interview will take place.

I don’t know how I feel about it. I think they might think I have more experience than I actually do. That is not good. And the references are also an issue. So this is definitely far, far, from a sure thing. But I would love a chance to have a work at home job that pays more then I’m making now. Some people doing this get paid $60,000 a year. Of course, that won’t be me. I wish! Not that money is everything. I would rather have a job I like than making big bucks doing something I hated. But if I could get my foot in the door, that could be me.And I think I might like it.

::crossing fingers::

 

It’s not any fun

Well, it looks like I didn’t get the job. It probably wasn’t only the two-week notice issue, but I’m telling you they really need someone ASAP. He promised to email me. All I wanted was an email.

I’m done with wallowing and listening to Anna Nalick on repeat. I used to listen to Anna Nalick when I was working in the office and needed some comfort on my way to and from work. Now I’m going to listen to Jewel and India.Arie. It’s time to move on. It wasn’t meant to be. I probably would have hated it due to all the auditing. But I can’t be sure. I get audited at my current job (but it isn’t as bad).

I just wanted an email saying “Sorry, we didn’t choose you.” That’s it. Oh well. I’m not actively looking for full-time jobs as of this moment. It depends on how I feel about my full-time job on whatever day.


Should I talk politics or auction? I haven’t done an auction in a long time. Maybe a year? Anyway, I went to see the stuff on Saturday, and I decided to bid on a ton of stuff. I didn’t expect to win it! LOL. Oops. I won over 100 items. Most of this stuff will be donated to the Red Cross. That’s the good news. I will keep only the purses I know I will use and the clothes I can wear. The Red Cross will pick up in my area in August, so I will have the other clothes and purses in trash bags, ready to donate.

I got really good deals. I’m talking $1.00 for eight purses. $2.00 for eight skirts. etc.  I paid $47 for things I’m going to mostly donate, but I do get to keep some stuff for myself. I’m picking up the items on Wednesday before my therapy appointment. I should probably talk about therapy and how I’m not sure I want to continue, but I’ll give it one more shot.

I have real issues, and all she wants to talk about is social anxiety. Social anxiety does affect job stuff, so it does affect my life. But I have other issues too. I think I’m going to make a list of what is really bothering me before I see her this time.


Bernie supporters are getting on my nerves again. I don’t like Hillary or Trump either. But I do have a soft spot for Kaine. Did you see all my tweets on him? I wanted to tweet more, but I held myself back. 🙂 Clinton picking Kaine saved my weekend. It really did. I just didn’t believe she would do it. No, he’s not the most progressive, but neither is Hillary. They’re a match!

Voter turnout will be pretty low this year since most don’t like either candidate. This is great news for people who can’t wait or hate waiting.  However, where I live turnout will be pretty high and who didn’t ask for election day off? ARGH. I hope it isn’t too bad. It’s probably too early to worry about election day.

I’m just pissed because I wanted a nice Democratic National Convention and the Bernie ^%$%ers are ruining it. I empathize with them, but I don’t see the point in booing people. Have some class.

The DNC emails were pretty bad, but that is to be expected in politics…especially when dealing with the Clintons. ROFL. Sorry.


I’m going to go now. I’m so tired even though I just took a nap. I hope work goes better tomorrow. Some of our systems were down today, and I didn’t get much done. That frustrates me so much. Anyway, I’m going to try not to fall asleep while watching the DNC tonight. #Goals

Falling to pieces

Sigh. I think the two-week notice thing killed me. Two people were in the room while I was interviewing. But only the main boss was asking the questions. He made me feel like I had the job UNTIL the two-week notice was mentioned. F&%$. The other woman in the room made a face and said, “You would have to give a two-week notice”. Then they exchanged a look.

They need help immediately. I saw where I would be working, and they have paper everywhere! This doesn’t include the mess that is on the computer. They probably don’t want to wait for two weeks to hire someone. Sucks for me.

I’m still waiting for an email. He said he was going to email me questions. Well, I think they offered the job to someone else, so now I’m waiting for the “you didn’t get the job” email. 😦

The only upside to all this is that I’m not sure I would enjoy the job. Like I said below, there is so much pressure. They get audited by the federal government and other agencies. Talk about pressure! Attention to detail is not my thing. I have to work hard at it. Are you allowed to make one mistake? Two? I would just be waiting to get fired. Sort of like I am with my job now. haha.

I also don’t like being salaried. I know I would spend 50 hours a week at work and still get paid what I currently make for 40 hours. Everyone there seems to work more than 40 hours. I don’t mind working extra hours. I used to do it all the time for free (until a policy was implemented). But if I need a part-time job to supplement my income, how can I work 50-60 hours at a full-time job??!

So there are definitely downsides to this job, but I still wanted an offer. I wanted to make the decision.

This week I…

Music of the week:  Ariana Grande, Rihanna, Anna Nalick, Priory, Britney Spears, Ellie Goulding, Prince, Fifth Harmony

TV of the week:  Grey’s Anatomy, Big Brother, Republican Convention

I think Grey’s and Big Brother are my two favorite TV shows. I’m still not sold on this season of BB, but I say that at the beginning of every season.

I missed Pence and Trump speak at the Republican Convention. I didn’t miss it on purpose. I fell asleep. I’ve seen Trump speak enough. I wanted to hear Pence. I’m sure I’ll be able to catch it on CSPAN.  I wonder how the Democratic Convention will be. I think it will be fun and I won’t fall asleep. 🙂

Movie of the week: I watched Straight Outta Compton. It wasn’t the best movie ever made, but I enjoyed it. I would recommend it to any music lover especially NWA fans. I am too young to be a NWA fan when they were famous, but I know all the members individually. I used to be a huge Ice Cube fan.

I have to say this: I hate Suge Knight.  My hate is justified because I think he had something to do with Tupac’s death. Anyway, this movie made me hate him more. What a jackass.

Books of the week: Once again, I didn’t get to read for leisure since I had to prepare for my interview. I’m still reading  Along Came a Spider by James Patterson. I’m on page 79. Will I ever finish reading this book? I can’t even say whether this book is bad or good. I haven’t gotten to the meat of the book yet. It’s due back at the library on Monday. I’m going to have to renew it.

Planner update: Plans for July 18- July 24 in my Erin Condren neutral planner

planner1

Plans for the Weekend: Nothing exciting, per usual. I have to buy yogurt. I know your life is better for knowing that 😉 A thrift store is going out of business, and they are having an auction. I’m going to look at what they have in person on Saturday. I’m mainly looking for clothes. Like I need “new” clothes. ha. I wish I could pick up a clothing rack, but I’m not sure I’ll be able to disassemble it and fit it into my car. Not that I have room for a rack. Whatevs.

I don’t have any interviews planned so this weekend I just want to chill and read. That’s it.

Stay cool. It is going to be so hot here. I usually spend time on my front porch with my dog, but it may be too hot. I don’t do over 100 degrees.

More interview drama

I SURVIVED.

That is all I can think. But I still suck at asking questions. I feel so weird about it. I don’t know what to ask. Yes, I have read all the books, but when it comes time for me to ask questions, I freeze. UGH. I did ask two questions. One was lame. Maybe both were lame. Not sure.

The next step is interview questions through an email tomorrow…if I make the cut. I KID YOU NOT. Email. So I might survive that. I saw some of the competition and that made me want it more. LOL.

I’m not 100% sure about leaving my work at home job for this job, though. I’m starting to dislike my current job. I don’t hate it. I work from home. That is a big bonus, but I’m ready to go into the office…if I must.

More about the job I interviewed for: Like I said it is nonprofit. They do great work, but there is a lot of government shit involved. We answer to the people in DC. There is an office here, in DC, and the state of Washington. (I’m probably saying too much).  And that’s the part that worries me. Do I want that pressure? Would I be leaving one high-pressure job for another? Then what’s the point???

So I don’t know. First I need to worry about taking time from my current job to answer any email questions I might get tomorrow (Friday). I have to ACE that. It shouldn’t be that hard, but I don’t know what type of questions they will ask. Is it about salary or more typical interview type questions?

Am I insane for even considering leaving my current job for this one? HELP. No one can help me. I have to figure this out on my own. SOB.

One more important thing: They don’t seem thrilled that I would have to give a two-week notice before I start working there. They want someone NOW. So if the other people are available now, I feel like I’m at a disadvantage. Oh well. I also have a feeling that pay may be an issue as well. I will find out very soon. Possibly tomorrow. I know they can find someone cheaper than me. 😦

They seem to want me because I stayed at my current job so long, so they THINK I like that type of work. LOL. But it is different. Oh god.

Well, I have to fix dinner and do other chores. I may update this post or do a brand new post IF I get an offer. Someone is about to get an offer soon. Will it be me? Or someone who is available right now? Hmmm.

I do have to go. Tons to do since I let everything slip due to getting ready for this interview. Interviews are no joke. Stress Fest!

OMFG!

I have an interview for a full-time job. It is at the dog-friendly place. I’m sooooo nervous. Buddha help me. What happens if I get it? I shouldn’t worry about that, right? Too soon. I think I would really enjoy this job even though there is some pressure (like most jobs?).

This is only a “brief interview” so it definitely isn’t the only one. Bummer. I guess they don’t do phone interviews.

The bad thing about this job is that I won’t be making much more than I’m making now AND this is a government related nonprofit. If Trump becomes president, I could see this position disappearing.

Gotta get back to work.

stigma

In 2000, you publicly announced that you had a diagnosis of bipolar disorder. Ten years later, do you think mental illnesses are more widely accepted and understood?

Carrie Fisher: I don’t know about understood. I think that unless you are forced to understand—unless it is an issue of yours—you wouldn’t bother to. I think that now most people know someone in their family that is coping with something, but there is still a tremendous amount of shame—that one is still regarded as a defective unit … if only they would pull up their bootstraps—they are only indulging their emotions, everybody’s moody, blah, blah, blah.

word.

read Carrie’s full interview here