throwing empty words my way

Sometimes I just have to blog it out.

Ugh, I’m sick of being sick. I’ve been in bed reading for the past couple of days. I think I’ve just drank too much coffee since my Mexico trip. Or I have an ulcer and it is flaring. I was fine for a whole week after Mexico so I’m pretty sure it isn’t that. No more coffee for me. 😦 I had already cut back big time but then Mexico happened and I drank it daily there and weekly when I got back. Could coffee really be making me this sick?  Nothing over the counter is really working for the pain but I may be taking the wrong things.

———

The bead show was underwhelming. It was great that they had low priced beads and really expensive beads. It was a show for every bead lover but I expected and wanted something different. Now I’m thinking I should have gotten wire, yarn, cord etc. All I brought was beads and charms.

bead show fun

That is about 50% of what I brought. There were so many stores there. It was a little overwhelming. I overheard a lot of people saying that. (Overwhelming as in “where do I begin?”)

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It is hard to blog here right now because of a.) all the stuff going on & b.) I feel a little dishonest not blogging about EVERYTHING here. So what do I say? I can’t even write about it in my paper journal so there’s no way to blog about it here.

I will say that this house stuff is causing me deep anxiety and some depression. Now I’m wishing I had advice. Am I doing the right thing? It isn’t like I have the “right” people to talk about this stuff to. I am looking into this free money counseling program so I might have someone to talk to. I so don’t feel like going over my life story but I will. The short story is that I have a house with an interest only loan in a bad neighborhood that won’t sell. What should I do? I only have until the end of November. (anxiety!). Yeah, I definitely need to talk to someone.

Dying.

Then there are the issues of where I am living now. Some of it is my fault. Some of it is no one’s fault. It is just circumstances. But I’m feeling guilty and I don’t want to get into all that now.

Oh yeah, I haven’t heard back about the townhouse. UGH. Just the thought of moving is causing me stress. They called me once to find out if moving in December would be okay. I said “yes”. But now they are running my credit  I guess (which is excellent right now) and doing a background check (no crimes). I know once they find out I own a house, they will say no. I guess I’m hoping they won’t find out. That would be extremely lucky. I’m just surprised that I haven’t heard anything in 3 days. It doesn’t take that long to do a background check. Please at least call me or email me to tell me No.

I feel so dumb for paying an application fee…especially if they say no. That was stupid and a waste of money. 😦

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