For me to bleed

It was glorious. For a little over 24 hours, I didn’t bleed. It was pure joy. Not even the fucked up “meeting” on Tuesday could ruin my mood because hello, I had stopped bleeding.

Now the bleeding is back (so far it isn’t heavy which is good). The Depo Provera injection stopped my bleeding immediately. I was shocked. How could that happen? I was bleeding heavily before the injection, and then it just stopped. I guess it doesn’t matter now because I’m back to bleeding.

Needless to say, I can’t wait until my body gets back to normal. The nurse said to call within a couple of weeks if I’m still bleeding. LOL. I will wait for 4-6 weeks before I call the nurse/doctor. That is how I roll. I don’t like calling people, so I’m going to wait as long as possible.

The nurse said she would prescribe me a birth control pill to stop the bleeding. ROFL. Another birth control method? Well, great. I didn’t know I was bleeding due to lack of estrogen or something like that. I recently found this great article on Depo-Provera. It’s called What to Expect During Your First Year of Depo Provera Use. I wish I had known this before now. I thought I did my research, but I wasn’t searching for the right things.

I still would have tried Depo if I had read that article because everyone is different and a third of women stop getting their period after the 3rd injection. I just got my 3rd injection on Tuesday. I don’t think I will be part of the 1/3. 😦

UPDATE: Well, the bleeding stopped for another 24 hours. Thank you, Universe!! Maybe it will just be sporadic? I’ll take that over bleeding for 3 months straight. I had to update this post because this is great news for me. Maybe I won’t have to call the doctor. Yes!

The “meeting.” It was like a freaking cocktail party. Not that I would know what a cocktail party is like. I’ve never been to any kind of party. It was a nightmare. It was everything I feared. How could D invite me to that type of event when she knows I’ve always said, “I don’t like people.” Today I would not say that about people. Thanks to A Course in Miracles and other spiritual work.

However, I’m still scared of people. They terrify me. So don’t ask me to go somewhere with a bunch of people just to save your ass. I just wanted to get out of there. I don’t even know what more to say about it. It’s over now. I’m never going back.

Job(s) update: I haven’t heard back about the full-time job I interviewed for. They aren’t starting people until mid-August, but I don’t have a lot of faith that I will get an offer. The good news (I guess?) is that the interviewer got my thank you email. Well, the email didn’t come back to me.

I’m still waiting for part-time work. She said it would come this week or next. I’m still enjoying my free time. Long naps after work and lots of reading. Soaking it in.

This week I…

Music of the week: Linkin Park,  Mariah Carey, Elle Varner, Lorde, Marren Morris, Demi Lovato, Bethany Dillon, Ellie Goulding

I’m so sad over Chester’s suicide. 😦 I grew up listening to Linkin Park. I’m still in shock, I guess. So sad for his friends and family.

Song of the week: Linkin Park – Numb

TV of the week: Big Brother, Switched at Birth

I canceled Direct TV Now. I currently have Hulu Live TV. It’s definitely in the beta stages. I like it because it has a DVR. Right now I’m only recording 1 show.  I only watch the news. But when basketball comes back around, I will probably use it almost daily.

Movie of the week: I started watching Where to Invade Next. I might finish it this weekend. This is for people that believe AMERICA IS #1!!!!!!!!!!1!1!!!. That’s not me.

Books of the week: I finished reading No One Cares About Crazy People: The Chaos and Heartbreak of Mental Health in America by Ron Powers. Great book, but I’ve read similar books and skipped over some of the history of mental health parts.

Now reading:

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren

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Plans for the Weekend: Maybe working at my part time job? Not sure. I’m definitely going grocery shopping. I finished my course last weekend. Yay! I’m just doing the usual. No big plans.

Thanks for reading. Have a wonderful weekend! 🙂

What do I know?

If you hate reading about periods, skip the intro. Sorry. I want to sign up for 11 weeks of yoga. I can’t even do that because of Depo-Provera and my 3 month period. I’m not exaggerating. It isn’t heavy on most days, so I haven’t been complaining that much. But I’m getting sick of it. Like I said last week, if I didn’t work at home I would be screwed! I can only deal because I’m at home 90% of the time.

I’m getting my next Depo injection in mid-July. I’m giving it a whole year and then I have to try something else. I think I’m just going to go with birth control pills because my blood pressure hasn’t been high in about a year.  The period thing is absolutely ridiculous but…

I know what God is trying to do. The Universe is saying, “You wanted to get rid of your period, and it wasn’t even that bad. This is what a bad period is.” Well, I get it!!! lol. Can we move on now? No? Why not? I’m serious.

I’m sick of having a daily period. I’ve been on Depo for almost 6 months. It seems like it has been longer than that. Thanks to this blog, I know it’ll be 6 months on July 8th. I have 3 more months before I give up and you know what? I probably won’t even try another birth control method. Fuck it. I’ll just deal. 😦 Or should I give it a full year? I’m pretty sure everyone says it might take a full year for a period to disappear IF that even happens for me.

So yeah, I’ll give it a year. Sorry for talking about my period so much but this blog is about my life, and this is what is going on in my life right now.

This week I…

Music of the week: Ed Sheeran, Lorde, Jillette Johnson, Halsey, India.Arie, Solange, Lea Michele, Michelle Branch

Shakira is coming to DC in January! I wanna go…but I’m not going. 😦  Blah.

TV of the week: Big Brother, Grey’s Anatomy

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week: 

Now reading:

I will have a lot to say about The Residence once I finish reading it this weekend. My favorite thing to do these days is to go outside with my dog after dinner and sit outside and read. I even bought a chair for outside. I was tired of sitting on the porch (too much sun) and sick of sitting on the ground (too many insects). Now my house feels more like a home. Amazing what a wicker chair can do. 🙂

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren

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Plans for the Weekend: Grocery shopping on Saturday. Then on Sunday, I’m going to an office park to mail my mail and take my dog for a long walk around the office park if doesn’t rain. Good exercise for me and fun for the pup.

I bought a course that should help me do my part-time job better (if I ever work again!). I’m working on that over this weekend. And I’m doing a lot of leisure reading. I want to finish these books.

Have a nice weekend! Thanks for reading. 🙂

 

I’m a toy that people enjoy

*******BREAKING NEWS******** Oh my fucking god! I passed the test!!! How the fuck? OMG. I passed. I needed a 70. I made a 73. WTF? I passed? OMG. I’m screaming right now. *&#^*

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They are currently grading my exam. I might find out my results tomorrow. Or I may have to wait until Monday.  I think that’s what happened last time. I had to wait over the weekend. Fun times. I will probably put a breaking news update at the top of this entry IF I pass. lol. If I fail, I will be too despondent. I honestly don’t know how I will feel if I fail. I don’t think I will be depressed because I’m kind of expecting it.

Depo-Provera update: Well, I think it is slowly working. Overall, I’m not sure I would recommend Depo. Okay, I wouldn’t. It only worked for me because I work at home and don’t go out a lot. Depo would have destroyed my life if I had to go out a lot. I know that sounds dramatic, but that is how bad (heavy) my periods were.

I shouldn’t say were because I still get heavy periods from time to time, but it is not as bad as it used to be 5 weeks after I started the Depo. I’m getting my 3rd injection next month. I hope by then my period is completely gone. I didn’t gain weight from it or get depressed or crazy mood swings. Those were the things I was most afraid of. I had no idea heavy periods were even a side effect!

I wish I had an IUD inserted, but I didn’t want to deal with all that. But it would be nice not to have to go get an injection every 3 months.

It looks like I’m going to a Jehovah Witness Bible study on July 15. In case anyone is new, I’m agnostic. I used to consider myself an atheist, but I’m not one anymore. I don’t even know much about the JW religion even though M has been coming to my house for over a year. lol. Recently I’ve rarely seen her because I’m usually out on Saturdays.

About a month ago, she came to my house during a weekday while I was working! I was soo pissed. (not very spiritual). Don’t mess with my work or my sleep. 😉 I know she could tell I wasn’t thrilled she interrupted my work. I thought I would never see her again, but she came by this past weekend to invite me to Bible study so unless something comes up, I’m going. Since it is a Saturday, I don’t see anything coming up.

I like learning about other religions. I used to study religions for fun while I was growing up. I’m not excited about the Bible study, but it’ll only last 30 minutes. I’m open minded, and I probably need to get out more. I just go grocery shopping and to doctors these days.

I always say I don’t have friends, but I guess M could be a friend. I’m not into the whole friends thing, but intellectually and spiritually I know I can’t be isolated.

This week I…

Music of the week: Lorde, Halsey, Ellie Goulding, Shakira, Ed Sheeran, Little Mix, Alicia Keys, Ariana Grande

Lorde is freaking fantastic. I never knew that until now. Anyone can do ONE good album. But her sophomore album is possibly better than her debut.

TV of the week: Bloodline, NBA Draft

Direct TV Now made my life a little bit easier, and I’m so thankful because I was stressing out about the service. They noticed that I wasn’t using it during the free trial week so they sent me an email with a FREE 30 days. Yay! I’m planning on canceling it before the trial is over because of the lack of DVR service, and I don’t want to pay $50 a month. I do plan on signing up for Hulu TV Live by October. Why October? That’s when the NBA season starts.

If Direct TV Now, comes up with a DVR service (without raising the price) within the next two weeks, I will consider keeping the service. I know they are thinking about it and probably planning it. I doubt they add it in two weeks. I wish they would.

Movie of the week: I swear I’m going to finish Me Before You this weekend.

Books of the week: I finished reading The Rules Do Not Apply by Ariel Levy. It was an okay read. I gave it 4 stars on Goodreads which is better than okay. The more I think about it the more average it was.  I don’t know who I would recommend it to. Maybe people who love memoirs?

Now reading:

I don’t know if I’m going to finish the Manson Murders book. It is so long, and I don’t think I have enough time. As of right now, I’m going to try to finish it. Haven’t given up yet. I put too many books on hold at the library.

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren

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Plans for the Weekend: I’m going grocery shopping at two stores in my borrowed maxi dress from LeTote. lol. I don’t like grocery shopping so anything I can do to amp myself up, I do it. I had a 5-month break from LeTote because I don’t go out much in the winter. But now I’m back.

Thanks to all the people who have used my Lyon + Post referral link! I can’t thank you enough. I was able to order two blouses this week with the money from the link. 🙂

Even if I don’t pass the test, I probably won’t study this weekend. I will come up with a study plan though. I plan to read “for fun” this weekend. I really want to make a dent in Helter Skelter. I have never even seen the movie.

Thanks for reading. May you have a great weekend! 🙂

I’m still a dreamer

This entry is going to be about my mom, and I haven’t typed much, and I already feel bad. This is going to be a judgemental entry. I’m judging her behavior. I’m just acknowledging my judgment. I know she’s my spiritual assignment and blah, blah. I was going to come here with my guns blazing and say she’s this and that. But I’ve since done my spiritual work (mainly A Course in Miracles), and I don’t even want to do this entry anymore.

But anyway…

This goes back to my birthday vacation and how different we are. On the first day, I thought, “Oh no! I’m so screwed”. But it actually all worked out. It wasn’t a bad trip at all. On the day we arrived, I wanted to go out to the local beach. She wanted to stay in. I couldn’t believe it. But I know her.

She would rather stay in on vacations and WATCH TV. I kid you not. We are so different. Like I said this end up being a good thing, but at the time, this kind of sucked. I was beating myself up for not going out by myself.

I just have to keep this in mind whenever we go on vacation together. My dog saved the trip too. Thank god he was there. 😉 Next year I don’t think we are going on vacation because I’m not sure I will able to afford Kripalu and a beach vacation. BUT if I can afford both, I will do it. We might do two nights at the beach for my birthday, and then I can do Kripalu with Gabby Bernstein in June or July.

Kripalu is so expensive because I want my own room. After being around people all day, I will want my own room. I’m an introvert after all. But I am considering a dorm or a roommate situation if I have to.

LOL. This entry was supposed to be a bashing entry, but I’m not even worried or concerned about it anymore. I’m over it.


I hate Depo-Provera right now, but I know it is teaching me patience OR it could be teaching me just to deal with my period and don’t try to stop it. Sigh. I don’t know which one it is. Should I stop the Depo after only two injections? Then what was the point of all this? I don’t want to give up just yet. The only side effect I have is a heavier and longer period, btw. bleh.

I wish I could try TMS therapy for depression. I already know of a doctor that can do it. But the insurance company won’t pay for it because I don’t fit ALL the criteria. I have been diagnosed with major depression (that’s good for insurance purposes). However, there are so many hoops. I think I’m going to ask my doctor about it next time I see him in June.

I’m not taking Abilify anymore after I run out of what I have (sometime in 2018 if it doesn’t expire before then) so I need to do something. I either need a new anti-depressant, or I need TMS. I don’t think any of the anti-depressants on the market will work for me. 😦 I know that’s the wrong attitude to have. Ideally, I would love not to take anything for depression or anxiety. But I tried that recently and it didn’t work.

I’m not giving up on not taking any meds. Nor am I 100% sure I want to go med-free. I’m currently researching so I can know what to do in 2018 when I run out of Abilify.

Bonus points for being a virgin

Good news first:

  • My engine light is now off.
  • I didn’t have to get a pap smear today. I did get my Depo injection.
  • I have A Course in Miracles in my possession (from the library).
  • I walked over 4 miles today with no foot pain.

Bad news:

  • My car cost me $421. I kid you not. FUCK. Holy credit card debt.
  • My period has lasted for 21+ days.
  • I have to get another mamogram. I’m not even of age to have to get one, but I have to get another.
  • My iron levels are really low so I have to go back to my PCP to get my iron tested. Another appointment.

I didn’t have to get a pap smear because I’m a virgin!! HOLLA! The nurse practitioner agreed with this. I’ve been saying this forever. Thank god I saw the NP today. My OB/GYN probably would have gone on and done it despite knowing that I’m a virgin. I don’t need annual pap smears. Best news ever.

I was like, “Yo, I’ve never had sex”. All loud and proud! 🙂 Anything to get out of the pap smear. The NP was not taken aback, but the nurse seemed to be. lol.

The nurse and nurse practitioner insisted that after this injection my period should be lighter. Yeah, I’m counting on that. 😉 I hope it is true. For some reason, this injection hurt a little. Last time I felt nothing.

I’m bummed about my period because I don’t want to go to yoga with my period. I refuse. I was going to call this Thursday to register for a class on Saturday. Now I’m not so sure.

I’ll leave it here for now.

Why is this devil on my shoulder?

I hesitate to be happy about this. But earlier I was screaming, “THANK YOU UNIVERSE”!! and hugging my dog. Now I’m back to my normal self.

It’s about work. I thought I was doing much worse than I really was. All I had to do was check it on the computer, but I was so scared, and I knew I was sucking so why bother checking? Then today after my monthly meeting with my manager, I finally got the courage to check. I’m doing okay. Unfortunately, it is only ‘okay.’ But okay is enough to keep my job and to keep working from home…for now.

I need to do better, and I need to work so hard constantly. Some days are stressful. Since March 1, I would say 75% of the days are stress-fests. I’m going to tap to lower the stress. I hope that works.

Depo-Provera update: I spoke too soon about the acne. I broke out over the weekend. I thought it was because I was tapping so much and rule #1 of acne is: don’t touch your face. Tapping involves A LOT of face touching. I also have very sensitive skin, and I’ve been using a new cleanser and blah, blah, blah.

I think it is the DP that is causing the breakouts. I’m not too concerned about it. When I go out on Wednesday, I’m not any wearing makeup, but when I go out on Saturday, I will. Btw, I mean concealer and foundation when I refer to makeup. That is all I wear. I doubt I ever start wearing makeup all the time. It is too time consuming and messy, and I don’t care that much.

AND I have a never ending period. My unscientific theory is: my period will eventually stop forever because I’ve had it so much. 😉 This kind of sucks BUT my period isn’t heavy at all right now so I’m thankful for that. I was able to get on my treadmill for two days in a row!! I don’t exercise when I have my period (usually), so I consider this a win.

Well, I gotta go work on my to-do list. I hope we don’t get any snow. I don’t think we will. I just want to be able to go out on Wednesday and mow my lawn on Thursday. So no snow!! Thank you.

Whatever is going to be will be

Obamacare is/was a nightmare for my mom this year, but she somehow got signed up. However, it isn’t a good situation. This has more to do with Medicaid not being expanded in my state than The Affordable Care Act. I just feel like the ACA made promises it couldn’t keep. I don’t know how the American Healthcare Act will affect her right now. I don’t think it will be better. And I hate the name. lol.

Depo-Provera update: I definitely lost too much blood during my period this week. But this is part of the process to get rid of my period completely. I go see my PCP on April 17. I see my GYN on April 26. If I am still losing all this blood, I will ask my PCP about testing me for anemia.

No depression or weight gain, but I got the heavy period side effect. How long will this last? I would have started after my birthday vacay if I had known what I know now. But there was no way for me to know for sure I would have a heavy period. Everyone reacts differently to the same drug. I’ve heard so many horror stories about DP and most of them don’t involve heavy periods. It’s mood swings, hair loss, acne, weight gain, etc.

I have to accept my side effect and know that it will end…eventually.


I’m not a Christian. Never have been one. I guess I identify as agnostic right now. I believe in a force/power bigger than me. I call it the Universe most of the time. Sometimes I’ll call it God. I bring this up because now I get Christians who think about God (Jesus) all the time or praise him. I totally get it now! #late

I used to sit around and act like I was running this thing called life all by myself. But now I get it. I think that’s been the biggest shift for me. I accept that there is something bigger and I kind of rely on it. I’m still a little stubborn. I am a Taurus after all!

I don’t think the Universe is going to save me. I have to do the work and all that. Prayer isn’t magic. There isn’t any magic, but I do believe in miracles.

Anyway, I’m thankful for my spirituality right now because a lot of shit is going down and I really need it. Work is the main culprit. The universe is probably trying to tell me to leave my job, but dude, I have valid reasons for staying right now. Work is not going well as of March 1. sigh. If it weren’t for my new spiritual practice, I think I would be depressed right now. It’s that serious. I will definitely blog more about the work situation later. I hope it isn’t bad news.

I’m waiting for my part-time job to start back up. I’ve been trying to manifest it. Any time now…


I’m loving my green juice! It is not only healthy, but it energizes me. I just hope Amazon or someone gets this juice back in stock soon because it is somewhat affordable. I don’t even need diet Mountain Dew anymore.  The only thing I don’t like is that I think all of the green veggies mess up my digestive system a little. That’s a common issue.

This week I…

Music of the week:  Ed Sheeran, Amos Lee, Grace, Florence + The Machine, Ryan Adams, Miranda Lambert, BROODS, Snatam Kaur

TV of the week:  basketball, My 600-lb Life, Vanderpump Rules

I haven’t been watching that much news, and it’s been great. I’m 100% into basketball this time of year. One day this week I watched E! News. I haven’t watched that show in at least 5 years.  I didn’t know 80% of the people they were talking about. I only follow musicians these days, so I don’t know movie and TV stars. Anyway, it was great to watch some other type of news and disconnect from the negativity that is cable news.

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week: I finished reading Spirit Junkie: A Radical Road to Self-Love and Miracles by Gabrielle Bernstein. I would have given it 3.5 stars on Goodreads if that were an option. It is more of an autobiography, and I’ve heard Gabby’s story about 50 times, so there wasn’t a lot of new info there. It is still a good read for a newbie. I went on and gave it 4 stars.

Now reading:

Planner update: Plans in my Erin Condren

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Plans for the Weekend: Well, it’s going to be cold. 😦 I would love to spend time outside reading. Not happening. I’m going to my mom’s for about 30 minutes on Saturday. I’m off next week for a day and a half. Half a day on Thursday and all day on Friday for March Madness. This is my favorite time of the year.

I’m going to mow the lawn after I get off on Thursday. My yard isn’t that bad, but I should probably mow it while I’m off. As far as this weekend goes, not much happening. I’m going to take another practice exam for my certification on Sunday.

Have a great weekend and thanks for reading. 🙂