A soul to dig the hole much deeper

ON EDIT: Case in point – I was describing the concert to the people who didn’t go and guess what? My exact words ended up on John’s official website. I swear, they read everything. If they are reading this (oh, god)…I’m erasing some of my John comments that are not anonymous. Geez. I’m not offended, just shocked. Carry on to my entry:

It was strange. Within his first 2 minutes on stage, he looked directly into my eyes. He wasn’t scanning the crowed. He just looked. He also looked again maybe 3 minutes later. And then that was it…with the direct “I’m watching you” looks. But there were a few other glances but not direct. I know he saw me foolishly singing along to his version of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing”. I didn’t expect him to look at me at all. I wasn’t in the front 3 rows, I was in row 8! But I really, really, really wanted it. I have never, ever wanted eye contact from ANYONE even my favorite musicians (and I’ve been to a lot of concerts).

I didn’t smile. I sorta froze. I just hope I wasn’t frowning which is my natural look. LOL. In that instant (after the shock), I regretted every bad thing I ever said about him. I never called him a do.uche or anything. I would never. 🙂 But I’ve said things real fanatics can say…things about his music. Nothing personal. It’s hard to explain unless you are a fan and take part in the internet music age. I don’t do it as much because these days eh, it isn’t worth it. I just enjoy sharing what I’m listening to. I no longer critique.

John knows his fans. And I have my picture with a few of my blogs/posts. (not everything with me is anonymous). My intuition just told me HE KNEW. Haha. I hope he doesn’t know everything. Like the time I submitted my phone # when he randomly called some fans. I’ve always felt like that might have put me on the “stalker watch list”. Yep, my picture was attached to that too.

I know the above sounds nuts if you aren’t a JM fanatic and you think of him as a big rock star. He is soo not that when it comes to time. He reads everything written about him on the net. Of course he reads the message boards and fan sites.

I visited a message board that I had stopped visiting (more on this later). And I was surprised to see GUYS getting freaked out when John looked at them. I thought it was a shy thing but nah. The Melissa Etheridge concert was the worst. Not the show but the eye contact and my reaction. I was 4th or 5th row in a small well-known theater in DC (the name escapes me) and she looked at me. I freaked out and sat for the rest of the concert. I even hid from her view as she was looking at me the second or third time. UGH! I hate that. I’m so glad I’m not the only one who gets freaked out by it.

Anyhow I guess I’m trying to assuage my guilt. Or I’m trying to admit that John Mayer is the only person on Earth, I want to have intellectual intercourse with.* After I download the audio from the show I went to, I’m going back to John Mayer rehab. I’m addicted to him. I’ve been late getting things done because of him. But I can quit him. I have in the past.

*I bet he could cure my social anxiety. ROFL. Horrible joke but you know I’m serious. Just to clarify NO SEX. I’m not a groupie. I have no desire to do that (and he has no desire, I’m sure). But I think he is the only person that could get me out of my shell IF I could get over who he is – a star -. No one can save me…but…see this is why I need to go back to John rehab. And I will. Once I listen to the show a few hundred times.

Btw, the show was awesome. With all the stage effects, I felt like I was at a Coldplay concert. (Not a bad thing at all). My brain went dead when he played “No Such Thing”. I would have rather heard Wonderland. I started thinking about the hotel, the drive back. Ugh, what a buzz kill. I will probably post about the actual show in my music blog. I just had to post this in my personal blog. I had to get this out.

I’m not even going to tag this because I don’t want anyone finding this entry randomly. I’m going to post pics from the concert and tag that entry later.


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