someone wake me up

I feel so bad. Or should I say felt because it is getting better. I learned years ago that feeling bad solves NOTHING. But I do have feelings. LOL. Here’s what happened: I walked out of the counselor’s office without paying. Ugh, I have to go back there!!! (well not really but youknowhwatimean) I waited for 15 minutes BEFORE the appointment to pay and then 45 minutes AFTER the appointment. I was so angry. I just walked out. I don’t think I stormed out. And thank g-d, there was a way to walk that didn’t involve passing the receptionist area. That would have been too awkward for me.

If I didn’t have to go back to work, I would have waited. If I had the day off, I would have waited. But I had to go back to work. I had to make up all that time. Have I mentioned how much I hate making up time? I guess I should expect a check in the mail or are they just going to make me pay the next time I show up? Am I going to be arrested?

I have calmed down a lot now. Before I was humiliated and mad at myself…but seriously I had to go back to work.
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Zumba is tomorrow. It will be my first class. I watched a Youtube video of people doing Zumba and that did not make me want to go. I do love latin music though. It could be fun. I hope it is fun.
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I rarely look forward to therapy. But today I did because I wanted to share my moving plan with her. The only problem I have with my counselor is that she ignores one of my main problems. That is one of my pet peeves – when people ignore things because they have no idea how to help. Uh, don’t ignore it. She is a professional!! She is kinda over trying to make me social…I think. I couldn’t keep seeing her if she kept forcing something I don’t have a lot of interest in.

Anyhow, it is a major bummer that the whole plan is based on whether I can get my cat into a carrier…I know that is not happening. I tried for 2+ hours once. She isn’t your typical cat. She was climbing the walls in the vet office. They couldn’t even get her. I have tried EVERYTHING. I cannot move until I somehow get the cat to the shelter. No, I am not happy about this but I have to move. I’m at my wit’s end.

My counselor mentioned that maybe moving into a townhouse might take 3 years. Uh, can I take 3 years of living at my moms? 😉 No REALLY the issue is: Will I have the same job I have now in 3 years?? I don’t think I can wait that long. I may have to settle for a lower priced townhouse just to ensure I have a job. The good thing is that I searched for lower priced townhomes I know I could be approved for (once my house sells) and I found 1 or 2 beauties!

So yeah the more I save the better but if I lose my job…the bank won’t lend me the money to buy the townhouse. So I’m not waiting for longer than I have to.

SIGH. Unknown factors…………………….I do know that the best time to buy is NOW so if I could get something in 18 months awesome. BUT I sorta have to sell my house first. SCREAM.

Unlike today at the doctor’s office, I will be patient. I have to be. Every decision I’ve made on a whim has been bad.

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