OK, It’s Alright with Me

Woohoo! I’m at home on a Saturday watching college football. No overtime today since I had a day off this week. In the past that would not have stopped me. I still would have worked overtime for regular pay. But now with office politics involved…I have to force myself to work OT. I am going to school in January. And I need money for possible car and house repairs. I’m in severe denial about repairs at the moment.

But I shouldn’t be home enjoying football. I have errands to run. I have almost no food in the fridge (that’s the norm). I have to go to the library. And my dad is coming tomorrow. *&%# I swear, I sooo don’t need anything extra going on but no one cares about how I FEEL so…whatever.

I was scanning a book by the Dalai Lama last night. One thing he said really resonated with me. I was about to accept that I hate JNx. LOL. Just accept it right? Anyway so I did. I wrote about how I hated her in my paper journal. Then I came across what the DL had to say:

Focusing on someone so much is like meditating on them.

Yuck! I don’t want to meditate on her. So hating her is out. Haha. People in love do it with their SO. It’s not just hatred. Anyhow being angry at someone can just be a habit. I try to be aware but with work stuff it is hard. JNx is doing stuff – daily so when it comes to her, I can’t just say “That’s in the past”. Because she does it every day. Sometimes it may be only a couple of times a day (heh) and sometimes it is once an hour.

I’m working through all this. All I know is that I no longer will have her in my mind long enough to hate her.

From this moment onwards
Until I attain enlightment
I shall not harbor harmful thoughts,
Anger, avarice, or envy.

-Shantideva

I’m not a Buddhist but I’m so grateful for this um, practice (?) for saving me. I had another bad Friday. Now I’m working on impermanence and as of last night NOT meditating on anyone.

————
I ordered two of my books for school last night! I was so OCD about it. I’m not exaggerating. I was and am still worried that I brought the wrong books. I must have checked 10 times and I’m still unsure. I brought them used (even though new was just $10 more) so it’s not like I will be able to return them if I find out in 4 weeks, I ordered the wrong books. Eventually I just had to click purchase.

Anyone who thinks textbooks are expensive just needs to buy them at Amazon. Even the new books are always cheaper than the school bookstore. I brought two books for $80. I used to pay that much for one book when I was at the university (back in 2001 – heh). I really hope no one is wasting money by buying them for more from the college. Trust me, new or used: It is cheaper at Amazon!

I couldn’t buy all my books because some teachers haven’t said what book they are using. Besides I don’t know if I’m taking 3 classes or 4. It sorta depends on what happens with any repair stuff.

Oh well, it is cool in my house. I can hear the wind blowing outside. Yeah, I really want to go out today. Am I the only person who doesn’t go out when it is cold (57 degrees – haha) unless it is necessary?

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