I won’t let the weather steal all of my thunder

I’m not eating. That’s okay. I’m no longer underweight. I now weigh about 127lbs. I could (and probably will) lose ten pounds and be okay. Sleep is okay sometimes. It just depends on when my neighbor wakes up. I am sleeping on the floor though. I am also working on the floor. Why can’t I just work on my laptop? Then I would go to a place with wi-fi and work there a couple of days a week but I can’t.

I’m too scared to eat, cook, type, move etc. This is currently my life.  I’ve been thinking about suicide – wishing it were an option which is more sad to me than being suicidal. It will be an option in time. If I haven’t found a way to travel the world by then.

I’ve lived like this before. Hopefully it won’t get that bad. Well I wasn’t afraid to eat then.

I’m hoping this is because my neighbor has been home due to the holidays. PLEASE GO BACK TO WORK. :/ I hope he isn’t like some of my managers who won’t be going back until January. I’ll go meltdown crazy. I just need some relief during the day.

So the fear goes away…temporarily. I knew this was a possibility when I moved. A strong possibility. I had a plan in place. Unfortunately that plan involves the floor and is not foolproof.

Needless to say I’m doing bad with the word LESS. The only thing I’m doing less of is surfing the net.

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