I forgive you?

I’m about to go nuts. Not nuts like I would like. I would love to go all Dexter on some peeps but you know…I’m a coward. Nuts for some REAL food. haha. I’ve been eating fucking apples. Yes I know there are people who can’t afford apples or even have clean water but let me vent. Sigh. I dunno. I had one meal today which isn’t good but today was a strange day. I went to work at noon. Then I went to a pilates class. Now I’m not hungry but I’m bitter about the food situation.

Yeah, that makes no sense.

Pilates…OMG. That crap is hard. I thought I could do it because I’ve followed DVDs etc. But this women’s class was hardcore. &^$% I may have lost my punch card and then I won’t be allowed back in for 19 more classes. I hope I find it. Anyhow, I don’t know if my problem is simply a fitness one or if it is the scoliosis. Scoliosis even affects my yoga so………once again: I dunno.

I am sort of proud of myself for trying new things. I’ve done 5+ classes of yoga, one zumba class and one pilates class in 2011. And I think yoga is the one I want to stick with. I know. I know. It depends on the instructor. I need a smallish class with an instructor who will DO the poses instead of SAY the poses. I think I can get yoga down. Zumba is kinda okay. 🙂 I just don’t enjoy the dancing in front of people part so much.

Back to pilates: The instructor was great. She knew two of us were new. There were only 4 people in the class! It felt weird because I was the new girl before the other new girl showed up late. They were talking about how close they were. AWKWARD…for this socially inept girl who just wants to do pilates. lol.

I doubt I go back to pilates since they don’t have a beginner’s class. 😦 They only have mixed classes so what am I supposed to do? Besides try yoga. Again. They do have a spin class that looked interesting but I don’t know. It was full so I guess I would have to be there early.

FOOD: I love, love salads but my body does not like eating salads everyday. That sucks. I think I’m going to keep making and eating them to see if my body will get used to it. The taco salad was the best. I ate it for three days straight. Now I’m just eating regular salad or cabbage with chicken or fish for dinner. That’s fine but I’m still having problems with the breakfast/lunch thing. Well at least I know I haven’t gained any weight.

I don’t know how much I weigh now. The scale at the gym said 121 pounds at first and then after I lifted weights it read 123 TWICE. So I have no clue. (Um, somewhere in between??)  I really don’t want to do the scale thing but it was sorta there and since I’m small to begin with, that seems that best way to track my weight. I know this sounds nuts but I really want to weigh 115. But I’ll take 118. No anorexic jokes please. I’m not unhappy at my current weight but if I were to gain more and more, hell yeah I would be disappointed with myself.

I have so much stuff to do tonight. I am never going into work late again. It sucks my time.

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