You’ll never see

So yeah,  I’m a Chris Hayes fan. 🙂 What is there not to like? He is the smartest human on earth, he likes all kinds of music,  and he is a sports fan. That is the perfect person. hah. I’m still on cloud nine. We had four interactions…I think. Who’s really counting? (ME!) Chris answering my questions really made my day.  I know people must have been rolling their eyes at my stupid sports and music questions but that is what interests me. Plus he talks about politics and policy all the time.

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Yeah after finding out my job is probably going to outsourced, I needed a pick me up. REALLY BAD. Sigh.

Sucks to be me. oh g-d, this sucks. really sucks.

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I thought I would blog because I’m really angry about how people with social anxiety are treated in society. Where are our retreats? Where is our help? I would love to help people out…but I need help. LOL. I have social anxiety. It is on the extreme end. *I* can’t be the person. So who gives a shit? Is anyone going to do something?

Oh right, no one cares about people at the bottom. People have their own problems. blah, blah, blah. I just see this big opportunity and no one is doing anything. They could be making money. People with social anxiety tend not to make a lot of money (or are unemployed) because they have social anxiety. So an expensive retreat won’t do. I would so go to a social anxiety retreat NOW…before I lose my job. But I can’t pay much. You know job being outsourced and all.

I know someone can do something. The person would have to be well versed in social anxiety. They can’t think it is shyness. SA is not simply shyness. I am shy and I have SA. Yeah, double fucking whammy. I must be blessed.

I’m so worked up right now. I want to shake people. DO SOMETHING. SA is debilitating. Do you know how many of these people can’t get a job (economy doesn’t matter)? A life coach and a retreat could be beneficial. We need to be with other people like us. I could set up a meeting but I’m not talking. That’s not a joke. No. Me don’t talk to humans.That’s where the life coach or counselor comes in.

I’m asking the people who do talk to help us. Offer your services. If it is on the east coast and I have the means I’ll be there. I know a lot of people with SA would be terrified to go so this wouldn’t help everyone. But maybe some of us will be transformed (okay  maybe one person out of the group…) and be able to help others.

I just hate how we are overlooked. In America, we can’t get disability. I don’t want to NOT WORK. I would be more depressed and suicidal.

I’m at the end of my rope. I put in 12+ years in the workforce. It has been so hard. If I lose this job, I want to die. Last night I wanted to kill myself. Not now but when/if I lose my job. I’ve given this life a fight and I’m done. This world wasn’t made for people with social anxiety.

Unfortunately I can’t just kill myself. I don’t want to get into why but I wish I could. I don’t have kids. I should be able to kill myself but I feel obligated to stay for one reason. Just one reason. But I don’t want to fight anymore. I’ve fought for everything I have. I’m tired. I’m done.

Why isn’t there help for us? Why are we overlooked. These are rhetorical questions. I know why. I’m just sick of it.

Social Darwinism.

I feel like I’m yelling into a barrel because hardly anyone gets it…except US.

If there was something I could do to help others, I would. If anyone with SA is reading this, there may be a support group in your area. I live in a good sized city and there is nothing where I live.

Edited to add: This all came about after seeing an awesome life coach led retreat on TV prior to posting all this.

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Off topic: I just want to say again that I do not read my @s on Twitter because I’m scared. That’s really it. I don’t want to see mean tweets from strangers. I’m sorry if I’ve missed nice tweets. I don’t check. So if you’ve tweeted me and/or followed me and I have said nothing, it is because I don’t check who is following me. I just tweet when I have something to say that can be said in 140 characters. I do follow a lot of news and sports people. That is how I get my news. It isn’t personal.

Wow long twitter rant. sorry.

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