Don’t tell your mother

Update to add: AHHHHHHHHHH! Just like I thought my manager and I will have a meeting on Monday. No, it doesn’t necessarily mean I’m fired. BUT it could mean that I have to work in the office or it could be just a warning (doubtful). Talking isn’t one of my skills. I really don’t know what to say. If she can’t see the truth than LOL. I have one sentence I can say. That’s it. It isn’t like I can google an answer to this unique situation.

If she doesn’t think I’m taking this seriously, she could not be wronger. I’m a single person. No significant other to help pay bills. No parents to help with much of anything. I could eventually live with my mom to have a roof over my head, but she has no money because she stopped working to take care of her mom. It’s all on me. I have to work. So YES, I am taking this very seriously. That’s all I can say….and I don’t think that is good enough.

Monday is the day. Nervous. Will my coworkers get want they want? Time will tell.

————-

I don’t know what’s going on. I couldn’t nap much this week. Napping is my favorite thing. 🙂  Was it because I was worried about my job? Or do I nap because my job is so exhausting that when I do work, I feel so tired that I have to nap? I don’t know, but I do know that my dog hated having the weekend schedule during the week. He was confused. Why aren’t you sitting at the computer and working mom? Why aren’t we eating dinner at 5? Uh, because we woke up later…remember?

Overall, I had a good week off. It was very relaxing.

park
park

I took my dog to the park on Wednesday. Surprisingly it was fun. I finally found the walking trail but by the time I found it, we had been there about an hour and I didn’t feel like walking the whole trail. We ended up taking a shortcut through the woods which was awesome. I love wooded areas. So that was cool. My dog wouldn’t let me sit down. I wanted to read a book by the lake, but that didn’t happen. We went around 10 AM and it wasn’t crowded at all.

On Thursday, I took my dog to get groomed while I went to the gym and ran errands. I took a spin class. Less than 10 people were in the class. Gotta love a morning class on a weekday. I went to the consignment shop but, they weren’t taking clothes that day. They do state on their website to call first but since I was already out, I decided to just go. Oh well. Another day.

The grooming didn’t go well. I expected that. He wouldn’t let them trim his nails. She told me to take him to the vet for that. LOL. The vet doesn’t want to do it either. But I will try there in early August. They have to cut his nails or I can’t keep him. What are the other alternatives? Anyway, he didn’t like the bath or being dried either. Oh well. I guess that will be the last time I go there.  I will do everything at the vet which costs more. Grrr!

Then my mom and I went to Red Lobster. Thank god I did spin and burned 400+ calories. Otherwise, I would be in trouble. I ate TWO biscuits. Plus I had the caesar salad. 😦  But I didn’t eat the croutons in the salad. I forgot a salad came with the meal. The broiled flounder was awesome! I skipped two meals (1 snack and dessert) so in the end it all evens out. She wants to go back to Red Lobster in August. argh. This time I will try not to eat any bread. lol. And just eat the salad and the meal.

Here is a pic of the salad. I forgot to take a pic of the main meal which would have been great food porn.

salad
salad

I saw 130.4 on the scale on Tuesday. It was only ONE day so I’m not celebrating yet. Today I’m back to 131.

This week I…

Music of the week:  Tori Kelly, Raquel Sofia, Crystal Lewis, Ed Sheeran, Nina Simone, Florence + the Machine, Mariah Carey, Shelby Lynne

Watched: Big Brother, Preachers’ Daughters

Movies of the week: Does watching a Lifetime movie count? 😉

Books of the week:  I finished reading Not Fade Away: A Memoir of Senses Lost and Found by Rebecca Alexander. Great book. One of the best memoirs I’ve ever read and I read a lot of memoirs. Moving.

Now reading: Something Must Be Done About Prince Edward County: A Family, a Virginia Town, a Civil Rights Battle by Kristen Green. I live 80 minutes away from Prince Edward County. I didn’t know the history of that county. I never really thought much about Prince Edward County prior to reading this book.  The author used to live where I live now. She talks about how racially segregated it is. I tell people online that that is true. But the way she puts it makes it really sad. It is like people are living in two different cities. The haves and the have nots.

I have a free Audible credit. I’m thinking about getting Ta-Nehisi Coates new book. I dunno. Is it better to read it or is it okay to listen to it? I don’t know why I mess with Audible. I don’t love audio books. I used to listen to them when I worked in the office because that helped pass the time, but now I can barely finish an audio book. I have to use my free credit by August. I need to get something…Every book I want to read I usually come to the conclusion that I want to READ it, not listen to it.

Planner update:

plans of the week
plans of the week

As usual, the weekend isn’t filled in yet.

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Sometimes the shadow wins

Do I even have to say AWKWARD? Hello! It’s me and a social situation. Of course it was awkward. I went to the Good Friday event and I didn’t die or anything but it was very uncomfortable. People and I are just not meant to be together…ever! The good thing is that it only lasted an hour. I guess it is what normally happens in Christian churches for Good Friday. But since I’ve never been to one, I wouldn’t know. People kept asking “Are you a visitor”? Is that code for something? LMAO. Sorry. Ugh, I was that person playing on her phone while waiting for the meeting to begin. I was so nervous. At least it is over now. I was the first person out the door as soon as the meeting was over. I kid you not.

All is well that doesn’t kill you. That is the saying, right? AND the lady who invited me wasn’t even there! %$#% Whatevs. She’ll say she was sick.

———

I’m thinking about taking my dog with me to the cabin. Some of the reasons for NOT taking him are purely selfish. I want to dance for 2-3 hours a day (if not more). Will he get in the way? Will he let me dance? I can’t dance at home so this was going to be my chance to do my favorite thing. The other reason for not taking him include: what if he uses the bathroom in the cabin? Do they have something I can clean with like a mop? I can’t remember. And the main reason is his new car phobia. He refuses to get in the car without getting into his crate first. This dog has so many issues…just like me. Anyhow, we would have to get in and out of the car a lot. It is impossible to walk to the river or a lot of places from the cabin. What if I can’t get him in the crate?

I don’t want to board him because I know he will be an anxious mess. He’ll wonder if I’m ever coming back. 😦 I’m also worried he might bite someone. So many worries. If I HAD to board him, I would. But I’m allowed to take him with me so…and then I read this article about how if you can take your pet on vacation with you, why not? “It is so fun!” lol. You don’t know my dog.

I have to make a decision soon because I have to make boarding arrangements if I’m not taking him. This was supposed to be a vacation from everything.

———

I have been doing #Listersgottalist. I love making lists. I’ve been doing it since…wow, since I could write. I’ve been posting all of mine to instagram. There are two things I really like about this “challenge”. It makes me use my stash and it gives me a creative outlet. I probably won’t do it next month because I won’t be home the whole month to post and I’m looking for the perfect booklet to do it in. But if the prompts are good in June, I’m in!

I’ll share two out of my four lists in this blog:

My All-time favorite songs: (It was so hard to pick only 6 songs!)

fave songs of all time
fave songs of all time

My favorite planner supplies:

fave planner supplies
fave planner supplies

Some of this stuff I’ve had for 2-3 years. It is nice to be able to use it.

——–

This Week I…

Music for the week: Lissie, Toby Lightman, Laura Marling, Marina & the Diamonds, Jillette Johnson, Kendrick Lamar, Butterfly Boucher, Kelly Clarkson

song of the week: Sara Bareilles – Brave

This video came out in 2013 but I just discovered it this week. #late I’ve loved this song since it came out but with the video – WOW. This is where I am in my life right now. I’ve been watching this video 3-5 times a day for inspiration.

TV for the week: Bloodline, March Madness, Keyshia Cole: All In (marathon style), American Idol (ugh! I’m only watching for the local guy. I don’t hate the show. I just hate that it is a 2 hour show. I “watch” most of it muted. As soon as the local guy is gone, I’m gone).

This deserves  it’s own paragraph: BLOODLINE. OMG. That show is sooooooo good. Why aren’t more people talking about it? Maybe the ending sucks? I dunno but I’m loving watching it.

Movie of the week: none.

Books of the week:

I Don’t Want To, I Don’t Feel Like It: How Resistance Controls Your Life and What to Do About It by Cheri Huber (on page 126)

The Happiness Advantage: The seven principles of positive psychology that fuel success and performance at work by Shawn Achor (on page 21)

Walked: edited to update – most steps on Sunday with 8,028 steps.

Planner update:

the week so far....
the week so far….

Can you spot two bunnies in this entry? 😉

I’m caught up and I’m hanging on

(I typed this entry yesterday but couldn’t post it because my power went out for 7 hours!)

Merry March Madness!! It is my favorite time of the year. I have Thursday and Friday off. I have chores/errands in the morning and then I’m watching basketball all day and night. I’ve been lucky enough to get those days off ever since I started working where I work. Happy almost spring too! (my fave season)

Maybe I won’t be selling on Etsy after all. I’m going with Cafe Press for now. Right now I have 100+ items listed. (!!!) That sounds like a lot but it isn’t really. That is normal for a beginner. I think I’m going to have to get my paint out to make any money. But maybe I will get lucky. At least this is something I can work on NOW. The competition on the site is unreal. Yeah, I dunno. This may not work. I won’t take off what I have now but I doubt I add anymore effort to it.

I should just sell at flea markets once or twice a month. Ding. Ding. Ding. Then I won’t have to deal with shipping but there are drawbacks to everything…like people not wanting to pay full price at flea markets.

B @ the park
B @ the park

I took my dog to the park today during my lunch break. It went okay.  He seemed to LOVE it. He didn’t want to get back in the car to go home. I had to beg. (He knows I won’t pick him up). We only stayed there for about 25 minutes. I’m wondering if it is worth going during lunch. I didn’t get a lot of exercise. I probably walked a mile. So I don’t know if I will do this trip weekly like I’d planned. It was near 70 degrees. It is going to be only 50 on Thursday. That is why I changed the dates.   Btw, I go during lunch to avoid the crowds

 

park near my house
park near my house

See how dreary this park is? But it is the only park that isn’t a “dog park” that allows dogs. Plus it is so close to where I live so I’m thankful for it. I’m going to the pretty parks by myself on my vacation in July. No big plans for that vacation time.

——-

Eventually there will be no football…probably not in my lifetime. Players like Chris Borland see the light. His life isn’t worth the millions or love of the game. (Not that all football players in the NFL make millions). How much more proof do people need? These guys are damaging their minds and for what? Okay, money and love for the game. But it is worth it? I’m glad Borland gets it. Now we just need a few hundred more to get it. As long as people watch it and there is money involved there will always be players. To stop watching seems to be the only solution (which is what I did in 2013).

Just say no to football.

Just a little piece of your heart

I went on and ordered a Plum Paper Planner! I put it on my credit card because I don’t have enough cash. How silly/dumb is that? But I’m so excited to get it. I have it starting in March 2015. It won’t arrive until around February 10 (if I’m lucky). I love it because it can be personalized. I brought the family planner (with extras) even though I don’t have a traditional family. I just have a dog and 2 guinea pigs….Anyway, I have the days divided into: work, today, money and fitness. I have 3 blank sections.

Here is a  video of an overview of the Plum Paper Planner:  (She has the regular planner NOT the family planner so mine will be a little different)

I’m not an affiliate. I just love these planners! BTW, I did consider the Erin Condren Life Planner but I don’t divide my days into morning, evening and night so that planner wouldn’t work at all for me.

About the Desire Map planner: I haven’t received it yet. I ordered it on January 3 and it still says packaging. I’m very disappointed since they claim to ship in two days.  I would have expected a note with my confirmation email if there was a delay for any reason. #FirstWorldIssues I may keep the planner or sell it on eBay. I could use one planner for documenting (plum planner) and one for goals (desire map). I dunno. I have to get it and look through it first.

Edit: OMG. I emailed Danielle LaPorte’s company to cancel my Desire Map Planner since they weren’t planning on shipping it anytime soon. They are going to cancel it! LOL. So I ordered a Bloom Planner (much cheaper but still good) to use until I get my Plum Paper Planner. Uh, thanks. 🙂 Wow is all I have to say. Is that good customer service or….I’m so confused. Anyhow, the Bloom Planner will be here on Tuesday.

I will show both planners on the blog. No worries about that. 😉 lol

———–

I feel bad about how I blogged about my dog even though everything I said at the time was how I felt. I’m his person. He picked me. He is shy around everyone BUT me. I don’t know why that is. I do feel blessed to have this little guy in my life…even though things are far from perfect. For example, he was pretty good all week but today…SCREAM. I was trying to work. Keyword: trying. He has his first vet appointment on January 19. I hope everything goes okay.

———

My therapist. Another SCREAM. She doesn’t get it. I see her about once a month so maybe that is why she has a memory problem. I don’t yearn for friends. How hard is that to understand? Yes, I do consider dealing with people a hassle. I had to spell it out for her. I AM A LONER. etc. etc. This is not new info. I have told her all this before. Sigh. Maybe it is time for therapy to end. ???

————-

Weekly

Music for the week: India.Arie, Mary J. Blige, Whitney Houston, Carrie Underwood, Sam Smith, D’Angelo, Butterfly Boucher, Taylor Swift

TV for the week: House of Cards, basketball

Movie of the week: none

Book of the week: Coming Clean: A Memoir by Kimberly Rae Miller

Knitting projects of the week:

I started a ribbed cowl –

ribbed cowl
ribbed cowl

Here is my purple cowl. I will never do another cowl with this type of yarn. It takes too long.

purple cowl
purple cowl

And here is my scarf. It is almost done.

scarf
scarf

No more big yarn purchases for me. I’m on a strict budget these days. I will be using my stash for a while.

———

I didn’t go to spin last week, not because it was the first week of January but because I was out all day on Saturday. I am planning on going this Sunday…if I have water. I didn’t have water all day yesterday and this morning. That is nothing compared to last year. Last January I probably had water for less than 10 days. It was so cold last winter. Here’s hoping this winter isn’t as cold.

Follow through

I had a decent NYE! That never happens when I stay home.  I usually go away for NYE but this year I didn’t (because of the dog and finances). Nothing happened. That is a good thing! 😉 Usually there are people shooting guns or fireworks. Nothing. I fell asleep around 11PM while listening to a mental health podcast. I woke up at 12:05AM. I was thrilled. Then I just turned my lights off and went to sleep for real. I know how to party. I’m so glad this time of year is over. I survived!!

Note: I typed everything below the line BEFORE I took B to doggy daycare for the day.

I took B to daycare for the first time today. It was something I wanted to do once a month, just for socialization. I didn’t want to HAVE TO do it. However, I had a lot to do today and I didn’t want to come back to a mess and a stressed out dog so I left him there for 8 hours today. According to the owner, he did very well (Thank Buddha – I was worried) and he’s a total mama’s boy. lol. Also:

1. He is shy around people.

2. He didn’t play with the other 2 small dogs. He didn’t even care that they were there!

THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOO MY DOG! hahaha.

Well, I’m glad that it went well. I don’t know what to make of him not playing with the other dogs. I assumed he would like that. I was wrong. Hopefully I will not have to make this a habit. He was so happy to see me. One more thing: He came back a mess. I would have been pissed if I had given him a professional bath and he came back looking like that. In their defense, it was raining.

———–

The title of this entry should be “This is why I don’t have kids”. But that would make sense. The dog is driving me nuts. I can’t tell you how many times a day I think this is exactly why I don’t have kids. Cause I don’t want to deal with this crap! And now I have this dog that is like a really bad toddler.

He has serious separation anxiety and aggressive issues (not towards me…yet). If I worked outside the house, I could not even think of keeping this dog. NO WAY. My mom says she would take him back to the shelter. I don’t know how I feel. I don’t love this dog. I sort of like him. He is just so much trouble! But he is really cute and everyone says that to me. And I want to say “do you want to take him home?” or “try living with him”.

Maybe obedience school would help. I don’t see it solving his real issues. The plan was to start obedience school on January 25 but I used the money on something else. Something not fun. I can remove the apprentice on my title when I finish the practicum I purchased. It will take me probably a year to finish it. And then I won’t have to put apprentice on my resume anymore.

Back to the dog: Perhaps the vet will have a solution. I don’t have an appointment yet. It depends on whether they open on MLK day. I might have that day off. All I know is that I will not be working all day. If there was an easy solution, he probably wouldn’t have ended up in the shelter in the first place. As far as the “medicine” goes, I think Nutri-Vet Pet-Ease Wafers works the best but nothing works if he is really wound up. I haven’t noticed the Anti-Stress Pills working but I don’t really know. Hard to tell.

In good news, he seems to be somewhat house trained. I don’t feel good saying he is 100% there but the crate is working…and taking him outside a lot.

Weekly

Music for the week: Mary J. Blige, Whitney Houston, Sam Smith, Ariana Grande, D’Angelo, Lea Michele, Jonatha Brooke, Ani DiFranco

TV for the week: House of Cards, basketball

I see new things every time I watch House of Cards. I’m about to start a Twilight Zone marathon. I LOVED that show as a kid.

Movie of the week: The Rage: Carrie 2 

Book of the week: Coming Clean: A Memoir by Kimberly Rae Miller

I’m only on page 47. I’m sure it gets good. I just have to get into it.

Knitting projects of the week: I started another cowl. I had to do one in purple. This yarn is thinner so it is taking forever. The last one took about 2 weeks. This one will take at least 3. There isn’t much to show but here is the yarn:

 

start of cowl
start of cowl

Still working on a scarf, my lace project and my afghan. Pics of those in the coming weeks…hopefully next week.

whisper, whisper, whisper

cowl
first cowl!

As you can see, I finished my cowl! This is by far the best knitting experience I’ve had thus far. It isn’t perfect. There are at least two known mistakes. Isn’t it amazing how a string of yarn can become a piece of fabric? It amazes me that I made that. I’m wearing it out on Thursday instead of one of my scarves.

I’m shocked that it is wearable. Like I said, I couldn’t find a pattern with my yarn so I searched the net for inspiration. The best cowl I found was Elise’s “super simple knitted cowl“. I didn’t follow her pattern (because I used a different type of yarn*) but just looking at her finished cowl kept me going. I wanted mine to look as cozy as hers and it kind of is. Hers is probably thicker though. I cast on about 105 stitches….I have no idea how many rows I did.

*I used Lion’s Brand Tweed Stripes.

I’m in love with my cowl. Yep, I admit it. 😉  I might have to make a purple one next. I’m really more of a scarf person so….I just made this to make something different.

——-

My dog definitely and I mean DEFINITELY has separation anxiety (and motion sickness while in the car). He has stomach issues just like humans do when they get anxious.  I ordered two different types of medicines. I hope they work. I would like to think it is just the new environment but I’m not that optimistic. I’m gone for 45 minutes and he goes ballistic. Imagine if I were gone for 8-9 hours a day!!? It would be horrible.

I’m guessing this might be one of the reasons he was at the shelter. It is that bad.  He also isn’t good with kids so that may be another reason.

———

WARNING WARNING *************SERIAL SPOILER ALERT************

I have not listened to the last episode of Serial as of this posting. As a true crime aficionado, I sort of feel like I wasted my time. This was the best case she could find? Yeah I know the case came to her but she could have passed. I think Adnan and Jay did it. Do I think Adnan should be in jail? NO. There isn’t enough evidence. Eyewitnesses  AKA Jay are not real evidence. I want forensics. (I have jury duty soon. I would be such a pain on a jury… if I talked. I would never convict someone based on what someone else said. That is NUTS!)

Why do I think Adnan is guilty? It’s simple. He never called Hae after she was murdered. He knew. That’s why he didn’t call her cell phone. RED FLAG.  Her other friends constantly called her. It also doesn’t help that his cell phone pinged off a tower  near the park where her body was found. Of course someone else (Jay) could have had the phone but I’m not buying that.

It was interesting but there are so many more far compelling cases where an innocent person could truly be helped.

I have to talk about Hae a little. She became real to me when they mentioned how Adnan and her danced to K-Ci’s and Jo Jo’s song. I will never find another lover sweeter than you, sweeter than you… That brought back so many memories. What a tragic way to die. So young. WHY? I want to ask WHO DID IT? But I’m 70% sure Adnan did. The reasonable doubt is why I couldn’t convict him.

The whole podcast was just weird (for lack of a better word). I wouldn’t have done a whole series of episodes on this case but it worked for her.

After I finish the final episode, I’m going to research the case myself and see whether I still feel the same way. I doubt anything changes.

——-

I’m going to bed now. I can’t believe I have to work on Xmas eve and Xmas day. Everyone else is off and I’m jealous! But blessed to be stressed as they say……………….

Mary just don’t give a damn

Um, I know it is important (?) but if I hear one more word about the “Sony Hack” and “The Interview”…. ::News off::

———

B
B

Everyone else in the lobby was happy to get their new dog or cat back from being spayed or neutered. I was stressed. haha. That is so typical of me. Seriously I feel like he is bored here and I don’t know what to do. He doesn’t love his toys*. He is not a chewer (thank Buddha??). I take him outside a lot. I don’t have a fenced in yard so I have to walk him on a leash. But I can’t constantly take him out when I’m working. Sigh. Puppy problems. I no longer leave him in his crate during the day, only at night.

*A couple hours after I typed this, he played with his toy for over 30 minutes. So maybe there is hope! yay.

I want a happy dog. Who wouldn’t? He looks at me with those big brown (sad?) eyes and I melt. I thought I was the animal whisperer. I could read their minds. Call me crazy but this is/was true. I’m more animal than human. (Forget that humans are animals for a sec). I hate to admit this but I’m more of a cat person but I can’t have cats for health reasons. 😦

Eventually obedience school will be happening. That’s something to do. He’ll have a blast. That lasts 6 weeks. I’d rather take a local knitting class (lol)  and make my first pair of socks but I can’t do both. I am thinking about taking the knitting class in March. We can bring our own pattern and she will help us make it. Enough about knitting. I would love to take B to a dog park soon.

I have plans but nothing is happening right now. Trying to work and watch after this dog is like watching a toddler when he isn’t sleeping. I don’t have kids for a reason. My dog was 17. I forgot what the puppy years were like plus I had my mom’s help.

End of adventures in puppy-land.

I’m only on episode 4 of Serial. No spoilers please. 😉 I like to listen to it on the weekends when I can give it my full attention. Everyone is spoiling it now because in their world, it is over.

Other random stuff: I’m cancelling one of my book subscriptions. Finally. I was going to cancel so I could get my dog health insurance but Consumer Reports claims that pet insurance usually isn’t worth the price. (Are they referring to middle class people AKA people with money or ALL people? Should I consider it since I’m barely making it? They didn’t mention that so I’m still a little conflicted). I’ve had that book subscription for over a decade. Sad to see it go but I could use the money. I’m going to miss it when I have to go to the library more. I hate returning books to the library. I love checking out though.

I also canceled my Netflix DVD plan. I’m not as sad to see that go.

Weekly

Music for the week: D’Angelo, Kacey Musgraves, Mary J. Blige, Magic!, Ani DiFranco, Carrie Underwood, Sam Smith, Sharon Van Etten

Being a fan of D’Angelo is frustrating. Like most hardcore fans, I had heard 80% of the album years ago (mostly from concerts – including one I attended). I had NO CLUE that he hadn’t recorded all the songs in a studio. WTF? He rushed recording the album due to what happened in Ferguson! That would be fine if I thought the songs sounded finished. I wondered why they were so short. Since when does D do a 5 minute song?? Don’t get me wrong, I love the album. I’m just disappointed to hear that he rushed the studio recordings. What could have been….

TV for the week: Pretty Little Liars, Colbert Report, basketball

Movie of the week:  none. Will I ever watch a movie again? Stay tuned. 🙂 I usually go to the movies on Xmas day but I gotta work and then go to my mom’s house plus NBA basketball is on ALL day.  I miss my movie tradition. I will go back to going to the movies on Dec 25….just not this year.

Book of the week: Man’s Search For Meaning by Viktor E. Frankl

Knitting projects of the week: I started a cowl on Monday. I was hoping to have it finished by today. ROFL. I’m a slow knitter. This is great practice but I’m not sure it will be useful. I couldn’t find a pattern with my yarn so I just made something up. I cast on about 105 stitches with a 16 inch circular needle and just started knitting. I think this is going to be too small. Bummer! I love the colors and really want to wear it. Here it is so far:

cowl
cowl

And here is my scarf.

scarf
scarf

I’m starting to like the colors. That yarn would have been perfect for a cowl but I don’t think I have enough for a cowl. I hope I have enough for the scarf!

Later.