Saved me from my inner strife

At least I know why my breasts always hurt! I have so many little cysts in each breast. They offered to drain them (probably not today). But I said no because they probably would reappear and I don’t want to go back to another doctor for a procedure. PLUS, I don’t know if the procedure hurts. So I’d rather live with my breast pain than get some weird draining procedure. The pain is not that bad. It’s just annoying.

However, the 3D mammogram hurt! WTF? I had a 3D one in 2015, and it didn’t hurt at all. I took pain medicine before the one in 2015. I did not take any pain meds this time. How dumb of me!! I thought mammograms didn’t hurt so I said, “I’ll just try it without the pain meds.” Um, not the right decision. Next time I will take pain meds.

Well, I’m glad that’s over. I shouldn’t have to get another mammogram for a few years unless my GYN sends me to get another one. Please stop sending me! I just have cysts! A lot of little, painful cysts. The end!

I have been eating badly these past 3 weeks. I’m afraid to weigh myself. The last time I weighed myself was just before I started eating horribly. I weighed 138. I guess I weigh more now. I did walk a LOT on my vacation, so maybe that helped. I think the most I walked was 6 miles on one of the days. (No foot pain!)

I can’t easily use my treadmill because I have to always watch my dog. Sad, but true. So I end up leaving him outside for 15 minutes while I get on the treadmill. That’s a problem because he barks the whole time. (Scared to use a bark collar on him for various reasons). I don’t have really close neighbors, but the ones I do have can hear my dog. That must be so annoying.

So I don’t get on my treadmill when 1.) I have my period 2.) when it’s raining, and I can’t leave my dog outside and 3.) when I don’t want to annoy my neighbors with my barking dog. That pretty much leaves NO days to get on my treadmill. lol. I did get on the treadmill on Thursday evening while leaving my dog outside. If I could get on every other day, I would be happy.

When it gets consistently warm (and stops raining!), I will do yoga outside. My dog doesn’t usually bark when I’m out there with him, so that’s not an issue. But I consider yoga relaxation and not exercise. I know it can be both. Since I think my period is over, I might go to yoga on Saturday. No promises. 😉

This week I…

Music of the week: Mary J. Blige, Michelle Branch, Rascal Flatts, Lea Michele, Nelly Furtado, Ingrid Michaelson, Joseph

TV of the week:  Survivor, House of Cards

How do sports fans live without cable?? I’m dying. I know there are options. I’m not paying money just to watch sports (that’s what I’m saying now). I also miss cable news, but not as much as I miss sports, of course. There are tons of ways to watch the news. I miss cable already. 😦 I guess it will take time to get used to it.

Movie of the week: None

Books of the week: 
Still reading  A Course in Weight Loss: 21 Spiritual Lessons for Surrendering Your Weight Forever by Marianne Williamson,  A Course in Miracles and  A Course in Miracles Made Easy: Mastering the Journey From Fear to Love by Alan Cohen.

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren

DSCN0441

Plans for the Weekend: Nothing special planned for the 3 day weekend. I plan to study more than ever. My certification test is on June 17 at 7:30 AM. I know how hard this test is and how few people passed on the first try because this is a relatively new certification, so there aren’t a lot of study guides out there. I just have to take it to see what’s on it. Of course, I hope I know enough to pass on the first try.

I might go to yoga on Saturday. I hope my sunflower blooms so I can post pics of it. I want to be a proud sunflower mama. haha. I planted two sunflowers, but I think one got eaten by an animal which is not surprising. So I have all my hope in this one flower.

So yeah, I’m just studying, and I have to return my cable equipment through UPS. Exciting life. Thanks for reading! Have a great weekend. 🙂

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All I’ve got is time

******BREAKING NEWS*************

I  ORDERED A TREADMILL. lol. I’m so nuts/sad/mad. I have all these crazed emotions because I don’t know whether I got the promotional financing or not. I tried everything to find out. I called, I chatted. No answers. I NEED that financing. Without it, I’m doomed.

I bought the LifeSpan TR200 Compact Treadmill. It is already assembled. (!!) Yes, that is the main reason I picked that one. I was worried about all the extra time I will have (see below), but now that I’m getting a treadmill on Wednesday, I will have something to do. lol.

If I didn’t get the financing… Oh boy. I’m going to try my best to cancel my order. First, I will try to straighten it out. But who knows whether they will let me? The not knowing is driving me crazy.

I went to the free gym today. I thought there might be a bunch of New Year’s people there. Nope. I was alone for 1.5 of my miles. Then a woman came in. But it is getting cold. And I don’t like leaving my house ever, but especially when it is cold. Besides with a treadmill, I will be able to easily use it every day.

I’m hoping exercising daily will help with anxiety, weight maintenance, and my prehypertension.

Now back to what I was blogging before I ordered the treadmill:

I don’t have my practicum to do anymore. 😦 I didn’t know I had a year to complete it. And they also did some unethical stuff I won’t get into. So now I’m looking for something to do with that time. I don’t want a hobby like knitting because then I would have to spend money on yarn. So I’m looking for something free to do. It’ll probably be a part time job if I can find a nonsocial one.

I’m trying to work fewer hours at my full-time job. And now I don’t have the practicum to do. That means I have TIME. How many people have this problem? lol. Everyone else is busy, busy, busy. Oh well. I will find something to do. For now, I will probably work more. That is so pathetic and not at all what I planned to do. ARGH.

I will definitely read more. I read 25 books last year. I don’t know. I need something meaningful and free to do. That is what I’m looking for. Volunteering would be an option, but first I want to be sure I don’t need a part-time job. I’ve gotten into trouble before with volunteering somewhere when I needed work.

I would consider getting my Master’s, but the company I worked for changed its policy and will only pay for three types of Bachelor’s degrees. All involve management. I have NO INTEREST in management. I hate business. I only majored in it during undergrad because I didn’t know what to major in. So I changed to psychology. (I ended up with a degree in psychology with a minor in business).

So school’s out. Not that I have anything against getting another Bachelor’s. I just want it to be what I’m interested in. Hell, I would get an associate’s degree. Oh well.

Now I’m going to freak out over the whole treadmill financing situation. I will probably listen to a podcast and then go to bed.  I may update this entry with the results. I have to stop freaking out. But I just bought a treadmill!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

I will not idly go, I got too much to fight for

my weight
my weight

I’m using these scale pics for my Project Life album. Please note that when I put my phone down, my weight went down to 133.4 😉 But it isn’t low enough. I know I seem obsessed with how much I weigh.

My feet are so tired. I just got back from the gym. I went three times this week:

Tuesday: Body Pump (weight lifting)

Wednesday: Water fitness (cardio and weights)

Friday: Body Step (mostly cardio, some weight lifting)

I want to document this because I don’t know when this will happen again. Today I warmed up by doing half a mile on the treadmill and then I went to Body Step for an hour. I’m not sure I’m going back to her class. Unfortunately her class is the only one that fits with my schedule. 😦 Bummer. The instructor is just way too outgoing for me.

…And I’m so damn uncoordinated. If I can get over her personality, I might try again. She said it takes 6 classes to get used to it. I dunno. It was a great workout. I didn’t have enough water and I haven’t sweated like that while exercising in a looooong time. Why does she have to be so out there?? Argh.

Water fitness at the Y and water fitness at this gym is totally different. First of all, I almost slipped at least 5 times. I can’t swim so that is scary for me. The first time I slipped I almost cried out. (But then I remembered I have social anxiety and I got myself together). I don’t know what the problem is. I have the same water shoes I used at the Y.

Water fitness was actually fun! The instructor was very intense. It was a good workout. Some of the stuff I couldn’t do since I’m not that comfortable in water. I also couldn’t do a lot of the weight lifting stuff in the water. I’m so weak.

I still love the weightlifting class. Perfect time. Perfect instructor. That’s a keeper. 🙂

———-

Yes I did respond to a online personal ad last night. FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER. I posted an ad and a picture. *gasp!* She responded. Yes she. I’m not into dating but if it has to be someone it is going to be a female. I think she responded to my message but I’m too scared to read what she wrote. WAIT…….let me do it now.

::checking the site::

She said I seemed interesting and wants to get to know me more!!!! Well I won’t be responding to that in the next hour. It will take some time. I feel more outgoing (in my way) at night. So tonight or tomorrow night I will respond.

Well this weekend all I’m doing is mowing the lawn. I’m not planning on going to the gym since mowing is cardio.

Music for the week:  Alexz Johnson, Jillette Johnson, Jay Z, Ciara, Jewel

TV for the week:  Zimmerman Trial, Big Brother 15 (YAY for Helen)

Movie of the week: I started watching Gone Baby Gone but couldn’t finish it.

Books of the week: Still Missing by Chevy Stevens,  Happy this Year by Will Bowen, Weight Training for Dummies

Goals for next week:  My goals are all about work.

Torpedo

A modified version of “weekly”.

Music for the week:  Alexz Johnson, Ed Sheeran, Jillette Johnson (she’s amazing!), Lady Antebellum, Indie.Arie, Teddy Geiger

TV for the week: Pretty Little Liars (finished up to season 3), Zimmerman Trial, Big Brother 15

Movie of the week: Katy Perry: Part of Me

Books of the week: Still Missing by Chevy Stevens,  Happy this Year by Will Bowen, Weight Training for Dummies

Goals for next week:   Cut back on drinking soda. Put a huge dent in the books I’m reading. Do my best to grasp this  new work assignment.

On Saturday I took my dog to the vet. It ended up costing me $250!! When I got my dog from the animal shelter years ago, I had no idea pets costs this much. I thought if they were healthy, it was just buying food etc. I wanted a dog my whole life. I love animals. Anyhow, now I’m just waiting for the test results. Everything else that I was worried about was fine.

I went to yoga today for the first time at the new gym. I haven’t done yoga in about 3-4 months. It was nice getting back into it. The instructor was great. The class wasn’t too crowded. I definitely want to go back but I doubt I do yoga weekly. I NEED some cardio*. Basically all I have been doing is weight lifting…once a week. The plan is next Tuesday before the weightlifting group class is to do a mile on the treadmill or if they are full, I will have to settle for a bike. Besides I really think I need to warm up before going into weight lifting.

*Well I’m mowing the lawn this Saturday so I will have enough cardio for this week. I have almost an acre to mow. Woe is me. 😉

I used to only do cardio and yoga but now the more I read about it, the more I realize that weight lifting (AKA resistance training) is very important. Plus I get so bored by cardio unless it involves walking through a park. Oh! I am also excited to start Body Step this week. Body Step looks extremely hard for someone uncoordinated as me but I want to give it a try. I hope I like it because then I will be able to skip the treadmill and just do cardio with Body Step.

——-

I got my photos back from Shutterfly very quickly. I wish I could post my Project Life layouts now but I’m waiting on embellishments. I don’t know why I get so excited about PL. I just do! 😉 Post coming around mid-July…hopefully.

Weekly

(I should call this “daily” but I title it weekly because I post it weekly…)

Monday

  • worked

Tuesday

  • Worked. Had to facilitate a team meeting over the phone but it was still horrible because management was there. I sucked. I could not look up. I forgot to take my anti-anxiety meds before the meeting. That would have loosen me up. Sigh.
  • Gym: Had part I of orientation. Attended my first weight lifting group class. Loved it even though I couldn’t do all the moves. My weight keeps changing but this week I weigh between 130lbs and 132lbs. 😦 😦

Wednesday

  • Worked
  • TV – Big Brother premiered. YAY!

Thursday

  • Work: Had training for my new job duties. The training did not go well. We didn’t get through very much. I have so many questions…frustrating.
  • My Ebay auction ended. I think it had 7 bids. But the wining bid was only $20.00. I was hoping for $30.

Friday

  • Worked (stress fest)

Saturday

  • Worked for 2 hours.
  • Errands galore (grocery shopping, laundry, post office etc.)
  • Went to part II of orientation at the gym. He didn’t pressure me to buy anything this time. Afterwards, I got on the bike and the treadmill.  Note to self: I was at the gym at 1:30PM and it wasn’t crowded but 3-4 people were in the pool.

Sunday

  • Note to self: Never go the gym on Sunday…ever again. Okay maybe I’m being slightly dramatic. I got up at 6AM, showered and went to the gym. I made up my own workout. First I got into the pool. 🙂  Two other people were in the pool. It had just opened so I don’t know how they got there before me. The water was an okay temperature. I do like that the pool is only 5 feet and no kids are allowed. (No kids = less crowded). But I don’t feel comfortable in 5 feet of water so I hope the water workout class is not in 5 feet. I barely feel comfortable in 4 feet of water. I just walked around with weights for about 15 minutes. I didn’t really feel comfortable…
  • Then I got on the bike for 10 minutes just to pass time. I ended my workout with a 30min group class. It was a high intensity interval workout class. There isn’t enough water to keep me hydrated for that class. I’m not going back. I’m glad I went today though. It just isn’t for me.

On Sundays if I really want to workout (doubtful), I will just go to the free gym and get on the treadmill or maybe try the weight machines. I was surprised by how many people were at the gym on Sunday at 8AM. This week will be my full real week at the gym. I am going to try to come up with a routine. So far all I know is that I like the weight lifting class.

Music for the week: India.Arie, Alexz Johnson, Teddy Geiger, Ed Sheeran, Taylor Swift

TV for the week: Pretty Little Liars, Zimmerman Trial (I’m leaning towards manslaughter NOT 2nd degree murder. I should probably blog about this). Big Brother 15

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week: Still Missing by Chevy Stevens,   8 Minutes in the Morning – A Simple Way to Start Your Day That Burns Fat and Shed the Pounds by Jorge Cruise (just browsing this)

Goals for next week:  Go to the gym at least 3 days. Cut back on drinking soda.

Bethelehem

I now weigh 120lbs. I can’t believe it. How did I go from being borderline underweight 15 months ago to 120 pounds??! I freaked out when I saw that on the scale. Now I’m on a mission. NO MORE SWEETS! I stopped eating cookies and most things a while ago. But once a week or so I would eat a cupcake or my fave, red velvet cake. I can’t do that anymore. I’m trying to not freak out. 120lbs is not a lot (by any standard) but I have never weighed this much. I want to weigh 115 for as long as I can. OMG who freaks out over 5lbs? Um, ME.

I just did a 1/2 of mile on the treadmill. After work I plan on doing more. The worst thing about working at home is getting less exercise. At work I would run the stairs sometimes. I walked a lot etc. I’m going to get fit. Hopefully no more weight freak outs. Side note: When I have enough battery, I can watch TV shows on my Kindle Fire while working out. It is currently charging so no TV today. I love that it fits perfectly on the treadmill.

—————–

I went to the christian concert with my coworker. Like most social things, it didn’t go well. It would not have been so bad if it weren’t 6 hours! By the 4 hour mark, I was bored and irritated. I wanted a nap. :/ I could not wait to get out of there. Um, I don’t think she will be asking me to go anywhere else. 😦 Of course, I thought that the last time she asked me to go somewhere. So who knows? I just hope I didn’t offend her in anyway. Oh well. If only it had been 2 hours instead.

——————

Every once in a while I go on Ebay and go nuts. Just nuts. It happened on Sunday morning. I brought 2 Bebe tops. I got them at a bargain, I think. When I went to Bebe in NYC* I brought a blouse for $50. I returned it the very next day (and my last day there).  What was I thinking? Anyhow, that was one of the lowest priced items. So I’m guessing these blouses retail at that price.

top/dress

Tiny pictures. 😉

——–

*Speaking of NYC I want to go back again. But the hotel prices are outrageous. Last time I went for two nights and I got a great deal at The Kimberly Hotel. It is right off of 5th Avenue. Now I can’t find any deals. So far I’m not doing anything for my summer vacation. heh. Well I am taking my mom to North Carolina during my vacay from work. But it is in the middle of nowhere. I have never been to North Carolina so I’m excited to go. I have to drive about 40 minutes from where we will be staying to get to Duke University. I really want to go there. I’m a big Duke basketball fan and the campus is gorgeous. But I want to go somewhere else too. Either the beach, NYC or maybe Atlantic City. I haven’t been to AC since I was a kid.

————-

Kindle Fire time!

I am now reading on my Fire just as much as I do on my KK! I love being able to read on both. I had to get the screen dimmer app to read on the Fire. Otherwise I would get a headache. I’m sort of loving playing Words with Friends but it is weird to play with strangers. Maybe it is just me. Someone said it perfectly when she said, “The Kindle is a great gateway to other tablets”. I agree. It is a good first device. It would be perfect if the battery life was at least 1-2 hours longer (with Wi-Fi on).

Well I have to go back to work. Lunch is over.

paranoia strikes deep

I’m still wired after drinking a cup of coffee this morning. This entry will be all over the place. Speaking of drinks, I have only had TWO sodas during the past 3 months. 🙂 Mountain Dew was my drug of choice. During my childhood, it was Sprite but then I discovered caffeine. Yes, I still drink coffee. I probably drink about 4-5 cups a week.

I’m so excited that I now have access to a treadmill at home!!! I don’t have to leave my house like I did last Sunday just to go to the gym. My mom dusted off her treadmill. I can’t believe all I had to do was ask. (Hello?) I will have to get use to the deep incline. It can’t go down. I will be going slow for a while. I’m used to being able to adjust it. Anyway, my minimum goal is 1 mile a day 3-4 days a week. I would love to do 2 miles 3 times a week. But I’m only used to doing a mile or a mile and a half. So I’ll start with that.

I have to mention this now because Whitney just came on my music player. My mom is so impressed that I’m not a real Whit fan but I can tell you who wrote almost all of her songs. She rattled off titles and I told her the songwriter(s) of all but one. She thinks this means I would be good in a certain ‘profession’…because I can easily recall things. Um, NO. I live and love music. I can easily remember this somewhat useless stuff. But in general I have a horrible memory. I’m also bad at paying attention to details which makes my current job so exasperating. I’m much better at the big picture.

I love sports almost as much as music but I can’t remember stats of even my favorite players/teams. Don’t get me wrong, I love stats (psych major!) but when people start going on and on about sports and statistics, it is like my brain just shuts down. Anyhow, I’m glad someone is impressed by my pop culture knowledge. However, I have been slipping as of late. I probably won’t know 75% of the people at the Academy Awards tonight. Eww, I just realized that the NBA All Star game is on at the same time as the Oscars. I’m probably the only person who is bummed about this. 😉

Rambling………………………….

I am making some progress on cleaning my house. I definitely will have professional cleaners clean the floors. And I may have carpet installed. I’ve been thinking about *maybe* renting my house out. I won’t do it if I have to be in charge of maintenance though. I will hire a rental agency. I have no idea how much that costs. I just know that having someone else involved will increase what I would ask for rent. Hopefully with my mom’s help, the house will have a professional look in 2 months. Then I will have to make a decision. Rent out or sale?? I just hate the thought of someone messing up my house! (Don’t think negatively).

I’m trying to not spend too much time searching for houses on the net. I keep finding beauties. Of course there is probably something wrong with most of these houses. Why would an affordable 4 bedroom/2 bath with lots of land be on the market for almost a year? I’m still conflicted with the whole country living versus city living. Gas prices will always be an issue. I have to put that down as a con. Gas will not cost $2.50 a gallon even if Newt Gingrich is president. *smirk*

I haven’t really considered alternatives like buying a hybrid car. I haven’t done much research in that area because the last thing I wanted to do was buy another car. Of course that happened anyway. If only I could work at home forever. Then gas would not be a top concern. BUT when I hear the kids next door bouncing that damn basketball or I think about how it was living in my house: I know I have to get to the country.

Gas be damned??? Everything has to be complicated. Every. Single. Thing. At this point, I’m pretty sure the townhouse thing is out. I’m far too neurotic to share walls with someone. Been there, done that. I really do know that I belong in the country but I can’t just ignore all the drawbacks (gas, yard maintenance, more critters, power outages for days/weeks, etc.) I’m so torn over this. Obviously.

I don’t know why I’m posting this. I don’t think I blogged about what I originally wanted to mention. Whatever.