starts with goodbye

I finally called the leasing office. I found out how much base rent is. Why did she say base rent? Does that mean it could be more with a washer and dryer that I did not ask for? I hope not. My rent and car payment is more than 50% of what I make. That may be normal but it isn’t ideal. Right now, I’m just glad I have a paycheck! I don’t sign the lease until the day I move in which is causing me slight problems because I’m not moving myself – I wish!!! That would be nice if I could carry a sofa on my own. lol.

At the end of the call, the leasing agent/manager told me my place is going to be really pretty. If she only knew that that is the least of my concerns. 10 more phone calls to go…..

———–

Me: I’m kind of stuck.

Counselour: No you aren’t-well yeah, you are stuck!

O g-d. Thanks for that. 🙂 I already know that. Then she tried to give me alternatives. I had already thought of those and they aren’t too great. Stuck. Yeah.  First she gives the standard “Of course you aren’t stuck” answer because that is how they are trained but then she considered my situation and well…LOL. I have one more great therapy quote:

You could invite some friends….Well we don’t have friends. Do we?

ROFL. No I don’t have any friends. I don’t mention this fact often because I don’t want people thinking I want friends. (How does that come across? hahahah). She often forgets I don’t have friends. She’ll ask me who I went somewhere with etc. If I were well off enough to have friends, I probably wouldn’t be in a therapist office.  A while ago I read on a message board the following: “I don’t understand how it is possible for a person not to have ANY friends”. I sooooo wanted to respond but I didn’t.

I hear normal adults talk all the time about how hard it is to make friends as adults so I don’t know why someone would find that so hard to believe. I think most people would find this an embarrassing thing to admit because they think it will reflect badly on them. I mean, I wouldn’t want to admit this to a stranger I just met because they would wonder WTF is wrong with you? But it is a hard thing to hide if a friendless person is trying to make friends or date…unless the person is new in town. Then they can always pretend to have friends back home.

I’m going on a tangent. My point is that I think there are more people without real friends than people know.

————–

I’m so scared about moving. But this is nothing compared to how I think I will feel once I have to stay there. TERROR. I have to get my mind right before that so I’m reading The 10 Best-Ever Anxiety Management Techniques: Understanding How Your Brain Makes You Anxious and What You Can Do to Change It by Margaret Wehrenberg (Longest. Title. Ever.) I will do anything she says besides deep breathing. My nausea is back and that makes it worse for whatever reason. I can and do do it when my nausea isn’t bad. My therapist recommended the book and it also has great reviews. I’m 6% way through the book. Yay me.

I’m also reading A Piece of Cake: A Memoir. It makes me question ever wanting to be a social worker. Maybe it is better now but I can’t imagine how hard it must be to leave hundreds of kids with foster parents you know aren’t good people but you can’t prove it. (Or worse: they are too burned out to care). Her story breaks my heart. Her first foster “parent” allowed a guy to rape her at age 11…more than once! 😦

I know there are many good foster parents. I’m not at all saying they are all bad. Of course not. I would like to think the system is so much better now but I’m probably only fooling myself.

—————

I have something else embarrassing to admit. This might even be worse than the no friends thing so brace yourself. I did something for the very first time yesterday: I held an iPad! Not an iPad mini but a real iPad. (No offense to the mini, I would gladly have you). I know I’m extremely late. I even went to the Apple store in NYC a couple of years ago and didn’t hold much of anything much less an iPad. That place was so crowded, I basically entered in one door and exited out the other.

I held one. It was a great experience, almost spiritual. I was actually giddy. I’ll stop. This is so embarrassing!

———–

I moved my frogs and betta in together. No major fights so that is a good thing. I will post pics of their new home later. They do have confrontations. Sometimes Storm (the betta fish) will get pissed when one of the frogs gets in his way. He is also flaring a lot. That concerns me for health reasons – although some say it is fine – and does it mean he is unhappy in his new home?  Of course I don’t want that. I am concerned with the frogs eating or lack thereof. If only they could see better, this wouldn’t be an issue. For now I’m keeping them together.

Well I’m off to the furniture store to look at assembled furniture. I’m not sure whether I’m buying anything or not.

Project Life post coming up soon!

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