if I let go, I also lose myself

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Despite eating those gluten free vanilla cupcakes*, my weight stayed steady. I never thought I would be happy to see my weight as 134. What has happened? I feel like this can’t be real. (Oh when I put the phone down it went down to 134.6 thankyouverymuch).

*On Monday I said those wheat free cupcakes were okay. NO. They taste like crap without the frosting. I don’t think I will be trying gluten free bread or anything baked for a while. I’m even scared to try the pancakes. The only good wheat and gluten free foods I have found are Chex cereal, Van’s french toast and pizza crusts.

———–

I volunteered at the animal shelter on Friday. It was my second time. The first time must have been beginner’s luck because this past Friday was dismal. Dogs barking like crazy. Okay that is fine by itself. But add people to that. OVER STIMULATION. I was overwhelmed. I don’t want to go back. Way too many people were there and they were talking and hanging around. I might try one more time. I thought Fridays were safe because of my first experience. Now I don’t know if any day is safe. I stayed for an hour. I could not wait to leave. The dogs were sweet as usual.

————–

Part II of the self interview. (part I is here).

26. What’s something that amazes you?

A better question would be what does not amaze me. I’m amazed by people and usually not in a good way. To be positive, animal behavior fascinates me. All of it.

27. Do you prefer that people shoot straight with you or temper their words? Why?

Shoot straight. I like to know where things stand at all times.

28. Where’s your favourite place to take an out-of-town guest?

I don’t have guests. If I did, it would depend on their interest. I know where the best yoga studio is and the best park…

29. What’s one thing you’d rather pay someone to do than do yourself? Why?

Clean. Why? Because it makes me sick.

30. Do you have a catchphrase?

I say “so” a lot. I also say, “Are you serious?!” way too much.

31. What’s your reaction towards people who are outspoken about their beliefs? What conditions cause you to dislike or, conversely, enjoy talking with them?

I often wonder how they got confident.  I’m outspoken in this blog but not in real life. I admire these people if they have intelligent thoughts and aren’t just spewing what some politician or pundit said. Also, they can’t be loud or overbearing.

32. How and where do you prefer to study?

I’m an index card girl. I have to have my index cards and highlighters. I prefer studying in the morning. If it is warm enough, I love studying outside.

33. What position do you sleep in?

on my left side

34. What’s your all-time favourite town or city? Why?

Oh wow. I have to say Oaxaca City, Mexico. I can’t possibly explain why in a few sentences. It’s magical. It is a nice place to visit, not too touristy. And they they have the best handmade stuff. I also love the bread which makes me sad because if/when I go back, I won’t be able to eat the bread. (I’ll probably make an exception for Oaxaca).

35. What are the top three qualities that draw you to someone new?

honesty, passion, confidence (but not cockiness)

36. How has your birth order/characteristics of siblings affected you?

I’m only a year and 2 days younger than my sister. I don’t see an effect.

37. If you could eliminate one weakness or limitation in your life, what would it be?

my insecurity

38. If you could restore one broken relationship, which would it be?

Hard question and very personal. A friendship I had throughout junior high and high school. (I feel like that is the wrong answer).

39. If you had to change your first name, what would you change it to?

I like my first name but I wish I had a middle name. I would probably pick Michelle. Not sure…

40. Do you believe ignorance is bliss? Why or why not?

Hell no! Knowledge is power.

41. What do you consider unforgivable?

So many things but due to a piece I recently read, I’ll say people who know someone is sexually molesting someone but do nothing about it.

42. Have you forgiven yourself for past personal failures? Why or why not?

Nope. I feel like I have to SAY I’m sorry before I forgive myself even if it happened years ago.

43. How difficult is it for you to forgive someone who refuses to apologize?

Ha! Being hypocritical I would say it is very hard to forgive someone who doesn’t acknowledge they did something wrong. I don’t need an actual “I’m sorry”.

44. Do you hold any convictions that you would be willing to die for?

Yes: the right to kill myself.

45. To what extent do you trust people? Explain.

If someone lies to me once, I am weary. Hell even if someone doesn’t lie I don’t trust easily.

46. In what area of your life are you immature?

How about “in what area of your life are you mature”? lol. I’m socially immature. Obvs.

47. What was the best news you ever received?

EVER? That’s a tough question. The call I received about being able to rent my current house was great.

48. How difficult is it for you to be honest, even when your words may be hurtful or unpopular?

In my blog it is very easy. In 3D life, I try to be aware of others feelings. I never want to be the one to get someone else in trouble.

49. When did you immediately click with someone you just met? Why? What was the long term result? Conversely, are you close with anyone now that you really disliked at first?

It has been a loooong time since I’ve clicked with someone.

50. When do you find yourself singing?

Only occasionally in my car.

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