Young, black, wild, & free

Countdown:

4 days until my tarot video coaching call (help!)

22 days until my DC Getaway

I will start packing soon. So excited. I just hope it doesn’t rain the whole time. I want to be outside a lot during this trip. I’ve never been near Shenandoah National Park. They won’t give me the exact address until a week before the trip, so I still don’t know exactly where it is.

I wish it didn’t fall on Father’s Day weekend. I had NO IDEA my dad would be back in the States though. I also didn’t know when I was booking it that it would fall on that day. I tend to take time off mid-month. The last week of the month is always crazy busy at work.  Anyway, I’m not doing anything special for my dad, but I wish I could give him a gift or card on that Saturday or Sunday morning. I guess I could stop by on Sunday afternoon when I get back. I don’t know. I might give him his gift/card the week before.

I’m not sure what I’m getting him because 1.) I didn’t expect him to be in the States and 2.) I’m trying to save as much money as possible so a just a card would be best.

The tarot deck I got for my birthday is working! I didn’t have to sleep with them to work. 😉 However, I did sleep with them anyway after I knew the cards were working. I sleep with all my tarot and oracle cards. How do I know the new deck is working? I simply do a 3 card reading on myself. If the present card is true about me presently then I know it is working. If it gives me butterflies, hearts or rainbows, I would know it is not working, and I need to bond with the deck more. I know that sounds strange. But that’s how it works.

More tiny financial wins – I canceled two more monthly bills. One was $30 a month, and it has to do with CEUs for my certifications. I have enough CEUs until 2019. When I need more CEUS, I might have to sign up for the $20 a month plan. I’m not letting my certifications go…yet. I’m doing my June budget this weekend. I’m nervous about doing it. I might end up canceling more things. I might cancel Netflix and then Hulu. 😦 I’ll probably cancel Netflix first since I watch Hulu more these days, but Hulu costs more so I dunno.

Another win is that I didn’t order food delivery! LOL. Sad, but true. That is definitely a win for me. I used to average one delivery a week. Now I’m trying to NEVER do it again (or at least until I’m 100% debt free). Never is a strong word. I just don’t want to get in the habit again.

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8 most listened to): Janelle Monae, James Bay, Amerie, Rachel Sage, Lissie, Demi Lovato, Ariana Grande, Camilla Cabello

Janelle Monae is giving me LIFE. It’s hard to see anyone creating an album better than hers in 2018. I heart her.

TV of the week: NBA playoffs, Grey’s Anatomy, 13 Reasons Why

I don’t watch much hockey since it occurs during the NBA season but go Washington Capitals! Win the whole thing. 🙂

Movie of the week:  I watched two movies this week/last week. I saw The Diary of Imaculee and The Hunger Games. 

I was inspired to watch The Hunger Games (again) because my tarot teacher thought that had a lot of spiritual truths. It was interesting watching that and thinking of how the tarot fits in. The Diary of Imaculee was tough to watch I encourage everyone to read her book Left to Tell: Discovering God Amidst the Rwandan Holocaust. It still makes me angry that the US didn’t do anything. Looking at you, Bill Clinton! No, I don’t think the US has to step into every country problems, but this was a massacre. Up to 800,000 people died in a few months. No one did anything. Well, the French went in even though it was almost over at that point. They did help.

Podcasts of the week:  Tarot for the Wild Soul, The Lowe Post, True Crime Garage, All in With Chris Hayes, Generation Why

Books of the week: Now reading –

Planner update: Plans of the week in my The Charmed Life Planner (coming Sunday)

Plans for the Weekend: I was planning on staying home this weekend. But since my dad is here…SIGH. I’m taking him to the store. I’m working overtime on Saturday and Memorial Day. I wonder how many people are going to be at the park on Memorial Day? I will probably skip that day. But otherwise, I will try to go to the park on Saturday or Sunday. Maybe both days.

Not weekend related but where I live we skipped spring this year. I LOVE spring! It’s my favorite season. I like summer too. The only reason why I bring this up is because I usually have one to two months of low electric bills because I don’t turn the AC on much during the spring. Well, we didn’t have a spring. It is so hot in my house. LOL. I refuse to use a lot of AC right now. I’m trying to save money.

So I’m probably going to the store, working overtime, reading a ton, working on my June budget, and preparing for my tarot coaching call this weekend. I can’t wait to go to the park after work today! It is sooo gorgeous outside. Janelle Monae and nature gives me life. 😉

Thanks for reading. Have a wonderful weekend! 🙂

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Love it when I don’t care

I was going to start this entry off talking about my financial “wins”. But no, I must cover freaking humans first. Sigh.  A certain animal is getting on my nerves too. I won’t mention any names. 😉

Freaking humans. They mess up everything. I would love to just live in a cave. I know only hurt people say bad things and do bad things to others. Not helping right now because I’m pissed. One day last week, someone said something, and it bothered me for about half a day and then all of a sudden I gained a little perspective.

These are my spiritual lessons. Once I realized that I wasn’t bothered by what the person said. Wasn’t bothered at all. I got it. I was happy that I had figured it out. It was a lesson for me to learn. But it keeps happening in different ways, and now I’m feeling kind of ugh.

Apparently, I’m desperate because I just googled “spiritual lessons” and went to this site. I found one that fits my situation:

When you drop all desires and expectations about how people should be, you will never feel deceived or emotionally hurt again.

Duh! I feel better. Not great, but better. Normally I go to A Course In Miracles for my inspiration, but I was so pissed 5 minutes ago, I didn’t even think of ACIM. Google for the win. Actually, I always use Bing. I have to point that out. I rarely use Google. Back on topic…Yes, I think D should behave maturely. LOL. How judgemental, right?

My tiny financial wins!! I am wearing shoes with holes in them. YAY. Slight sarcasm. Normally, I would go out and buy a new pair of shoes, but now I’m just going to make due. I wear these shoes around the neighborhood and to the park. I need to THINK about every purchase and don’t just buy things because something isn’t perfect. Eventually, I will buy another pair of shoes. They weren’t expensive. Less than $13.

I also was going to buy another planner because my Get To Work Book runs out in June. I’m not buying another one. I’m going to use an undated planner I own. That is a bigger win than the shoes because a new planner would cost $60 with shipping. I still “need” to buy a daily planner for work though. The planner I’m currently using also runs out in June. It costs about $48 with shipping. I know that seems expensive, and I will look for alternatives, but I’ve been using this planner for 3 years. I use it daily.

So instead of buying two planners (one for home/personal and one for work), I’m only buying one. If I can find a daily planner cheaper than $48 that can take a beating, I will buy that. So far I have seen nothing on the market comparable. Besides, I know this daily planner works, so I will splurge on that.

I also bought my groceries with cash on Sunday. I usually use my credit card. I did an okay job. I also bought some rice and beans. I NEVER eat beans. And I don’t like white rice. I have only tried one type of beans, and I’m not fond of them. I bought red kidney beans because they look nice. 😉 I’m so lost. Chicken is not the most expensive meat. Why not just stick to that? I don’t know what I’m doing. I just know I would love to get my food bill down to $100 a month. I think that’s doable.

Another win is I have another year to transfer my credit card debt for a year with no interest. It came at exactly the right time! BIG WIN. Now I just need to pay that off in a year.

I’m doing Dave Ramsey’s Financial Peace University. I’m going to try my best to follow it closely. I say TRY because he wants me to temporarily stop donating to my 401k and I’m not doing that. I kind of want to do it because I could use the extra money if I want to be completely debt free ASAP. It kind of makes sense to do that. I get what he is saying. I just don’t want to do that right now.  Everything else seems doable.

Right now I’m working on my emergency fund. I’m about 50% of the way there.

I love how certain people make ASSUMPTIONS about how I got into debt and other things about my finances. They didn’t know me pre-Abilify. They don’t know why I live where I live. They know nothing, yet they have answers. Interesting. LOL. I can name 3 people judging me for this. I’ll talk about two of them.

One claims she doesn’t judge. Yet she’s judging ME for this. Uh, yeah. Why should I believe in anything she has to say if she can’t admit to judging people? Yes, I am a person. The other is someone I’ve admired, and I’ve paid money to her business. I’m thinking of not supporting her anymore. How can a rich or well off person judge my situation? That’s laughable. No, I don’t care that they used to be broke. I think I will feel much better once I stop giving her any money.

I know I shouldn’t pay attention to these people. And then there’s always the naysayers. Can’t forget them! I should be happy with my wins and just ignore everyone else. They don’t know shit.

I feel much better having gotten this off my chest. 🙂 Bye!

Brand new day

OB/GYN: So what’s the story? Were you abused? Never had sex?

Me: I’m a virgin.

The way she said “were you abused?” was so casual. Too casual. I like her. I recommended her to another person. But I thought that question was weird. Anyway, then she told me I should take a Xanax to relax. LOL. I’ve tried that prior to dentist appointments (doesn’t work) and the GYN. I did take a Klonopin, but I only took one. I should have probably taken two.

This was the best pap smear I’ve ever had!! 🙂  This was only my 3rd one. She could tell she wouldn’t be able to get the speculum in the right way because I was squirming etc., so she just used her hand which is not the best way to do it but according to her, “it was better than nothing.” I wanted to hug her. I was so excited on my way to the car. I didn’t have to have that damn speculum all the way inside of me!

THANK YOU! It was still slightly painful. But it was more uncomfortable than painful. I also took two Advil before the appointment. I’m sure that helped a little. I don’t have to get a pap smear next year, but if I’m still on birth control, I will need one in 2020. I’m already dreading I will have a different doctor or nurse, and she won’t just use her hand. I might be off BC by then. If that is the case, I probably won’t go again until 2022 or something like that. 😉

Right before my appointment, she had to check on a baby she just delivered, and I thought I was going to have to see a nurse practitioner. Luckily, the baby was just “misbehaving” (their words, not mine). If I saw the nurse, I probably wouldn’t have the best pap smear ever.

Another good thing is that I don’t have to get a mammogram this year. I was shocked she didn’t find anything. Every time I go to the OB/GYN, they find something. YAY. Strange, but I’ll take it.

My birthday was okay. We (my mom, dog, and I)  went to a new park. We walked about two miles on a trail before it started raining. I’m only bummed we didn’t get to see the pretty part of the park (the grassy part – lol). The good thing is that due to disorganization I didn’t miss one second of training. Training started today on the new part.

I don’t usually do what I got on my birthday posts but this year was pretty exciting for me. I got $35 in Amazon gift cards (yes!!) and $50 from my dad. I also got a Tarot deck and guidebook. I’m thinking about using those for my YouTube videos, but I’m not sure. The cards are mostly black and white, and I’m not sure how they would be in videos. Too plain?  I also got an essential oil diffuser. I LOVE it. I’m using it right now. I have peppermint oil in it. That is supposed to keep me alert. The essentials oils also make the house smell like the oil which is an added benefit, but not why I use them.

Amazon has nicely priced essential oils. So I’m not planning on buying the expensive ones. Plus, I can’t take strong smells. My throat gets sore, and sometimes I start sneezing so the oils I do have should last for a while.

Ick. I think I poured too much peppermint oil in this evening. Too strong. My throat feels funny, and I have a slight headache. I’ve learned my lesson.

I want to give a shout out to YouTuber Stacey Flowers. I recently discovered her. Funny how she showed up in my recommendations when I’m doing a lot of cutting of things to save money. And no, I don’t look at budgeting videos on YouTube. I usually avoid them.  Anyhow, she is inspiring me. Too bad she is eating like a vegetarian (but she is NOT one), and she cooks. She only spends $50 a month on her grocery bill. Well, I don’t cook, and I eat meat, so she’s not helping me much there. However, I’m still inspired to spend less on groceries. I also like that she tithes even though she doesn’t make a lot. I’m not giving 10% of my income to a charity. BUT I am giving $10 to a cause I care deeply about this month.

The charity I’m giving to this month is The Innocence Project. I care about mass incarceration deeply. So of course, I care about innocent people being in jail. That makes me angry. I’m going to put my money where my anger is. Not to go on a tangent, but this is one of the reasons why I have a problem with the death penalty – WHAT IF THEY ARE INNOCENT? Look at the stats! Pay attention.  I also give to WWF  (World Wildlife Fund) every time I buy from Amazon. I have people covered and animals covered. WWF also helps the environment. I also like giving to St. Jude. Okay, I won’t list every charity I love.

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8 most listened to): Janelle Monae, Rachel Sage, Camilla Cabello, Lissie, Carrie Underwood, Kacey Musgraves, Backstreet Boys, Justin Timberlake

TV of the week: NBA playoffs, Survivor, Grey’s Anatomy

Movie of the week:  Trying to get to The Diary of Imaculee this weekend. I read her book years ago. It was my #1 book of the year. Can’t wait to see this movie.

Podcasts of the week:  Why is This Happening?, Tarot for the Wild Soul, The Lowe Post

I’m in love with Tarot for the Wild Soul. I just discovered it. Now I want to listen to every episode.

Books of the week: I finished reading This is Me: Loving the Person You are Today by Chrissy Metz. Not groundbreaking, but a decent memoir. 4 stars. I’m surprised people rave about it so much. Quick read. I love Chrissy. I just expected something more.

Now reading –

The Hate U Give is a library book.  It’s over 400 pages. I don’t think I’m going to get it read by the due date. 😦 UGH.  I’m only 23% through. There’s a long wait list for this book. It would probably take 6 months for me to get it again.  It’s good so far.

UPDATE: I have 3 library cards for 3 different counties/cities. (of course) The Hate U Give expired last night from the county. So I went to the city library website just to get on a waitlist. Uh, it was available!!! WHAT? YAY. JACKPOT. 🙂 I totally mean to yell.

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren

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Plans for the Weekend: Working, going to the park (if it doesn’t rain), studying for my tarot class, reading, and grocery shopping. Nothing unusual. My dad is coming back to the States on Tuesday. No comment. I should be doing 10 different things this evening, but I’m going to try to read The Hate U Give so I can finish it in time. No park today because it’s raining. Will it ever stop raining? Blah.

Thanks for reading. Have a great weekend! 🙂

A blindness that touches perfection

OMG. OMG. OMG. FUCK.

The damn coaching calls. Should I just opt out? I feel like that’s quitting. This was only the second one where we had to do a reading. I kind of sucked again. I just stated the meaning of the cards pretty much. I froze. Then when Julie (not her real name) did a reading for me about my financial situation, I started to tear up. I did NOT cry. But still, I had tears in my eyes, so it’s almost the same. And everybody saw. AND THE CALLS ARE RECORDED AND POSTED TO THE WHOLE CLASS. How much does that suck?

Julie said that I was feeling anxious about my financial situation and that’s very true. The part I don’t know to be true is that I won’t feel so alone about my financial situation. Is a princess or a prince going to come and save me? NO. I have no one to help…well, my dad is back in the states next week. He usually gives me about $40-$60 a month when he’s here. While that’s great, it doesn’t really save me. You know? I can only save myself.

When I did my own reading on Saturday, it was more accurate I feel like. It was a lot of fear, anxiety, stress. Not too many good cards. Julie had more good cards for me. Who’s right? I don’t know.

I’m planning on doing mostly email readings at the beginning of my tarot journey, so I don’t have to be ON and in front of a camera. I can do that. It will take me YEARS before I feel like I’m ready to do skype, phone or in-person readings. I’m new to this! 😦 I’m very pragmatic and logical. I know this will take time. I’m not planning on quitting my job and doing this full-time. Not at all. I’m doing it for free for a while. However, if someone likes my free content and really wants to pay me, they will have that option in a year (or maybe less).

I did do an in-person reading for my mom on Sunday. It was so messy! I knew the meaning of some of the cards, but I felt so insecure. I kept looking at my notes. It didn’t help that she changed her question at the last minute. SIGH. Never do that to a tarot reader. And never ask yes or no questions. AND never ask questions about time like, “When will I get married?” It doesn’t work that way. I will put all of this on my upcoming website. I’m sure other people have this on their websites too. For the record a good question is considered, “What do I need to know right now?” That’s just an example.

I’ve made it a point to not check out other people’s websites because I want to do my own thing. Anyway, I prayed before this call. I tapped (EFT) before the coaching call. I may have taken a Klonopin 😉 before the call. That helped. I would have been more nervous without it.

I am offering FREE tarot career readings to people reading this blog. I will probably put this as a sticky on this site. My only qualification is that I do accurate readings for myself. LOL. It’s free, so I feel like you have nothing to lose. Just leave a comment. I will probably put it as a sticky post in a few weeks. I will post the reading in the comments unless you feel comfortable sending me your email address. I would much prefer to email the person, but either way is fine. I can understand people not wanting readings from me. All I talk about is how much bad I am. haha.

I’m only focusing on career readings in the future. My whole website will be about careers. I’m not doing general readings or relationship readings.

One more thing that makes me sound like I think too much of myself. Only 5 were on the call. Usually, that is one of the busiest calls. I feel like others didn’t join once I RSVP because they didn’t want to be with the awkward girl who can’t do readings and barely talks. I’m also not active in the Facebook group.

Oh well.

Tomorrow I’m getting off from work 2 hours early…to get a pap smear. I’m not as bummed about that as I am about it raining on my birthday (Wednesday). WHY???! Now I have nothing to do. This is the first year in about 7 years, I’m not taking a week off during my bday week. I have one day off. All I wanted to do was go to a new park with my dog. Sigh. Mother Nature might not allow that.

If it rains, I might as well work for a few hours (training) and save a few hours of PTO. What’s the point of just doing nothing for a day? It depends on when the training meeting takes place. I might drop in for 2 hours. I won’t spend more time there than that. Blah. Please don’t rain so I can just forget about work.

It’s 10:30PM. I’m supposed to be sleeping. I’m watching the NBA playoffs. I’m going to bed while continuing watching the game. Bye!

Lose realism

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This is a pic of my dog on his 4th birthday. Okay, I don’t know his exact birthday. The vet says one thing. The place I order his medicine from says another. I can’t find his adoption papers from the animal shelter. :/ All I know is that he was born in approximately late April and he is a Taurus. That means he is the best, stubborn pup in the world! I can say that because I’m a Taurus too. Btw, this picture is from while we were at the river.

Countdown:

2 days before my next Tarot coaching call

3 days before my 3rd pap smear (ugh!)

4 days before my birthday

35 days before my DC Getaway

35 days until my only vacay this summer. Woohoo!  No internet access. No TV. Just me and my dog. I can’t wait. I only wish it were sooner.

I’m getting a great bonus from work. My boss gave me an extra 100 dollars (in addition to the bonus) for “doing all that I do.” At least, someone appreciates me. 🙂

For my birthday, I’m just going to a new-to-me park, and then we’ll grab a tuna sub from Subway. I hope it doesn’t rain. We’re having “bad food” from a local restaurant on Mother’s Day, so I can’t eat more bad food on my birthday. My bday is too close to mother’s day.  Anyway, I think a tuna sub is better than anything I REALLY want to eat. Normally I would go to one of my favorite restaurants on my birthday but I know I would eat something really unhealthy.  I can’t have bad food back to back.

As of right now, I’m taking the whole day off on my birthday. Things keep changing. We might be in training all day. We’re supposed to be in training all day now, but someone dropped the ball. It doesn’t really matter. I’m still not working on my birthday. I haven’t had a whole day off since March. I need a mental health day. Desperately.

I’ve been canceling things left and right. I feel wonderful about it. I still have to cancel a Marianne Williamson subscription, but I have to download every audio first. I love listening to her lectures. It would be nuts to cancel it without getting all the stuff I paid for. I’m keeping my Gabby Bernstein subscription..no matter what. I refuse to say I might have to cancel that sub. It is only $19 a month, and it is so good. It has helped me immensely.

However, I still have shit that I should be canceling. I’m canceling Audible soon. I rarely listen to audiobooks. I only occasionally listen to self-help books. All the other monthly bills will be much harder to cancel. I’m NOT canceling Spotify. No way.

My tarot coaching call is on Monday night. All I know is that I will have to talk more on this call and each of us will be doing a reading. I hate calling it “a call” because it is VIDEO and a call, but whatever. I get so nervous about the readings! I’m doing a reading for my mom on Sunday, and I’m nervous about that. I have to get all my rituals down. Plus, my dog will be there causing havoc so what kind of environment is that for a reading? Ugh. But I will use my crystals. I will say my prayer and try to meditate. I’m not doing everything I would normally do for a reading because this is a reading for my mom, it’s free, and it’s my first in-person reading.

Of course, my mom is like most people and think tarot reading is about being psychic and fortune telling. Sigh. I’m trying not to care if she really gets it. It doesn’t matter.

ICK! I just got the new training schedule. They are starting a new part of training on my birthday. I don’t know what to do. Right now I’m thinking if it rains then I will attend SOME training (maybe 2-3 hours). But if it is sunny, I’m going to the new-to-me park. It is supposed to rain in the afternoon. I’m planning to be at the park around 9 or 10. Hmmm. Gotta think about it.

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8 most listened to): Rachel Sage, Jasmine Thompson, Ariana Grande, Jess Glynne, Florence + the Machine, Janelle Monae, John Mayer, Shawn Mendes

So much good music is being released this year!

TV of the week: NBA playoffs,  How to Get Away With Murder, RHoBH

Movie of the week:  The Rachel Divide (4.5 stars out of 5)

Podcasts of the week:  True Crime Garage, The Russillo Show, Mogul: The Life and Times of Chris Lighty

Books of the week: Now reading –

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Get To Work Book

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Plans for the Weekend: On Saturday, I’m working, going to the park, then the UPS store, and then the grocery store. In that order. I know you need to know this info. 😉 On Sunday, I’m going to my mom’s house for probably about 3 hours.

I plan to get a lot done for my tarot course. I want to be ready to do my on camera reading on Monday night. I’m glad (as of right now), I get 10 hours off from work next week. YAY!

Thanks for reading! Have a splendid weekend. 🙂

I’m in a state of mind

I’m emotional for crazy reasons. I just canceled LeTote. I’ve been with them FOREVER. Ride or Die. On the days when I knew a package was coming, I would be so excited to get a Tote. How sad. Now it’s gone. Over. No more fun clothes and accessories. I keep thinking, “Now I have to wear what’s in my closet??!” Who does that? I told you the reason was nuts. But I have to be financially responsible. I have to cancel other things too. I just started with them because it was easy to cancel.

::sobs::

And the other reason is John McCain. I told you…nuts! I’ve admired him for years. Of course, it was tough when he was running against Obama for president. Those years I didn’t admire him as much. But I know politics, and he had to say certain things to try to get elected. I probably agree with him about 20% of the time. I’m a progressive and to agree with him that much says a lot.

Even though he recently voted for that tax bill, I will miss him. I have NEVER cared this much about a politician dying. Other celebrities? Sure. But not politicians. I’m sad for his family, for him and for DC politics. He will be greatly missed. Please don’t go. 😦

Awkward subject change time. Gabby Bernstein liked what I said in a survey, and she wants to use my words as a testimonial! Here’s the awkward thing: Her team asked me for a picture to use on their freaking website! I should have not responded or said no, but it’s Gabby, so I sent two pictures for them to choose from. They probably reached out to at least 50 people, so the chances of my pic being on her website are slim. Is this something to be happy about? I was so happy on Friday to read the email. “Gabby really liked your responses to the survey…” I’m just glad she liked my WORDS. I’ll see what happens. I wish I had better pics of myself. I sent one from me in Vegas and one from me in Asheville.

I did watch The Rachel Divide. Like I said below it is a documentary on Rachel Dolezal. I would recommend this movie to everyone! I have so much I want to say. SPOILERS are here. I learned so much about her. I wasn’t keeping up with her. She had a baby? She wrote a book? WHAT? I probably won’t read the book because I watched the documentary. The book didn’t sell well at all. Anyway, what a story this woman has.

I don’t know where to begin. If I grew up like her, I would have issues too. Rachel is no victim when it comes to the backlash she is dealing with now. However, her parents are crap. Oh, is that too harsh? Maybe. I don’t know their whole story. They outed her because of what she was about to say about their biological son and the sexual abuse. She was about to testify against him, so they called the media. They also physically and emotionally abused their kids. That isn’t coming from just Rachel. I wouldn’t believe it if it came from her.

I can’t figure out whether Rachel is a narcissist, a sociopath or neither. She seems so nice. She did admit she was born white on a talk show, but when she had the chance to clear it up with a huge audience on The Today Show, she didn’t. WTF? Sigh. She kind of pissed me off with that.

All this talk of being transracial. Um, I don’t think folks are going to go with that. Especially black people. Do white people even care that much? Due to white privilege, a white person can’t say I feel black, and therefore I am black. The person is missing the daily discrimination a black person deals with.

Yeah, race was made up by people. It’s not real. But racism is real. I’m only mad at Rachel for her LIES. Not just lies about being black, but maybe lying about hate crimes, etc. That’s why I think she’s a narcissist. Btw, she can’t just move from Spokane and start over due to her son’s custody deal. That sucks for her and her sons. I feel so bad for her teenage son. That poor kid. He has no friends. He is suffering. If I could shake Rachel and just say, “Think about your kids.” Not that she would listen.

I know I’m all over the place. I’m just typing things as they come to me. Oh, another thing that made me mad was her lying about the struggles she faced by being black. Um. Really? People didn’t provide specific examples of what she would say, but ugh.

To recap: Great documentary. She doesn’t seem to really get why she can’t say she’s black. She did admit to being born white. She just considers herself transracial sort of like transgender, but I hate comparing the two because I don’t really know if being transracial really exists. I believe it can exist. Sue me for being open-minded. However, Rachel was not born “transracial.” She had life experiences that led her to feel black. That isn’t how being transgender works. She wasn’t a 5-year-old saying “I’m black.” I’m not trying to be funny. I’m just explaining why the whole trans thing wouldn’t work for her IF it does exist.

I grew up thinking I was supposed to be of Mexican descent. I was obsessed with their culture. I’m not transracial. Besides, I grew out of that. I understand how one can appreciate the culture and not BE Mexican. I still love Mexico and blah, blah, blah.

One more thing: She is a great artist. If she doesn’t stop complaining about not being able to find a job in black studies and start selling her art!! You have to see her art. She is a phenomenal painter. Why does she have to work for a university? Has she ever heard of Etsy? Sell your prints, woman! Besides she is probably never going to get a job at any school. She has a bad reputation. She would need to get out of Spokane (even though it’s beautiful there) and that’s not currently an option. Sorry, I went on another tangent. I could talk about Rachel forever. She fascinates me.

Working overtime today so that probably means no park. Last summer, I wasn’t working OT, so I went to the park every day. Right now I need the money so my dog and exercise will have to suffer. Bye! 🙂