it’s a trap

When I first wrote this entry during my late lunch break, it felt cathartic. Now all I feel is, “I have to do this all over again tomorrow and the next day…” (I had to edit this entry a lot because I wrote it like a paper journal entry):

Why is it always so hard? I know the answer. Because people are different. Most of the people I’m dealing with on the phone don’t go on and on with questions. There are two groups of people. I would DIE if I had to deal with group A. So they put me in group B. About 30% of my coworkers only deal with group B. The others deal with A & B. I would have a nervous breakdown if I had to deal with both. I think my coworkers think that has already happen but I digress….The first call went okay – not smooth but okay. I didn’t give all the info because I’m not a seasoned rep. But I helped her enough. She had to prompt me to much because I didn’t know what to say.

The second call. OMG! I confirmed things I wasn’t 100% sure about. Nothing major. We learned that they don’t really need this info. But they ask for some reason (probably because someone over them, makes them?) I want to get it right. I was just sick of sounding unconfident and saying, “uhhhhh” and “uhhhhhhhhhhhhhh….let me check.” I said that too her at least 5 times. Embarrassing. UGH.

The third call was a total disaster. She asked me more questions than any new person would be able to handle. Damn, I probably should have told her I was new in the beginning but the beginning went okay so it didn’t occur to me. It would have eliminated a lot of stress. But she went on and on. My mind went into overload. I wasted an hour on looking for those answers. Anyhow, maybe asking for 3 normal calls is too much??? But I can’t even handle the “normal calls” (yet). URGH!!!! I’m so frustrated. I was not train properly and neither were my other coworkers.

I was thinking of killing myself at work – not in the office but in another room. I thought about talking to my boss. AGAIN. Rofl. What a waste of time that is. Quitting is the same as killing myself so…

Doom and gloom. I will have a better tomorrow? I can’t make a statement. 🙂 This is me taking 3 – 4 calls. Can you imagine during it all day? Well I would spend a lot of it crying in a private space so it really wouldn’t be all day. And that’s not fair, right? You normal people! URGH. I won’t go there. They act like they worked for their social skills but it was handed to them on a silver platter. Okay, I went there. I know some of my coworkers did work on their social skills. 1% of them. Bleh.

And it’s not just the work. It’s the environment. The supervisor called me a character from the Jetsons (loved that show!) – in a derogatory manner, of course. Fuck you. I love people. There was so much just social people doing shit that they don’t realize they do. Like talk and laugh at people. Hello? I’m not going there. Really.

Me in a call center environment is like me being in a mall for 12 hours. The mall is crowded. And there are lots of hyper kids around. The teens look at my outfit and laugh. The adults just annoy me. I can feel the stress through osmosis. That is the worst thing about being an introvert.

I don’t go to malls.

And then I start thinking about how different we really are. They wouldn’t be talking about me this way if they understood. If they could FEEL the stress. If 10% of them understood…if they had an ounce of empathy. The only time I feel that I am one with the human race is when I’m not around them for a while.

This sucks. Phones suck.

I also wrote about Leslie Frazier but this entry is long enough so I’ll type that up when I have nothing to say. When I have a good day. Maybe Sunday? 😉 No it isn’t about sports.

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