The War of My Life

I can’t win. I know that. There is no pleasing them. I can’t stand the taunts. It is constant. I’m always waiting for the next one. Always wondering, “When is it going to stop?” When do they get tired? Obviously they don’t know that I sit on the bed on Monday morning dreading having to be around them. THEY HAVE WON. You win. What more do they want? Me to commit suicide and leave their names in my death note? Cuz I will….

Anyhow, I just finished listing my Ebay items for the month. It took forever with my connection. I hope it is worth it.

My goals have changed a lot from my last entry. I’m NEVER doing over-time for them (long story). So I’ve got to make this school thing work somehow. I was feeling bad today because I know that getting a part-time job is not an option for me and it has nothing to do with the economy. Nothing. What kind of job can I do? No retail. No waitressing or bartending.

That is depressing.

I went to the library and checked out some books…even fiction which I haven’t touched in about 6 months. I also checked out a book about suicide and Asperger’s. It’s funny. Shouldn’t people who think suicide is the most selfish thing be reading that book? And people who have no idea what Asperger’s is read that book. WHY AM I READING THESE BOOKS? Why don’t others want to become enlightened? I’ve read books on a lot of topics that I can’t relate to directly. I guess I’m just curious.

In my ideal world, all people would want to learn about others. Then maybe we wouldn’t judge each other so harshly.

Oh well. I had a different idea when I started this entry….



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