second chance

I’m free to type! I am doing what I used to do on NYE – get a hotel room. I’m at the Sheraton and get this I only paid $8.00 for this room. I had a free night from hotels.com so I used it.

I’ve been obsessing over a lot of things including suicide. I was going to do it Sunday night but I keep thinking about my mom. We had three deaths in the family within a very short period of time recently. I can’t do this now. Basically I’m only living for her and that sucks. :/

The only thing that would save me is money. To be specific: $200,000. Well if I could get the money in 4 months or less, $100k would do. After that my credit will be ruined so I would need more.

How much can a person get for selling their virginity? Oh shut up and do the smart thing: kill yourself. Your life is OVER. Except that and do it. Just do it.

But this, but that. blah, blah, blah.

I have been eating one meal a day. I’m not even hungry. I’m going to lose weight quickly. I hope I don’t get below 100lbs. That would scare me.

I won’t blog about it much more. Just know that it is always on my mind these days. Will I have the courage to do it? If my mom weren’t alive, I’d be dead right now. That I know for sure. I’m so close to doing it. “3 deaths in the family. How would your mom feel?” Wash & repeat.

It sucks.

So that is enough of that. Project Life post coming soon if I can actually post the post. I pick up my photos tomorrow.

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