If I have to

I’m only “living” right now because my mom is alive. But sometimes I think this is all too much to do just because of one person. Yeah, she would be devasted.  But I’m not really alive…mostly due to her. That is not the point, at all.

Just saying.

I wish I would die tonight. Death is the ultimate joy. Truth is I resent my mom for a few reasons and not being able to kill myself is one. But I could do it…I’m a coward. But on days like today I think I should really kill myself.

No point in talking about it since I won’t do it. Parents really can fuck you up. haha. My only laugh of the day.

She’s already killed me so why not just really end it? I have a conscious. fuck me. I wish I didn’t care.

Maybe I’ll get into a car accident. Or something…there’s hope, right??????????? Other people are dying when it should be me.

I’m sooooooooooooooooo not fishing for comments. I just had to vent somewhere other than on twitter. I feel guilty when  I tweet a lot. I don’t even know if I have any followers. I used to. I stopped checking about 6 months ago. Okay, wierd ramble.

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