The cold hard truth

I had a lovely time at the park today. It was 61 degrees. I saw no dogs. No school kids. Not too many people either. Hallelujah! More walks like this, please.

I want to speak on loneliness. I am not lonely. I rarely feel it. I can’t remember the last time I felt alone. Yet, I’m alone most of the time. 90% of the time. I enjoy being alone. This is a hard concept for people to comprehend because they project their own feelings. People assume a person is angry about not having friends. You know what? It is quite the opposite. PEOPLE bring out the anger because people like me love to be alone. So when people disrupt that, we get pissed.

It is not the other way around. I’m not pissed because I don’t have friends. I’m angry when people are in my face. Okay? It’s only hard for people to understand because they lack the ability to place themselves in other people’s shoes.

I’m sort of ranting about this because of recent events of being around more people (at the park, in the neighborhood). But also due to reading Truly Madly Guilty by Liane Moriarty (Yes, it is fiction but…) and Braving the Wilderness: The Quest for True Belonging and the Courage to Stand Alone by Brene Brown. And I’ve been reading news accounts of loners.

People are totally missing the point. Some people truly want to be left alone. Not everyone is lonely just because they are alone.

/end rant

Now I’m going to rant about Depo-Provera. It’s just not working for me. I’ve had a period for the past 3 days. What happened to DP taking a period away? That’s why I’m on it in the first place!! I’ve been patient. More than patient. I’ve been on Depo for more than a year. I’m supposed to get my next injection at the beginning of January. I know I’m going to the GYN. It might be to get another shot or to try a different birth control.

I’m guessing I have fibroids even though I don’t have all the symptoms. I should have tried to find out whether I had fibroids, but I didn’t want to deal with all the doctor appointments. Getting the Depo injection is enough for me. Like I’ve said before, I wish getting an IUD was an option, but I’m not dealing with that pain. No way.

/end rant

I’m SO bummed to hear about Charlie Rose. I kind of idolized him. I thought he was so great. I used to watch his show all the time on PBS. He wasn’t just any journalist. He was great and asked thought-provoking questions. Sigh. I think a lot of allegations will come up in DC. I think politics will take a big hit when it comes to sexual harassment. No one will be surprised. Well, I’m kind of surprised that Al Franken was first. (I’m not counting Moore since he isn’t in DC yet).

Oh well. I gotta go. I’m supposed to be studying right now, but I had the urge to blog first. Now I’m going to study.

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Still running

I just purchased my ticket to see Marianne Williamson in January! I must be insane. I’ve spent so much on her. ROFL. Between the New Year Eve retreat and this. Ahh! Insanity. I’m kind of bummed that the reserved ticket doesn’t have a particular seat. There are only 100 reserved tickets available. So I guess no one with a reserved seat will have a bad seat.

After 3 days of silence, the dog trainer finally responded to my email. My dog’s training will be on November 24 (the day after Thanksgiving) and December 1 at 5PM. If I have to drive somewhere, I’m not crazy about the time. That’s rush hour traffic. I would have preferred 4PM, but whatever. I thought she said we were going to meet somewhere during the consultation, but she didn’t mention that in the email so maybe she is coming to my house.

I would say I’m glad she responded, but I was finally accepting that it wasn’t going to happen. I was happy. I don’t have to pay $200?? Score! But then I got the email. I thought this was the way of the universe saying the training wasn’t going to work and don’t even bother. Now I just hope it works. It better!

I bought some items for gift exchange day (AKA December 25th). I usually try to finish by November 1, but I’m in no rush this year. I’m just glad I got started. I don’t have to do anything for Thanksgiving because I don’t acknowledge it. I write what I’m grateful for daily in my planner, so I don’t need a special day for it. Yes, I’m eating alone on that day. Well, my dog will be there staring at my face. Can’t forget about him. 😉

HOW CAN I FORGET ABOUT HIM WHEN HE IS COSTING ME $200. No, I’m not mad. :/

What I am mad about is the school kids at the damn park. Please go away. I can’t stand it. What is going on? Who had the bright idea of bringing kids to the park in November? Yes, last November was warm. But this year hasn’t been warm. Well, today was 65 degrees, but one day when the kids were there, it was only 34 degrees!! I didn’t care about the cold when I was a kid. Maybe that is how most kids are. I have no idea.

Anyway, they have been there 4 days out of 5. They block my only entrance to the park. The first day was a disaster. My dog started barking at the kids. The kids started barking back at my dog, and the adults didn’t tell the kids to stop! One girl screamed in his face like she was in a horror film. WTF? Go back to school. Lol. I don’t even care much about that. I just don’t like passing crowds of people. I can’t wait for the field trips to go away.

I just want to enjoy my walks at the park with my dog. What a concept! This too shall pass. I hate having to pass crowds. If it were like that every day, I would change the time I go to the park.

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8):  Ed Sheeran, Pink, Kelsea Ballerini, Ryan Adams, Sam Smith, Paula Cole, Nelly Furtado, Shawn Mendes

I’m starting to work on my top albums of 2017. I was going to do top 17 albums of 2017, but I wrote out all the releases I enjoyed, and I have to do a top 20 list. Some albums I enjoyed will still get left off even with a top 20.

TV of the week: basketball, news, RHOA, Survivor

Movie of the week: None

Podcasts of the week: Accused, Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations

Books of the week: Now reading –

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren Planner

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Plans for the Weekend: Grocery shopping and studying. Nothing special. Looking forward to only working 3 days next week. I will be studying with that extra time and taking long walks at the park.

Thanks for reading! Have a wonderful weekend. 🙂

I did one thing right

I have New Year Eve weekend plans!! Woohoo! I’m attending a weekend retreat by Marianne Williamson. No, I’m not attending live in L.A. I will be in my house viewing via live stream. Laugh if you must. It’s not cheap (unfortunately), and it took a lot of thought. To view it via live stream costs almost the same as being there in person. I’m not sure I agree with the pricing, but I already paid for it.

I don’t do New Year’s resolutions. I hate NYE because of the fireworks. (Where I live now that is not much of a problem. Yay!) I’m almost always in bed before midnight on NYE. 95% of the time. I just don’t get the specialness of it. But this year I’m ready for something magical.

I’m not waiting until New Year’s to start anything new. That doesn’t work for me. Why wait? If I know what I want to accomplish, why not start now? However, I do want 2018 to be different. 2017 was okay. The start was rough, and right now, it is very um, I can’t find the right words. Everything is so average. I feel like I’m flailing a little.

Back to the New Year weekend seminar: It starts on Friday night and ends on NYE (Sunday). I probably still won’t stay up past midnight to view the celebration part live. But I’ll watch it the next day. I decided to buy it when Marianne said that people who “attend” the retreat will have permanent access to the videos. Marianne describes it as –

I invite you to join with me for a celebratory weekend of forgiveness and healing, in which we wipe the slate clean of all the emotional bruises that have accumulated in 2017. Whether you wish to heal from personal sorrows or collective anxieties from the past year, or prepare yourself to manifest your greatest dreams in the year coming up, I will guide you through the principles and processes that lift all things to their highest place.

I know this isn’t magic and ACTION must happen. Why not do it with one of my spiritual teachers? I’m excited about it. I’m just glad to have plans for that weekend. I am taking my mom out to eat for her birthday on that Saturday so I won’t be able to watch everything live. But I will try to take the rest of the weekend off and just be present.

After that, I am seeing Marianne Williamson LIVE in my city on January 6. Tickets range from $35 to $50. We don’t get a private reception like other cities are getting. Strange. Anyway, I’m going to try to get a $50 ticket because those seats are reserved.

Unfortunately, she will be talking politics. 😦 I follow politics very closely, and I don’t need someone to preach to me about it. I prefer her talking about spiritual things, but hey, I get to see her live.

This entry is all about Marianne. Gosh, I wish Gabrielle Berstein would do lives events like Marianne does. I relate to Gabby much more. We have/had some of the same issues. We are around the same age. Etc. I would pay ANYTHING for her. Well, almost anything. I’m still not sure on Kripalu. So expensive.

I’m going to add my planner update here since I’m posting today. I rarely blog on Sundays. Anyhow, here is my first week in my new Get To Work Book:

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I can’t wait to start using it daily in 2018.

Waiting to become alive

Marianne Williamson is coming here! I don’t have to travel to see her. YAY. I was thinking about going to see her in New York. I do want to do that one day. Anway, she’s coming on January 6. I don’t know if it is a free event. I’m so excited to see her. She announced during her talk in NYC she was coming here, and I was shocked. I watch her on live stream every week, but I’ve never heard her speak live. I don’t even know the subject. “Details are coming soon” is all the website says.

Whatever the topic is, I’m committed. She will either talk about spirituality or politics. I adore her even though I don’t agree with everything she says.

I still don’t know whether I’m going to privately train my dog. I want to on days when we see dogs at the park. But it’s really complicated, and I don’t feel like getting into it now. Sigh. Can I really afford $200 for training? Is it worth it? Do I have to? *whine* I think I will make a decision by Monday.

UPDATE: I just found out I’m getting a bonus next week! I’m not sure I want to use the bonus on dog training, though. But at least I have it.

I think I sounded way too happy about my part-time project being over. In fact, I know I went over the top. I do need the money, but that project was so exhausting. I hope the Universe doesn’t think I don’t want any more work. I DO. I WANT MORE WORK. I just needed a break. I wanted to work on my class, and that is what I’ve been doing.

Recently I’ve been feeling spiritually lost. A lot of little shit has been going on. There are people doing work in the neighborhood. I know they are doing good things, but it has been a couple of weeks now. I have this hardcore rule that my home is my sanctuary, and I should feel comfortable here. They are always outside (in my yard or down the road). If I didn’t have a dog, they would never see me. I would just wait until the workers leave and then go get my mail or do whatever.

And this morning, I find out that my medicine has been lost in the mail. 😦 Why do I have so much mail trouble? This isn’t the first time I’ve had mail lost at this address. I don’t know what to do. I’m trying not to freak out. I don’t care about one of the medications (except that I paid $10 for it) but the other med, I need.

2nd UPDATE: My medicine has been found. I have it!!! I don’t know if it was delivered to the wrong address or what. I believe in miracles!!!!1111!!!11

I will probably blog more about the spiritual emptiness I sort of feel next week. I have been trying to listen to more Gabrielle Berstein. I’ve been meditating every morning. I do A Course in Miracles on most days. Sigh. I don’t know what to do.

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8): Sam Smith, Kelsea Ballerini, Pink, Chris Stapleton, Kelly Clarkson, Demi Lovato, Cheyenne Kimball, The Wreckers

TV of the week: basketball, news, Vanderpump Rules

Movie of the week: None

Podcasts of the week: Accused, True Crime Garage, Oprah’s SuperSoul Conversations

Books of the week: I finished reading Behold the Dreamers: A Novel by Imbolo Mbue. I’m glad I gave this book a second chance. I almost didn’t read it once I found out it was about an African family coming to America. I hope that doesn’t make me sound racist (lol), but I have read a few books in this ‘genre’ because I thought I would love them, but I don’t. Anyway, this book was good. 4 stars.

Now focusing on reading:

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Get to Work Book (updated in my next entry)

Plans for the Weekend: Study, study, study!!! I know I’ve said this before, but I’ll say it again. I’m in the hard part of the course. I have so much to learn. I like learning new stuff. No, I LOVE learning. Love it. I would be a perpetual student if I could afford it. But I feel the pressure because I have to take a fill in the blank (!!!) exam in September 2018. I have to know this stuff! No multiple choice. Scary!

The only place I have to go this weekend is to my mom’s to pick up a package. With all the mail trouble I’m having, I’m either considering getting a PO Box or delivering ALL packages (including my medicine) to my mom’s house. I’m leaning towards a PO Box since the post office is much closer to my house than my mom’s house. I just hope the companies I order from most except PO Box addresses.

Gotta go. Thanks so much for reading! Have a great weekend. Stay warm. 🙂 It’s going to be cold here on Saturday.

I just want it to be over

Um, okay. I don’t know what to think. We just finished the free in-house dog training consultation. Basically, it’s all up to me and I know that. But I also hate that. What if I pay all this money for training and I don’t follow through?? What if I fall back into old habits?  I always let my dog lead the walks. Bad idea, I know. Sigh.

So the cost is $200 for 3 hours of training. Not bad. That is probably the average price for private training. I think I’m signing up. But I’m not sure. I will probably contact them tomorrow if I decide to go through with it.  I’m still having the doubts I mentioned in my first paragraph.

Decisions. Decisions. When she came in the house, he barked and growled at her for a while. Eventually, he stopped doing that, and we were able to go for a short walk to the park together. We didn’t see any dogs, so the trainer didn’t get to see his reaction to that situation.

Trainer: How long does it take him to warm up to people?

Me (thinking): What people?

lol. He has only warmed up to my mom and most of the time he is okay with Michelle (the Jehovah Witness who sometimes comes by). He is sometimes okay with my dad and other times he barks at him like a madman. So I have no idea how long it takes him to warm up to people.

Today is election day. I voted at my new election place. The new place is nice. It is definitely better than the church. Now I vote at the old library.  It still has the same number of polling machines so no difference there. I’m off from work today, so I voted at 9:30 AM.  I had to wait for about 3 minutes to vote.

I’m nervous about Virginia. The Republicans are amped up to vote. I feel like the Democrats don’t care as much about this race. I’m watching MSNBC now, and it says on the screen “Dems on edge in tightly contested race for Virginia Governer.” Yes, “on edge” describes it perfectly.

I’m going to somehow be calm tonight. AHHHHHHHH! No matter what happens tonight things will be okay. No matter what happens tonight things will be okay. No matter what happens tonight things will be okay.

I’m trying to be zen. 🙂

This week is going to be crazy. I have to work tomorrow. I’m off on Thursday. I have to get my car to the inspection place by 8 AM. Fun times. Sigh. I might wait until after I get my car inspected before I agree to training. That sounds like a good idea. Just in case, I have to pay for car stuff. Blah.

Oh, I didn’t go after Demi Lovato tickets. Well, I did check. I could have gotten a floor seat, but it would have been about 20 rows back. That wasn’t the only problem. I’m not paying $164 for a concert unless I’m up front. All the floor seats were $164. That’s ridiculous. Just because she’s some big name star. SMH. I didn’t pay that much for Janet Jackson or Shania Twain in her prime. Would I pay that much for Justin Timberlake without complaining? Probably. Haha.

Well, I have to go. I do not understand this stuff for my class. I like a challenge, but I have a lot riding on this. So I better get to work. I feel like I’m doing this all by myself and I kind of am. I’m not taking the big exam until September 2018. I’ve got time to learn this. It is a little overwhelming.

Gotta go.

Feeling fine and free

I was going to sign my dog up for training classes. I thought it would be a fun, get out of the house type of thing to do. All I do is go to the park every day. Other than that, I pretty much stay home Monday through Friday. Plus, I was supposed to do this 2 years ago to build my dog’s confidence. I just never did it.

However, my dog barks at other dogs he sees at the park. So how could he be in a training class with other dogs? I emailed a training school just to make sure. She said private training was best. That’s what I’m doing. Someone is coming to my house on Tuesday (election day) to do a free consultation. I’m nervous because my dog doesn’t like strangers on his territory. He will bark the whole time. So how are we supposed to talk? I might have to leave him outside during parts of the consultation.

My dog is well behaved at some places like the vet or Petsmart, but he will not tolerate people in the yard or in his my house. And like I’ve already mentioned he misbehaves around other dogs at the park. I’m nervous about the cost. Private training in my house??? Uh, that could be expensive. I would rather go someplace than have the trainer come here, but they don’t do that.

Private training for 1 hour at a place near me is $60 per hour. That is the cost of going to the location. That place doesn’t do in-house training. So I’m assuming that is the least it will cost. The place I choose says they can train a dog to walk properly in 2 hours. I’m hoping 1.) it will work and 2.) it won’t be terribly expensive. If it is too expensive, I will probably try the $60 place near me.

SO…I probably won’t go after Demi Lovato tickets tomorrow. Private dog training, Demi concert and I would like to still go to Kripalu*. I have to cut something, and it will probably be Demi. If I can get a ticket in the first 8 rows, I probably will purchase it. The chances of that happening are very slim. I love Demi, but she’s not one of my top 10 favorite musicians or anything. I just thought it would be fun to go see Demi in DC.

If I do get a ticket, I will update this entry.

*About Kripalu, I have no idea whether Gabby Berstein will hold her workshop there next summer. It is 8 months away. Right now she is focusing on her new book that I’ve already preordered. The book comes out January 2. Anyway, I don’t know whether I can afford to go. I’ve added up everything and the price is almost what it cost me to go to Mexico! sigh. The issue is that I will only go if I have a private room which costs a ton. If I’m going to be around people all day at the workshop and in the cafeteria, I want my own private room to decompress.

I still want to go, but I want to be financially smart too.

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8): Kelly Clarkson, Demi Lovato, Pink, Marren Morris, Carrie Underwood, Michelle Branch, Mariah Carey, Ariana Grande

The new Pink album is really good. I also like the new Kelly Clarkson, but Pink tops that.

TV of the week: basketball, news, RHONJ

Movie of the week: None

Podcasts of the week: Accused, Mental Illness Happy Hour, Missing Maura Murray

I have listened to the Mental Illness Happy Hour for years. I usually listen to it on Friday nights as I fall asleep.  I just started listening to Accused (#late). I’m not sure I like it. I like my true crime recent. I don’t like cold cases as much. I will probably give it one more episode before I give up.

Books of the week: I finished reading The Goddess: A Novel by Swan Huntley. Um, I gave it 3 stars. That is the lowest rating I have given a book this year. I usually don’t finish 3-star books because I have so many books I want to read, so why waste time on an average book?  The book starts off great, but I guessed the ending very early on. I dunno. It was okay enough for me to finish.

Now focusing on reading:

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren

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I have a new planner! I’m using the Get To Work Book for a couple of weeks in 2017 and all of 2018. That means no more stickers. 😦  I love planning with stickers. It is my only creative outlet these days (sad, but true). And it relaxes me. I will still post my planner here and on Instagram, but it will look pretty boring. I’ve been eyeing the GTWB since it has been on the market and I finally decided that is all I need. I’m not spending any more money on stickers even though I use mostly printable stickers so I’m not spending a ton. I can easily go back to my Erin Condren if I want to use stickers for a week or two.

Plans for the Weekend: This isn’t really weekend related but I’m off from work on Tuesday and Thursday of next week. Tuesday is election day, and the day the dog trainer is coming to my house. This weekend I will clean up for the trainer. I don’t have a lot to clean up since I’ve been trying to tidy up as I go, but I hate cleaning.

I’m going grocery shopping on Saturday, and I have a test on Sunday morning. That is all I have planned. I get to play in my new planner!!  🙂 I’m so excited to get it on Saturday. It is at my mom’s house. I send all my bigger packages there.

I gotta go cook food for the rest of this week and next week. Thanks for reading! Have a nice weekend. 🙂

I want a perfect soul

I’m so scared over the VA governor’s race. I know I said I wouldn’t get emotionally involved, but I still want Northam to win. I thought Trump would win, but I was still devasted. I didn’t know I was so affected by the election at the time. I totally blocked out the first 2 months after he won. If Gillespie wins, it is like Trump winning all over again. That is why everybody is following this race. Sigh. I don’t think I can take another Trump win. I’m way too involved in this election.

I’m going to try to come up with coherent thoughts and maybe blog about this more before election day.

I never did an update on my dad. He went back to living overseas about a month ago. He’ll be back after the Christmas holidays. Yes, he’ll be back to living with my mom (and his ex-wife).

My part-time project finally ended. I had a dance party like crazy on Saturday. I was thrilled. I didn’t know what to do with myself on Sunday. Eventually, I made myself study.

I know this entry is very random.

Today I went back to going to the park after work instead of during my lunch break. It was a disaster. Okay, I’m being dramatic. But there were so many people with dogs. I love people at the park with no dogs. LOVE THEM. 😉 My dog does bark at a few people, but not at most. He barks at all dogs. That sucks. I know some of them are judging me for my dog’s barking. Whatever.

I love the park. My dog loves the park. I want the exercise. I’m going to continue going to the park. Their judgemental talk (yes, some people say stuff!) and looks are not going to keep me at home. I will go during my lunch break in the near future. On Sunday morning, we had the best time at the park. We went to a new part of the park and stayed for longer than usual. It was cool and drizzling a little, so the park was mostly empty. It was so nice. I want more days like that. Not rainy days, but empty park days.

What else can I blab about? Oh, I finally got a Roku Express from Amazon! I love it, but it does buffer too much. I can watch Hulu Live TV fine on my iPad, but not on the TV with the Roku. Sometimes I can have the news on for hours (What else would I watch?) with Roku, but this Sunday it just gave up after about 30 minutes of off and on buffering.

I haven’t tried watching Netflix etc. with it. I’m just interested in watching Hulu Live on it. I intend to use it for news and sports on the weekends. Of course right after I ordered mine, I realized they have a new version. ugh.

I better go. I don’t know what to do with all this free time. What did I do after my full-time job today? I studied for 45 minutes, and then I read for fun until I finished the book and now I’m typing this while constantly stopping for a dance party. lol. I feel like such a slacker, but I know I will get used to this “free time” quickly.