A blindness that touches perfection

OMG. OMG. OMG. FUCK.

The damn coaching calls. Should I just opt out? I feel like that’s quitting. This was only the second one where we had to do a reading. I kind of sucked again. I just stated the meaning of the cards pretty much. I froze. Then when Julie (not her real name) did a reading for me about my financial situation, I started to tear up. I did NOT cry. But still, I had tears in my eyes, so it’s almost the same. And everybody saw. AND THE CALLS ARE RECORDED AND POSTED TO THE WHOLE CLASS. How much does that suck?

Julie said that I was feeling anxious about my financial situation and that’s very true. The part I don’t know to be true is that I won’t feel so alone about my financial situation. Is a princess or a prince going to come and save me? NO. I have no one to help…well, my dad is back in the states next week. He usually gives me about $40-$60 a month when he’s here. While that’s great, it doesn’t really save me. You know? I can only save myself.

When I did my own reading on Saturday, it was more accurate I feel like. It was a lot of fear, anxiety, stress. Not too many good cards. Julie had more good cards for me. Who’s right? I don’t know.

I’m planning on doing mostly email readings at the beginning of my tarot journey, so I don’t have to be ON and in front of a camera. I can do that. It will take me YEARS before I feel like I’m ready to do skype, phone or in-person readings. I’m new to this! 😦 I’m very pragmatic and logical. I know this will take time. I’m not planning on quitting my job and doing this full-time. Not at all. I’m doing it for free for a while. However, if someone likes my free content and really wants to pay me, they will have that option in a year (or maybe less).

I did do an in-person reading for my mom on Sunday. It was so messy! I knew the meaning of some of the cards, but I felt so insecure. I kept looking at my notes. It didn’t help that she changed her question at the last minute. SIGH. Never do that to a tarot reader. And never ask yes or no questions. AND never ask questions about time like, “When will I get married?” It doesn’t work that way. I will put all of this on my upcoming website. I’m sure other people have this on their websites too. For the record a good question is considered, “What do I need to know right now?” That’s just an example.

I’ve made it a point to not check out other people’s websites because I want to do my own thing. Anyway, I prayed before this call. I tapped (EFT) before the coaching call. I may have taken a Klonopin 😉 before the call. That helped. I would have been more nervous without it.

I am offering FREE tarot career readings to people reading this blog. I will probably put this as a sticky on this site. My only qualification is that I do accurate readings for myself. LOL. It’s free, so I feel like you have nothing to lose. Just leave a comment. I will probably put it as a sticky post in a few weeks. I will post the reading in the comments unless you feel comfortable sending me your email address. I would much prefer to email the person, but either way is fine. I can understand people not wanting readings from me. All I talk about is how much bad I am. haha.

I’m only focusing on career readings in the future. My whole website will be about careers. I’m not doing general readings or relationship readings.

One more thing that makes me sound like I think too much of myself. Only 5 were on the call. Usually, that is one of the busiest calls. I feel like others didn’t join once I RSVP because they didn’t want to be with the awkward girl who can’t do readings and barely talks. I’m also not active in the Facebook group.

Oh well.

Tomorrow I’m getting off from work 2 hours early…to get a pap smear. I’m not as bummed about that as I am about it raining on my birthday (Wednesday). WHY???! Now I have nothing to do. This is the first year in about 7 years, I’m not taking a week off during my bday week. I have one day off. All I wanted to do was go to a new park with my dog. Sigh. Mother Nature might not allow that.

If it rains, I might as well work for a few hours (training) and save a few hours of PTO. What’s the point of just doing nothing for a day? It depends on when the training meeting takes place. I might drop in for 2 hours. I won’t spend more time there than that. Blah. Please don’t rain so I can just forget about work.

It’s 10:30PM. I’m supposed to be sleeping. I’m watching the NBA playoffs. I’m going to bed while continuing watching the game. Bye!

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