Why do I keep looking back?

The leaves are turning colors and dropping from the trees, but it is so hot! Well, it is in the upper 80s, but it is very humid. I’m the last one to complain about it being hot. But’s it’s October, and I have this new vest I want to wear, and it’s too warm to wear it. Gah! It’s just weird with the leaves changing colors and all. I hope this means we will have a warm winter like last year. AND NO SNOW. Please!!! We did get snow last year. I hate snow and winter. Hate it.

I got my 4th Depo injection today.

Nurse: It is worth getting this shot to not get pregnant, right?

hahahahah. ROFL. Um, I don’t have to worry about EVER getting pregnant. Never have. Hopefully, never will. Too funny. 😉 Anyway, God, please let my period stop. Please. Last time I got the injection, the bleeding stop immediately. Today not so much. Bummer. It’s not heavy at all, but I’m on Depo-Provera, and I shouldn’t be getting my period. Well, I recently went 20 days straight without bleeding. What a concept! I believe Depo will work for me. I’m not going to continue to get injections if the bleeding doesn’t stop.

I’m glad Harvey Weinstein was fired. I feel bad for the women he abused and/or raped. What a monster. And people in Hollywood knew this. Did you read that Meryl Streep said she didn’t know??! I’m sorry, but what a liar. EVERYONE KNEW. Does she live in a cave in Hollywood? I’m serious. She didn’t know? WTF?! How could that go on so long and who else is doing the same thing? This must be stopped.

Oh and now Jennifer Lawerence is saying she didn’t know. How could she not know? I guess a lot of people will be added to this ‘I didn’t know’ list. So I’ll stop counting. I just find that hard to believe.

I have decided I’m not going to continue with Abilify after mid-December. That’s scary. The last time I went off Abilify I was so depressed. I couldn’t hold food down until after 10 AM. I wasn’t hungry most of the time. Maybe I will lose weight. I was just hopeless and sigh. It was really bad. So this will suck.

I don’t know what else to do. Abilify takes some inhibitions away. It leads me to be impulsive. I still say it is great for depression, though. I’ve got from now until December to come up with something.

Apparently, there’s no hope for me when it comes to depression. 😦 Unless I can get TMS somehow. I will ask my shrink about it in December. I will tell him EVERYTHING like he is a fucking counselor. He will get how Abilify (almost) ruined my life. I will take notes in even though I probably won’t have to use them. He knows Abilify makes 1 in 3 people impulsive. Yet he said nothing. FUCK him. But I wanted it. lol. It works, but I can’t take the side effects anymore. I’m done.

I was going to quit on my vacation this week, but who wants to be depressed on their week off? Besides it really wouldn’t hit until next week. Who wants to be depressed ever? *whines* I don’t know what to do, but I know for sure that I will stop taking Abilify. Btw, it can be stopped suddenly unlike most antidepressants.

In conclusion, I think I’m going to stop taking Abilify before seeing my shrink in December. That way I can describe how I felt and prove that I really do need SOMETHING. I just have to pick a date to stop. I may stop very soon as in this week because I know the depression won’t hit until a week or two later. I don’t know how I’m supposed to stay motivated for one job, much less two jobs. Double sigh.

Here is a short video explaining a little of what Abilify can cause:

I’m sure there are better videos on the topic, but I don’t want to watch them. I already know what Abilify can do from personal experience. I don’t like how he doesn’t say that Abilify actually works. The problem is the side effects. It can cure depression, schizophrenia, etc.

I’m enjoying my time off from my full-time job. So much to do and so little time to do it. Right now I want to take a break from everything and have a dance party for 20 minutes, so that is what I will do. Bye. 🙂

 

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