take what you take

I’m leaving for my John Mayer vacay tomorrow. I’ve painted my nails lavender. Anything for John. 🙂

I’m kinda a wreck about it. I’ll probably be a tweeting mess. No one -besides one person at work- knows I’m going out of town this weekend. My little secret. I have a lot of studying to do so it doesn’t feel like an escape from my life at all. Getting away is usually good for me.

I lied today. Ugh. I hate liars. Hello, hypocrite. Like I’ve said, I can’t lie on command. The truth will come out of my mouth 99% of the time. Simply because I just react. If you ask a question, I answer truthfully. However, if I know the question in advance (job interview for example), I can lie. I suck at it. I don’t practice enough, I guess. Anyhow, it wasn’t a big deal. Well….I knew Cx or any coworker might ask this question so I was prepared….not to lie but to avoid it. Instead I outright lied.

I went to lunch with Cx. Her idea. I did not want to go. I wanted to go home and pack. Plus I felt like crap. I’ve been feeling horrible lately. What else is new? She asked me about school. She probably saw the books in my car or whatever….When she asked me about being in school. I said, “No.” I’m such a liar. I suck.

This is the “this is going to be taken the wrong way part”: If I were really trying to build a friendship with her or anyone, I would NOT have lied. How can you build a friendship when you are being superficial?? The main reason why I wouldn’t consider her a friend is because she is a coworker. LOL. Simple as that. They tell everything to each other. They keep no secrets. I’m sure there is stuff I don’t know. But I even know that one of their mom’s was in a psych ward. I know just about everything.

I was fake. Superficial. Unauthentic. I don’t think I will ever open myself up to anyone there. This might be normal. But that’s not me. But my therapist would be like, “Oh great you went to lunch with someone?” Whatever. I was so in a crappy mood. I actually changed it for the lunch. Amazing.

Of course she knew I was lying because I’m the worst liar. Ever. Ugh, I don’t want to make this a habit.
———
I made an appointment with a doctor! I had no idea she would have an opening next week. I already have 4 hours off on Monday so I will be working extra hours to make up the doctor appointment. I can barely keep my eyes open for 8 hours. Um, I didn’t really say why I was making the appointment. The doctor will find out soon enough. I haven’t had a physical in more than 10 years. Good enough?

I told the receptionist I wanted a physical. LOL. I already know I’m fine with the basic stuff. Good blood pressure. etc. I need blood work. I have to talk because I’m not taking time off from work for a *&^4ing physical. That’s a waste of time to me. Sorry no sugarcoating this. No time. I’m going to bed.

She also asked, “pap?” I think she said that. They do that in regular offices? This woman is not a GYN. I’m confused. I said, NO. I have no idea if that is what she meant. I’m only going because I’m sick of yawning so much at work. Sometimes I yawn so much that my mouth gets this funny feeling. I don’t know how to describe it besides as “unpleasant”.

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