no sweet surrender

I am going to post pictures galore of my trip tomorrow. Well since this is an anonymous blog, there won’t be that many since I can’t most pics with me in them. Heh. I do have some I want to share. I don’t feel like getting them off my camera now and I want to rant anyway…

I was angry today when I found out my estranged dad (parents divorced when I was 11 – never really talked to him) is coming earlier than I thought. I have other things to do so now I have the clean a space for him. Without being too dramatic, everything is ruined. Ruined. Thanks. I hate being taken advantage of.

Maybe I’m not friendly because I don’t want friends? That seems so obvious. LOL. Genius! People who aren’t friendly, don’t want friends. That isn’t really true, of course. Some people are shy* etc. etc. But for me it’s like if I am friendly to someone than I have to do the social crap that I despise. And I don’t have the energy to even be what most people would want. I’m doing people a favor by not talking to them. I just wish they got it. Or knew…Hello? You aren’t missing out. I’m not that great. Get over me! 😉

*I’m shy, an introvert and a loner.

So I’m thinking of just being myself when my dad comes. I’m thinking about just being myself when my dad comes. I was that last time for the most part but sometimes I faked it. Not this time. I don’t enjoy humans in my space. At all. So BEWARE. I’m going to be ME.

Why don’t I have roommates? Because I wouldn’t do that to another human being. Having roommates/friends makes life easier. And I’m all about getting any edge I can get. I would love to save $$ on rent so I could save up for a trip to Central America.

I know I’m rambling. I know what I want to do with my life! I want to travel around Mexico and Central America. I want to take pictures, admire handmade crafts and visit the beaches. Work? What work?

This thing with my dad is pissing me off so much that a bank didn’t own “my house”, I would plan to be living in Panama in 3 years or less. Debt is slavery. Everything else I can see myself getting out of. Car? Sell it ASAP (if I were moving to another country that is). But this house…is such a nightmare. I’m stuck here. Even if the economy was normal, I would still owe a money to the bank if I could sell it. But that is the least of my problems. I’ll lose money. LOL. I don’t care about that.

This was supposed to be an angry rant but I took a nap and calmed down. Sorry.

On edit: Okay, my cat is bugging me. I’m ticked off again. Why don’t people get it? Everyone isn’t like you. There are people who LOVE living alone and the last thing they want is another human in their place. Alone does not = lonely. Study Buddhism. One of the things often said is that a person okay being alone is okay with him/herself. The people who constantly need someone??? Hmmmmmmmmmm….Anyhow, there are some people who really don’t desire companionship. Yes this is all targeted at the one person who will never read this.


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