Why is everything so heavy?

Countdown:

18 days until Marianne Williamson’s NYE retreat (via live stream)

26 days until I see Marianne LIVE

39 days until I’m going to Los Angeles to see Gabrielle Bernstein LIVE

Ugh! I’ve been off Abilify for 2 weeks, and already I can’t eat breakfast in the morning. 😦 What’s next? Suicidal thoughts? Fuck. I feel very foggy for most of the day. The evenings are great/good. So I don’t know what to do. I think I’m going to keep not taking Abilify unless I get really depressed. I don’t want to go around being depressed when I can just take a pill. Plus, with Los Angeles coming up, I can’t afford to be depressed. I have to plan the trip!

I wouldn’t have stopped Abilify if I knew I was going to travel. I would’ve waited until I got back.

I’m freaking out a little about LA for several reasons. I’m flying to Chicago and what if there’s a huge snowstorm there and I can’t get to LA? I chose Chicago without thinking about the weather. I just wanted to be able to choose my seat. Delta wouldn’t guarantee that so I chose dreaded United Airlines and I liked the Chicago route best. I used United Airlines to go to Vegas, and I said I would never use them again. Anyway…

And then there’s the hotel. Apparently, there is a nightclub near or in the hotel. I’m staying there on a Friday and Saturday night so I might not get any sleep. I need sleep. I’ve fallen in love with downtown LA, and I don’t want to stay anywhere else, so I think I’m taking my chances. If I can’t sleep, I might have to try to find another hotel. Yes, that’s risky and a waste of money, but I need my sleep. NEED. There is a small chance I might cancel the hotel I picked, and just choose a more expensive hotel.

With the cost of taxis, this trip might cost as much as Kripalu! I know I can take the metro from LAX to my hotel, but who wants to do that after traveling across the country? LOL. I’m taking a taxi to and from the airport, and I will probably take an Uber to see Gabby. Ick. That’s going to be about $150.

So that’s what’s been going on since my last entry. A condensed version of what’s in my mind. I just hope I don’t get really depressed from lack of Abilify. I can always start taking it again if I have to. The mornings are just tough.

I’m off from work for the rest of the week. YAY! 5 day stay home vacay! 🙂 Well, I have to go to the doctor on Thursday to see about birth control options. Not for sex (in case you are new).

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