all work, no play

I dropped one class – the two credit class. On a whim I thought why not drop 2 classes (5 credits) so I started with that. There was a glitch. The system started back at the beginning. I’m a big sign person. So of course I thought that meant something. Thus I’m only getting a check for one class. Even thought it was only 2 credits, I expected more money back with fees, taxes etc. Oh well, I can’t wait to get that check. It should be in my hands in 3 weeks.

I’m bummed that our company won’t let us work on December 24 BUT they will let us work on December 25 for regular pay. No overtime unless I somehow work 8 hours during the week. I don’t have the stamina for that. Trust me, the need is there. So yes I will be working on Xmas. I’ll probably work 6-8 hours. I can think of worse things to do and better things like SLEEPING.

I feel like I disappointed management by not working this past Saturday to make up for my lock out of the house day. I don’t really care….LOL…Well I kinda do. However, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve done things just to please them. And I’m an extremely loyal person (to a fault) but I know these companies aren’t loyal to their employers. So I’ve stopped feeling bad. The only reason why I didn’t work this past Saturday was because it was my only “Do nothing/Go nowhere” weekend in a looong time. I’d been counting on that since early November.

I’m working 8 hours for the first time this Saturday. I usually try to make it short so I can do chores and REST.

I’m going to see my therapist next week for the first time in about 2 months. Since it has been so long I need to have a plan. So much has happened. I don’t want to rehash the past two months. I want to talk about what is going on NOW. I definitely need a plan. I think I want to go the PTSD route. The books on social anxiety are too um, tame. I have something stronger (Okay I have SA, general anxiety, an avoidant personality, PTSD and a touch of OCD). I’m going to start working on my PTSD workbook tonight to see if it is relevant and if it is, I’m going to take that to the therapist office. Otherwise I have a lot of material 😉 but
just thinking about these past two months is overwhelming. Mainly THE PHONES happened.

I really think PTSD is my main problem. Every time I go into a social situation I go back to my childhood/teenage years. I act like I’m 10 in those situations. I appear 10 years old. I’ve also thought for a long time that PTSD is what indirectly killed Janis Joplin. I confirmed it with myself after I read a bio on her last year. I was a psych/business major (How cliché!). I can’t help it.

This is why I’m so glad that bullying is being brought to the forefront. We were just whining, right? Unfortunately it took many beautiful people to kill themselves before anyone would listen. The average looking people weren’t on the cover of People magazine but yes, they committed suicide too. Sigh. Are people finally getting it? No not everyone is bullied/teased. Then you have to take into account their support system. If the kids don’t have a support system, wow. I’m definitely not the poster child for It Gets Better (LOL!) but it does get better, the average person has more choices when you grow up. (By average I mean no major mental or physical illnesses or dire circumstances like domestic abuse – I’m always thinking that way – psych major.)

PMSing today. I wanted to kill people who looked in my direction. GO AWAY!!!!!! The people and the PMS.

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