guardian

Wednesday is my only day off for the move. 1 day. I really wish I had this Friday or next Monday off. (I’m moving this Saturday). I have so much to do. One day will not do it.

I saw my drug dealer yesterday. He said he wants to take me off Abilify to see how it goes. I’m all for it. But right now is probably a bad time for a couple of reasons. #1 being the foreclosure. The mental toll that will take…ack! #2: I haven’t been taking Abilify everyday. I only took it everyday for the first month or so. It only takes a week to work. That is why it is the best medicine EVER! I was suicidal, depressed, going crazy, almost dead etc. But Abilify saved me in less than 2 weeks. Then I started taking it sporadically. That is what I’m doing now.

I don’t think stopping Abilify will be a huge deal but what if I get really depressed again? I am trying to take it everyday since everything is just so much right now. Okay, I’m sucking at trying. I forget and I don’t want to get it refilled. I suck. I’m going to make myself take it everyday for the next two weeks to see what happens. I just feel like I will need all the help in the world with this living in a new place thing.

I have lived on my own for at least 7 years so I don’t know why it feels so new. I’m actually scared. It is probably because I haven’t lived in an apartment for 5+ years. I would feel much more secure living in a house. But that ain’t happening so…

The other thing I’m scared of is ——–. I can’t even say it! I had an incident when I was under 2 years old. It scarred me for life (obvs). If that is an issue in the apartment, woe is me. I wouldn’t know what to do. There are three things people in apartments complain about. Noise, maintenance, and this. “This” is what I won’t mention. I cannot live with “this”. I do have a plan in mind if that is an issue. The problem is that it doesn’t always work in apartments.

I just did it. Step 1 in the process of a foreclosure. I called the bank to stop payment. 😦 😦 I had no idea that costs money but it does: $30. Should I have called the mortgage company and told them to stop taking money? See, I have no idea what I’m doing. ARGH!!!!!! Stress fest.

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