Be careful what you wish for

My god! I feel great…when compared to how I felt all day on Wednesday and Thursday until 3 PM So much pain. I have never felt cramps like this before. The kind that is constant and reaches down to my leg. I could barely work. In fact, I could only do the easy stuff. My brain was just focused on the pain. My productivity suffered. I wanted to call in sick, but I never do that. I need all the help I can get.

I’m still in pain. I used Instacart and got some groceries delivered. Thank God for them and Amazon Prime Now. I ordered children’s liquid Advil (can’t swallow pills). I also bought some heating pads. I hope this pain doesn’t last for weeks. I know Depo-Provera is the cause of this, so I’m thinking of the worst case scenario.

Off topic: I also ordered gluten free tortillas. The verdict is still out on those since I haven’t tried them. I will probably fix tacos this weekend and I’ll review them.

I was supposed to mow the lawn on Wednesday. I could barely keep still to sit at my computer to work, so that didn’t happen. 😦 I really wanted to mow the lawn while it was somewhat cool (mid-eighties). It will probably go back to being hot soon. Blah.

OOH! I just saw on the news that Monday will be 82 degrees! That sounds like mowing the lawn weather to me. That’s the plan. I hope I’m still not in pain. I bought a lot of medicine, but I don’t know how long it will last if I have to constantly take it.

I had planned to exercise every day this week. I got on my treadmill on Monday. On Tuesday, I did a 15-minute exercise video. The video involves weights and cardio, and I love it. Even though the pain has lessened, I’m scared to exercise. What if the pain comes back full blast? I’m not doing anything until the cramping stops (except mowing the lawn).

I was going to blog about all this other stuff, and all I’m talking about is my pain. Typical, right? Let me do a brief synopsis on what I wanted to mention in this post, before pain fest.

I think Trump tweeting about transgenders in the military wasn’t just for distraction purposes. I think he desperately wanted a WIN with conservatives and he got it. Groups praised him. The end. Oh, it and sucks for people to be kicked out of the armed forces. That affects so many people (not just transgender folks). It hasn’t happened yet, but I think it will in the future.

Melissa Harris Perry wrote an article on “self-care” and what a bunch of BS it is. LOL. I don’t do “self-care”. Well, of course, I do! Almost everyone does. Taking a long bath is self-care. Reading a book, taking a walk, meditating, praying, etc. is self-care. I respect Melissa Harris Perry. But she’s wrong about this. She couldn’t be a good mom to two kids if she didn’t practice self-care.

I don’t call what I do self-care because I was doing it before people started calling it that. But the main things I do these days are napping after work, listening to music daily, and reading on most days. I would yell at my dog a LOT more if I didn’t do these things on a daily basis. 😉

Job(s) update: It’s still very quiet. I haven’t been focusing on it because of the cramping. No word on the PT job or the FT job. I think the PT job will probably start back up next week. Management can’t control when the work comes in. I have a meeting with my manager on Monday at my current FT job. I’m a little nervous about that.

This week I…

Music of the week: Linkin Park, Lana Del Rey, Kelly Clarkson, Lorde, Leona Lewis, Jasmine Thompson, Halsey, Mary J. Blige

Loving the Lana Del Rey. Still loving Lorde. Jillette Johnson’s album comes out tomorrow. Finally! I have been waiting YEARS for this.

TV of the week: Big Brother, Empire

I was going to write about Empire. I’m watching the first season (!!) for the first time. But this entry is already so long. I might get to it later.

Movie of the week: None

Books of the week: I finished reading Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy By Sheryl Sandberg and Adam Grant. I gave it 4 stars on Goodreads. I think it is a good book for people dealing with grief. I just read it out of curiosity. I didn’t read Sandberg’s book Lean In because it didn’t seem like it was written for me. I don’t want to Lean In. lol. But I might give the book a chance.

I also finished reading Hunger: A Memoir of (My) Body by Roxane Gay. WOW! I wish more people would write while trying to figure stuff out. I don’t like all the books with “I went through that, and now I’m fine.” Um, boring. I could relate to this book so much. Her life is my life. I will probably read this book again. I need to buy it.

Now reading:

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren

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Plans for the Weekend: I’m going to my mom’s house to pick up a package.
Other than that, I hope to relax, do a little “self-care.” haha. NOT. I will be reading and doing an online course from Iyanla Vanzant. I’m not sure how I feel about the course so far. I hope I like it since I paid for it (got early bird pricing).

Well, this entry is so long. I better go. Thanks for reading if you made it this far. 🙂 Have a nice weekend!

The Quiet

Well, I do have a little bit of good news. Update to my previous entry: I’m not bleeding anymore! 🙂 Of course, this could all be temporary. But I’ll take it for now.

In other news, the silence is deafening. No word on the full-time job. No more word on the part-time job. I know work will come with the PT job. I just have to be patient. The supervisor said the work would start last week or this week. It’s not just about patience. I’m worried that I’m going to be left out. I don’t have a lot of confidence when it comes to the PT job.

Like I said, I don’t expect an offer with the FT job, but can I at least get an email? A denial email? Anything? I can’t take the silence.

I’m not dealing with the silence well. I’m reckless with almost everything. And I feel like my spiritual practice is failing. I pray every morning. I meditate every morning, but I’m probably not doing it enough. I do A Course in Miracles every morning.

Clearly, I don’t have a good foundation. Or something. I need to rely on God or the Universe and stop being so reckless.

Don’t get me wrong, I do see the Universe working through me. (or with me?) I have examples. But I feel like I’m doing it wrong. Why do I eat more than I should sometimes? Why do I spend carelessly? Why do groups of people still scare me?

But hey, I’m not bleeding anymore!!! lol.

For me to bleed

It was glorious. For a little over 24 hours, I didn’t bleed. It was pure joy. Not even the fucked up “meeting” on Tuesday could ruin my mood because hello, I had stopped bleeding.

Now the bleeding is back (so far it isn’t heavy which is good). The Depo Provera injection stopped my bleeding immediately. I was shocked. How could that happen? I was bleeding heavily before the injection, and then it just stopped. I guess it doesn’t matter now because I’m back to bleeding.

Needless to say, I can’t wait until my body gets back to normal. The nurse said to call within a couple of weeks if I’m still bleeding. LOL. I will wait for 4-6 weeks before I call the nurse/doctor. That is how I roll. I don’t like calling people, so I’m going to wait as long as possible.

The nurse said she would prescribe me a birth control pill to stop the bleeding. ROFL. Another birth control method? Well, great. I didn’t know I was bleeding due to lack of estrogen or something like that. I recently found this great article on Depo-Provera. It’s called What to Expect During Your First Year of Depo Provera Use. I wish I had known this before now. I thought I did my research, but I wasn’t searching for the right things.

I still would have tried Depo if I had read that article because everyone is different and a third of women stop getting their period after the 3rd injection. I just got my 3rd injection on Tuesday. I don’t think I will be part of the 1/3. 😦

UPDATE: Well, the bleeding stopped for another 24 hours. Thank you, Universe!! Maybe it will just be sporadic? I’ll take that over bleeding for 3 months straight. I had to update this post because this is great news for me. Maybe I won’t have to call the doctor. Yes!

The “meeting.” It was like a freaking cocktail party. Not that I would know what a cocktail party is like. I’ve never been to any kind of party. It was a nightmare. It was everything I feared. How could D invite me to that type of event when she knows I’ve always said, “I don’t like people.” Today I would not say that about people. Thanks to A Course in Miracles and other spiritual work.

However, I’m still scared of people. They terrify me. So don’t ask me to go somewhere with a bunch of people just to save your ass. I just wanted to get out of there. I don’t even know what more to say about it. It’s over now. I’m never going back.

Job(s) update: I haven’t heard back about the full-time job I interviewed for. They aren’t starting people until mid-August, but I don’t have a lot of faith that I will get an offer. The good news (I guess?) is that the interviewer got my thank you email. Well, the email didn’t come back to me.

I’m still waiting for part-time work. She said it would come this week or next. I’m still enjoying my free time. Long naps after work and lots of reading. Soaking it in.

This week I…

Music of the week: Linkin Park,  Mariah Carey, Elle Varner, Lorde, Marren Morris, Demi Lovato, Bethany Dillon, Ellie Goulding

I’m so sad over Chester’s suicide. 😦 I grew up listening to Linkin Park. I’m still in shock, I guess. So sad for his friends and family.

Song of the week: Linkin Park – Numb

TV of the week: Big Brother, Switched at Birth

I canceled Direct TV Now. I currently have Hulu Live TV. It’s definitely in the beta stages. I like it because it has a DVR. Right now I’m only recording 1 show.  I only watch the news. But when basketball comes back around, I will probably use it almost daily.

Movie of the week: I started watching Where to Invade Next. I might finish it this weekend. This is for people that believe AMERICA IS #1!!!!!!!!!!1!1!!!. That’s not me.

Books of the week: I finished reading No One Cares About Crazy People: The Chaos and Heartbreak of Mental Health in America by Ron Powers. Great book, but I’ve read similar books and skipped over some of the history of mental health parts.

Now reading:

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren

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Plans for the Weekend: Maybe working at my part time job? Not sure. I’m definitely going grocery shopping. I finished my course last weekend. Yay! I’m just doing the usual. No big plans.

Thanks for reading. Have a wonderful weekend! 🙂

My first LeTote Select review

LeTote is trying something like Stitch Fix. They charge a $20 styling fee. They send 4 items. You have 5 days to send anything you don’t like back. First, let me explain what LeTote is. I’ve been using them off and on (mostly on) for 2-3 years. They are basically a rental clothing service. I get what they call the classic box. They send me 3 clothing items and two accessories to wear, and then I send everything back whenever I want. You can also keep the whole box or whatever item you want at a discount.

You can get as many Totes as you want. I usually keep my totes for 2-3 weeks. I have a referral link that can give you $25 off your first month. That is a pretty good deal.

Anyhow, I’m not sure whether LeTote Select is available to everyone yet or just regular LeTote members. I will update this post once I know. Here is what I received in my first LeTote Select:

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Noir mesh v neck top – price $58

I kept this item. I didn’t have enough black tops, so I was glad to get this. I’ve already worn it once. Love it.

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Cece watercolor floral top – price $99

I wanted to like this top. I tried it on several times. It was a flattering fit. But I don’t like wearing pink. Fuchsia is fine, but not pink. I sent this back.

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Octavia tiered ruffle maxi dress – price $82

I love maxi dresses and wear them all throughout the summer. I wanted to love this dress, but once again it is PINK, and I think it is rather plain. I sent it back.

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Octavia double jacquard cardigan – price $ 72 (now on sale for $29)

I was planning on keeping this until the very last moment. I like the cardigan, but I don’t love it. If it were only $29, when they sent it to me, I would have kept it. But they wanted $72 for it which isn’t unrealistic for a cardigan but a little too much for something I only liked.

My total was $38 for the black tank since I already paid the $20 styling fee. Overall, I thought they did okay, and I told them that when I sent back the survey. The biggest problem I had with them is that I’ve been a customer for 2-3 years and they know what kind of clothes I like. YET, they went out of their way to send clothes I might not like, and I didn’t. I don’t know why they did that. It ended up backfiring.

If you like LeTote regular clothes, I would recommend you try LeTote Select. Maybe I should have been more specific with my requests. I told them I wanted summer pieces similar to clothes I already liked from them. Besides the cardigan, I guess they did that. I might try them again, or I might stick with Stitch Fix. I get the most compliments when I wear Stitch Fix clothing.

Thanks for reading. 🙂

I’m all for believing

YAY! I have part-time work coming! It could start as soon as this upcoming Monday. Or it might start the week after. I can say goodbye to my life. No more sitting outside while reading. No more free time. I haven’t worked at my PT job since December, so I’m glad to have work. But I know how exhausting it will be working two jobs. When I work both jobs, I have no life. I’m always working when I’m awake.

I’m a little worried because I don’t feel good enough. I don’t have the confidence. And our work will be extremely audited. Every single thing we do will be looked at carefully. That makes me so nervous. But I have to believe I can do the work or else I won’t have a job. And if I make too many mistakes I won’t have a job. 

I keep replaying the interview in my mind. I don’t know. I did send a thank you email. I had to guess her email address since I didn’t get a business card. The email hasn’t come back to me yet, so I’m hoping she got it. Sometimes it takes days for an invalid email to come back. That is not good! What am I supposed to do then? I will probably do nothing. Then she’s going to think I didn’t send a ‘thank you.’ 😦

I also keep thinking about the pay. They give out good bonuses. But that’s not good enough. I need a good base salary. I love their PTO. It isn’t as good as the PTO I get now, but I’ve been at my company for a looong time. First, I have to get an offer. sigh. Waiting.

I know some people think it’s CRAZY to stop working from home. But I’ve been at this company forever. I have new skills, and to use them, I need a new job. PLUS, once I get 3 years of experience, I can probably easily find another work at home job. I wouldn’t stay in the office forever (unless I really love the job, of course).

I need to stop worrying and say, “May God’s will be done”. If I don’t get a job offer, it may be because I would hate working in that office or it may be illegal for me to work there (since I signed a contract with the part-time company). I have to let this go. Worrying isn’t going to solve a thing. I do wish I knew whether she got the thank you email.

This week I…

Music of the week: Jasmine Thompson, Emeli Sande, Demi Lovato, Elle Varner, Lea Michele, Bethany Dillon, Ellie Goulding, Halsey

TV of the week: Big Brother, The Handmaid’s Tale, Wimbledon

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week:

Now reading:

With the part-time job looming, I doubt I get a lot of reading done. I will try to always finish one book every couple of weeks.

Plans for the Weekend: I will be reading while I have at least one more free weekend. I also have my course work to do. I would like to finish that on Sunday since it is (part-time) work related. I have to clean up. I let everything slide because of the interview. I didn’t even use my planner this week. I can’t believe I actually got stuff done.

I’m off on Tuesday. I’m getting my third Depo injection. I thought the Depo was working because I had about a week off from my period, but now I think it’s back. BUMMER!

Thanks for reading! Have a great weekend. 🙂

broken record on repeat

I don’t know how the interview went. The good thing is I don’t think it went horribly. She was very nice and straight forward. She answered all my questions at the beginning of the interview. I hate when they do that because I want to be able to ask questions to sound competent. Anyway, the start date is August 14th. So if I don’t hear back from them before the end of July, I don’t think I’ll get an offer.

I think the main problem would be compensation IF I were to get an offer. I would hate to turn this job down based on money. But I’m living in a semi-desired suburban area. The rent is high. So I can’t take a cut. If I were living in the city like I did about 6-7 years ago, I would gladly take a pay cut to get more experience. I don’t need to make a ton of money. Money doesn’t motivate me. I just want a job where I can use my skills and learn new ones.

The other option would be to move, but there are obstacles to that too. I can get into all that later. I just wanted to do an update on the interview.

One thing she kept saying is how the environment is casual, and people wear jeans every day. Uh, yeah when I used to work in the office it was like that too. I’m fine with that. I just don’t like when people get weirded out by a person wearing a maxi dress. Maxi dresses are casual. Whatever. Of course, I wasn’t going to the interview in casual dress. I had my blazer and slacks on!

Another thing that seemed to put us at odds was the fact that I work at home for two jobs. She seemed to see this as a disadvantage. I was trying to say I have to focus because there can be a lot of distractions at home like TV, the internet, neighbors (not for me), family (not for me), pets (for me), etc. I have to CHOOSE to focus on work or I won’t get anything done.

Well, she seemed to think there are more distractions in the office. She said the other coworkers are chatty and that can cause distractions. She may have never worked at home so she wouldn’t know about at home distractions. About office distractions, I don’t get distracted by talking because I’m not a talker, so that’s not an issue but I couldn’t say that.

I’m so thankful that is over. SO THANKFUL. It wasn’t a painful interview like some are. Thank the Universe!!! I was so worried because even though I had time to prepare, I wasn’t as prepared as I usually am for an interview so I thought it would be a disaster.

They are hiring lots of people, so I have a shot. She knows I work for the part-time company and she didn’t say anything about the contract so I guess I can work at both places. I dunno.

What else? They do one week of real job training. I would prefer two weeks, but most jobs in this field, don’t like to train at all. So one week is good. Now I’m thinking of more questions I could have asked. :: bangs head:: Oh well. I will probably have more to say about this later.

I’m going to work on my course now. I was supposed to finish it last Sunday, but the interview happened. When interviews happen in my life, EVERYTHING stops.

I can’t stop thinking about how the money will probably be the biggest issue IF I get an offer. Hmmm.

All for nothing?

This interview isn’t supposed to happen. After the interview had been scheduled, an email was sent to me to fill out an application. My first thoughts: OH SHIT! FUCK. I knew I was in trouble before I even started the application. I would never have applied for this job if I had to fill out this application in the first place. Initially, all they wanted was a resume and a cover letter.

I’ve been lucky in the past, and that was enough to get an interview. But not this company. No. Anyway, two things may be getting me into trouble: references (ALWAYS) and I signed a contract with my part-time job. *^%# They asked on the application, “Have you signed an agreement with another company? If yes, explain”.

The contract I signed might forbid me to work at this company. However, I’m not a lawyer, so I’m not 100% sure. I’m just wondering why I’m going on an interview for a job I can’t get because I signed a contract with another company. Hello? Is anyone going to look at the application before Wednesday, so I don’t waste my time or theirs?

No one is probably going to look my application until the day of or even right before I come into the room. That sucks. I bought two semi-expensive blazers and an expensive pair of slacks this weekend. I went all over town for this stuff! I usually wear dress suits, but I’m sick of that shit. I LOVE wearing maxi dresses. I wear them all summer. But I don’t do suits. So I have decided to be comfortable.

Well, the shoes aren’t comfortable. I bought almost 3-inch wedges from DSW. I wore them to the mall yesterday. I could not make it for more than an hour. I had to buy some flats. (Yeah, I should have thought to have flats on me. duh!) Anyway, the wedges should be fine for the interview since I won’t have to walk that much. I just feel like I have to overcompensate for having slacks on. I’ve never worn slacks to an interview before. I feel a little weird about it, but I know other women do it all the time.

The slacks I bought from Macy’s are phenomenal. OMG. They were $69, so they should be great. I ordered them (to pick up at the store) because of the online reviews, and people were so right. I might link to everything I ordered later when I have more time.

The bottom line is, I feel like this could be a big waste of time since I signed a contract with the part-time people. But I have no idea, so I’m going to prepare like I have a job interview on Wednesday.

My next entry was supposed to be on LeTote Select, but I’ve been running around town and doing interview prep, so I might not even get to that. I hope the interview goes well and I wish I would get a job offer even though the job description is scary. I’m new to all this stuff. I have two certifications, but less than one year of experience. I have to start somewhere and if they are willing to interview me…

Gotta do more interview prep stuff.