going back to my old ways?

I can’t believe I did it. I wasn’t even hungry. A pizza order from my neighbor came to my house by mistake* and I got ideas. I was bored and it was Halloween. Lame and a damn shame. I just had a cheat day on October 9 and I’ve been so good, but I broke. I was determined to watch the whole Washington Wizards game and I knew one way to do that was to order some food.

*(I did direct him to the right house).

I will not have cheat days more than once a month. I will not eat when I’m “bored”. Fuck. I will go to the gym.

With all that being said, I am going to have a cheat day on Thanksgiving. 😉 I was going to have a cheat day that Thursday and Friday but that is now cancelled. Just one cheat day.

I had been eating less than 1,200 calories a day (minus cheat days once a month). Ugh. Woe is me. We all have slip ups. That is what I will tell myself to make myself feel better. Not a big deal. Won’t happen again. Whew. I would banish cheat days…so not happening. Not realistic.

The food was tasty, yo! Gotta say that.

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There are people out there who wish they could bitch and moan in their blogs, but they see what people say about people like me. ROFL. So they say nothing. They give a damn what other people think. I guess because they care what people think, they think I should too. I don’t know what to make of that. I don’t care what they say about me or my blog. I know what they say. I know what they think. Typical thoughts. Nothing special.

Just an observation. Also, they seem to forget (or not know or simply just don’t care) that I don’t have friends to vent to so this is my way of not keeping it all in. Keeping it in is toxic for me. It doesn’t matter if no one reads or one person reads. I just have to get it out.

I know one reason why they don’t need to vent online is because they vent to their friends. I get it. They do the exact same thing I do online to their friends yet they talk shit about me doing it. Does that make sense? I don’t get that. People have to consider circumstances before they judge. Oh! Right they don’t think before they judge. Silly me. People. sigh.

Was I just ranting? That’s not allowed! lol

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Speaking of keeping it in…I don’t even know where to begin. I have so much going on right now. For some reason, I’ve decided that I will start a bunch of stuff in November. Ahhh! Overwhelm. I’m committed to NaNoWriMo, watching as many Wizards game as possible, writing down every dollar I spend, doing a budget, sticking to a gym schedule, really focusing on my word for the year (focus) and more. It’s like what most people do for New Year’s except I decided to do it starting in November.

I know watching basketball games may seem like a frivolous thing to do, but it was a huge hobby and I don’t want to just let it get away. One sign of depression is not doing things you used to enjoy doing. I want to get back to my hobbies. I don’t want to be too tired to read or watch a basketball game.

Novel update: I have 242 words written so far after I scrapped everything. Awesome. (<–sarcasm)

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I can’t believe Tuesday is election day. Wahhhhh. I don’t wanna leave my house. I don’t care who is on the school board etc. I don’t have anything too important to vote for like some other people in the state. But I’m going to vote anyway. Fun times.

I finished reading Redefining Realness: My Path to Womanhood, Identity, Love & So Much More by Janet Mock. I’ll have more to say about this book on Friday. Hint: I agree with what bell hooks said.

Gotta cook cabbage and write.

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