I’d rather die alive

I took the board exam yesterday. I wish I could feel like it’s over but it isn’t. I’m not certain that I failed….or passed. I would be shocked – SHOCKED- if I passed. It would be a miracle. But it is possible. I didn’t finish it. I did fill in every answer (no penalty for guessing). So I don’t know. I just have to wait for a few days.

My biggest mistake was how I started the exam. I spent the first hour going in order instead of answering the easier questions first. Eventually I realized if I wanted any chance of finishing, I’d better answer the quicker questions NOW. I also took about an 8 minute break halfway through. I don’t regret it but I definitely could have used that time. I haven’t sat for 6 hours straight since I took a bus to NYC about 8 years ago. During my break I ate a child sized peanut butter and jelly sandwich from Panera Bread. It was $4.99 (overpriced!…but tasty).

And now I wait. If I don’t pass, I’m thinking about taking it again in early September. Not sure. That seems so soon. Too soon.

There were panic moments but no panic attacks…thank Buddha. Before the test I was so anxious that I was nauseous. I couldn’t eat until I got to the testing center. The panic really scared me. Tears were running down my cheeks. I thought I wasn’t going to be able to take the test.

Two other things are really on my mind: Getting a part-time job & the work gathering on Thursday :/ I brought a job interview outfit today (have to spend money to make money) and I’m going to start studying for interviews this week. What fun. Here are my interview shoes:


I’m not a shoe person. Don’t get me wrong, I do like shoes. I would just rather not spend money on them but since I keep moving, I keep misplacing my dressy clothes and shoes. I’ve been wearing the same flats for about 4 years. I’m not kidding. Anyhow, I really like these shoes. I can walk in them!  To me those are high heels. I can’t walk in real high heels.

I ended up buying a black lacy dress instead of a suit:

little black dress?
little black dress?

I tried to avoid black at all costs but it is a cute dress and it isn’t all black.  I brought a nice shawl type thing to go with it. One interview outfit is all I need…hopefully. If only I could purchase the ability to talk coherently. That would be priceless.


Music for the week:  Jason Mraz, Sia, Ed Sheeran, Lucy Hale, Mary J. Blige, Emeli Sande, Colbie Cailliat, Ariana Grande

TV for the week:  Pretty Little Liars, Big Brother

Movie of the week: none

Books of the week:  Why Have Kids?: A New Mom Explores the Truth About Parenting and Happiness by Jessica Valenti  (This book is for parents. But I love Jessica so much that I’ll read anything she writes. I would recommend this to people who want to be parents. It isn’t warm & fuzzy like most parenting books. What shocked me the most so far is that in 2006, The Washington Post printed an article on how all women should prepare their bodies for motherhood. In 2006!!!??! I thought I read the year wrong….and the title of the newspaper. WTF? The book covers a lot. She talks about how kids don’t automatically bring happiness (obvious?). She also covers the political aspects of motherhood. I hope she has another book coming out soon). Mindfulness: An Eight-Week Plan for Finding Peace in a Frantic World by Mark Williams (only on week one).

I finally get to read for fun again…for now. I’m also browsing job interview books.

Knitting projects of the week: All I wanted to do this week was knit. I wanted to start so many things but I held myself back. Instead I worked on what I already had on the needles. Here is my scarf:


As you can see, I made a mistake on a row but this time I could sort of fix it instead of starting over.

I also made a mistake on my hat but I just kept knitting. That is my motto: Just Keep Knitting. 😉