Ellie Goulding in Raleigh

I hate my new camera. Hate it. I’m getting a new one before I go to another concert. I probably won’t go to another concert for at least a year. So I have time. Or maybe I will figure out this damn camera. Nah, I want one that shoots 1020 HD videos.

DSCN0038 (2)

Oh, right. The Ellie Goulding concert. I’d give it a B. Ellie did a great job. Her vocals were pristine! I was worried because she had a show the night before and one critic mentioned her voice was tired (over a month ago).  However, she only smiled about 3 times. She was just there to do her job, and she did it. She could have mailed it in, but she didn’t. She also didn’t pretend to be happy either. I can respect that.

The girl is exhausted by this tour. She’s been on tour for 5+ years nonstop. She needs a break.

The audience was decent. They danced and sang along. I stood the entire time (and danced and sang). I should have gotten a pit ticket. I was in the front row right behind the pit. But the pit area was huge, so I felt I was too far back. (I don’t go to concerts unless I can get a good seat). I didn’t want to be in the pit because it was general admission, but the pit wasn’t full so it would have been fine. Next time (if she ever comes back to the US…lol), I will consider standing in the pit. Ellie Goulding fans are harmless. 😉

Other random things about the show:

  • Matt & Kim were fantastic! A+ I missed their first two songs due to the crappy parking situation. They were having high school graduations and finding parking was nearly impossible. It was a minor nightmare.
  • I will never go to the Red Hat Amphitheatre again. I understand why the locals like it, but I’m not traveling there again for a show.
  • I loved that Ellie wore the same outfit the whole show, but she took more breaks than she used to. The choreographed  dancing didn’t bother me much. She didn’t do it on every song.
  • My favorite song “Anything Could Happen” had technical difficulties. But even without that, the song was a bit of a letdown.
  • I loved that she did an acoustic version of “Lights”. I hadn’t watched any videos of Ellie from 2016 because I wanted to be surprised by the show and that was one surprise.
  • I was going to say what my favorite performance was, but nothing comes to mind. She was on her game per usual. I just wanted her to smile and have fun more.
  • None of my videos are YouTube worthy, so I’m not uploading them. I will save them to my computer for the memories.

Overall, great show. I just wish I was in the pit or better yet, that she did not have a pit. Front row seats behind the pit aren’t that great.

I can’t wait to see her again. It probably won’t be for another 3 years. She will take a much-needed break before her next album.

where I belong

Who is going to see TORI KELLY on April 23rd in Washington D.C.? AHHHH!


They were trying to give me 16th-row seats. Hell no. I turned that offer down for 15 whole minutes. I wanted front row seats, but I ended up with a 4th-row seat. Not too shabby. Sigh. I know a better seat will be available later. UGH. I’ll settle with sitting in the fourth row.

Believe it or not, I have never been to DAR Constitution Hall in DC. So that’ll be cool. I’m not looking forward to paying $20 for parking. That’s DC for ya. But at least, I get to book my parking spot online in advance.

I would say no more concerts for the remainder of 2016 and 2017 BUT, John Mayer is in the studio right now. So there is a chance if I can get a really good seat, I’ll see him. I’ve seen him in concert twice so…There aren’t that many people I want to see live. I can’t believe I’m going to two concerts this year, and it is only January!

I gotta go back to work. lol. Tori Kelly. Fourth row! YEAH!

I just keep on dancin’

Front row, baby! Okay, I’m sorta behind the pit because I don’t do general admission pits. But DUDE. How awesome is that? I got to pick my own seat.  I am on the end of the row. CENTER FUCKING STAGE. YES!!!! The best seat in the house. This is about an Ellie Goulding concert, btw. Yes, the freaking Queen of dance/pop/edm/whatever.

Woohoo! Dreams do come true. 🙂 🙂  I think this is more exciting than Britney Spears. I’m not even a huge Brit fan.  The only reason Britney was cool because it was in Vegas. Ellie Goulding concerts are like parties and I could use a little of that since I never party. The only bad thing about an Ellie concert is since it is like a party there is a HUGE pit so my “front row” seat is further back than I would like. However, I would rather have a seat any day than be in the pit.

Now I’m thinking: What if she cancels? Because of course that would happen. What if the shows sell poorly? Well, at least I would get my money back but I’m hoping this North American leg of her tour goes well. People in the States like a few of her songs but they don’t know how good she is live. If they knew, her shows would sell out quickly like they do overseas.

Her new album just came out today. It’s good, but I think she is trying too hard to get the American audience. The music and lyrics are very simplistic compared to her previous efforts.  I don’t know. It’s hard to judge an album that just came out.

One last thing…I just checked my email.

you’re going to Ellie Goulding!

Yes, I am! 🙂


My tripod is at my mom’s house. I’m picking it up tomorrow.  I will be attempting to record my first video (being in front of the camera) for YouTube this weekend with my clothes from Le Tote. So nervous but excited too. I think the worst thing will be editing the videos. I have never tried to edit a video before so this will be very interesting and possibly time-consuming. I don’t have the software. Ugh, I hope this doesn’t take all weekend. I have other stuff to do too, but I want to add more content to my YT channel so….

Other random stuff: My dog drove me bonkers today. He knows when mom has something important to do. At 10:01 he wanted to go outside. The tickets went on sale at 10. AHHH! I was yelling at him like crazy. My god. Today was nuts.

This week I…

Music of the week: Ellie Goulding, Alanis Morissette, Selena Gomez, Marina & the Diamonds, Carrie Underwood, Janet Jackson, Demi Lovato, Borns

Song of the week: Ellie Goulding – Army (New song)

TV of the week:  Lost (season 5), basketball, the usual political stuff

Movie of the week:   none

NaNoWriMo update: 519 words. wah. 😦

Books of the week:  I finished Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More by Janet Mock. bell hooks called this book “courageous” and I agree, but it also occurred to me that it must have been somewhat necessary. What semi-famous person can live with a secret like that? (She’s transgender). You have to tell if you are going to be on TV or you will be outed…unfortunately. But I still love the book. I learned a lot and I could also relate.

Edited to add: Oh, bell hooks probably meant her whole journey was courageous. DUH! Well, that I definitely agree with. I also liked how Janet acknowledged her looks really helped her. Many people don’t think about that much less acknowledge it! Being pretty always helps.

I’m still reading Manifest Your Destiny: The Nine Spiritual Principles for Getting Everything You Want by Wayne W. Dyer (on page 117). I started  The Center Cannot Hold: My Journey Through Madness by Elyn Saks this week. So good.

Planner update:  

This week's plans
This week’s plans

I’m not working this weekend. In fact, I’m off on Monday. 3-day vacay!  Hope to get some writing and reading done but I have a feeling I will be recording and editing my YT video for hours since I have no idea what I’m doing.

It’s a crazy kind of world to survive

I got a VIP ticket to see Britney Spears! YAY. 🙂 It didn’t cost a lot. It was the same price as a regular seat. All I had to do was wait two weeks before the show. I studied other shows so I knew this would happen. Of course I have concerns about this seat. I’ll start with the pros. I am seated in the front. That’s the obvious one. I get to skip the line and go right in. I guess a pro for some would be the free champagne (Moet & Chandon – not unlimited drinks) but I’m not big on champagne. No poster, laminate or meet and greet like the real VIPs get.  $$$$

The cons are that we are sitting at a table. That is awkward. Even normal people have said that sitting with strangers at shows are awkward. If they said that, imagine how it will be for me! I’m apprehensive about that. I’d rather have a real seat. I had trouble deciding between VIP and an aisle seat  beside the mix board. Same price, different view. But I thought about how close I would be to Brit….and ugh, I chose close up. The other con is the whole standing vs. sitting thing. I want to stand (while taking breaks when my feet hurt). But if everyone at VIP is so chill then I will be chill too. lol. I just feel like the vibe might be different. Should I have gotten the seat beside the mix board? I won’t know until after the show. Too late now.

Regardless, I’m so excited. This is surreal. Not only am I going to a Britney Spears concert but I’m going in VEGAS. Really??! So bizarre. Vegas is 2,500 miles from where I live.  Oh and I can’t tell anyone in real life about this. They would only judge me for wasting money on a concert. They don’t live for music like I do. They would never understand so I won’t tell them. Keeping a secret like this will be hard because Britney will be a huge part of my Vegas experience.

And it is true that I can’t afford to go to Vegas. It started with a phone call on May 1, 2014. I said “yes” and I can’t take it back. There is a money penalty if I don’t go so it is cheaper to go. I have never once in my life wanted to go to Vegas before May. I just love to travel and I got a great deal on a huge suite so I said yes in a moment of weakness. Now I won’t answer my phone if I don’t recognize the number. Well I usually did that anyway but the person from Florida kept calling (and not leaving messages) and I got curious. I have a hard time saying “no” even when it will cost me money.

Oh well. That decision is over now. I will try to have fun in Vegas. I still need to do a budget. I’m not looking forward to that. They have a TopShop on The Strip and I would loooove to buy one thing but I know it isn’t wise.  I have loved TopShop from afar for years. At least I finally get to go to the store.

Vegas in 13 days!

Am I really blogging about Vegas again? I’m telling you that is all that is going on in my life. Work is kicking my ass. I don’t know whether a break will help. Sigh. Back to the grind.



what if I’ve always been good enough in my skin?

I’m going to see John Mayer and Philip Philips in mid-December. YAY! I’m pissed that I could have gotten a better seat if I had waited instead of getting a ticket when they first went on sale. Oh well. My seat is on the floor but not at all close enough for me. I was 5th row the last time I saw Mayer. Bummer. I haven’t had a seat this bad in years. This should be interesting…If this experience is bad, I will not be attending another concert unless I can sit in the front ten rows. That’s how I roll. 🙂

While watching an episode of Grey’s Anatomy I realized that if I were told I’m going to die within weeks, I’d be sad. It isn’t always that way for me (just read my past posts). I would feel like I haven’t really lived. I think it has more to do with my job. I’m unsure about what I’m doing and it is currently all about production. Maybe next week will be better. It really has to be.

Edited: I erased a portion of this entry because I didn’t want to possibly offend people. How silly is that? Very. I didn’t save what I wrote. It was a short, passion filled rant about how poor people are invisible. Basically what I said was just because they aren’t on the internet doesn’t mean they don’t exist.

I just see too many people dismissing poverty in America. They treat it  as a joke. Example: “Oh they have iPads/big TVs/internet etc”.  Well the people in my family don’t have those things. They don’t have internet access or even computers. (WHAT?) I can bring the stats but that involves too much work to google all of them. 50 million Americans (including kids) have food insecurity. How many Americans believe that to be true? I do because I see it.

The poor people in America are invisible. But they are there and they exist. Maybe I erased it before not because I didn’t want to offend but because it wasn’t eloquent. My words feel empty. Why am I blogging about this? Because it really irks me how dismissive people are of poverty. I think I will blog about this more because it is important to me even if no one else cares. I don’t assume anyone reading this cares about me as a person.


Music for the week: Five for Fighting, Amanda Shires, Maria Mena, Christina Aguilera,  Jessica Mauboy, Janelle Monáe,  John Mayer,  John Legend, Rihanna, Keith Urban, Sheryl Crow

TV for the week: Grey’s Anatomy, Big Brother 15, Project Runway (long time, no see), The Daily Show

Movies of the week:  Sparkle, Anna Karenina (both average)

Books of the weekBully: A True Story Of High School Revenge by Jim Schutze,  Five Days at Memorial Life and Death in a Storm-Ravaged Hospital by Sheri Fink

Goals for next week: I really have to clean up. I want every room clean. I have to make a decision about volunteering at the animal shelter next week. blah, blah, blah

Go easy little doves, I’ll be fine

If she knew how much anxiety a simple “how are you doing?” email would cost me, I don’t think she would have asked.


Between getting the carpet/floor clean in my house and moving all my stuff this weekend – WOW. $$$ Do the short sell people want to see my bank statement now? It is much lower. I haven’t heard back from them. I’m calling them on Thursday. Haven’t heard from the realtor either. Shocking.

I did get 5th row seats to see D’Angelo. 🙂 🙂 🙂 Oh, and Mary J. Blige  and uh, yeah the marvelous Melanie Fiona. But D’ANGELO!!! He is the reason I’m driving 2 hours on August 18th to go to that concert. I did think about not going due to money issues but I also know this may be my only chance (unless he comes back home which will kind of tick me off since I already brought tickets for this show) to see him. I’m sort of worried about him. I’m too invested. I see him as this fragile guy. He did coke to deal with his shyness. Is he 100% fine now? Does he now know that it is okay to be shy? If he doesn’t, then his problem isn’t solved.  I know his fans want to believe that he is fine now but I’m…hesitant and nervous. I just want him to be okay. Is that wrong? I don’t believe it is. Everyone should be  at least fine.

People do drugs to deal with shyness. More commonly they drink. Just yesterday I saw someone calling herself a bitch for not being more social. NO DAMMIT. FUCK THEM for them wanting –  NO DEMANDING –  that you be like them. Screw them. They think they are “right” because they are the majority. We have people killing themselves over this ish.


Time to lighten the mood with pictures! I love universities. I’m not being cocky since I didn’t build it but my alma mater has the prettiest campus in the state. I thought the uni 20 minutes from me might be able to compete but uh, no. They do have a nice lake though. All we have is a waterfall. Okay, I haven’t been to all the state colleges yet. I’ve been to the majority of them. I only went there to go to the library. Unfortunately it was under major construction. I feel bad for the students but maybe it will be done by the fall? It is a mess. But I still managed to find a whole floor to myself. 🙂 With a sofa and a good view. 😉

view from the couch in library

Can you see the lake in that pic? It isn’t very clear.

best part of the campus

Will I go back there to study? Probably not. But I did get the work I wanted done and then I walked about a 1/2 of mile around the big lake (in the hot heat with nothing to drink). I’m still looking for a good, quiet library. Hmmm. Too bad my alma mater is 4.5 hours away. I lived in that library. I hated when they would close early on Friday nights. Memories….I miss that place. 😦 Not enough to drive 4+ hours just to visit though. One day I will. I’ve been saying that for years.

What am I doing on the 4th? Well I have a paper due on the 5th so there’s that. And I have to clean my frogs’ aquarium. I brought them shrimp. I am not fond of shrimp but frogs and fish are supposed to LOVE it. Well they are like their mom. They didn’t eat it and now the tank is a mess. I might break down and clean it tonight. I really want to but I sort of need to buy something first so….boring story but anyway…

I can’t wait for this week to be over. I have my doctor’s appointment with the general practitioner on Friday. Nervous. I hope I am able to convey how serious the nausea problem is. The last time I got really sick was last Thursday. I threw up at Lowes (made it outside in time). I rarely vomit. Can’t even think about it. Gross.

And then on Saturday I have an appointment with the moving company to move the few things I do own to my mom’s shed. Yes her outdoor shed. Long story.

Whoop. So basically I just blogged about nothing but did I mention I get to see D’angelo in concert???? OMG!!!!!!!!!!! hehe.