97 days until Vegas
16 days until the office party
10 days until the board exam
I’m not even worried about the office party right now. The board exam has me shaking in my boots. TEN DAYS!!!!!!! *$#@ me. AHHHHHHH
The outburst is over. Now onto my regularly scheduled entry: #NoShameDay. I retweeted a couple of my favorite tweets from Monday which was No Shame Day for mental illness/health. I was too ashamed to even tweet about my own mental illness…and no one even reads my tweets! (Actually two kinda big named local people follow me and I sometimes wonder what they think of my tweets if they ever see them). Anyway, I failed.
The stigma of mental illness is very real. When I was in the office it was so bad the manager had to get at least two people to stop calling me “crazy”. I’m not going to rehash everything (too painful especially when I have an office party coming up). Most of it is in the archive of this blog. Thank Buddha I work at home now. The stigma follows you everywhere. Well mainly at work is where I deal with it. Even when I was working at home, the coworkers warned a trainer about me.
One day I had a breakdown in my car. One coworker heard me and she mocked me for it! YES. That happened. I don’t think I ever blogged about that. Everything is kinda coming back to me right now. It was horrible. And I thought high school was bad…actually high school was bad. Very bad. Yeah people and I never mixed well.
I have social anxiety, depression and PTSD. I could not tweet that because I wondered what the famous local people would think of me. Lame, I know. Would they think I was crazy? Would they think I was a loser? Or “she probably has nothing. all that stuff is made up anyhow. ” etc. etc.
After the work experience, I know I would NEVER tell anyone at work anything. But social anxiety , depression and PTSD affects my behavior so what I am supposed to do?
I don’t know what to do. No wise words here. I just know that the stigma of mental illness hurts people. Some people don’t get help because of it. Some people commit suicide because of it. When you’re told you are “just weak” or “it doesn’t exist” or “just be happy”. ???? I don’t know what planet these people are living on. (A healthy, happy yet slightly delusional one. Ha!)
I guess the only thing I can say is to not be silent about mental illness. Don’t allow them to shame you. That only builds the stigma. Some people won’t like you for it. It makes them comfortable when we keep our mouths shut. They want to shame us into silence.