The one that got away

I could have a new job. But references got in the way. I didn’t even need to fucking interview!!! They liked my resume, my experience, and my certifications. All I needed were managerial references. Our company has a policy that our managers can’t be references, but that wasn’t the real reason I didn’t get that job. Even without that policy, I would have a hard time getting a reference.

You know that crappy cover letter I sent? Apparently, it wasn’t so crappy. She called and we talked and I was very close to having a new job. My first thoughts were I guess I’m not going to LA. I was supposed to start ASAP so there’s no way I could still go to LA and take the job.

My second thoughts were about leaving my work at home position and leaving my dog alone all day every day. He is so used to me being there all day. I know the dog thing is very lame, but I would worry about him being alone all day. And who doesn’t want to work from home?? Of course, I would hate to leave that. But to better my career, I would have to do that.

Ugh. At first, I was fine with not getting the job. But now I feel lame. I knew I had a reference problem. I’ve known this my whole adult life! Sigh. I’ll just keep working from home and one day I’ll find the perfect opportunity at the perfect time.

Right now is not the best time to leave my job. It’s not just about LA. 😉 I can cancel that trip and not lose too much money. In fact, I was thinking about it before the whole job thing. I’m STILL thinking about not going. I lose more money by going than by canceling the trip.

Without Abilify, I’m more practical. That is why I want off of Abilify. But today I was thinking about going back on because the mornings suck. I can still work. If I couldn’t work, I’d go back on the med in a second. I couldn’t eat breakfast this morning. Eventually, I’m going to stop fixing breakfast because all I’m doing is wasting food.

And the new birth control. WTF? Maybe my body just hates BC. The great thing is I can let it dissolve in my mouth! The bad thing is I have to take food with it or I feel very, very sick. Today I took it with food and I still felt a little sick.

I feel sick now. I don’t know if it’s the depression, the birth control or something I ate. blah.

Oh, and the OB/GYN called me to tell me my iron was low. No shit. I’m going back to taking iron pills. She said that she hoped I stopped bleeding. ROFL. I’ve only taken the BC twice. Is she serious? She left a voicemail so I didn’t talk to her. I hope it does stop the bleeding before I go to LA…if I go to LA.

Today has been a weird day.

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