here I am in my shame spiral

I have found something else I’m not good at: showing apartments. LOL. What a shocker. I’m going to be blunt: As a asocial person, I find many social people to be very needy. I roll my eyes when they complain about a cashier not smiling at them. Really???! These people need problems.

I try to understand them but some of their complaints I find insignificant. I’m so sorry Sue didn’t smile at you. AT LEAST YOU CAN TALK or whatevs. It drives me nuts. I’m sure they would find some of the same things I complain about silly because they have no idea what it is like to be asocial in this world.

And I have problems understanding why they need everyone to be nice. I just want people to do their job…and not be cruel. Social versus asocial. We live in different worlds. Sometimes we must come together. Well they rarely have to come to us. We must go to them. We must assimilate.

/end rant

———–

So I only showed my apartment to two people. One man, one woman. The woman was very easy to talk to. There weren’t many awkward moments. (Anything with be having to talk will be a little awkward). BUT then what I feared would happen happened. My neighbor came home as she was leaving. She talked to her AFTER I left  for who knows how long.(She wanted to know about guest parking and since I never had guests, I didn’t have good enough answers for her). So who knows what was said. I know my neighbor called me crazy or something. I never did anything besides rarely staying there and not talking.  Well that ends that. Thanks a lot!  Shocking that I have never heard from her again. She seemed really interested.

My neighbor didn’t get to poison the other guy. He wants to give me a decision over the weekend. Fine. Whatever. I would just pay for the apartment to avoid all this if I could afford it. I don’t know what to do. I did just re-post the aid with June rent free.

I’ve just had it. I wish I could find a company that would find someone for me. I know I would have to pay but I’d do anything to get rid of that apartment.

The apartment isn’t the only thing bugging me but it is a huge issue because I can’t afford it. Obvs.

I’m so overwhelmed. My week off from work starts June 10. I can’t wait. It would be nice if my apartment was rented by then but if not I would get more time to show it. A park is 3 minutes away from where I now live and I haven’t been there yet. I’m dying to go. If no one wants to see the apartment on either Saturday or Sunday, I’m going.

It isn’t like I wasn’t going “crazy” in the apartment. I was staying in motels because my hypervigilance was causing major freak outs. I expect some people to see me moving on as a choice. No. No. No.

BLARRRRRRRRRRRRRGHHHHHHHHHH!

/end rant for real this time

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