I just ran out of band aids

The kids being out of school for spring break is soooooooooooo much worse than I thought it would be. I didn’t expect my neighbor on the right to have his kid(s) at home too. And they are young, loud, and obnoxious. I didn’t get much sleep last night. They probably went to bed at around 1AM. Who lets a 5 year old stay up that late and run up and down the stairs and bang stuff? Them. Another thing that bothers me is,  they aren’t teaching their kids about respecting others. I bet these kids will grow up to be bad neighbors.

FUCK.

Hours after I typed the above, I relapsed. But here’s the thing: I won’t be able to afford to relapse anymore. This is a time when having friends would be awesome. HAHA. Yes I booked a hotel for two nights. I justified it in my mind because I knew this was the only way I could work. “All I wanna do is my work”, I say in my best whiny voice. I’m way behind.

So obviously this can’t continue. (for $$ reasons). I love staying in hotels and would gladly do it if I could afford it. I could have done so much with this money. 😦 There is no point in crying about that now. The real issue is WTF am I going to do in the summer? Everyone else but me is looking forward to the summer. I’m worried about how often the boy(s) will be there. I can’t sleep. I don’t eat. I barely get any work done….

More on this later. I’m really concerned about the money issue. I CAN’T AFFORD THIS ANYMORE.

———–

The following was supposed to be its own entry. I’ll do a shortened version of this topic:

I cried in therapy for the first time in over a year. Thinking about my past is never pleasant. Those motherfuckers robbed me of my life. They won! I don’t know what they are doing now but it probably involves 2.5 kids so in America’s eyes – they won.

If anyone should be an anti-bullying activist, it should be me. It was every single day. It ruined me. It made me, ME. All you see and read is because of their abuse. I just want people to take it seriously because bullying/teasing killed me. I’m dead.

———

I just got back from the pool. The water was cold! I jogged around for about 20 minutes. I’m going to take a nap now….because I can.

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