I wanna suffer for my sins

I have a feeling someone I know is reading this blog.  Someone said something. (vague enough?) I stopped checking all stats during late December 2017, so I have no idea what’s going on. Now I’m paranoid, but I won’t check my stats. Besides, it won’t tell me exactly who is reading. The stats aren’t that detailed. I hope no one I know is reading, especially someone from work!

I’m going to cycling class on Sunday. I hope I’m not the worst in the class again. 🙂 Then right after that, I have a session at the sauna scheduled. The buildings share the same parking lot. So perfect. This may be my last sauna session until next winter. I’ll see.

Gabby Bernstein and I had another nice chat. Okay, not really. It wasn’t like it was in LA. But there were only 20 people in the chat. I’m in a closed Facebook group she recently started, and she had a private chat scheduled with any of the 377 people in the group. Only 20 people made it live.

I asked my question in advance, and she answered it first! And she took her time. The answer was so helpful. I get it now. I asked her what judgment had to do with debt because Gabby previously said everything comes to judgment (paraphrasing). She answered my question by going into what A Course in Miracles says. Also, she said don’t focus on the debt because that’s living in lack, focus on earning and having fun. I’m simplifying her answer. It took her about 3-5 minutes to answer the question. I have to watch the video replay. I was so excited she was answering my question. I probably missed something.

I’m the queen of living in lack. I have to catch myself constantly. I was surprised she picked my question and how in-depth she went. She even said she wished she could talk to me and ask questions. I don’t use my real name on Facebook, so she had no idea that I’m the person from LA with no friends. I want to keep it that way until I see in person at her at a Kripalu retreat. Like I’ve said, I feel like I let her down and I don’t want her to know that I still don’t have any friends.

Work update: Unfortunately, the people who have been in training are being really honest about how hard the training is. I was really looking forward to it, but regular work is hard and stressful enough. I don’t need the training to be hard too. Pout. At least I know what to expect.

Since I can’t take my birthday week off in May, I have the last week of July off. I’m definitely not planning on going anywhere. Everything is expensive and crowded during that time of summer. So I’m staying home. I’m still going to try to get my birthday off. But if the training is really challenging, I’m not going to miss a whole day of information just because I don’t want to work. I should find how hard it is soon. Training starts next week.

Update: It looks like I can get my birthday off! My manager just told me I should be comfortable with the new system by then so taking a whole day off won’t hurt too much. Yay!

My “Escape From DC” isn’t until June, but I’m already stressed. It’s not just about the no cell service part. It’s my dog! When I was booking the trip, I decided to read the rules, and they have a rule about barking dogs. Um. My dog barks when he hears something. He is a watchdog (not really, but you know what I mean). As long as there isn’t noise, I’ll be fine. They give one warning for a barking dog, and then they ask the person to leave!!

He barks when he hears a vehicle pass by the house. God forbid people are talking outside. I am going to take my noise machine with me and turn it all the way up. That might solve any issue. There are about 20 tiny houses on 80 acres of property. How well are they spaced out? I have no idea.

I leave my noise machine on 24/7 at home, and he rarely barks. But I also don’t have close neighbors. I know it is pointless to worry about this. It’s also stressful because of the secret thing. I still don’t know what I’m telling my mom. We are supposed to go to the grocery store that weekend, so I really have to come up with something.

It would be nice if I felt like I could tell the truth, but I don’t think she would ever forgive me. 😦 I’m not lying. I’m just going to ask if we can go to the grocery store the next week and not give a reason why. Sigh. Between my dog and my mom, I don’t know if this was a good idea.

I feel like this entry is all over the place. Sorry. My mind is not functioning correctly. I’m posting this during lunch while I’m having a dance party. lol

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