mental health day (TMI)

Before the job ish – My dad is leaving today! Going back overseas. I’m a little sad. The worse part was driving with him in the car. It wasn’t him at all. But I was so anxious that I was driving recklessly because I wanted to get there ASAP. Bad situation. Anyway, he gave me a $50 gift card to BP gas station. I KID YOU NOT. ROFL.

It is so funny to me because I would look at people filling up at BP and my first inclination was to judge them. I would think, “Don’t they know what is going on???” But then I saw that one of my credit card awards was a $50 gift card to BP. (Don’t worry I’m getting the $25 giftcard). So I stopped making assumptions. What if they have an account there or a gift card? And who am I to question why they are there? I don’t really care. Whatever.

And then my dad gives me this $50 gift card. How weird is that? Okay, I wanted to use the word “funny” but people get all pissed off about anything BP so…when I was feeling sick this morning, I left my wallet at work (urgh!!!!!), and all I had was the BP card. I thought they would at least have ginger ale or a snack. NOTHING. So WTF am I supposed to do with this card? Get gas? Either way the money is going to BP so it shouldn’t matter. But I was hoping to pick up things I normally don’t buy like tea and a Sunday newspaper. I hope all BPs aren’t like this one. I walked in and walked right out in shock.

Obviously I don’t know that much about gas stations. I always pay at the pump. I guess they aren’t like 7-11? So I’m not going to do the ethical thing and not use the card. I’m not buying snacks so if they don’t have a newspaper or at least a magazine rack….I’m going to buy gas. If it were only $10, I would probably consider it a wash and not use it. But I’m not throwing $50 away. Sorry, world. Besides my dad already paid for the card so BP already has the money. I hope the one near me at least has a newspaper.

My dad is very aware of everything going on. He reads the newspaper, Time and Newsweek weekly. I’m guessing that he got the BP gift card because it was in walking distance of the laundromat where I dropped him off last week. That is the only conclusion I can come up with. Forget it, this is hilarious to me…I’m sick in the head.

More updates on the BP giftcard coming. I will be visiting the one near me on Sunday to hopefully get a newspaper. PLEASE. I will be traveling in about two weeks so I should just buy gas. It isn’t the cheapest. I usually go to Chervon or Shell. BP is more expensive than both.
Okay work:

Um, should I be offended….My boss told me just to take the day off! I wanted to (okay not really wanted to) make up the work tomorrow. 5 hours. But no. Instead I’m getting my first “unscheduled”. EVER. 😦 If it were any other boss, offense would not come to mind. But now that I know more about her. I know too much really. As long as I have a job there until I at least become certified (more than a year) then I don’t care.

I’m so sick of worrying about my job. Insecurity.
Why did I leave? My stomach is in a horrid state. Not diarrhea. (sorry). But gassy plus feeling nauseas.

I feel like I could throw up but I don’t throw up so…LOL. I hold it in if possible. I think fear of vomiting has a name. Not the point…

If I eat broccoli, I get sick. I didn’t know broccoli had so much calcium until recently. If I eat too much fast food (rare but my dad gave me a McDonalds gift card) I get sick. I ate there 3 times in 2-3 weeks. One time it was a chicken sandwich. Other times it was way worse. Big Mac. My fave. Eating fast food is not the norm for me so I can easily stop that.

I don’t know. I feel like I can’t win. If I can’t eat vegetables….I’m scared to eat broccoli since the Jan 2010 incident. I went to work everyday, I just couldn’t eat anything and I lost about 5 pounds. I’m already underweight so that isn’t good.


Screw that. I have so many more problems. Like everyone else I need sleep. My next door neighbor now shoots a bee bee gun or rifle at 4AM right near my window. Not once, I could probably go back to sleep if it was only once. He did it for 1 hour and a half this morning. Not continuously. I’m pretty sure he is doing it on purpose. I can’t control him. How do I get sleep though? I need it for my mental health. I’m already out of it??????!

Then there is the fireworks group. They live in the apartments a block from my house. They don’t wait until the 4th…which would be fine. Just one night? I could deal but this is ongoing. So I can’t even take a nap to “make up” the time from being woken up at 4am.


The only relief I get is when it is winter. And there is one shot of a bee bee gun or whatever it is. I know it isn’t a real gun. I have no idea what a bee bee gun sounds like. It snowed so much this past winter. More than I had ever experienced. The only good thing to come out of it was the quiet. It was so serene. Otherwise, I hate the snow and I hope it doesn’t come back next winter.

So when I wake up at 4am, I have such anxiety/fear. Can they hear my every movement, I wonder. (I notice that if I don’t move, it usually stops quicker – That freaks me out). I freeze. Sometimes I can’t get back to sleep. Like this morning for example.

I don’t know what to do. Normally I would check into a a nice $60 a night hotel. That would be Super 8. That is the only cheap motel I trust. The other ones have cheap walls and all kinds of stuff going on. HOWEVER, I’m going to see John Mayer in less than 3 weeks. The concert is out of town. I’m planning to make my getaway then. I will be staying about 20 minutes from the venue. It is about $60 a night. It has good reviews. And I’m thinking about staying there for 2 nights since it is so cheap.

The concert is supposed to be fun. But I already have so much anxiety about it. I figure it I stay there for a day before then my anxiety will lesson. And maybe I will even go to the botanical garden even thought I have never been to the local one. LOL. But I love gardens!

feeling sick again. I’ll do as much school work as I can. Not at home. My mom’s birthday gift to me was to have my house painted. It is sooooooooooo beautiful. 🙂 I’m not there because the painter is still there taking up my parking spot. It wasn’t expensive because it isn’t a “real” professional. No offense to the guy and my house is super small. I will post pics. You won’t get tempted to stop by. You might get shot with a bee bee gun. And I don’t even have a properly working TV so nothing to steal. 🙂 Also, my cat bites….hard.

When I post, I post. 1238 words. Worst ramble ever? Adios.


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