Today was okay

I’ve been off Abilify for 22 days. I wish I had documented what happened last time. I know I was barely functioning and had suicidal thoughts. I went back through my blog to try to find out when what happened when. It was exactly a year ago that I went back on Abilify! I had no idea. Why do I keep going off it during the winter months? Not smart. Anyone can be depressed. There is barely any sun.

Tuesday was great after 9AM. I was even happy!! Yesterday sucked all day. I’m having physical and mental symptoms. The nausea is the worst. I ordered something OTC for that. I hope it works. I’m also having headaches, but they aren’t that bad. My digestive system is also a little messed up. I went to the store to get something for that today.

Today was okay. It was definitely better than yesterday. Today was average. No real highs or lows.

The depression is not severe. I’m not having suicidal thoughts. If I were, I’d be back on Abilify. The plan would be to stay on Abilify until I get back from Los Angeles and then wean myself off slowly. My psychiatrist said I didn’t need to wean myself off, but the internet is saying something VERY different. Thanks a lot, doc!

I’m trying to push through it. But if lack of Abilify affects my work or I get suicidal, I will go back on. I wasn’t very productive at work yesterday. 😦  And I can’t go to LA depressed. What would be the point? I have to feel better before January 19.

I was thinking I don’t like who I am on Abilify, but I don’t like who I am off of it either. Who wants to be depressed? On Abilify, I lack inhibition. I want to be like I used to be before I started the drug. I was frugal. I didn’t need STUFF. I was careful.

Honestly, I’d be happier if I could just eat breakfast. I can’t stomach anything until after 8. I start work at 6. I get up at 5.  If I eat at 8, I’m less productive at work because I’m supposed to be working.

I’m trying to document what being off Abilify is like this time in case I have to do it again after I get back from LA. This is my way of saying that I might be blogging about Abilify a lot.

At this point, I’m still going to LA even though I don’t have that Friday off yet. I forgot that we were supposed to be trained sometime in 2018. What if that Friday is a day of training? There’s NO WAY I’m going to cancel my trip just due to one day of training. I’ll just have to miss it.

UPDATE: I now have that Friday off. I’m coming back at midnight on that Sunday night. I will probably ask for that Monday off. Not sure.

You know what I get excited about when it comes to my trip? Being in the hotel. LOL. Forget LA and Gabby Bernstein. I just want to enjoy the hotel. It’s a weekend getaway. A 3,000-mile weekend getaway. I’m so glad I changed the hotel. Now I know I’m getting something very nice. This is where business people stay. Since it is a business hotel, I wish they would offer a shuttle to downtown, but they don’t. I don’t even mind paying for it. I’ll just use Uber.

Birth control update: I STOPPED BLEEDING. WOW!!!!111!!! 😉

This week I…

Music of the week (my top 8):  Joan Osborne, Linkin Park, Taylor Swift, Pink, Ariana Grande, Ed Sheeran, Jasmine Thompson, George Micahel

TV of the week:  Homeland, The Affair, Survivor, The Crown

I have pretty much stopped watching the news. I don’t care about Russia and that is all cable news covers. Well, recently they have been talking about taxes nonstop. It is so boring. Not interested.

Movie of the week: none

Podcasts of the week:  All In With Chris Hayes, Mentally Chill, Ryen Russilo Show, A Killing on the Cape, The Lively Show

Books of the week: I finished reading Only Love Can Break Your Heart by Ed Tarkington. It is a coming of age story. I didn’t think I was going to like it. I love movies like that, but I rarely read books on that topic. It was a 4-star book. Better than average, but not great.

Now reading –

I have decided on what 3D books I’m taking with me to LA. I’m taking A Course in Miracles and a book I’ve been trying to finish forever: What Remains by Carole Radziwill. I didn’t want to take ACIM because it is so thick. But a plane ride is the perfect time to be “stuck” with the book. I’ll get a lot of reading done.

As far as Kindle books goes, I have a ton of books on my Kindle I haven’t read and hopefully, I will have library ebooks by then.

Planner update: Plans of the week in my Erin Condren (coming Sunday – Xmas theme!)

Plans for the Weekend: Unlike a lot of people, I had to work all week. I’m off on Monday, of course. I’m looking forward to just going to the park. It is going to be 70 degrees on Saturday and then it all goes downhill. I really want to get my living room cleaned up. Nothing exciting.

Oh, I’m supposed to take my test on Sunday but I might change that. I talked to one of the professors on the phone. It was awkward on my end, but she gave me resources so I can really grasp this stuff. So I spent $80 on that. Hopefully, it will be here soon.

Thanks for reading. Have a wonderful weekend! 🙂

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